There's 2 Kinds of Successful I.R. Couples

From my own experiences and things I've noticed and seen, I feel for an I.R. relationship (lets stick to black man/white woman) to work both the people need to have the same personality type. They both need to either be on the "hip hop/ghetto" side or they both need to be more "proper/mainstream" (or "white") side. Here's what I mean...
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I've noticed that there are really 2 kinds of couples:



1) You have the black guy/white girl who both act hard and hip hop (some would say this is your typical "black guy" who acts "black" and a "wigger girl"). They both talk with ghetto slang and listen to hip hop and dress and act the way your typical ghetto couple would act. I think we've all seen these types around the streets or mall or somewhere. I know I have. Once at my last job I helped this couple find something. The guy was a black guy dressed like a wannabe rapper walking with the typical tough guy walk and his white girl had major tattoos and when she talked to me she sounded blacker than me LOL. Needless to say one could assume (rightly or wrongly) that they listen to Nas CD's together, maybe smoke weed, and both grew up around blacks. This also might be a girl who exclusively dates black/hispanic men (or white guys who act "wigger") and he just happened to pick up this fine white chick because she was feelin' him and well, she was DAMN fine (plus he probably wants to show off to his boys that he's bangin' some fine tail).

2) The second type of successful I.R. couple consists of a black guy who dates ONLY white women, doesnt dress ghetto or hip hop "per say", and his girl is your typical white bread, picket fence, Gilmore Girls watching white girl. They both may go to church together, attend an Ivy League college, speak very articulate, like country music or rock or pop music of some sort, etc. They share the same values and thus they work together.



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I make these points because these are the couples that work the best. If you try to pair a ghetto acting black guy with a Gilmore girl it aint gonna fly, or it will just be a temporary fling type situation. No way that will last very long.

As rounded as I am, I HAVE to listen to rap when I drive in my car.

Once on a date with this gorgeous Russian girl Anya...

Anya Pics:




....I was playing it and she demanded I turn it off. I couldn't be with a girl that can't stand the music I enjoy and wouldn't enjoy it with me or even allow me to listen to it in her presence. I'm always willing to make certain sacrifices in a relationship but if a girl can't stand rap, that is not only a sign of her music preference but also a sign that she hates a BIG part of black culture.

And then it begs the question, why is she with me then? I've heard white girls say "I don't normally date black guys but I'd date you cause you act white". That is a backhanded compliment because a part of the turn on for dating white girls for me is the fact that I know she is into being with a black guy. I dont wanna feel she really wants to be with someone white but only gave me a chance because i ACT white so its next best thing or something.

She also would hate the way he dresses and the way he talks.
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On the flip side, I doubt a black guy who only dates white women, speaks 4 langauges, wears cardigan sweaters, and went to Yale could stand a white girl who acts real "wigger". They have very similar mannerisms and tastes that black girls do and if one of the reasons he doesn't date black girls is the way they act, he will find similar personality conflicts with these types of "ghetto" white girls.



So the bottom line is dont date a girl you plan on staying long term with based on her body, her hair color, or how good she swallows it. Choose her based on the music she likes, TV shows she watches, & the way she speaks and carries herself. It sounds crazy but these little things give away big keys to her character. I mean think about it. Look at Tiger Woods and his wife Elin. I can't imagine her with 50 Cent. I can't imagine Tiger with Pink or (an older) JoJo.

 

I have a question for you Pey. I remembered you saying that you act neither white nor black. What kind of female pairing should a guy expect to have if he's neither proper/ivy league acting, or hip hop/ghetto acting? Is there a white girl who would be suitable for this type of black guy as well you think?

 

2 kinds of IR couples LMAO!!

People are far more complex.....

 

Well I said these are the two types that last the longest. I mean its simple common sense that people with the most in common who share the same values and interests will most likely last longer than two people who only have raw attraction and nothing deeper between them.

As far as me being a person who can act both "black" and "white", well thats been my struggle. Finding a girl who accepts and appreciates black culture enough while still isn't too "ghetto". I've been with "wigger" girls and sometimes their attitude was too much for me. I felt myself saying the N word more and acting tougher than I really am just to impress them since that's the type of black guy they're used to.

I've been with real corny white bread kinda white girls and felt myself being really fake as well, but fake as in I have to talk very proper all the time and can't wear the types of clothes I really wanna wear sometimes, and other stuff too. This also obviously includes not being able to listen to rap around them and see that "Oh God not that rap music again" look on her face.

My best luck has come with girls who are more in between. My dream girl is a white girl who loves hip hop and finds black men attractive, but when you look at her and hear her talk, you could never tell. She seems like your typical white girl but on the inside has a little hip hop in her. That's the girl for me. They are just very very hard to find (at least for me). Most white girls I meet are either the Gilmore girl type or the ghetto type.

My whole point is that the relationships that last the longest tend to have two people who despite being two different races, ON THE INSIDE behave in a similar way. An oreo kind of black guy goes out with hilary duff. A thugged out kinda black guy dates pink or jojo.

 

50 and al these stars are just products. The way they "act" on tv, often has no relativity to how they act in real life.

With that said, i believe two consentin adults who are at similar points in their lives will last only when their intentions are pure, and they have met a partner they can identify with like never before.Not necesarrily on a musical stand point, but more so in the fact that they see a future so bright, it is worth the challenges they inevitabally will face in life. The key word here is "challenges".

A black man who listens to 50, and attempts to act like 50, is NOT a man, but a boy still trying to find his personal identity. Such a guy will not last with ANYONE because hes not being real with himself. He might do better with the pinks and jojos, but ultimately such a relationship wont provide enough challenges and thus, it will die.

Now if two mature adults connect on an INTELLECTUAL ,spiritual, and share a similar ideologies, now that couple will last. Fuck music prefences, or how she dresses, or which movies interests her..........dig??

Plus, jojos real life boyfreind doesnt strike me as a rapper wannabe............but maybe he is, who the fuck knows,,,,but more importantly , who the fuck cares

peace

 

Black Culture

Hello,

I have noticed on this post and from other posts by some of the members that being "ghetto" is often associated with Black culture. I thouroughly have a problem with this point of view. If anyone has studied traditional Black American culture, you would know that Black culture involves:
1. Love of oneself
2. Love of one's family including respect for one's elders
3. Responsibility to one's community
4. The fight for the human rights and social justice of Black people and
all people who have fallen victim to imperialism, racism, sexism, and
the like
5. A great level of spirituality
6. The belief that putting one's faith in God and obtaining an education
is key to true liberation.
These are just of few traits of true Black culture.

What is being witnessed in Northern and some Southern urban inner city areas that promote "thugism", "pimping", "balling", "ghetto bitches" and what have you has little to do with Black culture and everything to do with the destruction of Black culture thanks to American media, structural racism and discrimination, and the internalization of these negative images and understandings of what it means to Black by Blacks who have absolutely no idea what it means to be Black. And a special thanks goes out to many middle and upper class Blacks who have failed to take the knowledge and skills they have acquired to improve these communities, which could be achieved through mentoring, job creation, and establishing organizations to serve the political, social, and economic needs of this oppressed group. Many of the Blacks who claim these twisted pathologies and destructive behaviors as being Black have absolutely no idea of what it means to be Black. None of these people can tell you about A. Phillip Randolph, Ephren Taylor, Randall Robinson, or Assata Shakur, for example. Furthermore, they couldn't even tell you the names of the various Black owned and operated Banks, Insurance, and Investment firms and companies that exist such as Douglass National Bank, First Tuskegee Bank, Booker T. Washington Insurance Company, Atlanta Life Insurance Company, Rice Financial Products Company, and Walton Johnson & Company--this is just a short list. Not only could they not tell you the names, many do not know they even exist. Also, they would fail the test to name the various organizations that are established by Blacks for Blacks whose agenda is to improve the economic, social, and political fate of Black Americans like 100 Black Men of America Inc., American Association of Blacks in Energy, and Nat'l. Black Child Development Institute, to just name a few.
Furthermore, I would hardly call Hip-Hop music a representative of Black culture. If anything it only reflects the psychological and behavioral dysfunctions of the poor and lower Black classes who reside in the urban inner city in the United States, which represents a minority in Black America. It definitely does not represent the majority of Black Americans who work everyday, love God, and try to live a decent life. Even though I do believe that ALL Black people who live in America may have some kind of "issue" they are dealing with due to being Black in America, for most, it is not at the intense level or degree that exists among many of those who form the poor and lower classes in the urban inner city. Also, not all people who come from this class subscribe to such stupidity and ignorance. It is not Black to call each other Niggas, B**ches, H*es, but sick, self-hating, ignorant, and downright uncalled for. It is not Black to be obnoxiously loud, verbally abusive, outlandish, and act in a ridiculus manner. This is pure ignorance. Furthermore, it is not Black to believe that an education is a "White" thing. Black people on this planet were scientists, political administrators, inventors, mathematicians, and philosophers long before slavery and colonial rule by White European powers. Also, Blacks continue to be these things--it is just that we do not hear about them because mainstream media and education fail to acknowledge their accomplishments and contributions and inform us about who we are as a people.

In all, please do not confuse Black Culture with the mental, emotionally, and spiritual dysfunction of an oppressed people. Black culture is in a state of continued destruction--a crisis.
I have noticed many of the Black male participants on this forum are intelligent, successful, goal orientated, loving, and interesting Black men. It is a shame that you have to experience ignorant Blacks who do not even know what being Black truly means. In fact, I would consider some of you the Blackest Men I have encountered on the internet. Instead of thinking of yourselves as being "white acting" consider yourselves as keeping the true tradition of what Black men should be in line with Martin Luther King, Jr., A. Phillip Randolph, Walter White, Thurgood Marshall, and W.E. B. DuBois. Peace Profound. Offering Love and Blessings.

---Jacklyn

 

I really feel you on this one man.. those kind of girls are truly hard to come by, but sometimes I feel like I dont want a white girl who only dates black guy's, I want her to see me as the best of black and white guys.. :?:

 

Yea my ex girlfriend Mandi was this EXACT girl, just PERFECT as far as your typical white girl on the outside but kinda hip hop on the inside (sadly we only dated for about a month or so before I found out she wanted to get back with her ex for some SHOCKING reasons...)

me and Mandi



Mandi had the SEXIEST little southern accent (she was born and raised in North Carolina, then moved to Kansas and then Mississippi before I met her) and was the sweetest most normal typical white girl. Didn't seem like she'd be into black guys or anything like that at all. Then we got to know each other and I found out about all the rap concerts she went to and her HUGE crush on rapper Nelly and how some of her closest friends are hip hop producers and how some of her ex-boyfriends were black and all these things you would never expect.

We actually had an interesting talk during our Miami trip in the hotel where I mentioned how most southern girls I had met in the past normally hated rap and only liked country music (Mandi HATED country and LOVED rap!). She said well where she comes from it can be very racist and some white girls are proud of their "wigger-ness" so to speak and they accept the stares and the judgment from others (and being disowned by mommy and daddy). She was too scared to openly do this. She also said the typical white girl down there loves country and looks down on I.R. dating so it made it hard on her growing up there. She didn't wanna be disowned by her family or made fun of by the country girls who hate to see "one of their own" (in other words a classy looking attractive non-ghetto white girl) date a black guy.

She basically admitted she had to hide her true self and that's why she acted like your typical white girl but on the INSIDE there was a "wigger" girl dying to come out.

All her black boyfriends were guys her parents never met (including me) yet they met the white ones. She went to hip hop concerts behind their back and sneaking out at night to hook up with black dudes was common for her. It just goes to show you, we black guys aren't the only ones struggling to deal with our passion for white girls and finding love and acceptance. A lot of white girls all over share this "forbidden" attraction and have similar struggles to satisfy this curiosity and not be afraid to hold hands with that black boy or take him home or show her to her friends without being ashamed.

 

Anya has some black features. :shock:

 

Period.

All this other talk about "there are only 2 types of IR that last" is nonsense.

I also wonder why so many people actually believe that country music is "white" music. Go and listen to some of the early blues ...

 

I think that opposites attract more than people who have a lot in common. Two people who have different personalities will compliment and balance one another.

 

You're so right. Country music was started by black Tennessean folks and the banjo was made by a black man. And so was blues.

 

Interesting topic. I am new here and love this place already. I have noticed these two kinds of couples as well. My parents are old school and they always tell me that white women who like black men are usually chasing some kind of stereotype. I dont think that is always true....especially since it seems now that many IR couples are in it for the person and the person happens to be of another race. What do you all think?

Me at a friends wedding.

 

Noble Quote:

"Anya has some black features"
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Oh yea she was very cute. Her Russian accent drove me insane. She was very high maintenence and snobby though. Very full of herself. And soo psycho and paranoid. She hated rap, she hated walking through "the ghetto parts" of town, she didnt wanna see Batman Begins with me because bats "scare her" LOL. It was insane. More pics:









This was a girl who seemed real sweet and nice at first and who I walked home everyday for MONTHS (she lived a few blocks from our college) and we went on dates and everything seemed cool. We shared a great kiss on the lips and I gave her a teddy bear that said "I Love You" on it and then she stops calling or answering my calls for weeks and then she calls and I am like where you been and she says "with my boyfriend". Turns out the whole time me and her were getting our "swurve" on she had a man back in mother Russia. I guess the month she was avoiding my calls she went back over there to see him. She said after graduation she was moving back to Russia...

I was just shocked and so pissed and hurt. The thing that pissed me off the most was the fact I never got to hit it. Well anyways I bumped into her again in the streets about a year and a half ago (they broke up, she was back in the states looking for an apartment) and she was all nice and everything, knowing how she hurt me. Being totally fake. I took the high road and was nice to her back, never brought up the past. I asked her if she wanted to chill again and she said sure. She said her cell number was the same and to call her up. Well three unanswered phone calls later I realized she was STILL a fake a$$ B!tch. Haven't seen her again since....

 

hmm...you really think so AquaPeach? I've always felt like a wild and crazy kinda girl is gonna want a bad boy kinda guy to hang out with and date. I've never really known a wild girl to be attracted to a really shy or quiet guy. Like me, i'm really laid back, not wild and crazy at all, and i'd kinda like a girl who is the same way or at least similar in some ways. I dunno... very interesting though. :wink:

 

You know Pey, i was sympathetic at first, but not anymore. I no longer care that all of these girls continue to dump you and treat you like crap. I hate to say it, but you kinda have it coming. To me, all it ever seems like you wanna do is get high and have sex with these girls anyway. You treat them like your little play thingy's and they treat you like their little play thingy's, and you're really deserving of what you're getting from them. You really gotta get real man.

 

Point taken, Bryant. I am attracted to the bad-boy types, and I'm not really sure why since they are more trouble than they're worth! I'm not really wild myself--I'm not a saint by any means, but I don't spend all my time high and looking for someone to fuck.

I am at a point in my life right now where i'm seriously evaluating what kind of men I attract and am attracted to and why. I can't spend the rest of my life dating alcoholics and criminals, especially since I want to start a family some day.

 

Aqua you are attracted to bad boys because of one of two reasons. Either you have very low self worth and dont feel you deserve to be treated right (absent or abusive father issues, maybe..mabye not) OR you have this need to CHANGE them. After all a girl can talk herself into thinking "he's already sexy and fun and wild, I can change his bad personality traits" alot easier than she can talk herself into thinking "Well he is sweet and romantic and kind, all I gotta do is pretend he is sexy".

In dating we look to be sexually aroused first and foremost. Right or wrong, a persons character is not always on the top of our list. In our brain we compartmentalize the things and people we need in our lives. You already have people who love you unconditionally (family). You already have people who share your values and interests who you have stuff in common with (friends). The only thing missing is someone who makes you horny.

Sometimes that person isn't the kindest or has the most in common with you, but since their main function in your life is to arouse you sexually, we tend to overlook such things. It would be nice if they were sweet all the time and loved us totally but as long as they are attractive, those other things are not on the top of the list. Its shallow but its human nature.

As far as the girls I choose...well yes I admit many of the girls I hang with are for fun only but many are not like that at all. I am not an idiot. I dont get my hopes up when messing with slutty type girls. I dont get hurt by them because I dont put myself in the position to fall for them. And if and when they do hurt me Im not shocked.

But the stories I tell you all are about girls I thought who were different. Girls like Mandi, Anya, etc...were all sweet and kind were NOT the slutty type when I met them. They were shy and seemingly good girls who I took it slow with and saw as possible girlfriend material. But slowly they did shady things and it convinced me that even the nicest seeming girls have a liar and a slut in them. YOU CAN TRUST NO ONE! Thats the moral of the story fellas. The pot head slutty girls cant hurt you...its the nice ones who seem kind and sweet that turn out to be two faced bitches who hurt you, becuase you open your heart and never see it coming.

 

My father was not absent, my parents have been together for forty years and I am very thankful for that. Unfortunately, I grew up in a mixed lower-class, middle-class area where there were more bad boys than good ones. So I guess I just got used to it because I didn't know anything else was out there. Now I do, though I have yet to experience it; but that is why I've taken a break from the dating scene so I can evaluate why i behave the way I do, and hopefully make better decisions in the future.

 

Peyback,

I can tell just by being here a few weeks that you are very immature.

slutty or proper, damn just look at a person, don't immediately label.

I am not a wigger yet sometimes I talk in slang. As a teenager I liked punk rock, The Exploited to Rap, Public Enemy. As I got a little older I fell in love with trance, house music, break beats and drum and base.

I can look like a corporate clone or throw on some Apple Bottoms.

I am ME, unique, as are all people. You attract subconciously what you are expecting, those are the qualities that find you, it's in YOU.