OK I have a question. I have been talking to a couple of my girl-friends and asking them questions about me and the con census was that I am the type of guy that you "Marry", but not the type of guy you "Date"

I didn't know how to react to it. Should I have been happy that I am the kinda guy that women will want to marry in a couple of years when they are ready to settle down? Or should I be upset in some way because I am good enough to marry in a couple of years but not good enough to date now.

What does that mean I am the "Marrying type" but not the "Dating type"

 

I think it depends on what you are looking for.

No one I know every gets married without dating first so I think the woman/women you are referring to are saying that some guys fall into the “booty call, one nightstand, quick sex, just sex” group and some guys fall into the “you can give me kids, we can have a home, I love you” group.

Not all women split guys up that way [thank God] but just as some men suffer from Madonna Whore complexes, some women have the Good guy provider, father / Bad guy stud issues.

Maybe I'm thinking too much here but that's how I see it.

 

glt1980 wrote,

Hey bro,
Your question is, "Should I have been happy that I am the kinda guy that women will want to marry in a couple of years when they are ready to settle down?"
The answer to your question my friend is a high HELL TO THE NO!!!!! :evil: (Slang for HELL NO )

I am sorry to be the one to tell you this, but your so-called friends just insulted you, and I will tell you why.....but first, I will translate what they mean.

You see when women refer to men that are datable,
they are refering to men that are sexually attractive to them that they would f***, have fun with, and do everything under the sun with. They will also have kids with these guys just so their kids will be physically attractive despite the fact that these dudes are no where near stable enough to take care of these kids (That last statement is a little extreme, but you get my point.)

When women refer to men that are the marrying type. They are referring to the men that provide stability, won't cheat on them, and someone that they can have take care of them for the rest of their lives.

So glt1980, what your friends just told you (in a covert manner) is that you are not sexually or physically attractive to them and that you are someone that they want to have take care of them after they have fu**ed all the guys that they are REALLY attracted to, had kids with these guys, and have done everything else under the sun with these other men. Then, when they have done their dirt, have become professional baby-momas, and are too old to do that crazy stuff anymore, then they will come to you for stability.

NOTE:

So that's what girls mean when they say, "You are the type of guy that you "Marry", but not the type of guy you "Date"

What they said was VERY insulting indeed......... :evil: They are saying that they could see you wining them, dining them, and taking care of them for the rest of their lives even though they are not attracted to you. These friends of yours are neither the dating or marrying type for you my friend. Do you want to waste your time being around women that look at you in that manner? :smt011

Don't get me wrong, just because you have female freinds doesn't mean that they should be attracted to you, but at the same time NEVER (and I do mean NEVER) allow yourself to be that guy that has a LOT of attractive female freinds that only see you as just that, a friend.

My advice my brotha is to either limit your time or dump these so-called female freinds of yours and get other ones that have more respect for you and see you for the person that you are. The female friends you have now only see you as a last resort when they have done their dirt.

Just know this.........
A woman that will like you for you will see you as both the datable and marrying type, not just one. Do yourself a favor bro and get new female freinds, ones that are attracted to you and treat you with respect.

 

I've had the opposite said to me.. Men want to date me/fuck me.. but maybe not marry me..

I'm a very sexual person, so a good friend said to me.. maybe I need to pull back on showing my sexual side.. so guys see the 'long term' benefits I would bring to a last relationship..



what we all really want is to be someone worth dating but also worth being with in the long haul..

 

I don't know about this one, Beautiful. There's a shortage of very sexual women in the world...and even if there isn't...there is a shortage of women who are open about it. Can't stand it. There's nothing sexier than a sexual, feminine woman. Not over the top, but you know what I mean. Women who can appreciate sexuality the way men can are golden in my book. But again, just not over the top, which I'm sure you aren't...to the point where that's all that matters and that's all you put forth.

I'm sure there are ways, and creative ways at that, you can show this "long-term" benefit package your friend spoke of to potential mates without having to dilute your sexuality.

 

To some extent, I agree with what Nilan said...
But I wouldn`t necessarily say these female friends insulted you m friend...they maybe, just told you kind of honestly without hurting your feelings too much, that they weren`t attracted to you sexually at first sight...but that they might fall in love with you in case you guys started a more "profound" relationship!

Ok, of course, it isn`t very flattering for the male ego...but they are your friends, not girls you would want to have sex with ( I presume)?

so I think that this kind of opinion (what kinda guy you are), you should probably get them from girls who might have more interest (sexually) in you? :roll:

 

glt1980 I concurr 100% with what the guy's have said. Basically, these women are trying to let you down as nice as they possibly can, by giving you the second place (marriable) award. But you and I know there's only one first place prize ...

Fact is: women only marry the type of person they can date.

Then again, I've heard it said that once you get to the "friends zone" with a girl, its hard to move beyond it. But I wonder if these women find it equally hard to go beyond the friends zone with a male aquantance that looks like say Brad Pitt or George Clooney? (methinks not). Only a few (single) women would be content to remain "just friends" with such a guy.

I hold the view that there is very little most of us can do to stop ourselves from becoming attracted to someone. So, if you meet a lady who cannot offer more than a friendship, its probably because this is the best sort of bond she can form with you (at this time). Then again, I've heard it said that some women can be won over by a persistent man. Whether this can that be done by someone in the "friends zone" is debatable.

If its any comfort, rest assured that most people mature, eventually grow to want different things out of life. So there may be hope for these girls. Perhaps after one or two horrible marriages and divorces, they may learn to want something other than the giddy excitement of the early years. So in the end, you may be considered datable by these girls, but I wouldn't advise you to wait for it.

:?

 

I've experienced this problem a number of times. I seem to be more of the marrying-type rather than datable...according to the way women have seemed to respond to me over the years. Sometimes in high school it was a little bit different where I was a datable type to a few ladies. I think it was just because I was so outgoing and adaptable and capable of appealing to many different types of people in high school. This is not to say I didn't have my own identity, but I have a rich diversity of perspectives of people and the world that I'm quite proud of. It's allowed me to adjust my development as a person accordingly. To put it strictly in terms of this topic, I was both dateable and the marrying type.

If you are the marrying-type, how exactly do you attract the women looking for datable men? It seems nowadays, I have to fake it or put on a mask, because I'm so highly attracted to datable women now in addition to marrying type women, and each type of woman seems to be drawn to certain sets of characteristics in men that are unique to each type. I want to think that it's a maturity thing, but this issue doesn't strike me as being tied to your level of maturity...yet one reflective of what stages you're going through in your life.

I'm having trouble articulating my perspective on this issue because it's so hazy...I don't have a concrete perception of what it means, how to define it, or how to conduct myself accordingly. It's as frustrating as it wants to be.

 

I love these points, GraphicsRat. Speaking to the issue of trying to move beyond the friends zone, I once was friends with a couple of girls in high school (roughly around the same time and over a span of three years) who I desperately wanted to move beyond the friends zone with. I was in love, or at least thought I was, with one of them, and the other I had a passionate lust and infatuation for. Now, as a side note, over these three years I was infatuated with many different girls at this school and elsewhere. Anyhow, the one I was in love with just couldn't see me in the light of being a committed mate, although she tried. She liked me, and I'm pretty sure I was even dateable to her, but nothing further. We were actually friends with benefits a couple of times :lol: ...moments that made me the happiest man on earth back then. The problem is that she could never love me...I wanted to court her and woo her well enough that she would love me and not just "like" me, as we like to say. The other girl, after a couple of years of admiring her from the friendship layer of her inner circle, I directly approached with my feelings, but she gave me the "I don't want to ruin our friendship" routine. That rejection was reinforced when she told me that her parents were a bit racist or at least prejudice. Hurts my heart when I think back on those times...broke my heart when I was living them.

 

Pinnacle23, put it this way. Datable means someone you can show off (end of story). But we all know that Miss eye-candy doth not always make an ideal life partner.

So, wanna be datable. Get new/better clothes, a fine car, act like you're confident (you know what they say: fake it till you make it), smile always, and while you're at it, try not to lose those marriable qualities.


PS:
Do you know that the word homely has more than one meaning? The one that I was more familiar with means: to be "characteristic of the home or of home life". If used to refer to a person, we could think of such a person as marriage-material).

The other meaning of the word is: "not attractive or good-looking". If used to refer to a person it means someone (a child for example) so unattractive you'd rather keep at home (in the context of this conversation, "not datable").

 

Pinnacle23 I take it all these girls you were attracted to were white ...

On a not-too-unrelated note: a lesson I've recently learnt is that it is possible to love someone and not know it - especially if your emotions don't peak at the start of the realtionship. If you're anything like me you'll analyze and question the life out of the relationship, and you never really know when love has crept up on you. In such situations, you'll only realize that you indeed love the person after the relationship ends. Textbook case: Scarlet O'hara and Rhett Butler in Gone with the Wind (but I can give you other real cases). My humble submission: some of those girls may have indeed loved you.

But back to the subject, I wonder if the concept of the "friends zone" is purely a female one. I mean, will a guy have trouble advancing his with relationship a girl beyond just being friends purely because he's gotten too accustomed to thinking of her a friend? Or is because hes incapable of thinking of her as anything else? (I suspect this is the reason why girls give you the whole friends routine.)

 

^^^ To answer that question - Yes.

I've had female friends that were very good looking but I knew I did not want to be with them in anyway other than friends.

I don't think this is unusual but it seems to pull against the "walking penis" image that most men have, rightly or wrongly.

Would I have changed and wanted something more from them?? Maybe, but it never happened.
This may be a personal issue with me but if I don't "feel" a connection within the first few "meetings", I'm usually moving on but I will keep them as friends.

 

One was White, one was Hispanic. Gone with the Wind is a perfect example of what you're describing. If your theory is actually true in my case, then all I can say is...damn. My problem is that I never know what the girl holds for me unless she tells me or gives me signals. These ladies never even gave me signals.

I don't know how this'll sound, but as a guy, I've never had trouble moving beyond friends with a girl who I at first didn't know wanted me. Maybe it's an individual thing, but I've had little if any trouble "converting" my perception in cases like those. Perhaps it's that all of my female friends happen to be at least mildly attractive and desirable beyond friendship. But I think those examples you gave are exactly the reason girls give the friends routine.

 

It sounds like they're saying you're the type of guy who is stable and they want after they have messed around. So basically they want other guys who they can experiment with and then settle down with you. The truth is most females want the bad boy who can give them excitement. But then understand that the bad boy isn't stable,so they find the nice stable guy.

 

yeah, that is what I was thinking was meant. If they think of you as stable, a guy who has the qualities that would make a great partner/husband.. someone they could count on..

If someone is just 'date-able' but not marriage material.. in my opinion, that does not mean they are always better looking, but it usually means they come with more thrills.. excitement, FOR the moment...