Sexual habbits and Cheating

Does sexual promiscuity lead to problems with long term commitment?
I have two friends who are very promiscuous when they are single and have cheated on every girl they have dated. We have had several conversations about whether these habits are carried over from their singe life style. My argument is that they have a low level of self control in general when it comes to woman(though they are well capable sometimes they aim low missing the bottom of the barrel and nailing the gutter >.<) Their response is that they wouldn't cheat if they were confident in their gfs faithfulness. What do you guys think?

 

No, I don't think sexual promiscuity leads to problems in LTRs.

It just sounds like you're two friends aren't mature enough to be in a LTR. They try to justify their actions by saying that they aren't confident of their girlfriend's faithfulness. That just sounds like they're projecting their own cheating behavior onto their girlfriends to justify to themselves (and others) why they cheat.

I think a little maturity goes a long way into being in a committed and monogamous LTR.

 

Excellent as usual Bookie.

I agree that maturity is important for a successful relationship, and that fidelity tends to be tied to that. Immature people aren't likely to be ready to 'settle down', and therefore also don't want to limit themselves to sex with one person.

However, monogamy isn't for everyone. Some people, both men and women, simply cannot fathom limiting themselves to one person. As long as both parties know that going in, that's fine. The problem arises when someone who isn't capable of, or isn't interested in, a monogamous relationship agrees to one to please the other party. That's just trouble waiting to happen IMO.

 

The problem is that you cannot prove, if one is faithful...only if one is cheating on you. At the end it´s trust. Your friends are afraid to be the one to be cheated on- so it´s better to cheat in advance (a self-destroying way to live, because with their first step they make it 100% sure, that it will never work)

To love some one is brave, to hide your feelings behind a thick wall is coward..

They need to learn that they cannot expect anything from anybody, what they cannot give by themselves...

 

Uh-oh....I'm going to have to respectfully disagree with the ALWAYS WISE B-Dub!!:smt025

Now of course all of our perspectives are generalizations, however, what we're forgeting is 'behaviorial conditioning'. This is a legit argument. In other words, bad habits are hard to break.

If you're used to being involved with a number of different women, it takes a rather substantial change in behavior and consciousness to change that pattern. There's no off/on switch, believe me when I say that promiscuity is a product of a lot of selfishness, insecurity, hollow pride, and often 'introversion'.

It's very difficult to release these 'issues'. It's not just maturity, but it requires discipline and a commitment to want to better yourself.

You can be wise, or you can be a wise-fool.

 

I agree w you.

 

I could be a poster child for you theory. I had never been in a monogamous relationship until I was well into my twenties.

One day I woke up, and decided that I didn't want to be a "cheater" anymore, I knew it was immature of me, I couldn't explain why then, but I knew, and somehow I knew I needed to change so I would not end up alone and lonely.

The only problem was that I had spent so much time, energy and effort at becoming good at cheating, that's who I was and what I did. Once I decided to be monogamous and had my first long term relationship, we broke up because of me, once again. Now, I never cheated on that wonderful girl, but we still ended breaking it off because the relationship was never quite right, and I believe it was because I was always thinking of cheating.

I don't consider myself good looking; bad looking, nor average, I am who I am & women tend to approach me. With that said, I never gave in to any of these advances when I was with this wonderful girl, but my mind was plagued with the: "I could just do it this once," "she'll never know," "What am I missing out on?" “I’m missing out on all this p**y,” It took me a while, but I finally realized this thought process was dooming our relationship.

I did what I should have done from the beginning and inform that wonderful girl of what I was going through and how I felt. She was understanding and wanted to make it work, but I knew I needed to move on and continue the process of maturation.

I'll admit that even to this day, I'll have my moments of weakness when I could just "relapse." I use the word relapse specifically because I think the old adage is true, "once a cheater, always a cheater." I see it in the same sense of a recovering alcoholic (of course in principle. I am not comparing myself or anyone else like myself to an alcoholic; I would never insult/down play that disorder/sickness). But in a sense, I don't think I'll ever think as a true monogamous would, because I was never like that (even my 1st kindergarten relationship was w/ 2 best friends whom I couldn't decide b/t, so they let me date both of them at the same time). Just within the last few years, I realized that I need to embrace my past and use it as reminder of what I don't want to do, and be completely open and honest with my potential mate. If they can’t accept me for the flawed, but honest person I am, then they don’t need to be with me. (& I’m not saying I would be unfaithful, then expect someone to stay with me cause I was honest about it lol)

 

I had to let go some of my female friends (who were just friends only) to prevent just the mere conflict of interest with my wife. Just the thought of losing her trust through her suspicion and doubt is well worth me just not having lady friends. Women are extremly territorial, why add to their suspicion.

 

Nobody is perfect, but the biggest gift you can make to your beloved person is honesty...it´s the key to everything else

 

FRESH, great post, thanks for your honesty. I do have to disagree on one thing that you'd mentioned "once a cheater...." because when I was late late teens and very early 20's I couldn't be monogamous to save my own life. Yes it still crosses my mind about "what would he be like in bed?" or some such things but the desire to follow through on those thoughts is absent now. Once I dedicated myself to one man (my man!) that's it, only he gets to worship at this temple.

 

Fresh, the relationship I ended last fall (very painfully, I admit) was because the man I truly loved, was cheating. In fact, he had a long term relationship with another ww almost the entire time he was with me, and we both later found out, he was also (excuse my language) banging everything else he passed on the street. Anyway, i digress. The point is, he is in recovery (cocaine and alcohol) and he basically replaced one addiction with another (sex). I know some people think sexual addiction is an excuse, but in some situations, it is legit. But please I am not saying that about you, I am just agreeing with you that is is possible to relapse and i can see that cheating and promiscuity can be an addiction.

 

That is truely painful..but it seems that you were able to understand that his behaviour wasn´t a personal attack to you - it was his addiction.