Anyone else refuse to date?

Bookworm616 said:
I understand that I come with "baggage". But you have to understand that most of the men I've met through the dating site also have bundles of joy. And some of them have their bundles of joy a lot more than just once every other weekend.

But I digress, it's different for me (as the female).

I've also had someone tell me once that I should be grateful that he's talking to me because I have a child. I stopped that communication quickly.

I'm with Socal and Tarshi, I've come to the point where being alone is preferable than meeting these dickwads who think that just because I have a child, that I don't deserve the same type of happiness that I would get if I were child-less.

To those men, I say a big old "fuck you". :smt023 (And that is in NO WAY directed at you, Karma).
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I've grown to really dislike the term "baggage." Most people have baggage. If you've been living life, you've probably got baggage. That baggage could be children, past relationships, student loans, family issues, an addiction, legal issues, medical conditions, etc. But most people enter a relationship with some sort of baggage. It's up to the individual to decide if they have the desire and strength to take on someone else's baggage. And that's usually where dating gets sticky.
 
Bookworm616 said:
Wow. I can't believe that! I'm sorry.



Yep, that's all I'm finding - players.



I am being selective, Sir Nose, and I can't find anyone!! :smt043:smt043

They're either:

- married and want to just fool around

- still hung up on their ex-wife and/or have divorce and/or ex-wife and kid drama

- have since decided that a one-on-one relationship is NOT what they want at this time

or

- are only looking for naked pics.

That's pretty much all I'm running into. It's sad.

So who wants to date when that's all the choices you have at the moment?
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Thats a pretty sad bag of worms you've found.

For the record, I personally don't fall into any of those catagories, which means i'm a catch!! :smt031
 
francie1982 said:
I'm starting to feel a bit anti date at the moment too, more because I have a lot going on at the moment and I'm not sure I have the patience or strength to get to know someone right.

I am not totally sure about what I want, I'm sort of scared of giving up my independence ( I do not mean big stuff independence) the thought of having to make a commitment to someone, even keeping a date makes me feel weighed down.
the relationship mindset is not where I'm at.

Plus I'm sort of a dickhead these days and pretty intolerant unless it's the kids... soooo I'm not really going to subject someone to that.

I feel very comfortable with doing stuff alone and scarily seem to prefer it.

Consider me on the shelf with a thick layer of dust.
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so agree with the highlighted part and feel the same...and as for the thick layer of dust comment...just make sure your pussy doesn't get dusty. we've been assured that no man likes a dusty pussy and its advice i live by

Bookworm616 said:
I understand that I come with "baggage". But you have to understand that most of the men I've met through the dating site also have bundles of joy. And some of them have their bundles of joy a lot more than just once every other weekend.

But I digress, it's different for me (as the female).

I've also had someone tell me once that I should be grateful that he's talking to me because I have a child. I stopped that communication quickly.

I'm with Socal and Tarshi, I've come to the point where being alone is preferable than meeting these dickwads who think that just because I have a child, that I don't deserve the same type of happiness that I would get if I were child-less.

To those men, I say a big old "fuck you". :smt023 (And that is in NO WAY directed at you, Karma).
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bloody co-sign joanie...!!!

------------------------------------------------
Originally Posted by karmacoma.
Unfortunately many of you fine ladies have bundles of joy that prevent you from getting the top picks. There are so many single mamas today that a whole new class of men have arisen to try to take advantage of them. The male line of thinking is you as a woman shouldn't expect much and in fact, should be grateful for whatever attention you might get. The younger, childless women who can be spontaneous are the ones who get to have expectations and make demands. That mythical upwardly-mobile marriage minded guy isn't working his ass off for a house just so you and your kids can move into it. LOL.

No disrespect of course just a little perspective.

---------------------------------------------

yeah i understand all that karma, but unfortunately, the older men and women get the more likely the fact that there will be children in the picture. i don't want a man to step in and be a father to my children, they already have one. i don't need them to support me...i already support myself. what i would like is an equal partner, a man who can realise that if you're looking at dating me at the ripe ol age of 39 then yeah, i have been married before and yeah i do have kids with whom i will always put first before anyone and anything as that is the commitment i took on when i decided to bring them into this world. this doesn't mean that i can't be spontaneous...just means that i have to plan a little for that spontaneity...!!! :p
 
My only view on the topic is that a lot of the women around here seem to be the type of people that would look a car or house over 1 too many times before committing to buy. I've heard of buyer beware, but come on, there has got to be a line.

My point is, if you look for a scratch on a car hard enough, your bound to find one. Does that make the vehicle unfit for purchase? by the way, I'm not talking about cars...:idea:
 
Max Mosley said:
You dont want naked pics?
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Come on man, i like porn as much as the next guy, but it's not like I haven't seen a naked woman before. Hell I prefer the no hands rule in strip clubs over pictures for fuck sake... Only issue there is paying good money to go home and do the same thing you would do with pictures, lol
 
karmacoma. said:
Now see this is the disconnect that Satyr alluded to (however bluntly):

You "don't need a man" yet bitch there are no good men

You're "independent" yet you want "chivalry"

As he pointed out that's some sistagirl nonsense that basically guarantees you remain single.
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Then single I remain. I am not going to change for anyone, so if that means that this "sistagirl nonsense" renders me single forever, then so be it. And when I said "don't need a man" I was referring to your statement that no man wants to work his ass off to buy a house so that a single momma and her kids can move in. Damn right I don't need that, I already have it.
 
RRoyce55 said:
My only view on the topic is that a lot of the women around here seem to be the type of people that would look a car or house over 1 too many times before committing to buy. I've heard of buyer beware, but come on, there has got to be a line.

My point is, if you look for a scratch on a car hard enough, your bound to find one. Does that make the vehicle unfit for purchase? by the way, I'm not talking about cars...:idea:
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huh...??? wait...you're not...??? what are you talking about then...??? :p
 
socalgirl said:
Then single I remain. I am not going to change for anyone, so if that means that this "sistagirl nonsense" renders me single forever, then so be it. And when I said "don't need a man" I was referring to your statement that no man wants to work his ass off to buy a house so that a single momma and her kids can move in. Damn right I don't need that, I already have it.
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Then don't complain about the pickin's out there.
 
RRoyce55 said:
Come on man, i like porn as much as the next guy, but it's not like I haven't seen a naked woman before. Hell I prefer the no hands rule in strip clubs over pictures for fuck sake... Only issue there is paying good money to go home and do the same thing you would do with pictures, lol
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was being sarcastic
 
Tarshi said:
yeah i understand all that karma, but unfortunately, the older men and women get the more likely the fact that there will be children in the picture. i don't want a man to step in and be a father to my children, they already have one. i don't need them to support me...i already support myself. what i would like is an equal partner, a man who can realise that if you're looking at dating me at the ripe ol age of 39 then yeah, i have been married before and yeah i do have kids with whom i will always put first before anyone and anything as that is the commitment i took on when i decided to bring them into this world. this doesn't mean that i can't be spontaneous...just means that i have to plan a little for that spontaneity...!!! :p
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Several points here, 1st you're not complaining about being single, I'm sure your card is full. You are the queen of the "sunshine out of your ass" club.

Second as adults we all have baggage of one kind or another but a lot of women just have these babies and expect men and everyone else to conform to them rather than them conforming to the world, including how they're perceived a lot of times.

Our level of happiness is based on our choices in the past, so obviously some will be more happy in the present than others.

I find it dissonant when folks scream strength and independence in one breath, then engage in a pity party the next

If it's true equality between the sexes, deal with your situation and keep it moving. That's what's expected of men. Realistically that won't happen, but it's worth mentioning at least.
 
Bookworm616 said:
Wow. I can't believe that! I'm sorry.



Yep, that's all I'm finding - players.



I am being selective, Sir Nose, and I can't find anyone!! :smt043:smt043

They're either:

- married and want to just fool around

- still hung up on their ex-wife and/or have divorce and/or ex-wife and kid drama

- have since decided that a one-on-one relationship is NOT what they want at this time

or

- are only looking for naked pics.

That's pretty much all I'm running into. It's sad.

So who wants to date when that's all the choices you have at the moment?
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Who's only looking for naked pics? :smt011

You're much more than that.
 
Just skimmed what has been posted since the AM. Here's my take:

1. It is all a game. And not always in a bad way. It is my firm belief that everyone who comes into our life comes in for a reason. They may be there forever,(my ex-husband) they may be there long term (my first love from High school who is a long distance friend), they may be there short term,( My most recent breakup) they may pop in and out from time to time(Plan B). Anyhow all these people who paths we cross for good or bad make us who we are. And since dating and love is a game, it is okay to take a time out(like socal is doing), or to switch positions(like I am, no pun intented)

2. Baggage- We all have it. Be it children (in my case a grandchild), exs, addictions, bad families whatever.

3. This is not a male bashing thread. We women, IMHO have just as many dating issues as the dudes.

Everyone has to follwo their own inner voice, and remember that everything can change in the blink of an eye, and that life is a wonderful journey, so buckle up and enjoy :)
 
karmacoma. said:
Several points here, 1st you're not complaining about being single, I'm sure your card is full. You are the queen of the "sunshine out of your ass" club.

Second as adults we all have baggage of one kind or another but a lot of women just have these babies and expect men and everyone else to conform to them rather than them conforming to the world, including how they're perceived a lot of times.

Our level of happiness is based on our choices in the past, so obviously some will be more happy in the present than others.

I find it dissonant when folks scream strength and independence in one breath, then engage in a pity party the next

If it's true equality between the sexes, deal with your situation and keep it moving. That's what's expected of men. Realistically that won't happen, but it's worth mentioning at least.
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i agree with all points

a) i am not engaging in a pity party at all, its not my style...!!! just pointing out some facts as i see it in my life. as i've stated, i can take or leave dating...i'm more than happy with my life.

b) i don't understand your 'deal with your situation' bit. care to explain...???
 
bosoxlady said:
We women, IMHO have just as many dating issues as the dudes.
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I wish more women would admit this before or while in the relationship instead of after its finished. All of my exes were self proclaimed "issue free" untill it was ending or over :p
 
Max Mosley said:
I wish more women would admit this before or while in the relationship instead of after its finished. All of my exes were self proclaimed "issue free" untill it was ending or over :p
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Well, Max not of us are perfect right? Even those who think in their own mind that they are. To me it is a question of perfect for ME as oppsed to perfect :)
 
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