Would it hurt more if your WW left you for a BM or WM?

I know it is a weird question but this is something that I have thought about over the past few years alot. While I was my longest relationship (3 years) I once had a dream of her at some sporting event with a white guy. I hated that thought, as any man would, of his girl leaving him for another man (of ANY race). Well we broke up and she has continued to date white men and only white men. She dated only white guys before me and only has dated white guys since me. In fact I was the only black guy she had known when we met (she grew up in a very white area in the south in georgia).

Anyways while we were together I once joked with her you better not leave me for another black guy. I said it out of a joke yet afterwards I said to myself, ya know what...yea it would hurt alot if she left me for a white guy, but it would not hurt me nearly as much if she left me for a black guy. I mean, why? I have never sat and thought about why. Why would I be more ok with her being with a white guy than another black guy? Is it my ego of wanting to be the only black to have hit that? Would I feel that by her going to another black guy that something was wrong with ME versus the idea of, ok she went back to white guys so I can just easily blame her leaving me on the fact that she figured black guys just weren't for her, rather than find something wrong with ME the PERSON? Is it selfish to not want her to leave me for another black guy? I have no idea, it is confusing but a good question I think for you guys in here.

Which would bother you more? (assuming the white woman is someone who has never dated black men before you)

Her leaving you and then going back to white guys?
OR
Her continuing to date black men?

 

Good Point - Infidelity

I once met a guy in Albuquerque who was bankrupt from a divorce. At the time, there was a hot Mexican woman at a Pac 10 school who chose me over a star, black basketball player headed for the NBA. He had been going for her very aggressively. She ALWAYS wore just an exercise bra to the gym with tight fitting exercise pants. She looked a lot like Daisy Fuentes or Denise Richards (i.e. wearing the turquoise blue bra in "Wild Things"). She dated multi-ethnic types of guys (white, black, Mexican), but at that point in time, she definitely had an interest in me (Apache Indian). I was appalled she would choose me over a guy headed to the NBA with millions of dollars, but it happened.

Anyway, I asked the divorced guy about his opinion on this opportunity I had for the hot Mexican woman at the local college gym. He strongly advised me to stay away. He thought the "type" was high "risk" for infidelity. Given that he was divorced because of infidelity, I just decided to ignore the Mexican woman. I had the impression it was a "sure thing" if I wanted to "score" with her, but I decided to listen to the divorced, bankrupt guy's warning.

Today, I see a lot of flirtatious women at the gym who often wear just exercise bras and are really hot. Many of them are southern, blue-eyed blonds. But I have not forgotten the advice of the older guy who had gone through a horrible divorce. He said to go for women who are conservative and with whom you have to make the first move. I often lean towards the "conservative type," who are also beautiful but dress more conservatively and are rather reserved.

Statistically, I know about 40% of marriages end in divorce. Websites such as "cheaters.com" showcase infidelity. The percentage of relationships with affairs vary widely. Obviously, as time goes on, the odds get higher. I think this topic raises a good point about the possibility of the white woman leaving for another guy. If it were me, it would hurt either way. In some cases, they can also leave for another woman. I saw one reality TV show episode where that happened (Elimidate).

 

I personally think that it's a normal fear in most people to have whenever their mate/dating partner of another ethnicity decides to go for someone of the same ethnic/racial group as their own over them...

but, I think that what's most important is focusing on WHY it happened, rather than WHAT happened to cause it...

and, if you think that this only goes for black men dating white women, and not the other way around, then you obviously live in la-la land...

finally, some people in this world are just so wishy-washy in their train of thought until they don't really know WHAT THEY WANT from WHOM THEY WANT, so they'll say things like "well, I don't have a preference for [insert ethnic group here] but I mostly date [insert same ethnic group here] because ",


"they treat me like (this and that)"

"I grew up around mostly [insert ethnic group here] and I'm just used to them"

"they can satisfy me better than [insert ethnic group here]"

"I couldn't find a good [insert ethnic group here]"

"because all of my friends are dating [insert ethnic group here]"



Yea, I know, but there are people all around you who think like this of every different demographic out there.

 

Very true, but people tend not to vocalize this fear, as it is part of our private fears and concerns that we only share with the closest friends, if at all.