White Women, please help me out?!!

Hi, I'm new to this group! So hello to everyone! I am currently in an interracial relationship and I love it! But for me it is something so new, because I grew up in a really rural, all white area. And strangely enough, I find that most of my female friends from high school that go to diverse colleges, date black men. So as a study in my Sociology class, I was hoping that I could get some answers from you girls (men feel free to comment as well, though)! So PLEASE if you have the time, even if it's yes and no answers, reply to my questions! And any other comments or answers are very much appreciated!!! Thank you!!! (all information and identities will be strictly confidential)

QUESTIONS
1) Race, Age, current residence (city/state or even just rural, suburban, or urban), and area raised in (city/state or even just rural, suburban or urban.)
2)Do you feel you are more attracted to black men because they are different?
3)Do you have preference over which race you date? (Exclusively black?)
4)While growing up did you have close relationships with black men?
5)Do you feel your experience, or lack of, with black men contributed to your current views of interracial dating?
6)Did your upbringing have any contribution to your views on interracial dating? (such as mixed family, or rebelling against parental ideals?)
7)Do you experience any discrimination because of your relationship?

 

1)Do you feel you are more attracted to black men because they are different?
no, I just feel comfortable around them and they're attractive

2)Do you have preference over which race you date? (Exclusively black?)
no, I don't discriminate. I'd date a man whether he was black, white, asian, or hispanic

3)While growing up did you have close relationships with black men?
yes, my best friend is black and I had a crush on her brother for the longest time. but he always considered me as another little sister. and he had alot of girlfriends. either black or hispanic. so I didn't think he was into white girls. and alot of my close friends are black males

4)Do you feel your experience, or lack of, with black men contributed to your current views of interracial dating?
not at all. I think that interracial relationships are beautiful thing. it's breaking all boundaries. black men with white women, black women with white men. it kills racism a little more each day.

5)Did your upbringing have any contribution to your views on interracial dating? (such as mixed family, or rebelling against parental ideals?)
not really. my parents are close friends with my best friends parents. they never made a big deal about it. but my parents did seem a little edgy when I first went out with a black guy. too many myths rushed to their heads. but they know the type of person I am so they had nothing to worry about.

6)Do you experience any discrimination because of your relationship?
most of the time unfortunately. usually from my girl friends. and the guys get pretty confused too. as if "what went wrong". um, nothing. I like what I like.

 

Thanks BlueStarlight

Thanks BlueStarlight!

I had to edit the first post, but do you mind if I get one more question from you?

1) Race, Age, current residence (city/state or even just rural, suburban, or urban), and area raised in (city/state or even just rural, suburban or urban.)

Thanks again! I so much appreciate it!

~Salunzo

 

sure no problem.

Race, Age, current residence (city/state or even just rural, suburban, or urban), and area raised in (city/state or even just rural, suburban or urban.)

Caucasian. 19. New York City. Born in Scotland spent 2 years of my childhood there. And spent the rest of my life in Yonkers, New York.

 

1. Viking, 32. Small town, small country .

2. Not really.

3. Not really

4. Hell no. There were no black people here! We had a Korean boy in my class in elementary school. But he was adopted. That's the only not-white person I knew. I The only time I saw black people was on TV, or if we were visitig my relatives in UK.

5. I don't know. When I was young I always said I'd never date anyone who were from outside west of UK, east of Finland or south of Germany. Not because I disliked people from outside this area, but I thought the cultural differences would be too big to overcome. The I got older, and got to travel a little more, and simply became smarter.

6. Maybe. My mother was very politically engaged, and was actually ahead of her time when it came to "political corectness". Each week she made me give away half of my allowance to the red cross , and she used to pretend that we sent left-over food to Etiopia This is probably why I developed an intrest/facination for African at an early age. And as I got older, I got to do some traveling on the continent. And having been there, I find the cultural differences not to be all that big, and that made me open to start dating Africans.

7. Never.

 

Hi, I'm new to this group! So hello to everyone! I am currently in an interracial relationship and I love it! But for me it is something so new, because I grew up in a really rural, all white area. And strangely enough, I find that most of my female friends from high school that go to diverse colleges, date black men. So as a study in my Sociology class, I was hoping that I could get some answers from you girls (men feel free to comment as well, though)! So PLEASE if you have the time, even if it's yes and no answers, reply to my questions! And any other comments or answers are very much appreciated!!! Thank you!!! (all information and identities will be strictly confidential)

QUESTIONS
1) Race, Age, current residence (city/state or even just rural, suburban, or urban), and area raised in (city/state or even just rural, suburban or urban.)

I'm white (Caucasian), living in South London, raised in an area of the Midlands in England.

2)Do you feel you are more attracted to black men because they are different?

Partly but not exclusively. I am often attracted to black men from overseas, and men from overseas generally. I've got quite an adventurous personality and am drawn to other cultures and things different from me generally, so that's probably part of the story - I find cultural differences and ways to deal with them very interesting. I don't think that 'black men' are different from 'white men' anyway, every person is just as different from every other person regardless of race. But I suppose I'm interested to learn about different lifestyles, and I happen to find black men more sexually attractive than, say, Japanese and Chinese men. Hope that makes sense.

3)Do you have preference over which race you date? (Exclusively black?)

No - in all honesty, I go through phases where I'll notice black men more when I'm out and about, and phases when I'll notice white men more. I always find black and white men equally attractive, and preference comes down to the characteristics of the individual. The characteristics I go for in any race are extremely similar: peaceful personality, big smile, nice eyes, nice shoulders, height... My friends joke that I have a 'black fetish' but I think it's because of the comparison: if I met a black man I was attracted to, and a white man I was attracted to at the same time, there would be an equal chance I'd decide to date either of them, whereas I think a lot of them would hesitate more over dating a black man, if they hadn't done before.

4)While growing up did you have close relationships with black men?

I had close friendships from early childhood with black PEOPLE (girls and boys). I went to an extremely multi racial high school, and lived in a multi racial town, so although there was some tacit racism, it was never really allowed to surface or things would have been explosive! when I was at school, I was attracted to quite a few black guys as there were quite a few around, and being in the in clique of attractive guys wasn't determined by race...there were popular black, white, Indian, Filipino guys, etc... my first crush when I was really little was a black childrens TV presenter, which is funnier because he is incredibly GAY!

5)Do you feel your experience, or lack of, with black men contributed to your current views of interracial dating?

Yes, I suppose so, in that I've always coexisted with lots of different races and have had it instilled in me that everyone is fundamentally the same...although people have different cultural customs and mores, no-one is better than everyone else. If you're attracted to someone and you think that you have things in common, you shouldn't avoid dating them on the basis of colour. My housemate gets confused by the theory that you should date someone who has a similar background to you to get maximum success in a relationship...she thinks that means you shouldn't date outside your race. I think actually as long as the person you're with shares your fundamental values and was brought up in a similar environment, race won't contribute to the success of the relationship.

6)Did your upbringing have any contribution to your views on interracial dating? (such as mixed family, or rebelling against parental ideals?)

Yes, my parents are extremely tolerant and liberal and always encouraged me to be friends or date whoever I wanted to. Right from when I had a first black boyfriend at the age of 17, my parents treat all my boyfriends the same way, regardless of race. They are most interested in whether he treats me well: if he doesn't treat me well, they will dislike him and vice versa. We had my Ghanaian ex to stay for Christmas in 2005 and my parents were extremely kind to him...they are a genuinely tolerant family. The only person who seems to be a little weirded out by it is my gran, but that generation have some odd views anyway!

7)Do you experience any discrimination because of your relationship?

Sometimes, often from black women actually, although I won't go into that too strongly for fear of trolls :lol: Nothing I can't cope with though...I've had problems with other people through out my life for lots of reasons, and I'm a genuine fighter. If someone tells me something is wrong, when I know it's right, I'll fight for what I want! :lol:

 

Ronja if you are secretive in your 411 why did you come to this thread? The questions are not for obligation.

 

It's fine Ronja didn't give her city or anything. I'm just looking at general population influence.

 

Why do you always bug me about where I'm from?

 

1) Race, Age, current residence (city/state or even just rural, suburban, or urban), and area raised in (city/state or even just rural, suburban or urban.)
white, 19, iowa

2)Do you feel you are more attracted to black men because they are different?
no i don't think so. i've always felt that black men were attractive and i guess i sometimes viewed it as kind of mysterious even though i was around many ethnicities, i just had never dated a black man.

3)Do you have preference over which race you date? (Exclusively black?)
I've dated white men until my current black boyfriend but if i find a man attractive, no matter their ethnicity, i'd pursue a relationship

4)While growing up did you have close relationships with black men?
no, i didn't. i went to a very multicultural school all my life but i never had a close black friend until middle school/early high school

5)Do you feel your experience, or lack of, with black men contributed to your current views of interracial dating?
no not at all. i always felt that it was perfectly fine to date interracially

6)Did your upbringing have any contribution to your views on interracial dating? (such as mixed family, or rebelling against parental ideals?)
my parents, before bringin home my boyfriend, i could consider racist. but i was never told out of the blue that i couldnt date black men so i never felt it was different than same race dating.

7)Do you experience any discrimination because of your relationship?
yes, firstly and mostly by my parents. i know, typical thing for a white women to say! my parents love my boyfriend now and see that i'm happy with him but i still experience it in the town and community as it is predominately white.

 

1) Race, Age, current residence (city/state or even just rural, suburban, or urban), and area raised in (city/state or even just rural, suburban or urban.)
white, 27, raised in small town in Greece, living in London

2)Do you feel you are more attracted to black men because they are different?
Yes, I believe so. I think they are more exotic, however I am not attracted to asian races at all so I don't think it's because black men are different, I'm not sure.. Meeting some black men I also felt they are "more men" that white men I don't know why..

3)Do you have preference over which race you date? (Exclusively black?)
Before coming to UK I only dated white guys (not that I had other option..) but I've always been obsessed having a black boyfriend. At the moment I have reached a point that if a white guy is around me I don't pay much attention.. and I always have a "high awareness" of the males around me. You may think I exaggerate but I don't. I have gone out a couple of times with black men but haven't had a proper relationship yet, so I think I still have this "unfulfilled obsession"

4)While growing up did you have close relationships with black men?
No. Not at the school, not at my town nowhere.

5)Do you feel your experience, or lack of, with black men contributed to your current views of interracial dating?
Yes, I do believe I have reached to the point that I'm a bit unfair with white guys, and I think it's because, as I said, I haven't had a proper relationship with a black guy yet. I don't know

6)Did your upbringing have any contribution to your views on interracial dating? (such as mixed family, or rebelling against parental ideals?)
Where I grew up people are quite racists, however my parents raised me with the principle that I am not better than anyone (race, social status, educational status, whatever). So I think I was feeling angry when I was seeing white people in my environment mistreating black people and I'm not exactly sure how, but I think it has contributed somehow to my preference for black men.

7)Do you experience any discrimination because of your relationship?
As I said I haven't had a relationship yet but I've met some BM. My friends don't understand why I am so crazy for them and from time to time they imply that I want to be with black men because they are more "gifted". I know that being actually discriminated is much worse than your friends' opinion, but I consider this opinion of theirs quite unfair because it's like they don't consider black men as an option for them OR/AND black men's only asset is their big £$"!!

 

1) Race, Age, current residence (city/state or even just rural, suburban, or urban), and area raised in (city/state or even just rural, suburban or urban.)
Caucasian (Italian, French, etc) 41, California, suburbs.

2)Do you feel you are more attracted to black men because they are different?
Different than what? I tend to be attracted to men who are unique. I like men with a strong sense of self, who know who they are, and are able to express themselves well.

3)Do you have preference over which race you date? (Exclusively black?)
I tend to be more attracted to American black men.

4)While growing up did you have close relationships with black men?
I never dated black men growing up...no one ever asked me. I did have a couple of very close male friends who were black.

5)Do you feel your experience, or lack of, with black men contributed to your current views of interracial dating?
For many years I just didn't think that black men (in general) were interested in me. Maybe it was a matter of that I wasn't very clear in expressing my interest though.

6)Did your upbringing have any contribution to your views on interracial dating? (such as mixed family, or rebelling against parental ideals?)
Definitely. I had to work through some of my issues about my family and grow up and be able to think for myself and get to the point I didn't need everyone else's input in life. There wasn't any rebelling involved. It was more about really figuring out what I liked independent of anyone else's opinions.

It was always made clear how family members felt about such things. I dealt with alot of it myself within the family. There were all sorts of nasty comments about my dad being Italian. When I was little (and darker) my Aunties would scrub my knees until they bled trying to get the dirt off (it was the color of my skin). Given that I didn't like the way I had been treated, the last thing I was going to do was to bring someone else into that....who very probably would be treated worse.

7)Do you experience any discrimination because of your relationship?
I'm not in a relationship right now. I do have a black daughter. In regards to her and past relationships...there have been a few comments along the way. Nothing extreme. For a short period of time I think I was a little hypersensitive about how people can be.

 

okay.. here goes

1) Race, Age, current residence (city/state or even just rural, suburban, or urban), and area raised in (city/state or even just rural, suburban or urban.)
Plymouth, Massachusetts... white bread america..lol

2)Do you feel you are more attracted to black men because they are different?
I don't think that is why.. this is a hard question. I don't think I can tell you why I like black men. I just do. Why is green my favorite color? I don't know it just is.

3)Do you have preference over which race you date? (Exclusively black?)
I have dated pretty much every race under the sun. My exhusband is white. My deceased fiance was Cherokee. My most recent relationships have been with black men.

4)While growing up did you have close relationships with black men?
Actually, my mother had me in a preschool when she would go to work and it was run by a black woman in her home. I got to be really friendly with her (obivously) but her husband and her 2 sons who were a little older than me as well.

5)Do you feel your experience, or lack of, with black men contributed to your current views of interracial dating?
see next question....

6)Did your upbringing have any contribution to your views on interracial dating? (such as mixed family, or rebelling against parental ideals?)
I was born and raised in Cambridge Massachusetts in the late 1960's. This was a time that IR wasn't PC in fact... PC wasn't PC. Cambridge is and always will be different. Anyway, my mother was young single woman with a kid.. not PC either. But, in our neighborhood there was no issue with it. The couple that lived down stairs from us was a white woman married to a man from Morroco. One couple across the street was a white man and a woman from Bengladesh, another was a white man and a black woman. Our best friend was a single woman who was the first single woman allowed to adopt and she was a white woman who adopted 2 black little girls. I can honestly say that I was raised to not care what color, race or creed you were.

7)Do you experience any discrimination because of your relationship?
When I was out with my man we would get some double takes from people either because he was very dark complexioned and I'm very fair or we were just amazing to look at..lol. The closest thing to discrimination would have been a time that we were given a very hard time getting a hotel room and that was from a black woman.

Hope that helps

 

1) Race, Age, current residence (city/state or even just rural, suburban, or urban), and area raised in (city/state or even just rural, suburban or urban.)

White (UK heritage), 22, Brisbane; Australia born and bred.

2)Do you feel you are more attracted to black men because they are different?

I'll begin by saying that when I say "black man" I'm refering to a man of obvious African heritage. I wouldn't call a dark Indian man black - I'd call him Indian (for example).

Yes and No - that's a difficult questions to answer. I'm not attracted to all black men because they're different. Physically, black men are (generally) more striking, I think...but then again, it might just be because they stand out so much here. I guess to understand my own though processes more - if a guy was white with a black man's body - it would be good. If a black man had a (typically) white man's body - it wouldn't be as good...so i think it's a combination of features, body and colour. And maybe that's because they're so different to wm.

In terms of the cultural thing with most black men here (who are generally African) it's interesting, but potenially difficult. I would love a black man with a cultural background similar to myself. So - to answer your question in a long and round about way. physically - probably...mentally/culturally (here, anyway) - no.

3)Do you have preference over which race you date? (Exclusively black?)

Only black or white (generally), although there are always people of any race which are good looking, but I find these people generally don't have "typical" features of their race.

4)While growing up did you have close relationships with black men?

Nope, not ever.

5)Do you feel your experience, or lack of, with black men contributed to your current views of interracial dating?

No

6)Did your upbringing have any contribution to your views on interracial dating? (such as mixed family, or rebelling against parental ideals?)

No

7)Do you experience any discrimination because of your relationship?

People stare sometimes...and I find it difficult to talk with or be part of any of his circle of friends (all Zimbabwean's, or African guys/girls)

 

Thanks ALL!!

I want to thank everyone who replied! You guys really gave some really interesting insight into IR. I appreciate all the help!