When Spousal Abuse Is "Okay"?

WHEN SPOUSAL ABUSE IS "OKAY"???

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? IT IS NEVER OKAY!

Now I am someone who loves to catch women in hypocritical situations and prove them wrong. I am very against abuse against women and spousal abuse. But some women feel that abuse against men is okay. Here is an example. If a man cheats on his wife or girlfriend, and she finds out and slaps him or punches him or kicks him, most women will agree that he deserved it and good for her for being the strong one, and that if it was them, they would beat his ass too. "Cheating is wrong and he is a big pig!" I understand that, but I do not agree that a woman has ANY right to hit a man, and if she does he then has the right to defend himself.

There are actually many spousal abuse cases where the WOMAN is the one abusing the man that never get reported simply because the men are too embarrassed to admit their woman beats them or hits them (Liza Minelli anyone?) And in many of those cases, the man is too scared to do anything back because he knows one mark on her and she puts his ass in jail. Too many women take advantage of this double standard. I guess in their minds it is revenge for ALL the double standards in society that have held women back over the years and they are happy to finally have one that works in their favor. Sorry but it is still wrong.

(A little back story on me: When I was a little kid, I was playing in my front yard and a black girl who lived on the same block threw some rocks at me and my face got cut and I was crying and bleeding. I ran inside to tell my mom and she asked me what did I do to the girl. I told her nothing, since boys cannot hit girls. My mother sat me down and said if ANYONE hits you, girl or boy, you defend yourself and fight back. A few years later a white girl who had been calling me racist names for years at school started to call me a nigger over and over one day at school and I just snapped and kicked her as hard as I could. Well big surprise, I got kicked out of the school. My parents were so mad at the principal since the girl was not punished for all the things she said to me, yet the school said there was no proof she ever said those things to me and they thought I was just some angry black kid who felt like attacking an innocent little white girl. From that day on I realized that it is okay to defend yourself no matter what. I am not saying it is okay to hit women but if my MOTHER tells me never back down when someone does shit to you, then I know it is okay.)

Now look at this situation. A woman cheats on her man, and he finds out. He comes home and beats the living shit out of her. Is he wrong? Is he a wife beater? I bet you a million dollars every one in here (especially the women, will say yes he is wrong). Well why is he wrong, but the woman in the previous situation was right? It makes NO sense. Explain it to me please. Is a woman cheating not as bad as a man cheating? Do we assume that women only cheat because the man "must have been bad in bed or he probably was treating her bad" and therefore it is ok? Do we assume that when men cheat it is only because men are dogs? Everyone has a reason or excuse for cheating. None of them are GOOD, but why do we assume women always have good ones and men only have bad ones?

Do we excuse a woman hitting a man because we assume deep down she cannot really hurt him with a few slaps and girly punches to his arm? Guess what, some women use knives and guns or kick him in the balls (guys will tell you, that SHIT HURTS! A girl did it to me once LOL). So do not assume she cannot hurt him, she can! Why is it fair that a woman gets free range to hit her man for cheating since he "deserved it", but if a man hits his woman for doing the SAME THING, he is a wife beater? Personally if a girlfriend cheated on me (it only happened once with my ex), I know I'd go crazy. In the case with my ex, all they did was kiss and hold hands, so I did some screaming and we eventually worked it out. But if it was sex, I'd have been in jail for what I'd do to her ass.

My point in all this is, even though I am human and honestly might to the WRONG thing if I was in the man's situation (which is hitting my woman for fucking another guy or hitting her back if she hits me hard enough to really hurt me), I think abuse in EITHER situation is WRONG! My question to you all is why do we allow it when the woman hits the man but not when the man hits the woman? Why do we always feel that when a woman hits a man is the only time WHEN SPOUSAL ABUSE IS OKAY?

 

its never ok.

 

If a woman is threatening my life with a deadly weapon of some kind...and I know I can't get out of it without hurting her...that's one thing...but generally if a woman is hitting you with her hands or something along those lines...move away...block her or hold her arms....anything but striking her...I hate hitting guys unless I have to.. let along ladies...

 

What he said!

 

Good, at least you all are agreeing with me, instead of defending women who try to get tough with men who do them wrong.

 

What kind of person defends a right to attack your spouse?

 

i totally agreee with you misstressb

 

Dear god, boy! Yes, I will grant you that this does happen... but in comparison to the amount of women who are abused by men, the numbers are extremely slim!!!

From: http://endabuse.org/resources/facts/

-Intimate partner violence is primarily a crime against women. In 2001, women accounted for 85 percent of the victims of intimate partner violence (588,490 total) and men accounted for approximately 15 percent of the victims (103,220 total).8

-While women are less likely than men to be victims of violent crimes overall, women are five to eight times more likely than men to be victimized by an intimate partner.9

Spousal or intimate partner violence is NEVER ok. Actually, any form of violence is NEVER ok. This thread is absolutely pointless. I only felt the need to reply to bring a few stats to Pey's (as usual) pointless ramblings.

 

Still, a minority problem is a problem nonetheless, so it is worth remarking upon...but battered women do form a larger and more vulnerable group due to so many factors. I thought when reading this thread, that until so recently domestic abuse was a taboo and marital rape not even illegal, so that the truth about spousal abuse from man to woman has only recently been opened up for discussion...

 

rere

women should never put there hands on men. Men should NEVER put there hands on women not even if she slapped the hell out of you because men are more stronger than women. pulse women is the most beautifulest thing god put on this earth for real men.

 

You know what, Pey? I am on your side about this thread, because of the double standards about spousal abuse, in fact, a vast majority of rape/abuse crimes reported by women about men in America, turn out be false or misleading. Many women feel the need to take advantage of the system, and the 'gender complex' they push onto men whenever they want to get away with something.

 

Exactly Sardonic. Too many women think they can get away with alot of shit shit and it is unfortunate that most of America is ignorant to what is going on and how women take advantage of men. Lots of wives slap their husband for the littlest thing knowing he cannot (or shouldn't) hit her back. There is only so much a man can take....

 

It's never right for both parties. It's easier to just walk away. If either party gets really violent then call LE and then think seriously about getting out of the relationship. :idea:

 

spousal abuse is ok , when a return to slavery is ok

 

Boys... please. All you are stating here is YOUR perception of the situation. If you are going to make these kinds of sweeping generalizations, please present stats to back them up.

I have a hard time with what you've written since in all the information that I've ever found on spousal abuse there are no numbers that prove what you 2 are saying. Perhaps I am wrong about this. But honestly, but you seem to have NO IDEA about the extent to which women are victimized in this world. Please be careful with what you write!

Cheers.

 

When did I state that women are not victimized? All I am saying is it is grossly under reported or even mentioned ANYWHERE how much women abuse some men. Men are too embarrassed to report it, that is why. That's all I'm saying. What man wants to admit that his woman beats him or hits him? It makes him look like a sissy. But if he defends himself, he is a wife beater. It is a lose-lose, catch 22 situation. Can't you see how women could take advantage of this? (and they do). If you want the stats I can find them for you but this is not made up, it DOES happen. Trust me. Does Liza Minelli ring a bell? She used to beat up her husband David Guest. It happens all over America.

Wives will slap her husband for doing the littlest things or of he does something wrong. They will kick and punch him if they catch him in bed with a woman and we look the other way. If I cheat on my wife and she walks in an slaps me around and kicks me in the balls I bet you would say "good for me, I deserve it". But if I walk in on her with another man and I beat her to a bloody pulp, no matter how much reason I had to do it I bet you will call me a wife beater and abuser (even though she deserved it). That is my point in this whole thread. That this double standard is not fair. Spousal abuse against women is very common and VERY wrong, so why should spousal abuse against men (which is much more common than many think) be any different? Please understand that.

 

Yes, I do think we're underestimating the power of patriarchy the world over...it is true that some men are abused, but cultural practices everywhere from East to West can result in the abuse of women.

 

I never said that some women are not violent with their husbands. I just think that it may not happen as often as you make it sound. If you presented some stats to back up your statements, they would have more weight. That's all.

 

The same study which found that a woman is abused by her spouse every 15 seconds, also found that a man is abused by his spouse every 14 seconds.

In the USA, wives or girlfriends assault 2 million men every year, 1.8 million women are assaulted by their spouses or boyfriends.

54% of all domestic violence termed 'severe' is committed by women against their husbands or boyfriends.

Over 2/3 of the child abuse committed by a parent is committed by the mother.

Mothers (55%) are more likely than fathers (45%) to murder their children.

Mothers kill sons (64%) more often than daughters (36%) and 78% of the child victims are under age 11.

A study of inner city child abuse found that 49% of all child abuse is committed by single parent mothers.

Studies of domestic violence . . . . . have shown both sexes to be equally culpable. Some of the research, such as a recent Canadian national survey, "left out data on women abusing men... because it's politically embarrassing."

Women and men are almost identical in terms of the frequency of attacks such a slapping, shoving, and kicking.

The rate for assaults by wives is 124 per 1,000 couples, compared with 122 per 1,000 for assaults by husbands.

The rate of minor assaults by wives was 78 per 1,000 couples, and the rate of minor assaults by husbands was 72 per 1,000.

The rate for severe assaults is 46 per 1,000 couples for assaults by wives and 50 per 1,000 for assaults by husbands. [Note: With respect to the preceding five items, Mr. Strauss wrote in the journal Issues in Definition and Measurement. "As these rates are based exclusively on information provided by women respondents, the near equality in assault rates cannot be attributed to a gender bias in reporting."]

Half of spousal murders are committed by wives, a statistic that has been stable over time. Wives reported that they were more often the aggressors. Using weapons to make up for physical disadvantage, they were not just fighting back.

The Journal for the National Association of Social Workers found in 1986 that among teenagers who date, girls were violent more frequently than boys.

Mothers abuse their children at a rate approaching twice that of fathers.

Because men have been taught to "take it like a man" and are ridiculed when they feel they have been battered by women, women are nine times more likely to report their abusers to the authorities


Sources:
"Women Are Responsible Too", Judith Shervin, Ph.D. and Jim Sniechowski, Ph.D., Los Angeles Times, June 21, 1994.

Research by M. Strauss & R. Gelles as reported in "Women Are Responsible Too", Judith Shervin, Ph.D. & Jim Sniechowski, Ph.D., Los Angeles Times, June 21, 1994.

Data provided by the Child Protective Service agencies of Virginia (67% mothers, 33% fathers), New Jersey (70% mothers, 30% fathers), Texas (68% mothers, 32% fathers), and Minnesota (62% mothers, 38% fathers), and Alaska (67% mothers, 33% fathers). Bureau of Justice, "Murder in Families", CJ143498.1

A study of child abuse in Lansing. Michigan. Joan Ditson and Sharon Shay in Child Abuse and Neglect, Volume 8. 1984.

Spouse Abuse: A Two Way Street, Warren Farrell, Ph.D., USA Today, June 29, 1994

 

Of all children under age 5 murdered from 1976-2002 --

-31% were killed by fathers

-30% were killed by mothers

-23% were killed by male acquaintances

-6% were killed by other relatives

-3% were killed by strangers

Of those children killed by someone other than their parent, 82% were killed by males.

Most of the children killed are male and most of the offenders are male



Source: Bureau of Justice from report using data up to 2002

http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/homicide/children.htm



Homicide Type by Gender, 1976-2002



All homicides By Victim
76.4% Male
23.6% Female

All homicides By Ofender  
88.6% Male
11.4% Female

Victim/offender relationship

Intimate
37.2% Male Victim
62.8% Female Victim
 
64.8% Male Offender
35.2% Female Offender

Family
52.0% Male victim
48.0% Female Victim
 
70.3% Male Offender
29.7% Female Offender

Infanticide
54.5% Male Victim
45.5% Female Victim
 
61.6% Male Offender
38.4% Female Offender

Eldercide
58.2% Male Victim
41.8% Female Victim
 
85.4% Male Offender
14.6% Female Offender

-Female victims are more likely than male victims to be killed by an intimate or family member.

-Male victims are more likely than female victims to be killed by acquaintances or strangers.

http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/homicide/gender.htm

Intimate homicide rates by race, gender and relationship, 1976-2002

http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/homicide/intimates.htm#intgrel