IS BEING CONSIDERED A "NICE GUY" A BAD THING WORLDWIDE

[GirlieGirl74]

I think you jsut answered your question ...Beacuse at the time, their usually taken by the other, opposite type of person

lol I guess that I did. It looks like we would figure it out though at some point. My ex just broke up with me to go back to his ex-wife a woman that treated him like dirt even though he told me that I was the best relationship that he ever had. Of course, there were other circumstances...12 year marriage and a kid, but why would anyone want to go back to being treated like a dog?? I just don't understand, and I don't guess that I ever will.

 

[veema]

Male or female, "nice" is not enough. I don't understand why people don't want to see that. In regard to a serious relationship, it's the whole package that counts. The package can include a myriad of things like looks, demeanor, ethics, hygiene (lol), values, politics, interests, religion, etc. But simply being a nice guy or gal isn't enough.

Now that I'm thinking about it, I think life would be very strange if I was attracted to every nice guy I met.

 

[artbunker]

lol I guess that I did. It looks like we would figure it out though at some point. My ex just broke up with me to go back to his ex-wife a woman that treated him like dirt even though he told me that I was the best relationship that he ever had. Of course, there were other circumstances...12 year marriage and a kid, but why would anyone want to go back to being treated like a dog?? I just don't understand, and I don't guess that I ever will.

Probalby outside pressure from family or even the woman using the child to lur him back. Also peer pressure. Honestly I dont knwo why folks want to do that. some folks are in a mental rut and arent comfortable being out of it. im sorry you man left you and did you wrong. But I think he was "doing it for the child" ..

I seriously dont think it was for the mother.. Anyway , I would not go with someone who gave me hell in the alst relationship . But thats jsut me

 

[artbunker]

Male or female, "nice" is not enough. I don't understand why people don't want to see that. In regard to a serious relationship, it's the whole package that counts. The package can include a myriad of things like looks, demeanor, ethics, hygiene (lol), values, politics, interests, religion, etc. But simply being a nice guy or gal isn't enough.

Now that I'm thinking about it, I think life would be very strange if I was attracted to every nice guy I met.

That I understand. For me its jsut funny to be thought of as NICE when I dont do any nice qualities or do amny nice things thats all . I just dont want to be put in that catageory .. In fact all my friends and i joke about "nice" being the other N word in a sarcastic manner.. We know and understand once were thought of as nice thats it so we move on. I feel what you said being nice isnt enough . There shoul be more but as most guys know, when your thought of as nice, most women have that image of you in their head no matter what and that is what kills attraction in the dating phase

 

[GirlieGirl74]

Probalby outside pressure from family or even the woman using the child to lur him back. Also peer pressure. Honestly I dont knwo why folks want to do that. some folks are in a mental rut and arent comfortable being out of it. im sorry you man left you and did you wrong. But I think he was "doing it for the child" ..

I seriously dont think it was for the mother.. Anyway , I would not go with someone who gave me hell in the alst relationship . But thats jsut me

Thanks, Artbunker!! Actually, his family is still in contact with me. They are so upset with him for going back because of how she has treated him and the family over the years. He told me that he was doing it for his kid, and that if his daughter wasn't in the picture that he would never consider going back because he was happy with me. I just don't understand his logic. Why go back when you know that you are going to be miserable, but he had to do what he felt was right for him. Now, on with my search for a nice guy that is Mr. Right.

 

[artbunker]

Thanks, Artbunker!! Actually, his family is still in contact with me. They are so upset with him for going back because of how she has treated him and the family over the years. He told me that he was doing it for his kid, and that if his daughter wasn't in the picture that he would never consider going back because he was happy with me. I just don't understand his logic. Why go back when you know that you are going to be miserable, but he had to do what he felt was right for him. Now, on with my search for a nice guy that is Mr. Right.

Good luck i your search my dear.. He is only making matters worse in the long run non himself, child and the whole situtation.. Im sure you will find that right guy out there for you with your attitude and demeanour you display :smt060

You are defiatly gonna find that right lucky guy out there who will want a good woman

 

[GirlieGirl74]

Male or female, "nice" is not enough. I don't understand why people don't want to see that. In regard to a serious relationship, it's the whole package that counts. The package can include a myriad of things like looks, demeanor, ethics, hygiene (lol), values, politics, interests, religion, etc. But simply being a nice guy or gal isn't enough.

Now that I'm thinking about it, I think life would be very strange if I was attracted to every nice guy I met.

I totally agree with your point. It takes a lot more than being nice to make a relationship work. It's just being put in that catagory that sometimes can keep people from pursuing anything more. I've had friends tell me that some of their male friends would ask about me and my relationship status, but then say 'She's too nice for me, isn't she?' So, the initial attraction was there, but they didn't act on it because they thought I was 'too nice' which seems odd to me.

 

[artbunker]

I totally agree with your point. It takes a lot more than being nice to make a relationship work. It's just being put in that catagory that sometimes can keep people from pursuing anything more. I've had friends tell me that some of their male friends would ask about me and my relationship status, but then say 'She's too nice for me, isn't she?' So, the initial attraction was there, but they didn't act on it because they thought I was 'too nice' which seems odd to me.

My point exactly nice to knwo it happens to females also . that is my problem as well

 

[GirlieGirl74]

Good luck i your search my dear.. He is only making matters worse in the long run non himself, child and the whole situtation.. Im sure you will find that right guy out there for you with your attitude and demeanour you display :smt060

You are defiatly gonna find that right lucky guy out there who will want a good woman

Thank you so much!!! You are very sweet for saying that. Notice that I didn't say you were 'nice.' I'm sure that you will make some wonderful lady very happy. There are women out there that aren't looking for a bad boy, and I hope that one finds you soon!!!

 

[GirlieGirl74]

My point exactly nice to knwo it happens to females also . that is my problem as well

It stinks, but it happens to us too.

 

[Persephone]

Honestly, the guys I end up crushing on the hardest are always the "nice guy" type. My ex husband was one of those when we met, and it was only after we got married that he drifted away from being a nice guy. My ex boyfriend? Well, he turned out to -not- be of that ilk, but at first, with the way he acted around me, I thought he was one, too. I didn't find out about his shady past until a few months into the relationship. He wasn't necessarily a "bad boy" when I got to him, and once I found out about his past I'd hoped he was one of those rare reformed bad boys, but alas, he wasn't. For a long time he made me think he was, but the last few months with him I learned of a few things that made me cringe that he'd been doing in New Orleans every time he went home for a visit. -_- Fucker.

I like nice guys. There's nothing that can stop a guy from getting into the "friend zone", but there's plenty a guy can do to try and avoid it. With me, at least. I can't speak for all chicks, since I'm pretty odd. Anyway. I don't like bad boys. Too much drama comes along with them, and I have enough drama in my life without needing any extra. The friend zone happens sometimes without intending on it, because one can't help her feelings toward someone, but with me it generally happens with nice guys after they've had ample time to express interest. If I don't know you're into me, I can't react accordingly. I've had plenty of these nice guys wait until -after- I get into a relationship, or start considering one with someone else before they tell me "oh, hey, I kinda like you" *rme* It's all about timing with me, really.

If I ever get married again you better bet he's going to be a nice guy. I ain't taking no thug home to my momma, and if I'm gonna marry somebody they're going to have to be amazingly nice to earn that privilege.

 

[yaj152]

Ha well at least I'm not the only one that is running my head in to a wall trying to find the right person. After my last relationship ended I took some time to figure out exactly what I wanted out of a relationship before I started trying to find a new person to be with in my life. That has made a lot of difference because I won't even consider some people because they are not inline with what I want.

The nice guy thing has always been my problem because some people don't know how to take that as has been discussed in everyones posts. At least now that I figured out that what I really want is a long term stable relationship I can look for someone else that wants that as well.

 

[Madiba]

A woman is either attracted to you or she's not. If she's attracted to you and you're an asshole, you'll make her life miserable. If she's attracted to you and you're a good guy, you'll make her happy. If she's not attracted to you, your bad guy or nice guy status are irrelevant. There's nothing else to it.

I agree with this...

 

[TheChosenOne]

Women want nice guys just like we all want to get A's in school or receive excellent evaluations at work. Unfortunately, there is a disconnect between what we want and what we do to get what we want.
The difference between men and women is that most men will mess around with a "bad girl"/bimbo for a little while whereas women will actually try to stick it out with a dude that she knows isn't worth her time all while rejecting someone that would actually make her happy.

 

[Bookworm616]

Women want nice guys just like we all want to get A's in school or receive excellent evaluations at work. Unfortunately, there is a disconnect between what we want and what we do to get what we want.
The difference between men and women is that most men will mess around with a "bad girl"/bimbo for a little while whereas women will actually try to stick it out with a dude that she knows isn't worth her time all while rejecting someone that would actually make her happy.

That is so true! Until a woman gets screwed over enough by bad boys, then she realizes that you can't change a man, you have to find a man that's already where you want him to be.

 

[scott1618]

That I understand. For me its jsut funny to be thought of as NICE when I dont do any nice qualities or do amny nice things thats all . I just dont want to be put in that catageory .. In fact all my friends and i joke about "nice" being the other N word in a sarcastic manner.. We know and understand once were thought of as nice thats it so we move on. I feel what you said being nice isnt enough . There shoul be more but as most guys know, when your thought of as nice, most women have that image of you in their head no matter what and that is what kills attraction in the dating phase

You have to be careful...sometimes if you're a black guy and you're not at least partially a wannabe gangsta and live up to stereotypes or even just a smart respectable guy a certain calibur of women will automatically think you are 'too nice'. If you are not mindless, live up to a certain stereotype ("good" or bad) and are actually serious about yourself and future(traits that would be admired in other races of men) it can actually hurt your chances in some cases as a black men if you're not careful. Odd isnt it?

Its a strange catch 22 sometimes for BM. but rest assured you will find a much better calibur of women eventually the way you are. Whatever you do just stay completely confident (even slightly cocky) and dont give these certain type of women more respect then they deserve. Be a man of your convictions and a woman will eventually will come along that is incredible! Good luck my friend.

 

[scott1618]

Women want nice guys just like we all want to get A's in school or receive excellent evaluations at work. Unfortunately, there is a disconnect between what we want and what we do to get what we want.
The difference between men and women is that most men will mess around with a "bad girl"/bimbo for a little while whereas women will actually try to stick it out with a dude that she knows isn't worth her time all while rejecting someone that would actually make her happy.

Of course. If you ask women to list what kind of qualities they like in men alot will give you PC answers like -

1. I want a intelligent guy
2. I want a successfull guy/bright future
3. I want a classy guy
4. I want a guy that always respects me

Now, while this may be very true with a certain quality type of women and to a certain extent in others, you will notice alot of the womens actual choices are not reflective of these PC answers at all. Especially women with serious issues.

You may notice it even more with women that have a "black fascination". Just a heads up for black brothers that are still young , and are actually serious about life. Before taking serious interest in a woman (this can obviously go vice versa) dont be blind; pay close attention to what they do, and what they blurt out when they're not on the spot.

Now this doesnt matter much if you're looking for a one night stand or a sex buddy, but if you're a young black man that is serious about his life looking for a quality relationship you have to have alot of solid convictions and do alot of weeding out that other races of men might not have to do quite as much. Some of the women that are going to be attracted to you intially as a black man on aesthetic alone definately may not be ideal.

 

[TheChosenOne]

Bookworm and Scott1618 hit the nail squarely on the head. Nice guys don't finish last...it's just that nice guys have to wait longer to get what they want. Bad boys go through more women but aren't necessarily happpier though it often takes them a long time to realize that an endless stream of sexual conquests isn't as fufilling as it may have once seemed. Young women (early to mid 20's..some not all) often think they are more sagacious and mature than they really are. 22-year old guys like myself recognize our own lack of wisdom and immaturity whereas younger ladies make boneheaded decisions (often with older men) because they feel guys their age aren't "ready." Consequently, these 20-something ladies get played like a brand new electric guitar because what they are attracted to isn't substance but rather flash, good sex, attitude etc.


Men are comfortable admitting to being driven by lust but our culture isn't accepting of women being driven by their private parts. Women (often the younger ones) learn to create these characteristics that they aren't really interested (not until they approach age 30) in and aren't allowed to admit that a gorgeous smile, great body and large endowment are often allowed to compensate for good character, politeness, charisma and stability.

 

[jaisee]

I agree with ChosenOne, Bookworm, and Scott. The problem I have with that is that once the woman has such a history with the 'bad boy' type, they often become very bitter and/or cynical. Many that I've dealt with also build up this wall to protect their emotions that you... the nice guy... now have to break down.

I've only recently gotten back into dating after losing my wife, and I have found 2 things to be true. 1) The women that I've drawn the most interest from have usually been older women who are ready to settle down, and 2) If I go to a club (dance or strip) where you generally have to put little to no effort into proving you're a good person, I find it much easier to get numbers. Hell, a few weeks ago I had a dancer come up to me as I was leaving the club say to me "You weren't going to say goodbye? Here, take my number." and she slipped a bill in my pocket with her number. How much effort did that take on my part? About 3 dollars at the tip bar, 5 minutes of conversation and a Jaeger bomb.

 

[4north1side2]

Ive finally came to the conclusion this year that you can be the nicest guy in the world but if women like you they will never describe you as nice.