what do white women love about black men?

[TheHuntress]

Yeah because you're one to talk DB. I want you to show me a family without some type of issues. You don't pass that sage wisdom onto any of the other posters who've been through far worst. Posters who have been raped, beaten, shot, abused not only by family but significant others and I don't see them being directed to counseling. Why because they don't see life the way I do? My closeness with family not just my my mom has far moe to do with being a first generation immigrant family, if you notice throughout history and the world immigrants normally cling to their families. There was a time when Italians first came to this country where the families never lived more than a mile apart from each other.

If you want to carry around the I can do it all by myself chip on your shoulder so be it but don't keep trying to impose your thinking on me femnist. Guess its only equally rights for women huh.

Also keep in mind my views on relationships has far more to do with everyday life.I'm suppose to bank on something that fails more than half the time? Seriously?

Yes, I am one to talk. To be honest with you, I recognize the same thought patterns in you that I've recognized in every abuser and manipulator that I've ever come across. I don't mean that as an insult, but more as a warning. You keep everyone at arms length, and the language you use to describe women is somewhat alarming- people here have said as much to you numerous times. There's no partner, no equal. That's troubling. And most of the women here who've admitted to various acts of violence have already indicated they've gone through counseling- either here or on the FB group.

And I have directed more than a few here to seek counseling for various reasons. I don't see encouraging counseling to be shameful- it's a tool. The best person to help if often the person on the outside who can look at the whole picture without bias...they don't know you, they don't know your family, and they help you sift through the things that aren't important to hone in on the things that are important and make sense of those.

In order for a relationship to work, you have to be ready to give some of yourself to make it work- emotionally. I know you refuse to believe that relationships are work, but I think that's part of the problem. You don't believe that any of the responsibility falls on you, especially since you think it's going to fail anyway. You really, truly, don't see a problem with that line of thought?

 

[The Dark King]

How am I suppose to talk about and treat women?
I have never said I didn't see a woman as my equal or that they could be a partner for someone that could be a partner I just don't see the point. As you're aware I'm a numbers person who prides himself on logic. Most marriages fail and of those that they stay together more than half stick out for the kids or because they can't financially make it alone.
Are there situations that work out? Sure but the vast majority doesn't so like I said before why bank on something that mostly fails. Life is so incredibly short and health isn't certain and whatever little time I have left i'd prefer to spend it with people I know who love me and support me than wasting good time and money on people who's emotions change with the wind. Like I said to Ches every person who has been divorced cheated on or betrayed started out happy and then it turned to shit. So many good years wasted on someone who didn't have the decency let alone respect to safe guard your health as well as their own. Like I said before I can't ignore data no matter how uncomfortable it is.

And as far as your concern for me being like the assholes you've known in the pass one key difference is I literally don't care enough to do shit like that. I'd much rather play video games or workout than waste energy abusing and hurting people. I'm more of a retreat into myself kind of guy. All I want is to find someone to have some kids with. Someone who shares similar views, I'm sure they're out there. No man is an island so I can't be the only person like me.

Yes, I am one to talk. To be honest with you, I recognize the same thought patterns in you that I've recognized in every abuser and manipulator that I've ever come across. I don't mean that as an insult, but more as a warning. You keep everyone at arms length, and the language you use to describe women is somewhat alarming- people here have said as much to you numerous times. There's no partner, no equal. That's troubling. And most of the women here who've admitted to various acts of violence have already indicated they've gone through counseling- either here or on the FB group.

And I have directed more than a few here to seek counseling for various reasons. I don't see encouraging counseling to be shameful- it's a tool. The best person to help if often the person on the outside who can look at the whole picture without bias...they don't know you, they don't know your family, and they help you sift through the things that aren't important to hone in on the things that are important and make sense of those.

In order for a relationship to work, you have to be ready to give some of yourself to make it work- emotionally. I know you refuse to believe that relationships are work, but I think that's part of the problem. You don't believe that any of the responsibility falls on you, especially since you think it's going to fail anyway. You really, truly, don't see a problem with that line of thought?

 

[The Dark King]

Citation, please? This is not my experience; in fact my experience of the world tells me something quite different. I'd be interested in the studies you're referencing.

Last I checked we're in economic collapse because of the individualistic nature of greed where fuck everbody else as long as I get mine is the motto.

 

[TheHuntress]

How am I suppose to talk about and treat women?
I have never said I didn't see a woman as my equal or that they could be a partner for someone that could be a partner I just don't see the point. As you're aware I'm a numbers person who prides himself on logic. Most marriages fail and of those that they stay together more than half stick out for the kids or because they can't financially make it alone.
Are there situations that work out? Sure but the vast majority doesn't so like I said before why bank on something that mostly fails. Life is so incredibly short and health isn't certain and whatever little time I have left i'd prefer to spend it with people I know who love me and support me than wasting good time and money on people who's emotions change with the wind. Like I said to Ches every person who has been divorced cheated on or betrayed started out happy and then it turned to shit. So many good years wasted on someone who didn't have the decency let alone respect to safe guard your health as well as their own. Like I said before I can't ignore data no matter how uncomfortable it is.

And as far as your concern for me being like the assholes you've known in the pass one key difference is I literally don't care enough to do shit like that. I'd much rather play video games or workout than waste energy abusing and hurting people. I'm more of a retreat into myself kind of guy. All I want is to find someone to have some kids with. Someone who shares similar views, I'm sure they're out there. No man is an island so I can't be the only person like me.

Until you realize that emotionally shutting yourself off to someone can be as emotionally damaging as punching them in the face, you're in for a long and lonely road. I'm not making that up, either. And again... You want someone to have kids with. That kind of language indicates "incubator" not "partner", "lover", "friend", or "wife". Really think about that. Retreating into yourself isn't healthy for you or for future relationships with a spouse or children. Get therapy, DK. If not for you, for thr children you hope to bring into the world.

 

[Ches]

Until you realize that emotionally shutting yourself off to someone can be as emotionally damaging as punching them in the face, you're in for a long and lonely road. I'm not making that up, either. And again... You want someone to have kids with. That kind of language indicates "incubator" not "partner", "lover", "friend", or "wife". Really think about that. Retreating into yourself isn't healthy for you or for future relationships with a spouse or children. Get therapy, DK. If not for you, for thr children you hope to bring into the world.

Some real wisdom, here, DK. If you had no interest in marrying or having kids, I would say good luck to you and be done. But if you do, I would echo these sentiments and encourage you to seek therapy as well.

 

[The Dark King]

Until you realize that emotionally shutting yourself off to someone can be as emotionally damaging as punching them in the face, you're in for a long and lonely road. I'm not making that up, either. And again... You want someone to have kids with. That kind of language indicates "incubator" not "partner", "lover", "friend", or "wife". Really think about that. Retreating into yourself isn't healthy for you or for future relationships with a spouse or children. Get therapy, DK. If not for you, for thr children you hope to bring into the world.

You missed the part where I said family is everything lol. I would never withdraw from my kids. And if the only defense against lonliness is spousal companionship we're all screwed any way since people die and couples break up. I find friendship and love in other sources the world is rich with other sources of love. Besides any relationship that requires a person to watch what they say or do anything that denies a person to be who they truly are at all times isn't friendship or love anyway.
Any relationship that's treated like a business isn't love or friendship. The horrible shit people do to one another when they get divorced indicates that.

We can agree to disagree because I don't see what you call love in romantic relationships.
Maybe when I'm older and a little more desperate for companionship but for now I enjoy the peace and the extra money I get to keep.

 

[JordanC]

Citation, please? This is not my experience; in fact my experience of the world tells me something quite different. I'd be interested in the studies you're referencing.

I see the same too.

I would like to see sources on his reference to "studies".

I find my friends who are independent the ones who when there is a need they are right there to help you.

 

[JordanC]

anyone got the cliffnotes for this thread?

Too many long ass replies. I miss TonySoprano and Colin Powell Gifs.

 

[The Dark King]

Some real wisdom, here, DK. If you had no interest in marrying or having kids, I would say good luck to you and be done. But if you do, I would echo these sentiments and encourage you to seek therapy as well.

Lol sure whatever. Everyone in a successful relationship of 20 or more years raise your hand? I'll wait lol

If I had children i'd be an amazing parent, if I were married i'd be a devoted husband. I believe in taking care of home but I don't buy into this love you forver nonsense. Like I said before until I actually witness it its conjecture.

 

[The Dark King]

I see the same too.

I would like to see sources on his reference to "studies".

I find my friends who are independent the ones who when there is a need they are right there to help you.

Really that doesn't make sense to you? Huh.

Btw great sig

 

[JordanC]

Really that doesn't make sense to you? Huh.

Btw great sig

I don't live in the same city as my family. If I need something I find friends who are in the same boat to be more "there for me". You learn to depend on yourself mostly and friend who have become "like family".

Friends who have family, I will cite my best friend..........she will say oh geez I can't help you. I have to go to my sister's house. Her son is in a swim meet and we are going to cook hotdogs and burgers after. I wish I didn't have to go I have too much to do to do this but if I don't my family will disown me. The ones who have family never act like it's fun to get together but an obligation. :smt043 Don't cite the "other culture" thing either. My bf is from another country.

When her dad was in the hospital with a stroke, I spent every day there with her because he can't speak English and she needed a familar face to be with him. I spent 4-5 hours a day there so she could go home to her kids. Not one of her other friends could tear themselves away from family to even come by. I know who came and who didn't. No one besides me. And she is popular so the odds were in her favor someone would come support her. And ummmmmmm....no.

 

[The Dark King]

I think you guys misunderstand me when I say there for you. I can be totally myself with family in a way I have never been allowed to be who I am with significant others.
I never look at family duties as chores. After losing my grandma a few years back I realized how important the time with these people are. I use to act like going to her house for a few hours to hang drapes and watch Matlock was such a huge deal. At the time I preferred to hang with my friends or chase girls. I greatly regret that now. She truly loved me and all she wanted from me was time so for me being with those who are left, being in their lives helping when I can is a gift to me. Their happiness is my happiness. I've never experienced that in romantic relationships. Just some sex and thankless gestures.
I want to add most of friends have been in my life for 15 years or more so they're my family too.

Btw your bf is one person when I make the different culture I'm not only including my family.

I don't live in the same city as my family. If I need something I find friends who are in the same boat to be more "there for me". You learn to depend on yourself mostly and friend who have become "like family".

Friends who have family, I will cite my best friend..........she will say oh geez I can't help you. I have to go to my sister's house. Her son is in a swim meet and we are going to cook hotdogs and burgers after. I wish I didn't have to go I have too much to do to do this but if I don't my family will disown me. The ones who have family never act like it's fun to get together but an obligation. :smt043 Don't cite the "other culture" thing either. My bf is from another country.

When her dad was in the hospital with a stroke, I spent every day there with her because he can't speak English and she needed a familar face to be with him. I spent 4-5 hours a day there so she could go home to her kids. Not one of her other friends could tear themselves away from family to even come by. I know who came and who didn't. No one besides me. And she is popular so the odds were in her favor someone would come support her. And ummmmmmm....no.

 

[babybro]

Citation, please? This is not my experience; in fact my experience of the world tells me something quite different. I'd be interested in the studies you're referencing.

No problem, it was in an article I read in my schools library. I can't remember the name but I came across it when I did my research paper on conformity within america. I'll look for there.

But in a way, it does technically make sense. A person whose more group orientated focuses on the desire and will of others. Because their care is the entire group rather than just oneself seen within independence.

Now that's not to say that independent people can't have any form of empathy. But it's pretty well establish that especially in asian based cultures,
there is a greater outlook on the entire group around them than just themselves.

Hence why when the earthquake and typhoon hit Japan, nobody looted any stores, in fact, workers who were working at the stores once it was over tried to clean up.

Plus the fact that they have universal health care and we don't since we say screw the poor.

 

[TreePixie]

No problem, it was in an article I read in my schools library. I can't remember the name but I came across it when I did my research paper on conformity within america. I'll look for there.

But in a way, it does technically make sense. A person whose more group orientated focuses on the desire and will of others. Because their care is the entire group rather than just oneself seen within independence.

Now that's not to say that independent people can't have any form of empathy. But it's pretty well establish that especially in asian based cultures,
there is a greater outlook on the entire group around them than just themselves.

Hence why when the earthquake and typhoon hit Japan, nobody looted any stores, in fact, workers who were working at the stores once it was over tried to clean up.

Plus the fact that they have universal health care and we don't since we say screw the poor.

EVERY Westernized nation save ours has universal health care, so you really cannot place that on Japan's culture.

It makes zero sense to me that independence and empathy are remotely related. There is a huge difference between a cultural family based outlook and empathy - one does not equal the other.

I'll look forward to reading the studies (you did imply multiple by the plural word) you can cite. Thanks!

 

[The Dark King]

EVERY Westernized nation save ours has universal health care, so you really cannot place that on Japan's culture.

It makes zero sense to me that independence and empathy are remotely related. There is a huge difference between a cultural family based outlook and empathy - one does not equal the other.

I'll look forward to reading the studies (you did imply multiple by the plural word) you can cite. Thanks!

Most of those western cultures that have universal healthcare are socialist if not in name but in practice. We seem to be the only first world country that maintains that pull yourself up by the bootstraps mentality.
When you are left with the task of taking care of yourself you operate in a way where you feel you're all you have and that leads to isolationist thinking.

 

[JordanC]

Most of those western cultures that have universal healthcare are socialist if not in name but in practice. We seem to be the only first world country that maintains that pull yourself up by the bootstraps mentality.
When you are left with the task of taking care of yourself you operate in a way where you feel you're all you have and that leads to isolationist thinking.

Why are we the country who is always one of the first to offer aid in disaster and war then if we have no empathy??

 

[Ches]

I can only speak for myself, DK. I do understand where you are coming from, as you reveal more and more of what and how relationships have shaped you. And if all you have known are broken marriages or partnerships, then I can see why you would be reluctant to place your faith in someone you've known for a fraction of the time you have known people whose love and friendship has withstood the test of time.

My only caution is please don't get married and/or have children and expect to have healthy family dynamics. Putting your children first above a spouse will create the division you so desperately wish to avoid. You simply cannot treat the mother of your kids like she's little more than a uterus and expect your children to respect her or you. They will follow your lead , but when they get older, they may end up disrespeccting you for treating her as such a low priority. As I've stated before, the best gift any parent can give to a child is a loving, healthy stable relationship with the other parent.

I grew up in a home where my mother ruled the roost and didn't show my dad the respect he deserved. Consequently, I grew up thinking him hen-pecked and weak. My view of him was skewed by how my mother treated him. So I speak from experience. Don't do that to your kids. Choose to do things differently than what you've known. If you treat a woman with the love, respect and dignity she deserves, you have a good chance of making things work.

I respect your viewpoint, DK. Just think about some of the thoughts posted here by others. There is some real wisdom here.

I think you guys misunderstand me when I say there for you. I can be totally myself with family in a way I have never been allowed to be who I am with significant others.
I never look at family duties as chores. After losing my grandma a few years back I realized how important the time with these people are. I use to act like going to her house for a few hours to hang drapes and watch Matlock was such a huge deal. At the time I preferred to hang with my friends or chase girls. I greatly regret that now. She truly loved me and all she wanted from me was time so for me being with those who are left, being in their lives helping when I can is a gift to me. Their happiness is my happiness. I've never experienced that in romantic relationships. Just some sex and thankless gestures.
I want to add most of friends have been in my life for 15 years or more so they're my family too.

Btw your bf is one person when I make the different culture I'm not only including my family.

 

[swirlman07]

EVERY Westernized nation save ours has universal health care, so you really cannot place that on Japan's culture.

It makes zero sense to me that independence and empathy are remotely related. There is a huge difference between a cultural family based outlook and empathy - one does not equal the other.

I'll look forward to reading the studies (you did imply multiple by the plural word) you can cite. Thanks!

Agreed, and more so, when the dictates of the culture create that conformity, rather than it being an "innate" or family encouraged trait. When society has acted affirmatively at all levels of life to quash all independence, it's difficult to move against. It was always a favorite Japanese quote to say, "The nail that sticks out will get hammered".

But, Americans also embrace the concept of being a "team player". We acknowledge that there're times when independence is useful and leads to innovation and change and other times when we understand that it takes a team to row the boat in the same direction. Even those "independent" individuals in companies march in lock step to achieve the corporate purpose.

It should also be noted that Japan's system of education is undergoing significant change because they realize that more free thinking is necessary if they are to make continued progress as a society.

 

[The Dark King]

I appreciate your pov and I think most of us have a pciture in our heads that if isn't a doting husband they can't co parent well. The mother of my children would have my respect and my love becayse she helped bring the most important thing in my life in this world. I would respect and honor her for that but I don't need or require her love just her devotion to the lives we've created and that's it. I guess I want a divorced co parenting situation without the divorce. I've never belittled or hurt a single woman I've been with, they are always well taken care of and I just want to share a family with someone nothing more nothing less.

I can only speak for myself, DK. I do understand where you are coming from, as you reveal more and more of what and how relationships have shaped you. And if all you have known are broken marriages or partnerships, then I can see why you would be reluctant to place your faith in someone you've known for a fraction of the time you have known people whose love and friendship has withstood the test of time.

My only caution is please don't get married and/or have children and expect to have healthy family dynamics. Putting your children first above a spouse will create the division you so desperately wish to avoid. You simply cannot treat the mother of your kids like she's little more than a uterus and expect your children to respect her or you. They will follow your lead , but when they get older, they may end up disrespeccting you for treating her as such a low priority. As I've stated before, the best gift any parent can give to a child is a loving, healthy stable relationship with the other parent.

I grew up in a home where my mother ruled the roost and didn't show my dad the respect he deserved. Consequently, I grew up thinking him hen-pecked and weak. My view of him was skewed by how my mother treated him. So I speak from experience. Don't do that to your kids. Choose to do things differently than what you've known. If you treat a woman with the love, respect and dignity she deserves, you have a good chance of making things work.

I respect your viewpoint, DK. Just think about some of the thoughts posted here by others. There is some real wisdom here.

 

[swirlman07]

Why are we the country who is always one of the first to offer aid in disaster and war then if we have no empathy??

So much for the argument that we're a land of receivers and not givers. Whether domestically or internationally, Americans have always been at the forefront of giving.