The ethics of dating

Is it wrong to date a guy, and then one of his friends (not at the same time, obviously).

I met one guy this summer on the same day as meeting his friend. We went out, it didn't really work, petered out, no problem. Still on friendly terms.

Met up last week to exchange stuff, where his friend (who has always been a super nice guy to me) confessed that he had always liked me too but had been too shy to make a move when he was I was interested in his friend. He asked, since things hadn't worked out, would I consider him instead? We've been texting ever since.

Opinions?

 

Yes absolutely you should see that guy. The other relationship ended for whatever reason. You don't owe him anything other than what you already gave him, a chance. So why not pursue something else. He shouldn't mind he already had his chance with you. You guys are friendly not enemies so he should want you to find happiness wherever that might lead you!

 

Do it...and report back!! :wink:

 

I would make him ask his friend what he felt about it. Of course, it's not your friend - so you could be indifferent. But no point in ruining other peoples friendships, if you can help it

 

Yeah, that's my reservation. If it doesn't work out with the other guy either then so be it, but I don't want someone to annoy their friend on my account.

My gut feeling - the other guy won't actually care especially as he's back in the Caribbean now. :lol:

We're going on a date on Weds, I think. :wink:

 

I say go for it

 

The truth is that it depends alot on the type of friendship the guys have. I was in a situation like this. Basically I met a woman we clicked on just about every level, both had alot in common, but when it came down to it we were better friends and she to this day is one of my best friends. Well my other best friend who is like the brother I never had but always wanted also liked her.

Well after a couple of months he came out and told me that he wanted to go out with her, which I had know because he was dropping hints that he liked her. I said that I was fine, in fact I set the two of them up myself, and they have been dating for almost a year now.

The fact that my boy came to me first though before he made his move was big to me. It showed that he respected me and our friendship. If he had asked her out before he talked to me I would have been upset not because the two of them were dating but because he knows that if the situation had been reversed and I wanted to go out with an ex of his I would have gone to him.

 

Ah, he didn't go to his friend first. This is what bothers me.

It sounds a little twisted, but in a way I'm hoping that the first guy actually never took what was going on between us seriously (this is possible - I'm not sure how seriously I took it either - there was a lot else going on in my life at the time).

It seems to have happened to a number of my friends as well, and no ill effects. We're all adults now after all 8)

 

glt1980 makes great points...

but the bottom line is "human nature is a strange thing"...it is dangerous grounds anyway...bcoz if u are still friendly with the first guy, maybe he stays friendly bcoz he still has some faint hope that something may change and click...
Some guys won't like it even if their best friend tells them before they date a girl they had liked and dated first...I guess it's the competitive and possessive nature of the males...

Some kind of "if I couldn't get her, no one should be able to" It's stupid male pride, I know!!!

So what's my advice? life is just waaaay too short...hedonism rules! go for it!

 

Haha Jrem you crack me up - I love the way that your advice seemed to be going one way then went the other way :lol: you're right, life is too short!! Definitely too short to turn down a guy that you find attractive, and who is bending over backwards to be nice to you!

 

Life is short, but you should follow your consicence too MB. If you are, as you said, bothered by the fact that the guy didn't talk to his "friend" before he made his move then you should "follow your gut." I don't know what you're looking for out of this , but if this guy is a friend to the first guy (and I'm sure that he knows the "man code" regarding dating women after your friend) then he ought to man up and talk to his friend first. If he doesn't, well to me, that's an indication of poor character, which might be of some concern to you in the long run, if this goes for the long run.

 

I would agree with Alias on this one.

BTW - many women have the same code. There is just no way any of my friends are going to have anything to do with someone I've been with...it's just not going to happen and visa versa.

 

Yeah me too. I'm way too jealous to allow it.

 

Me too. My best friend started to get interested in my ex husband, and I told her "no way.. do NOT persue it".. And she did. So we are no longer friends, and when my ex found out that I got upset about it, he dumped her. So was a lose-lose situation for her :?

However, now - a few more years down the road.. I couldn't care less. My ex can do what he wants, with whomever he wants

 

In my book, anyone who puts a man before a friendship with me is a serious fool. My good friendships literally last for life: I have several friends of over 20 years. People should value their friendships as much as, if not more than, family.

 

:smt038 :smt038 :smt038 :smt038

Totally agree.

 

Respect the Woman

I say rule one in dating is respect the woman you date. The rewards in return will be awesome.

 

Rule no 2. Never date your friends ex !

Rule no 3. Never date your friends special friend!

Rule no 4. Never date anyone your friend has tried to date!

I say this not to be mean Iin anyway, but it Causes way too many problems. How will you both respond when you Three are out when he comes back in town. "surprise" here we are.. not good It takes a very special guy or girl to get pass it no matter how long you dated or thoight about dating. and quite frankly most of us can't. Coupled with the fact your new guy didn't handle it right from the beginning

 

So are you going on the date?!

All these posts about rules of who you can date and can't don't really apply to you right now. You aren't responsible for protecting their friendship, that's their deal. It's hard enough keeping track of one's own relationships without taking on other people's also. You're all adults, and the 2nd guy knows what he's doing and what he's risking when he asks you out.

 

Amen! I like your answer - because it doesn't involve me taking any responsibility for what is going on :lol:

Yeah, went on the date, it's all good. I don't think guy 1 is going to give a damn now he's back in the Caribbean playing his cricket, and guy 2 is keen as mustard, so thunderbirds are go :lol: :lol: