Last Names and Marriage

[TreePixie]

Tell that to your feminist sisters lol.

I don't care how cool we were talking after a break up is just begging for a problem. Why bring unneeded stress into your life. I don't care how secure someone is. Constant contact with a partner you had sex with or had a relationship with is a sure fire way to make me distant from you

Immediately afterword, IMO you're probably in a rebound thing if you're seeing someone else. But contact with someone you spent 10 years with 10 years ago? I don't see that as a problem

 

[The Dark King]

Immediately afterword, IMO you're probably in a rebound thing if you're seeing someone else. But contact with someone you spent 10 years with 10 years ago? I don't see that as a problem

People who are in your past are there for a reason. Unless its business you don't need contact like that. There's lines and that's one of them for me. I'm sure other men don't care but I know enough about people how weak they are in general not to tempt fate.

 

[andreboba]

no, not at all because i don't wear makeup every day...or the same polish colour...deodorant is a hygiene item that i can't live without just like a toothbrush and toothpaste...perfume, lippy has 25+ different bottle of perfume...not necessarily a signature fragrance like my grandmother had...i like to switch it up...try new styles of clothing and shoes...keep up with the trends...constantly reinventing myself to stay current in an ever changing industry...i change my hair colour all the time and my hair grows really fast so i have the luxury of trying different haircuts too...

none of these things define me and i could easily give them up or change the brand or colour at any time

My point was however awkwardly presented is that on some level we ALL make compromises to go along with conventional beliefs and expectations.

Women make sacrifices to fit with societal norms everyday, as do men.
Taking your husband's name is just that, a symbolic sacrifice to fit into a traditional societal behavior, but it shouldn't be a line in the sand a woman refuses to cross because carrying her FATHER'S name is more important to her.

Getting married is about creating new family, and part of that process is taking the husband's name.

 

[TheHuntress]

My point was however awkwardly presented is that on some level we ALL make compromises to go along with conventional beliefs and expectations.

Women make sacrifices to fit with societal norms everyday, as do men.
Taking your husband's name is just that, a symbolic sacrifice to fit into a traditional societal behavior, but it shouldn't be a line in the sand a woman refuses to cross because carrying her FATHER'S name is more important to her.

Getting married is about creating new family, and part of that process is taking the husband's name.

What I don't understand, is why it has to be the husband's name. Would you really never consider taking your wife's name? What's the problem with that, if name continuity is so important to you?

 

[lippy]

My point was however awkwardly presented is that on some level we ALL make compromises to go along with conventional beliefs and expectations.

Women make sacrifices to fit with societal norms everyday, as do men.
Taking your husband's name is just that, a symbolic sacrifice to fit into a traditional societal behavior, but it shouldn't be a line in the sand a woman refuses to cross because carrying her FATHER'S name is more important to her.

Getting married is about creating new family, and part of that process is taking the husband's name.

lippy is going to take a wild guess and say that this is more important to someone about to marry for the first time...more important to someone just starting a family...more important to someone entering their first real long term relationship

after you have been around the block a few times it may not be as important to some of you...my answer may have been different 20 years ago...

i do not think that our society is as conventional as some of you would like it to be...and it continues to change as time passes...

i would still refer to my significant other as my husband...i would introduce him by his first name...if he wants to put his last name on the mailbox then more power to him...LOL

 

[TheHuntress]

People who are in your past are there for a reason. Unless its business you don't need contact like that. There's lines and that's one of them for me. I'm sure other men don't care but I know enough about people how weak they are in general not to tempt fate.

Have you had any break-ups that weren't ugly? I've had several. I'm still friends with many of the guys that I dated in my past, and I have no romantic or sexual feelings for them whatsoever. I do enjoy chatting with them now and then, catching up on life, etc.

Besides that- I'm also a grown-up and can make a decision about if I'm going to cheat or not. And, if I'm going to cheat, worrying about who I'm talking to isn't going to change that, you know? It could be some random guy on the street. I'd be more worried in a relationship if I DIDN'T know about someone you were talking to than someone you were.

 

[lippy]

What I don't understand, is why it has to be the husband's name. Would you really never consider taking your wife's name? What's the problem with that, if name continuity is so important to you?

funny story...one of the girls that works for us in AZ is married but they each kept their own names...his last name is rather odd...her last name more regal...he plans to run for office and use her last name

 

[TheHuntress]

funny story...one of the girls that works for us in AZ is married but they each kept their own names...his last name is rather odd...her last name more regal...he plans to run for office and use her last name

That's pretty cool!

One of my friends issued her now husband an ultimatum. She said 'Sure, I'll take your name since it's so important to you, but IF I do that, you're signing something saying that YOU are getting a vasectomy as soon as we're doing having kids.' There was another stipulation, too, but I forget what it was.

He agreed...and she fully thought that he would say no.

 

[The Dark King]

Have you had any break-ups that weren't ugly? I've had several. I'm still friends with many of the guys that I dated in my past, and I have no romantic or sexual feelings for them whatsoever. I do enjoy chatting with them now and then, catching up on life, etc.

Besides that- I'm also a grown-up and can make a decision about if I'm going to cheat or not. And, if I'm going to cheat, worrying about who I'm talking to isn't going to change that, you know? It could be some random guy on the street. I'd be more worried in a relationship if I DIDN'T know about someone you were talking to than someone you were.

DB you are free to do what you want but that's a deal breaker for me. If men from your past are so important keep them I don't need the distraction. Btw most men I know and have been familiar with always push up on chicks they've messed with in the past because they think it's an easy in. Especially when they're with someone else because they don't have to worry about the girl wanting a relationship.

 

[vanilla2chai]

I am friends with a few ex bfs. We went through some serious things together like deaths in families etc.

I have a number of exs who would be there in a heart beat if needed.

I feel fortunate to have them.

 

[TheHuntress]

DB you are free to do what you want but that's a deal breaker for me. If men from your past are so important keep them I don't need the distraction. Btw most men I know and have been familiar with always push up on chicks they've messed with in the past because they think it's an easy in. Especially when they're with someone else because they don't have to worry about the girl wanting a relationship.

Why is it a distraction for you? I'm with you. I am committed to you, and I say 'Hey, I heard from George, we dated back when I was in high school. Funny.. turns out he's married with kids and doing well. I told him about you and kids. Facebook is funny like that- you catch up with everyone!' You're REALLY going to be like 'Wow, that's it. You can never speak to him again?'

That just seems more like a problem with your insecurities than anything else.

 

[The Dark King]

I am friends with a few ex bfs. We went through some serious things together like deaths in families etc.

I have a number of exs who would be there in a heart beat if needed.

I feel fortunate to have them.

Great for you my friend but in my experience most people can't seperate the two and maybe it comes with age but like I said why tempt fate. I'm also of the mind of having ugly nannies if you have them, overweight pool boys if possible, female personal trainers for the women male ones for the men. I know it sounds crazy but from what I observe the less accessible another person is the less likely they'll cheat.

 

[The Dark King]

Why is it a distraction for you? I'm with you. I am committed to you, and I say 'Hey, I heard from George, we dated back when I was in high school. Funny.. turns out he's married with kids and doing well. I told him about you and kids. Facebook is funny like that- you catch up with everyone!' You're REALLY going to be like 'Wow, that's it. You can never speak to him again?'

That just seems more like a problem with your insecurities than anything else.

Possibly and I'm man enough to admit it but in my experience women and men are far more likely to cheat with ex since its familiar territory. For men you don't have to put down as much ground work and for women you get to revisit something you know is good. To some of you it sounds absolutely ridiculous but I've seen it so much its hard to ignore.

 

[TheHuntress]

Possibly and I'm man enough to admit it but in my experience women and men are far more likely to cheat with ex since its familiar territory. For men you don't have to put down as much ground work and for women you get to revisit something you know is good. To some of you it sounds absolutely ridiculous but I've seen it so much its hard to ignore.

If someone's going to cheat, they're going to cheat, Drae, and that's not going to change unless you lock them in a closet- which is against the law. lol

 

[Sin Mari]

DB you are free to do what you want but that's a deal breaker for me. If men from your past are so important keep them I don't need the distraction. Btw most men I know and have been familiar with always push up on chicks they've messed with in the past because they think it's an easy in. Especially when they're with someone else because they don't have to worry about the girl wanting a relationship.

Same is true for women with their ex's. I don't like a guy I'm with to be friends with his ex girlfriend/s. That's just too close for comfort, no matter how secure you are it can rattle your cage abit.

 

[vanilla2chai]

Na.....I like fresh meat. No re-treads!

 

[The Dark King]

If someone's going to cheat, they're going to cheat, Drae, and that's not going to change unless you lock them in a closet- which is against the law. lol

Damn American laws. Maybe I'll stay in Jamaica after the wedding lol. You're right which is why I might not do the relationship thing for awhile. Its too much to trust you scandalous broads lol

 

[The Dark King]

Same is true for women with their ex's. I don't like a guy I'm with to be friends with his ex girlfriend/s. That's just too close for comfort, no matter how secure you are it can rattle your cage abit.

Thank you Sin. Sometimes I think I'm going crazy when I talk on here lol

 

[satyr]

You're full of shit because you can't have it both ways.

You want some science fiction world where women exist on a plane of equality with men, but wish to retain elements of romantic love that keep women, to quote Mick Jagger, "under my thumb."

Marriage was invented to regulate female sexuality and women like it (now) because it gives them an insurance policy in case they get pregnant. A husband with gainful employment is a more secure option for raising children than a boyfriend or casual lover. Marriage as a form of patriarchal control does not mesh with any meaningful definition of feminist self-empowerment or revolutionary politics.

If you want marriage (to a man), you'll have to accept certain forms of social control that exist as a result of the institution.

Or, meet a man who's open-minded enough to recognize that changing a name can go both ways. If having the name is that important, you're free to change your name to mine, otherwise, accept that I married you, we are in this together, and that a thing like that name doesn't guarantee fidelity or longevity in a relationship. It's a symbol to everyone else- and if you have to prove to everyone ELSE that you're married by virtue of a name, then chances are, I wouldn't marry you anyway.

That's how I see it. And clearly there are others who feel differently, which is fine. But telling someone 'don't get married' is just ridiculous. I WON'T get married until I find someone I'm compatible with that I'd want to marry anyway, and if he's the type of person to want to marry me, then he'll already know, understand, and appreciate these things about me.

Sometimes you guys can be a little ridiculous.

 

[karmacoma.]

You're full of shit because you can't have it both ways.

You want some science fiction world where women exist on a plane of equality with men, but wish to retain elements of romantic love that keep women, to quote Mick Jagger, "under my thumb."

Marriage was invented to regulate female sexuality and women like it (now) because it gives them an insurance policy in case they get pregnant. A husband with gainful employment is a more secure option for raising children than a boyfriend or casual lover. Marriage as a form of patriarchal control does not mesh with any meaningful definition of feminist self-empowerment or revolutionary politics.

If you want marriage (to a man), you'll have to accept certain forms of social control that exist as a result of the institution.

THANK YOU SATYR.