what are your personal "red flags" when dating?

Nothing worst than being last in the life of a person you love kid. Can't do it. But that's just my pov

 

I don't mind being last to my own kids, they're my kids, but being last to some other dudes kids and taking care of his family is bullshit. And fuck what you think it's still his family especially if they're divorced and he's paying alimony and child support. You essentially have no say in that household. The only way a single mom is dateable(able to build a future with) is if she's an absolute 10 in every single other aspect of her life because being a mom takes so much energy its almost impossible for them to be a good girlfriend. It's not their fault but there are only but so many hours in a day and I know after work I'm tired as fuck and then on top of that caring for another human being/beings? Shiiiiitttttttt.
At least if they're both your kids you can be a team and do it together. There's no bigger bond between man and woman than having kids together.

 

I'm a year younger than you lol

 

It's not a matter of maturity like you said preference. To be honest it shows a lot more maturity to know before hand you can't deal with something like that rather than dragging some poor person's emotions through the mud. Ladies are lucky to have dudes like you who are willing to do that and its different for you since you already have a kid so its easier for you to relate to a single mother. I on the other hand would prefer to experience child rearing with someone for the first time so we can build a real familial bond, to look at OUR kids together and be proud of what we created together. Like I said it builds an incredible bond and the alternative doesn't seem fair to me. I'm stuck helping to raise another man's child who can disrespect me and treat me like shit under the guise of "you're not my daddy"
Today kids are fucking assholes and need to be disciplined and when they're yours you don't have to think twice about snatching them up but when its your girl's kid its a whole different story. My parents didn't raise me to be anyone's mule nor their punching bag. Shit I think I might be agreeing with Ymra about single mothers waiting till the kids are grown to date again unless the man has kids too.

 

I am not sure why, but from previous posts, I thought you had a man in your life.

 

Nope, I'm single.

 

It's amazing how weak ass bitches who don't know shit always want to put their mouths in something they don't know shit about. First of all, that married chick is not longer married hasn't been for while now. We still fuck with each other but she's not my only girl and never been. So I couldn't been to sprung you dumb ass nigga. Secondly, my son does live with me. Next time you open time you open your mouth about my business at least be up to date on the facts.

 

I just had this happen to me yesterday with a guy I thought was out of my life. LOL. It shows a lot of insecurity and I don't want that.

I was on a dating site for single parents many months ago, and this guy messaged me. Long story short, we never met, but he showed a lot of signs that he wasn't ready to be in a relationship yet. He was definitely NOT over what his ex-wife did to him.

Anyway, when it was apparent that nothing was going to happen, I deleted his number.

Yesterday I get a text from him:

Him: 7:20 p.m. "Hi"

Me: 7:21 p.m. "Hi. Who is this?"

Him: 7:22 p.m. "(Name). Old friend from match."

(We didn't meet on match.com but whatever. And we stopped interacting earlier this year, but again, whatever.

At this point, I was getting my daughter all set up in her bath and getting ready to go to a movie, so I hadn't checked my text messages yet.)

Him: 7:27 p.m. "Cricket cricket! LOL I guess I'll leave the past alone?"

Really? Because I didn't respond to you in FIVE MINUTES?? Anyway, that's just enough for me to realize I made the right decision in not getting involved with him in the first place. He's still too insecure.

 

Agreed. That does show some maturity on your part.

Agreed. Though you could have empathy for a situation that you've never personally experienced. :smt023

I get what you're saying here, I do. But it's very narrow-minded.

The fact is, you don't know how having kids will affect your relationship with your wife until you have them. Maybe everything will be just as it was, only with a child running around. Or maybe that child will be colicky or have some other issues and you're expending ALL of your energy, time, etc in helping that child out and in the process you lose that bond with your wife. And you don't even realize it until after the fact.

Then you have the women who stop having sex with you because they got what they wanted: a baby.

The truth is, sh*t happens every day that you can't ever predict. You need to be more open-minded in your thinking, because you don't know what will happen in any given situation until you've actually lived through the situation. And I know you know that already.

If you run into that, then you've run into a bad woman who not only can't control her kid(s), but also likely doesn't think highly enough of you either to continue to allow that type of behavior from her kid(s).

If I'm blessed with having a healthy relationship with a man again, my daughter will show utmost respect to him. She will not be allowed to talk that way to him, because she is not allowed to disrespect me in that way.

A lot of them are, because they have parents who don't pay enough attention to them, and aren't active participants in their lives.

Not all kids are that way. And again, my daughter will not be treating her Step-dad in that way (if she ends up having one).

 

Well as far as things changing once WE have a baby is concerned. I'm far more likely to endure and be happy about it if it's mine. I went through dating a single mom for almost a year but no matter how much I cared for her the feeling of intruding just couldn't be shook especially when the father still paid the rent and everything else. He was still very much present and I realizes he could seriously come back at any point. In her life I was fifth behind her son her mom her sisters and her baby daddy. I want to build a solid union a true family with someone and being that low on someones totem pole doesn't sit well with me.
I have no doubt that you'd correct your daughter if she acted up but in a family dynamic it doesn't seem good for everyone involved if the only one allowed to discipline is the mom or any one parent for that matter. It makes the remaining parent seem weak like they have no true power. Maybe I'm not articulating it well enough but I know there's little chance of an eye brow being raised when I discipline my kids opposed to her kids. Children need the love of their mother and the fear of their father. Not saying one needs to be a fucking asshole but the words "Wait till your father gets home" did way more than my mother yelling any day. It kept my black ass out of trouble well into my teens.
I don't think I'm being narrow minded just being honest about my limitations. I want to be able to hug and kiss my children without any weirdness floating in my like is this appropriate. I want to pour all the great things life has taugt me without feeling someone else has the final word and won't tell me "I don't want my child learning that"
The fact that I feel that it's wrong is enough for me to recognize that it would be wrong for me to partake in it. That's another reason why I detest the idea of divorce even though I get why it's necessary.
Family us the only holy thing I'm sure of in this life and I want it for myself one day.

 

MF, that woman you described had a lot more issues than being just a single Mom. I commend you for trying to make it work with a situation like that, but believe you me, not all single Moms are that way.

I can only speak for myself, but I will tell you this: if a man I'm dating respects my daughter and he's lucky enough to become her Step-dad and has the ability to treat her like his own daughter, he will have my utmost respect and trust in dealing with any behavioral problems that come his way from her.

I never said that he wouldn't be allowed to discipline her. That's just ridiculous to think that a man living in my household where my daughter resides 90% of the time would not be allowed to discipline her.

If a man treats me well but treats my daughter like sh*t, that man won't get very far with me. One stipulation that I have when I decide that a man is good enough to be introduced to my daughter, is that he treats her like he treats me. If he doesn't, he's gone. So, if he does, and we end up living together with or without marriage, then I've placed my trust in him to act appropriately and accordingly with her in all aspects. :smt023