WW - what are your (geographic) preferences when dating BM?

I feel that this conversation and the emotions definitely got a bit out of control on this thread, therefore I decided I won't answer your questions as I don't want to hurt anyones feelings more than I might already have.

 

I'm just thinking now how every location/country, even continent has its traditional culture, certain mindset and ideas about way of life and what an interesting discussion and share of knowledge this could have turned into. Too bad.

 

what really kills me about this thread is we were asked what our preference for geographic locations were for men..

so we answered honestly.



then we get comments like this:

ok.. you are going to sit there and call us ignorant for our honesty about out own personal preferences and then turn around and add that Americans are stupid.

:roll eyes:

Did I say I don't like Africans? No. Did I say I would NEVER date a man from Africa? No. What I said was, that I would need to know I could trust him first. This is ONLY because I was swindled already out of a bank account for a green card. According to legal documents I had to sign in this country for him, as long as he is in this country even AFTER my divorce, I am financially responsible for him and the US Gov't can come after me. Call me stupid, but I am not about to get put in that circumstance again.

No I have had plenty of African friends who I think the world of. I have nothing personally against the African People.

I just know I am the kind of person who falls fast emotionally w/o thinking logically so any man who comes from a country with difficulties and seeking a way to get a US card.. I can be an easy mark.

Please do not call me either ignorant or stupid.

 

1) I didn't call anyone ignorant or stupid - I said they had displayed ignorance...there is a difference.

2) When referring to Americans as stupid I was being ironic, but as we all know, most Americans don't get irony.

3) You have just proved my point re your Afrian man seeking a green card saga. I'm sure you've been hurt and/or duped by American men too, but I don't see you saying you'd be extra cautious about dating them in the future. I would also say that it's obvious you need to know and trust ANY man before dating him - not just an African.

4) Yet again you have bunched all "Africans" together, very good.

5) My final point is that it is your own fault if you were conned, they will only try it with people who will swallow it. And if you were silly enough to not smell a rat then you only have yourself to blame. And it is not only "African" men who do this, but men from any disadvantaged place - even a good ol' American would spin you a line if he thought it was worth his while.

 

So basically you're saying it's "normal" to be a bit more cautious about people from a disadvantaged place than the usual cautious you are with all people (or men), while it's a reality that overall Africa economy is poorer than US economy ?

I'm still hoping for an answer to my original question of learning more about different places, and since Africa is the topic now, can you educate us who won't go there in the nearest future with some insights about the beauties of African culture, religious beliefs, view of man-woman relationship.....hopefully without it becoming a good versus bad thing, just simply the way it is, and turning into sensitive topic?

you rightfully complain on how media chooses which side of the things to portray. well, give us your insight, as people who lived or have been there.

 

You know, Tasha is very right here. Kudos for standing up for us Naija brothas 8) 8)

 

she's not right.. if she read close she would see I said I have no problem with African People at all.. that I even have friends who are..

I only said anyone from a country where many people chose to date people who are seeking green cards, one must be cautious.

she twisted my words around..


and further.. I'm sorry but sure. I am one instance.. but I know two dozen people personally with stories of either like mine or the money scam.... so give me a break if we dont put on our thinking caps before just opening up our hearts...

and

last.. it wasn't irony.. it was calling Americans stupid.. and OH MY... I get accused of "lumping' people together as one..

wtf was that statement if not lumping us together.. including the comment about that Americans do not get irony..

 

QSassy, don't waste your energy here. I think people like to twist words if that's what they want to see, what I find sad is that people can't differentiate between a personal preference based on past experiences but rather go out and accuse us of simply believing the media hype. I guess it would actually take conversation and an open mind versus riding in on a high horse and berating people so I say fuck it

 

There seems to be a lot of that over this last week....

Fear, me thinks.

Or maybe we miss having trolls so we jump on each other.....

 

LOL I think you might have a point there... might also be the moon or the tide or something... I don't like when we jump on each other but I guess that happens now and then

 

You are right Chi... anyone who matters knows me

 

You said this:

So that's being fair is it? Agian, it was YOUR mistake, so you only have yourself to blame. And you have demonstrated prejudice towards "Africans" (cue big pigeon hole to put the millions of "Africans" in).

It is wise to be cautious of anyone when considering getting into relationships with them, not just similar "types" whom you have had your fingers burnt by. It's not fair to pre judge "Africans" just because some Nigerians like a good 419 scam or a Kenyan duped you into marriage. Be cautious of everyone.

And the Americans are stupid comment really was irony. I was making a sweeping generalisation/stereotype about you, the way that many of you have about "Africans" - just to demonstrate how unfair and false it is to do so.[/quote]

 

Hey Tash
Ur back!
Thank you God!

Count me in for support of Africa and the beautiful, intelligent, hard-working driven people I have encountered from the continent (Especially Nigeria -my fella is from Lagos)

 

Jeeeez....Iffey you just said the RIGHT THING...actually da right thangs!!!!! Iffey U da lady o !!

QSassy, as much as I like your posts, I have to say that as an African, I felt some discomfort reading your posts on this thread!
I understand the "preference" thing, but you really did sound like you had put all Africans in a bag and thrown it in the sea!

All Africans deceiving poor WW for a green card? Black ppl all dealing drugs? WW all stupid and only good for sex? Black ppl all less ntelligent? African ppl still sharpening their teeth in the jungle? This list of dumb and dumber prejudices could go on...FOREVA!!

Put all that in the same bag too...and yes it would be STUPID to let one (or even 2 or 3) bad experiences influence the rest of your life and opinions!!

 

well my apologies if my comments sounded like I have it in for Africans. Because I honestly do not.

My comment quoted above about my first mistake.. I meant first mistake about dating THAT man, not Africans. When I reread that comment yesterday before it was quoted, I realized it was short and could have been taken wrong.

I have to admit, my soap box probably is scams, not only beause I was scammed but because I know so many others who were too. I know a woman from Michigan who married a man from the Philipines. The US gave them so much red tape for her to take him back with her after the wedding, that they lived apart for a yr. Then she died of heart failure. The US gov't let him come here to take care of funeral arrangements He had a small window he was allowed in this country. When he got to this country he called a friend of mine. He was trying to hook up with her! He even said he was't sure why they had lost touch. (HELLO! You got married!!) He was not aware of the fact she knew me or that she knew he had been married. He went on and on about how he wanted to meet her and just happend to be in the United States. He said nothing about the fact that he was there to bury his wife. What was he doing? looking for another chance to get a green card.


You guys might not like it, but it is there.

Please do not blow up what I said to mean more than what I said it was. I see for myself a weakness in a handsome man with a smooth charm. I don't trust my judgement so unless I have plenty reason for trust, it is just best I dont' go there. Its like a person who has a gambling problem, who stays away from casinos. Sometimes you just know where best you should and should not go. It isn't that those things are wrong.