Marriage versus living together

Marriage Vs. Living Together: Which Is Better?
Here’s a question: Is it okay to live together before you get married? We'll tell you what experts have to say.
Share

Here’s a question: Is it okay to live together before you get married? Here’s what experts have to say:

#1: Living together before marriage increases your chances of divorce. Dr. Barbara Whitehead is co-director of the National Marriage Project at Rutgers University. And she says that couples who cohabitate are more likely to have serious trouble once they do get married because they often get married trying to “fix things,” or because it’s “expected.” That’s especially true if one or both partners lived with several different people before tying the knot.
Next: Married people are healthier. A Cornell University study found that married couples rated their overall physical well-being higher than couples who lived together. But other studies show that any serious relationship – even a lifelong friendship - improves health, especially for men.
And the final marriage versus living together fact: Married couples have more money than cohabitating couples. That’s because marriage makes men more productive. Married men earn up to 40-percent more than single guys with similar education and work histories. Plus, the commitment that comes with marriage encourages more joint savings.

___________________________

Do you Cosign the article?

Do you think men would rather live together versus women?

 

Basically depends on the person.
If you had problems before you were living together than marriage isn't going to fix it.

 

I wonder if the information would be different for those who lived together prior to marriage when the plan was to marry. Meaning those who are already engaged and move in together in the process of it all. So it's not in attempt to "fix" something. Rather than those who live together and then down the road decide to get married.

 

Good point

 

I think that's how it should be done. Marriage has a bad name these days because people keep doing things the wrong way. It's easier to blame marriage than find the root of the problem. As long as the institution has been around it didn't all of a sudden become the cause for failed relationships.

People that don't get married still have tons of failed relationships so marriage is probably not the culprit.

 

People get into marriage for the wrong reasons. They really don't look at themselves at why it went wrong

 

Good point.

I think people's expectation of marriage has changed a great deal. Maybe people used to be much more realistic about marriage and relationships in general. More logical rather than fantasy.

I'm always blown away by how many people get married who haven't discussed even the big major issues in life.

 

Yep and sometimes you can watch how they act and see they are not the one

 

I don't know that I believe there is "the one" any more.

 

Yea I can feel u on that.

 

"The one" is a bullshit line of thinking. It goes along with thinking relationships run on magic. Just find the right one and it will work......lol. I see the same mindset with technology. Its majic when they have no idea how it works and you are majic when you fix it. Lol

 

Lol

They swear up and down that if they find the one that they don't have to it in any effort into the relationship.

 

Yah that's just complete bullshit. It takes effort. No matter how well you fit with someone, it takes effort on both part to build a relationship and to continue to make it work. To me, a huge part is being on the same page and being willing to do what it takes.

Feelings have to be there, passion too. But I don't care how passionate or in love you are with someone...there are going to be times that you don't like them very much.

 

Exactly....that love can turn to hate really quick.

 

I think I'd have to live at least 1 full year with someone before I decide to marry them. Don't want any surprises.

 

I got news for you...you can live with someone for 10 years first and there will still be surprises. Ask any one of us who has been married for many years. I was married for 17....still surprises. I have friends married 25+ years...still there are times when their spouse does something they wouldn't expect. It's part of being human.

 

Exactly. I was married for 7. I dated her for 2 and the problem was for me was ignoring the obvious.

 

I'm sure there are inevitable surprises but I don't want a complete wake up call by marrying someone and finding out they live like a pig in a pen.

 

From an article


Do you and your spouse argue more than you kiss? That seems to be the norm these days. Surveys show that the average married couple kisses four times a day and disagrees twice that often. And 1-in-5 couples go without kissing for as long as a week at a time.

But the lack of affection can hurt your relationship. In fact, couples’ therapist Joel Block says it’s easy to strengthen you relationship just by kissing each other more often. That’s because kissing releases the brain’s bonding hormones dopamine and oxytocin. And holding a kiss for ten seconds instantly makes you feel more connected as a couple.

And the benefits don’t end there. Kissing also lowers levels of the stress hormone cortisol, which means locking lips with your sweetie helps both of you relax. And less tension means fewer disagreements.

Plus other signs of affection can make you feel closer as a couple like lightly touching your partner on the arm or shoulder. Studies show that a gentle touch activates the part of the brain responsible for trust and affection. Which means, patting your partner’s shoulder while they’re paying bills at the kitchen table will help you both feel calmer and cared for and will put you in closer touch with the loving feelings that brought you together as a couple in the first place.

 

Well... The problem there (in the first example was the couple married for terrible reasons. I don't see how getting married would fix any issues, and doing so because it's expected is simply insane.

Once I was past 30 y/o (and was still not married)... It was never a priority for me, then later when I was totally not expecting it... I was engaged to be married. Definitely a reminder to never say never. I am happy living together and don't feel a need to be married, but I'm not opposed to doing so.

Agreed. I think this is the way to do it. Getting to know a person is one thing, but actually learning if you can co-exist together are two different things. I know what the religious people would say, but I think it makes total sense to live together before marrying.