Dating apps and IR

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Deztiny26 said:
Bro you are literally readin my mind word for word ... As a 27 yr old who was born and raised in NYC dating here literally is chaotic ... Women have so much leverage here that even a 7 will tell you if you dont have a house and a car she wont give you the time of day ... Worst case scenario, you definitely want to have one or the other ... Some girls my age and a bit younger even ask you for your instagram and shit just to see how many followers you got when you ask them for their number (mind you I dont use instagram or twitter) ... They want to know who you know/if you are a popular person before they even deem you are worthy of their time ... Ive been hearing the same thing from some friends who live in Los Angeles and those popolous areas about Cali as well

I do score a bit easier on dating sites but it seems like alot of women on there are looking for attention ... You can message a ton of girls sometimes just to find one you like thats about her business ... Hence why you can go on there years later and see some of the same familiar faces that never left ... Shit is just a headache to deal wit ... Reason why I just focus on building my future these days and let everything else come ... But when I go out the country it feels like a breathe of fresh air ... Women are more enthusiastic when they first meet you ... People there tend to be simple and less superficial ... Its more of an organic attraction and take things from there without all the extra games played ... This is just my experience
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True indeed.
 
I said in the past of overseas women white or otherwise are the best. American WW are not bold enough on wanting to meet a brother. I had seen only a few. Just wished there are more foreign women.
 
missshyness said:
Lol at whiting it up like they used to, maybe we need some chlorox bleach and get back to basics.

yeah, maybe he is running into a certain type, I notice sometimes when guys complain of women, in one way or another, it might be a problem with him as well. There might be a perfectly nice woman around for him to meet, but he is too blind to see her; she might not be an instagram model type or porn star type. She may not be loud, flirty, or very pushy with her sexuality, dress etc, and flood him with flattery and attention, so he does not give her the time of day. He then goes for the other type, and gets burned, and then says they are all bad, and he keeps doing this over and over, and never looking at himself, but blaming women.

Now I am not saying a woman asserting herself and sexuality is a bad thing, but for me, there needs to be middle ground, maybe a little flirty without being super pushy and overly overt, if that makes any sense, I am not sure of the exact way to put this.
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What you are describing is a lack of maturity on the man's part (which could be said is a lack of substance....kindof ironic eh?!) Which of course has nothing to do with age. I see women complaining about such men all the time. The thing that would be good to realize is that it's a gift when they spout that stuff, it shows you who/how they are and if we are smart we will avoid them. What you said goes the same for men. Women will go on about how she really wants a relationship but then she goes on about needing a man who's x height and looks a certain way has certain things and she can't understand why she keeps getting guys who treat her like crap. I've said things about this many times on this forum. It's much easier to complain about others rather than to look inward.

We all have our preferences. I'd rather be with a man who prefers me.
 
So the dating apps and going for international stuff.....I find it amusing. My guess is most won't ever actually meet. So it's just a game going on.
 
Soulthinker said:
I said in the past of overseas women white or otherwise are the best. American WW are not bold enough on wanting to meet a brother. I had seen only a few. Just wished there are more foreign women.
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ST - You have repeatedly said things about American white women not being bold enough. Maybe you aren't being bold enough. For years you've talked about how much better foreign women are....are you with one though?
 
K said:
So the dating apps and going for international stuff.....I find it amusing. My guess is most won't ever actually meet. So it's just a game going on.
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Yep, suspect that is what might be happening, they say with foreign women it does not feel like a game, but it is very easy to swipe left right on a smartphone, whole other thing to actually meet and be in a relationship for any length of time.
 
Deztiny26 said:
Im sorry my darling I didnt mean to offend ... It was quite ignorant on my part so I apologize for that ... But American men bein dumb as shit aint too far fetched if you ask me haha ... But like one of the guys stated in this comment section after me is that foreign women definitely do show us sooooooo much more appreciation and love then American women ... I get this over and over again ... I guess maybe because when we go out there we are considered “exotic”? And/or they know we only are here for a period of time so women go out there way to make us feel as comfortable as possible? Could be that as well who knows



You are so petty ... I love this lmao ... At least it means you care ... But yea what you were saying about American vs Foreign and putting down one group of people to uplift another reminds me of when some guys on this site put down black women to uplift white girls ... Not saying you support that type of stuff but I feel its something that has to be called out as well when it happens ... After all, without those black women that raised us all those years we wouldnt be hear to communicate with ya’ll ... Just a thought
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Yeah, I think there is the exotic factor might be going on with some of those foreign women you are meeting. Just know they are human too, don't exotisize them too much, they might be all over you upon first meeting, but the true appreciation will come out in how well they treat you long term, if you go or have gone long term that is.

I also think it might come down to the cultural histories of the US and Europe. As we all know, the US has a long and deep ugly history of slavery. Although we are in the 21st century, interracial relationships are still quite taboo in many parts, so some American women might be reflecting this and you might be feeling this in their treatment of you, don't know.

Again though, don't write us all off altogether, we are varied as well, perhaps you have just not found a good US woman yet. Also, before placing any blame at another's feet or noticing their shortcomings, check yourself as well? is there anything you could be doing better to perhaps get results or relationships that feel right?

I have also thought that in many ways, Europe is a lot more progressive in general, especially when it comes to the environment and things like that, so it could follow into other areas as well, like culture and dating. In addition, some of the European nations are older than the US so they have had more time to develop melting pots and culture mixing, and progressive attitudes and ideas. Not that the US all a bad place, it has its unique qualities as well, just different vibes and cultures.
 
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K said:
What you are describing is a lack of maturity on the man's part (which could be said is a lack of substance....kindof ironic eh?!) Which of course has nothing to do with age. I see women complaining about such men all the time. The thing that would be good to realize is that it's a gift when they spout that stuff, it shows you who/how they are and if we are smart we will avoid them. What you said goes the same for men. Women will go on about how she really wants a relationship but then she goes on about needing a man who's x height and looks a certain way has certain things and she can't understand why she keeps getting guys who treat her like crap. I've said things about this many times on this forum. It's much easier to complain about others rather than to look inward.

We all have our preferences. I'd rather be with a man who prefers me.
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Yes, I would too. Yep, they are doing us a favor by showing themselves and immaturity, when one sees that kind of baggage, time to run the other way.

I have a feeling a lot of it is sort of fantasy stuff, and who doesn't like to all of a sudden get all this positive attention overseas, when back home they find they don't get that much, they might have to work at it more, since the novelty factor is not there as much.

Much like shows like the bachelor bachelorette, it can be easy to be excited about someone under great settings; all those places they get to visit on dates, but the true test is when they are back home.

I think place, a new and exciting country can also add to the feeling of positivity when meeting foreign women, it is the newness, the otherness of it all.
 
K said:
What you are describing is a lack of maturity on the man's part (which could be said is a lack of substance....kindof ironic eh?!) Which of course has nothing to do with age. I see women complaining about such men all the time. The thing that would be good to realize is that it's a gift when they spout that stuff, it shows you who/how they are and if we are smart we will avoid them. What you said goes the same for men. Women will go on about how she really wants a relationship but then she goes on about needing a man who's x height and looks a certain way has certain things and she can't understand why she keeps getting guys who treat her like crap. I've said things about this many times on this forum. It's much easier to complain about others rather than to look inward.

We all have our preferences. I'd rather be with a man who prefers me.
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In regards to the maturity aspect, it definitely can be an issue. But the same can be said for anyone regardless of gender. The rules are rarely as black and white when it comes to dating as a black man in America. I don’t particularly agree with his wording, but I am not going to pretend me being black wasn’t an issue rather often at his age.
 
missshyness said:
Yes, I would too. Yep, they are doing us a favor by showing themselves and immaturity, when one sees that kind of baggage, time to run the other way.

I have a feeling a lot of it is sort of fantasy stuff, and who doesn't like to all of a sudden get all this positive attention overseas, when back home they find they don't get that much, they might have to work at it more, since the novelty factor is not there as much.

Much like shows like the bachelor bachelorette, it can be easy to be excited about someone under great settings; all those places they get to visit on dates, but the true test is when they are back home.

I think place, a new and exciting country can also add to the feeling of positivity when meeting foreign women, it is the newness, the otherness of it all.
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Considering that the young man is being approached based on “Instagram followers”, I can see his point. The current stock of people (men and women) under 30 are of a completely different mindset than how they were when I was dating in my 20s. Factor that in with race still being an issue for many, I get where he is coming from, although I disagree with some of it as well as his wording.
 
missshyness said:
Yeah, I think there is the exotic factor might be going on with some of those foreign women you are meeting. Just know they are human too, don't exotisize them too much, they might be all over you upon first meeting, but the true appreciation will come out in how well they treat you long term, if you go or have gone long term that is.

I also think it might come down to the cultural histories of the US and Europe. As we all know, the US has a long and deep ugly history of slavery. Although we are in the 21st century, interracial relationships are still quite taboo in many parts, so some American women might be reflecting this and you might be feeling this in their treatment of you, don't know.

Again though, don't write us all off altogether, we are varied as well, perhaps you have just not found a good US woman yet. Also, before placing any blame at another's feet or noticing their shortcomings, check yourself as well? is there anything you could be doing better to perhaps get results or relationships that feel right?

I have also thought that in many ways, Europe is a lot more progressive in general, especially when it comes to the environment and things like that, so it could follow into other areas as well, like culture and dating. In addition, some of the European nations are older than the US so they have had more time to develop melting pots and culture mixing, and progressive attitudes and ideas. Not that the US all a bad place, it has its unique qualities as well, just different vibes and cultures.
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You pointed out what I've said often times. Yes there are many amazing white women in the US who don't bow to social pressures about who they should or should not date but overall if you are a black man you aren't considered good dating material in the general Zeigiest of American culture. You feel it when you notice not only who you see casted pushed as a heartthrob or a person of desire but also when you see who is often seen as either sexless or criminal. Its spelled out for women that black men aren't a good choice. Even black women when given the creative control don't see black men as a heartthrob or good mating choice unless he is a groveling mess who bows down.
Now juxtapose that to the cultural norm of European countries or even Canada. You can either have black male lead like in Luther or Misfits and its just normal no big deal or at the very least the cultural landscape doesn't paint you as criminal.
Unless incredibly liberal or seeking money for donations American raisied white women aren't nearly as comfortable and at ease with me.
I don't know what we can do to change it but I do hear black men who experience it its very visible.
 
The Dark King said:
You pointed out what I've said often times. Yes there are many amazing white women in the US who don't bow to social pressures about who they should or should not date but overall if you are a black man you aren't considered good dating material in the general Zeigiest of American culture. You feel it when you notice not only who you see casted pushed as a heartthrob or a person of desire but also when you see who is often seen as either sexless or criminal. Its spelled out for women that black men aren't a good choice. Even black women when given the creative control don't see black men as a heartthrob or good mating choice unless he is a groveling mess who bows down.
Now juxtapose that to the cultural norm of European countries or even Canada. You can either have black male lead like in Luther or Misfits and its just normal no big deal or at the very least the cultural landscape doesn't paint you as criminal.
Unless incredibly liberal or seeking money for donations American raisied white women aren't nearly as comfortable and at ease with me.
I don't know what we can do to change it but I do hear black men who experience it its very visible.
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Solid points, man. I think their issue was the implication that other white American women lacked substance. I just took the time to look at his age and it filled in the blanks where he failed to. You couldn't pay me to date as a 20plus year old. I think they took offense, because they assumed he was talking about them, when he was, in fact, discussing women in their 20s and the whole social media/sex worker/narcissism/everyone looking like a kardashian craze that has been going on. I think if you are over the age of 35, your mindset is drastically different in comparison to those who grew up with all of this technology and having everything so accessible. Just my opinion. And I agree with each of your points.
 
meowkittenmeow said:
Solid points, man. I think their issue was the implication that other white American women lacked substance. I just took the time to look at his age and it filled in the blanks where he failed to. You couldn't pay me to date as a 20plus year old. I think they took offense, because they assumed he was talking about them, when he was, in fact, discussing women in their 20s and the whole social media/sex worker/narcissism/everyone looking like a kardashian craze that has been going on. I think if you are over the age of 35, your mindset is drastically different in comparison to those who grew up with all of this technology and having everything so accessible. Just my opinion. And I agree with each of your points.
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Yeah its rough. I've used dating apps when they were strictly websites like okcupid and pof and even then it had a shopping vibe. People were looking for a perfectly constructed mate and didn't really want to put in work to get to know anyone. Now this swipe left and right culture makes everyone seem so disposable and from the media I consume it seems like its on hyper drive in the US. And like you said its really present in the 20 something crowd. Could be a good thing because I often think if I didn't waste so much time on dating in my 20s I'd be close to being a billionaire by now. Tech has removed the romance of it and made it very functional. Its probably creating a ton of sociopaths but the positive is probably better productivity?
 
The Dark King said:
Yeah its rough. I've used dating apps when they were strictly websites like okcupid and pof and even then it had a shopping vibe. People were looking for a perfectly constructed mate and didn't really want to put in work to get to know anyone. Now this swipe left and right culture makes everyone seem so disposable and from the media I consume it seems like its on hyper drive in the US. And like you said its really present in the 20 something crowd. Could be a good thing because I often think if I didn't waste so much time on dating in my 20s I'd be close to being a billionaire by now. Tech has removed the romance of it and made it very functional. Its probably creating a ton of sociopaths but the positive is probably better productivity?
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Productivity and efficiency don’t always go hand and hand. They are developing people with short attention spans coupled with instant gratification at your fingertips. It will certainly be interesting to see where this will go. But, I don’t believe it is going anywhere positive. But, that could be me just showing my age. I suppose there are positives and negatives. Maybe it will end marriage and people will just focus on the gratification and move on. I suppose in that sense it would allow you to focus on your career. But, with careers that require analysis and patience, it could do more harm than good.
 
meowkittenmeow said:
Productivity and efficiency don’t always go hand and hand. They are developing people with short attention spans coupled with instant gratification at your fingertips. It will certainly be interesting to see where this will go. But, I don’t believe it is going anywhere positive. But, that could be me just showing my age. I suppose there are positives and negatives. Maybe it will end marriage and people will just focus on the gratification and move on. I suppose in that sense it would allow you to focus on your career. But, with careers that require analysis and patience, it could do more harm than good.
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Great words. I hope just friendship since there is no such thing as a sex buddy.
 
The Dark King said:
Yeah its rough. I've used dating apps when they were strictly websites like okcupid and pof and even then it had a shopping vibe. People were looking for a perfectly constructed mate and didn't really want to put in work to get to know anyone. Now this swipe left and right culture makes everyone seem so disposable and from the media I consume it seems like its on hyper drive in the US. And like you said its really present in the 20 something crowd. Could be a good thing because I often think if I didn't waste so much time on dating in my 20s I'd be close to being a billionaire by now. Tech has removed the romance of it and made it very functional. Its probably creating a ton of sociopaths but the positive is probably better productivity?
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Is ok cupid and pof are just for religious folks or just casual sex sites. Hope to find that site.
 
DudeNY12 said:
Agreed! I've never used OKCupid, but I have been on POF, and it's definitely not close to being a religious site. I will say that it was almost like shopping in a thrift store. You may find something good, but you'll likely sift through lots of so-so stuff.
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LMAO @ POF!!! It is definitely like a thrift store. Ugh, that website had the worst on it. It's free for a reason.
 
LOL pof ....uh yah from what I hear it's now more like a hooker site since craigslist shut their stuff down! All that being said....a long time friend of mine met a woman on there a couple of months ago and things went pretty well until this week. He was on there for the longest and met some crazy b*&()s though. I've done it, met a couple of friends on there and one man I dated, but it's sooooooooo much crap to weed through. I think the older people get some that are a bit better/more serious than younger ones but no thanks. Oh and the same people are on there years later!
 
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