what do white women love about black men?

The Dark Knight said:
I seriously don't understand how this response relates to what I said. I'm not being sarcastic either. I really don't get it.

What I said had more to do with a family taking care of each other not doing things because you're lazy and/or incapable. Like Swirl said there are men whose wives take care of them and that's not considered mothering. One of my exes use to come over and clean up or bring me dinner and I would do stuff like take her car to get maintained or fill it up with gas. That to me is taking care of each other but it seems to many of you that when your romantic interest does it its sweet and romantic but when its family its codependent. I thought part of loving someone was doing stuff for them.
Click to expand...

Relationships of love nature are lifelong.

Parenting of a certain kind of cuts off at a certain age,you then become more friends vs your parent being your caregiver.
 
chesbaygrl7 said:
But there are many women who never got the opportunity to mother who are still nurturers. I don't think they are always interchangeable.
Click to expand...

As a matter of fact, the words are much the same. I think that a man can "mother" a child. I don't think of it as a sexist term. Besides, all I'm saying is that, IF a man needs to resort to garanimals or seek the help of a woman to dress himself appropriately, then that's a problem, IMO.
 
Last edited:
JordanC said:
Relationships of love nature are lifelong.

Parenting of a certain kind of cuts off at a certain age,you then become more friends vs your parent being your caregiver.
Click to expand...

Relationships of a love nature include family for me as well and from everything I've witnessed friendships and family last a hell of a lot longer than romantice relationships.
And I stopped needing my mom by the time I was able to move out well for somethings. But its great knowing if I'm sick or if I'm upset or I need guidance there is someone out there who has my best interest at heart. Significant others tend to be a tad bit more selfish generally.
 
The Dark Knight said:
Relationships of a love nature include family for me as well and from everything I've witnessed friendships and family last a hell of a lot longer than romantice relationships.
And I stopped needing my mom by the time I was able to move out well for somethings. But its great knowing if I'm sick or if I'm upset or I need guidance there is someone out there who has my best interest at heart. Significant others tend to be a tad bit more selfish generally.
Click to expand...

I'm not sure how my buddy Epsy would respond but I agree with you about seeking guidance from parents. It's sometimes profound that the person who, when growing up, seemed to be so out of touch, suddenly becomes a source of strength and fountain of knowledge as we grow older and understand their wisdom.

As far as sickness goes, perhaps not a girl friend, but I'd hope and expect a wife to provide as much care for me as my own mother.
 
swirlman07 said:
As a matter of fact, the words are much the same. I think that a man could act, "mother" as child. I don't think of it as a sexist term. Besides, all I'm saying is that, IF a man needs to resort to garanimals or seek the help of a woman to dress himself appropriately, then that's a problem, IMO.
Click to expand...

You have a point there. Although, some men really DO need help dressing appropriately! But that's just a lack of fashion sense.
 
The Dark Knight said:
I seriously don't understand how this response relates to what I said. I'm not being sarcastic either. I really don't get it.

What I said had more to do with a family taking care of each other not doing things because you're lazy and/or incapable. Like Swirl said there are men whose wives take care of them and that's not considered mothering. One of my exes use to come over and clean up or bring me dinner and I would do stuff like take her car to get maintained or fill it up with gas. That to me is taking care of each other but it seems to many of you that when your romantic interest does it its sweet and romantic but when its family its codependent. I thought part of loving someone was doing stuff for them.
Click to expand...

DK, maybe the responses are being filtered theough the lens of comments you made elsewhere about your mother being #1, even over a spouse. Personally, I see nothing wrong with helping out my son now and then (he's not married though). If he's crazy busy with work and school, I would grab some groceries for him or something like that just to help him out. His dad left the home when my son was 8 so he had to grow up fast.
He learned earlier than his peers how to take care of himself. We have a very close relationship, but we both know that when he marries, his wife will be #1.
 
swirlman07 said:
It's so interesting how we bring different perspectives to this issue. Ironically, I'd always assumed that this was something that ONLY happened among white families. I also think about the number of times I've heard a white guy who I worked with make an admission that he'd be lost without his wife. She was the one who packed for him on business trips, purchased his clothes, and performed the kinds of tasks I associate with "mothering".
Click to expand...


One of the reasons I stayed single after my divorce was that I refused to play mommy for grown-ass men. If you can't keep your place clean, pack your own suitcase, pay your own bills, do your own laundry, then it's not a partner you're looking for, it's a replacement mommy.
 
The Dark Knight said:
Relationships of a love nature include family for me as well and from everything I've witnessed friendships and family last a hell of a lot longer than romantice relationships.
And I stopped needing my mom by the time I was able to move out well for somethings. But its great knowing if I'm sick or if I'm upset or I need guidance there is someone out there who has my best interest at heart. Significant others tend to be a tad bit more selfish generally.
Click to expand...


That is not the same as your mom still being a caregiver. If your mom reached over with a kleenex that she had spit on and clean off your chin...would you allow it, like when were say up to 6 years old? NO. There are certain things that are adult things and certain things that are childish. Talking, comforting, supporting, like above, those are adult family things.

I am going to have to say the most telling thing ever written by you, about you, was the two posts you made in the "pops" thread that Ymra started. I think some things you view the way you do because your dad was a tyrant. You need to shake the things he taught by living it, that make you reflect bad on women. We aren't that bad. You aren't doomed to a bad relationship. Maybe you just don't have a pic in your mind of a homelife where both parents are pleasant and no doubt your mom is more to you than average person.
 
swirlman07 said:
I'm not sure how my buddy Epsy would respond but I agree with you about seeking guidance from parents. It's sometimes profound that the person who, when growing up, seemed to be so out of touch, suddenly becomes a source of strength and fountain of knowledge as we grow older and understand their wisdom.

As far as sickness goes, perhaps not a girl friend, but I'd hope and expect a wife to provide as much care for me as my own mother.
Click to expand...

Illness is a whole different garanimal. When someone is ill (I'm not talking about a case of the sniffles), then if you love them, of course you help - that goes for gf/bf as well as spouse. When I went through all the damned knee surgeries my then boyfriend provided an enormous amount of practical support and "nursing" care, and I did the same for him when he was having some major stomach issues. That's not mothering, it's being a good friend.
 
swirlman07 said:
I'm not sure how my buddy Epsy would respond but I agree with you about seeking guidance from parents. It's sometimes profound that the person who, when growing up, seemed to be so out of touch, suddenly becomes a source of strength and fountain of knowledge as we grow older and understand their wisdom.

As far as sickness goes, perhaps not a girl friend, but I'd hope and expect a wife to provide as much care for me as my own mother.
Click to expand...

You and DK both think Espy is your mom?? Why are you referring to Espy? :confused:
 
JordanC said:
You and DK both think Espy is your mom?? Why are you referring to Espy? :confused:
Click to expand...

I can't answer for DK, but as you as have probably seen I've never made that kind of statement previously. I'll assume that you're joking as I was, as I've said to suggest your assertion. In fact, people often refer to one another in their posts, yes?
 
JordanC said:
That is not the same as your mom still being a caregiver. If your mom reached over with a kleenex that she had spit on and clean off your chin...would you allow it, like when were say up to 6 years old? NO. There are certain things that are adult things and certain things that are childish. Talking, comforting, supporting, like above, those are adult family things.

I am going to have to say the most telling thing ever written by you, about you, was the two posts you made in the "pops" thread that Ymra started. I think some things you view the way you do because your dad was a tyrant. You need to shake the things he taught by living it, that make you reflect bad on women. We aren't that bad. You aren't doomed to a bad relationship. Maybe you just don't have a pic in your mind of a homelife where both parents are pleasant and no doubt your mom is more to you than average person.
Click to expand...

I'm sure some of my past colors how I view relationships but what what sets the foundation for my beliefs on relationships is how I see people act from day to day. I'm part of the in it for better not for worst generation. People treat significant others like shit for the most pasrt. The amount of cheating and selfishness I see on a regular basis makes it hard for me to ignore what I know vs what I want. Generally people just seems so miserable. The only solid reliable love I've known is my family and friends. It is what it is.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom