WW - what are your (geographic) preferences when dating BM?

More!! I guess alot is just relating to people whose parents are from another country, or are from another country themselves, and they relate to the "migrant experience". And that doesn't have to be an African specifically, and it's not somethjing i even seek out, but people from that migrant background are often who I bond with, which, I think, is a different experience to IR dating in the US (not that I wouldn't date an African american man, it just doesn't usually work out that way for me).

 

Exactly. Thank you, Sardonic. I get this constantly with my current man. Guess what? He is a permanent resident in this country, and has been since long before he met me. And how did he get it? Because is an extremely educated author who benefits this country greatly, but people just like to make their assumptions.

There will be people who do that, and many who wont. My ex who I was with a long time wanted to be sure that if he settled somewhere permanently, it was 'under his own steam', and sure enough- he did that. Besides, in Australia it is a fallacy that just gettin' hitched is all you need to do, anyway. You just have to be extremely careful, as in any relationship there can ALWAYS be ulterior motives. I feel very sad that your heart was broken though Sassy, not good at all. On the other hand, do you speak any Swahili? Jambo!

 

Re: On Experiences with African Men

I feel truly saddened to hear about your experiences Shaft. I have heard from a number of my friends the predjudice they have sometimes suffered even at the hands of their brothers and sisters in the states. Recently, my man attended a conference in Chicago as the key note speaker, and with his accent and (sometimes shabby,hhahaha!) dress sense he encountered some difficulties of this kind in the hotel. From a white person it is terrible, from another black person, I think it's even sadder. She didn't believe the black amex he tried to pay with in diner was his?!

I hope you can forge a path somewhere between the predjudices people have. Good luck! Am on a posting spree - work is so slow!

 

Actually, if you are speaking 'traditionally', every single community or tribal group within a country could have different cultures, attitudes and gender relations. When you consdier that their community languages are different, and how fundamental language is to culture, it is perfectly obvious.

Take Kenya, for example, which has more than 40 different ethnic communities. If a woman were to marry a man from a different community, then when his relatives come to visit, she has to make sure that everything is carried out appropriately according to what they would expect, which may differ from her community.

Obviously, Western attitudes are increasingly dominant across the world, and I am by no means suggesting that all Africans do not have contemporary attitudes and values congruent with our own, as it is simply not the case. I just had to pull that up however, because it is about much more than country.

Think about your own country- wherever people are from or how they are raised, they have their own cultural norms and values that exist in a broader framework. There are so many layers to it- a Shona man from Zimbabwe might have his own specific values, that will continue to exist surrounded by broader African notions of identity, and that are carried out in a Western lifestyle and the attitudes that come with THAT.

 

Re: Stereotypes of Africa/Africans

what you need to understand is I have to focus on the fact that there are areas that bad that people try to lie and defraud you just to get a green card..

other wise I'll be bitter..

 

I did personally and that was my first mistake

 

I'd like to add the following that might clarify my personal opinion about this and why I posted the way I did. I personally have no bad experience with Africans relating to being from a poor background or Visa issues.

My reason, and again this is my PERSONAL experience, not taken out of a magazine or hearsay and yes I do know that there are millions of African men that are not like that...
The 2 men I dated were very possessive, in addition the sex was so bad I get mad thinking about it still today. So selfish and not one second spent on thinking about how I might enjoy it. Those are the main reasons that lead me to say that I am less likely to try dating an African man again. However I would not completely rule it out, I just won't go out of my way to try again.

 

I believe Shaft really drove it right home but i feel i should input my say(not that its necessary :lol: ). I am aware of the negative, unflattering and irrefutably exaggerated images of Africa and its people perpetuated by the media, which obviously is a major factor in the way people's ideas are shaped but my, are people so gullible and naive these days? If you speak to 10 random people about Africa, i can guarantee you that about 7 of them would mention some or all of the following words or something along the lines; war, AIDS, poverty, ethnic cleansing, famine, drought, dictatorship, fraud (Did i miss anything?)

People act as though every single citizen in the more than 52 countries in Africa are impoverished and desperate to get out. Sure, there is mass poverty and disease in Africa but what damn continent does not have its pros and cons? I am sure in previous posts, i have highlighted this topic and thus might seem repititive and might seem annoying but ignorance drives me nuts. I remember telling you guys about many beautiful, positive things about many African cities and will be willing to do it again. Like Shaft, many people were/are flabbergasted when i tell them that i lived in Nigeria for the majority of my life. I have showed them my childhood pictures there and they are all surprised and some even think i am lying. They all expect some skinny, kwashiokor-infested kid with an extremely big belly :lol:

I have not said this before but i was living in just as much wealth and comfort back in Nigeria as i ever have lived. In the Victoria Island section of Lagos where i resided before coming back to America, the majority of the people who reside there are wealthy and not just rich. Lagos is considered one of the wealthiest cities IN THE WORLD. There are foreign businessmen from virtually every country in the world with an economy who all would testify to all i am saying. My father is an international businessman too who has a lot of investments in a certain financial district called Broad Street, which is the Lagos equivalent to New York City's Wall Street. Businesses and companies from all over the world have transactions there. The same would apply for other major African cities like Abidjan(Cote D'Ivoire), Abuja(Nigeria), Jos(Nigeria), Johannesburg(South Africa).

Anyway, back to what i was saying. I can relate to what Shaft was saying when he said people get surprised to see people driving beautiful cars, skyscrapers, hotels, beaches, restaurants, movie theatres and all that. People rarely believe me until i prove it. We all know that there is poverty in other countries outside of Africa, even here in the United States, the supposed wealthiest country in the world. But when America is to project itself to the rest of the world, they put out Hollywood, Beverly Hills, Manhattan, Chicago and what have you. They put out the beautiful imagery(except if its to do with black people). You cannot tell me that every 300 million people in America are living "The American Dream". I am waiting for someone to put up that argument with me and i will compulsively lose it.

The reason why Americans and Europe think all foreigners especially Africans come here is for reasons i have just been through. All the things they see on TV and read in the papers. Just so these idiots know, in the 50s and 60s when mass immigration from Africa especially the West Coast started, most people used to come here mainly to study. After getting their degrees, the majority returned to their countries to get a job there and they were just as successful. Many of my family members have come here to do just that. Sure, i have a lot of relatives here and in London but a huge number of my kins live back in Nigeria and do not depend on those of us here for anything. No doubt we are still family but we do not even send anything over to them unless it calls for it eg. birthdays, weddings or anything like that. As i was saying, most Nigerian immigrants came and went back until about 1976 when politics in Nigeria turned upside down and so many brutal, greedy dictators took over and started embezzling the country's money. For proof, do a wikipedia search on the following things/people: Muritala Muhammad, Aguiyi Ironsi, Olusegun Obasanjo, Muhammadu Buhari, Ibrahim Babangida, Nigerian Civil War, Ernest Shonekan, Sani Abacha.

From the early to mid 1980s, after these brutal guys had begun the damage, the country was in chaos, anarchy and doom and so many people who could not afford to live comfortably had to find a solution and for some, immigration was the solution. No doubt there were still a substantial amount of fat cats around but there were just as many poor people, if not more. Before all of that, most people came here to work, to study or for other reasons not associated with political asylum. The same applies to Europe. For example, my father only came here in 1964 to study via the visa lottery so his education was covered. And when you come here via lottery, after 10 years you become a citizen and get to bring at least 4 immediate relatives. [Although the whole thing has been cancelled now in the light of the immigration reform and terrorism]. My father did his thing in Princeton and was actually going to return to get a job in the Central Bank of Nigeria but then he got an offer of a lifetime which he could not refuse from a company in Los Angeles and so he stayed. So there you have it. He worked for them till 1984 and then set his own business which is international and thats the reason why we've been doing a lot of travelling. 8) Indeed, there are Africans who leave for political reasons and there are also people who will not return but they are in the majority. Just to be clear, the vast majority of the federal politicians in Nigeria studied here and in Europe. Even the president.

Shaft was also right here:

I share this testimony too. However, unlike you, virtually everyone asks me if i plan on returning to Nigeria. Some ask me retarted questions about Africa and the one i hear the most, "You are not very African, are you? You're just like a normal American guy. Now someone tell me, is there a way to be African? Do i have to show off a profound knowledge of handling a spear, wear a dashiki or have body piercings to show that i am of African descent? :roll:

Anyway, what's more saddening is that a lot of black folks here too buy into that divide-and-conquer bull. Many African-Americans i have met have held prejudices upon meeting me and expect me to be supposedly snobbish, rude, condescending towards them and be totally nasty towards them. A lot of African-Americans say that they get treated like that by Africans which is true to some extent. I know that a lot of my family members and friends who are Nigerian or other African nationalities say unflattering things about black Americans, especially the males. They sometimes say things similar to what white racists say which i sometimes do not like as i have many black American friends and the vast majority are nothing like that. Similarly, a lot of black Americans say many things that would be considered as embarrasing towards Africans. Sometimes i wonder if all of this is a legacy of slavery and if it's the Willie Lynch concept. What most black folks do not understand is that white people see us as that; black people(for the pleasant ones) OR niggers, Negroes and whatever the hell they see us as. They do not acknowledge us as any different. We are all still black to them and be you Carribbean or African, you're still subject to racial discrimination so what's all the fuss about who's original and who isn't? I would love an answer!!!

 

LaydeezmanCris,

I can't say much more than WOW! Your response certainly opened my eyes to a side of Africa that I had not considered.

And you're quite right that many North American black people don't appreciate that some parts of Africa are wealthier than most of Canada and the U.S.

Now, you have me so much intrigued about Lagos and other wealthy parts of Africa that I'd like to visit some day soon. 8)

 

It's not often that I feel the need to come back and say something (dick threads excepted) but this is one of those times that I need to have my say.

I am quite amazed by the ignorance displayed by some of the women on here, but considering Americans are all stupid then I really shouldn't be surprised. (not nice when sweeping generalisations are made about YOUR type, is it?)

I too am sick of all the negative images of Africa that are pimped out by the media - those poor starving "Africans", which ones? The Ibo's in East Nigeria or the Hammar Tribe in southern Ethiopia? Or does it matter, seeing as they're all the same to most of you.

It would be wise to not let your own stupid mistakes or misfortunes sway your future dating preferences or even general opinions, opening your eyes a little bit would also be a good idea.

My partner is Nigerian (as most of you who know me will be aware). His country has over 400 different ethnic groups, each with their own cultures and traditions. Add that to all the other different African countries and their own ethnic groups, and you have an amazing variety of people.

I'm disgusted that people think it's OK to go down the "Oh I won't go with an African again after what happened last time" route. Apart from the general ignorance to the label "African", as demonstrated above, it is also extremely prejudice, as I bet not many of you American women, after having their fingers burnt by a fellow American man will be saying "Oh, I think I'll avoid American men from now on".

You know, I once met a really fat American man, thick as two short planks - I think I'll steer clear of Americans in the future as I don't want my own intelligence being sucked away by the empty vacuum that's in their head...

Edited to add HHHHHHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

 

:shock:

Now the fecal matter hath truly hit the fan!

 

Look who's back with a bang! (Sorry, da Brat)

Welcome back Tash.

 

Iffy's wifey don veeeexxxxxx ooooooo! Abeg no kill dem! :lol:

 

Yes, I don vex big big time oooooooooooo! Dis no be small matter my broda!

 

DEFENDING HER MAN AND HIS COUNTRY TOO!!!
Now thats love.

 

To each their own....

However, when that's too much for people to accept, I find that calling them names and passing judgments about their choices always works wonders. :roll:

 

Just the thong was made in the USA, not my bobo!

 

AWWWWWE!

Mixed sexiness with cuteness. You got skillz girl.

 

I don't think that Africa (or Native Africans) will have to worry about much slandering in these forums any longer (Cris!). :lol: :wink: :smt023 :smt023

 

Re: To Chigirl

Chigirl Wrote:


"My reason, and again this is my PERSONAL experience, not taken out of a magazine or hearsay and yes I do know that there are millions of African men that are not like that...
The 2 men I dated were very possessive, in addition the sex was so bad I get mad thinking about it still today. So selfish and not one second spent on thinking about how I might enjoy it. Those are the main reasons that lead me to say that I am less likely to try dating an African man again. However I would not completely rule it out, I just won't go out of my way to try again."

Chigirl, I would like to believe that you're mature enough to understand that while good sex is important in a relationship, that shouldn't be the primary quality you should be looking for in a mate. Aside from the two men you dated being possessive, you should have communicated with them about exploring what pleases you sexually. Just because those two men couldn't or didn't satisfy you sexually doesn't mean all African men can't satisfy you. I'm not saying that you're trying to do this, but it won't make sense for anyone to base their impressions of men from an entire continent just from an experience with two people, for goodness sake.

And to Iffy's Wifey, thank you so much for displaying your "I Love My Nigerian Boyfriend" T-Shirt with prife. It looked really great and as an African male, I just wanted to say that I really appreciate it. Thank you very much. Almost everyone seems to like to make fun of, degrade and denigrate Africans as much as possible here in the United States. It's really soothing to see something uplifting about us on a message board or non-traditional form of communication for once.