Dating apps and IR

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The Dark King said:
Come on fam don't be obtuse you knew what he meant. All things being equal even what we call ugly differs based on race. Asians highly value white skin there's entire systems surrounding it. In other blacks where whiteness doesn't have a premium because its the norm they explore other attractions.
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Yes, colorism does exist there. It's not a problem I faced very heavily, but I do agree, it can affect things for some.
 
The Dark King said:
I just appreciate that you didn't pretend otherwise like so many others would
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Some people who always disagree a) aren’t a foreign woman b) haven’t lived abroad c) haven’t dated a foreign woman.
So I just leave them be most of the time because it shouldn’t look like I came on here to start a Hobbesian culture war.
Black-white relations in the US are strained as hell. It’s about the same thing as if I as a German was dating an Israeli. We’d forever have to explain and defend and justify.
 
Why is it that it always seems to have to shift to American women vs "foreign women". The man who started this thread said nothing about any of that. He lives in NY and is simply asking about online dating (in his area).

There are plenty of women in the U.S. who LOVE American Black men. I'm sure there are plenty of women in other countries who do as well.

But of course, it's always about the women and never about why (some) men may be struggling. Yes, there are plenty of women out there who have issues and aren't going to make good partners. The reality is that most people are not going to be traveling to find long term relationships with anyone. And anyone is great for a short term/vacation fairytale. Quite a few of the men on here will hype the foreign women but how many of them are in long term relationships with a woman from another country?

And men wonder why so few women stick around on the site. How many American born women are on here now? I don't think there are any. Yet most/all the men are American. Kinda interesting.
 
RicardoCooper said:
"Northern California" means "K's house"
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Just to be clear...it isn't that there is a lack of interest in black men in Southern CA - far from it. It's just that in la la land the values and interests are skewed and it's highly competitive. It's all about driving the right car, making the right amount of money, working for the right place, working out all the time and on and on. It is a bizarre world unique unto itself. Whereas other areas in the same state are not the same at all.
 
K said:
Why is it that it always seems to have to shift to American women vs "foreign women". The man who started this thread said nothing about any of that. He lives in NY and is simply asking about online dating (in his area).

There are plenty of women in the U.S. who LOVE American Black men. I'm sure there are plenty of women in other countries who do as well.

But of course, it's always about the women and never about why (some) men may be struggling. Yes, there are plenty of women out there who have issues and aren't going to make good partners. The reality is that most people are not going to be traveling to find long term relationships with anyone. And anyone is great for a short term/vacation fairytale. Quite a few of the men on here will hype the foreign women but how many of them are in long term relationships with a woman from another country?

And men wonder why so few women stick around on the site. How many American born women are on here now? I don't think there are any. Yet most/all the men are American. Kinda interesting.
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Well that’s not what I mean.
First of all it’s not a battle American vs. foreign women. My story is this:
I have been together with my husband for a very long time. We have traveled many places around Europe. We have also been in the US together for a considerable amount of time (he actually spent almost two years to do board exams etc because at some point he wanted to move there). I used to visit him. From my own experience it’s different to be an interracial couple in the US than in Europe. The vibe is different, the reactions are different. It’s more difficult, to be honest.
Secondly, we have a different dating culture in Europe.
All those things are no personal attack whatsoever, just my observation. Every country as a whole and every individual has good and bad sides. Lots of people certainly also have issues with themselves that complicate their dating life.
I like the US, love to visit and will continue to do so. I’m however glad that I ended up having an interracial family in Europe and not in the US, that’s my personal preference.
I don’t see why we can’t talk on this site about what it’s like to be an interracial couple in different parts of the world. For instance, i really want to know what it’s like in South Africa because I wanna go there.
I don’t mean any offence to anyone. But I also don’t understand why we have to pretend there are no cultural differences that play into our experience as interracial couples. Let me tell you, I was in the UAE with my husband and felt men staring at me a lot, and not in a good way. You could see the racism and colourism and sexism all over them in their way they were viewing our relationship. I wouldn’t wanna live there with my family.
If you think this kind of discussion disturbs the main forum we could gladly move it to the international section.
 
Madeleine said:
Well that’s not what I mean.
First of all it’s not a battle American vs. foreign women. My story is this:
I have been together with my husband for a very long time. We have traveled many places around Europe. We have also been in the US together for a considerable amount of time (he actually spent almost two years to do board exams etc because at some point he wanted to move there). I used to visit him. From my own experience it’s different to be an interracial couple in the US than in Europe. The vibe is different, the reactions are different. It’s more difficult, to be honest.
Secondly, we have a different dating culture in Europe.
All those things are no personal attack whatsoever, just my observation. Every country as a whole and every individual has good and bad sides. Lots of people certainly also have issues with themselves that complicate their dating life.
I like the US, love to visit and will continue to do so. I’m however glad that I ended up having an interracial family in Europe and not in the US, that’s my personal preference.
I don’t see why we can’t talk on this site about what it’s like to be an interracial couple in different parts of the world. For instance, i really want to know what it’s like in South Africa because I wanna go there.
I don’t mean any offence to anyone. But I also don’t understand why we have to pretend there are no cultural differences that play into our experience as interracial couples. Let me tell you, I was in the UAE with my husband and felt men staring at me a lot, and not in a good way. You could see the racism and colourism and sexism all over them in their way they were viewing our relationship. I wouldn’t wanna live there with my family.
If you think this kind of discussion disturbs the main forum we could gladly move it to the international section.
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You may think it's not a battle, and that may not be something you have engaged in. It does happen to be something that has gone on for a long time on here though. I think it would be great to have conversations about what it's like to be an IR couple/family in different parts of the world (even different parts of the U.S.). That's not my concern at all. Those conversations really haven't been had. Nor is there any need to pretend there are not cultural differences. There are even huge cultural differences within the U.S. What has happened on here historically is more of an American women vs other women conversation. You aren't a part of that at all. It creeps into all sorts of conversations. There are a few on here who will go overboard about how American women are awful and other women are so much better, yet they don't seem to really be in relationships whether it's women in the U.S. or in other countries. Much like it can get when there becomes attacks against black women. It's sweeping generalizations and more of an "all or nothing" type of conversation, which of course isn't true no matter what anyone wants to say. As you pointed out, there is a much different feel in different countries in Europe alone. It's not all the same. All the women in one country aren't even the same and can be extremely different. I just find it amazing that people who have had to fight against sweeping generalizations and stereotyping would do the same thing when it comes to others. I think it's completely possible to engage in conversations about differences without having to knock others.

I think discussions about different dating culture is a good one as well. The truth is it has changed a great deal (and continues to do so) in the U.S. as well. Some of us who are a bit older can attest to how different it is now than years ago. Part of that is time, part is the internet, part of it is social changes, economic, etc.
 
K said:
You may think it's not a battle, and that may not be something you have engaged in. It does happen to be something that has gone on for a long time on here though. I think it would be great to have conversations about what it's like to be an IR couple/family in different parts of the world (even different parts of the U.S.). That's not my concern at all. Those conversations really haven't been had. Nor is there any need to pretend there are not cultural differences. There are even huge cultural differences within the U.S. What has happened on here historically is more of an American women vs other women conversation. You aren't a part of that at all. It creeps into all sorts of conversations. There are a few on here who will go overboard about how American women are awful and other women are so much better, yet they don't seem to really be in relationships whether it's women in the U.S. or in other countries. Much like it can get when there becomes attacks against black women. It's sweeping generalizations and more of an "all or nothing" type of conversation, which of course isn't true no matter what anyone wants to say. As you pointed out, there is a much different feel in different countries in Europe alone. It's not all the same. All the women in one country aren't even the same and can be extremely different. I just find it amazing that people who have had to fight against sweeping generalizations and stereotyping would do the same thing when it comes to others. I think it's completely possible to engage in conversations about differences without having to knock others.

I think discussions about different dating culture is a good one as well. The truth is it has changed a great deal (and continues to do so) in the U.S. as well. Some of us who are a bit older can attest to how different it is now than years ago. Part of that is time, part is the internet, part of it is social changes, economic, etc.
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Ok, I’m glad to know, because I don’t want to be the trouble maker on here. I was actually looking for this kind of forum in German before I found this site. It does exist but I got bored very quickly because it was just full of women complaining about African men who left them after they got their visas... it got so depressing, so I ended up here:-).
 
Madeleine said:
Ok, I’m glad to know, because I don’t want to be the trouble maker on here. I was actually looking for this kind of forum in German before I found this site. It does exist but I got bored very quickly because it was just full of women complaining about African men who left them after they got their visas... it got so depressing, so I ended up here:).
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wow. I could see that. And of course there are lots of women looking for visas too.

I think many of us came here in interesting ways. I wanted more conversation about interracial relationships. There were more people who would talk about their relationships years ago.
 
K said:
wow. I could see that. And of course there are lots of women looking for visas too.

I think many of us came here in interesting ways. I wanted more conversation about interracial relationships. There were more people who would talk about their relationships years ago.
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Yeah I remember. When I was still a lurker things seemed to be more cordial and personal on here. I’d actually prefer we talk more about our relationships and less about politics.
 
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K said:
Just to be clear...it isn't that there is a lack of interest in black men in Southern CA - far from it. It's just that in la la land the values and interests are skewed and it's highly competitive. It's all about driving the right car, making the right amount of money, working for the right place, working out all the time and on and on. It is a bizarre world unique unto itself. Whereas other areas in the same state are not the same at all.
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True I'm in San Diego not as bad as LA but some of it is here.
 
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