an honest discussion

http://www.whitewomenblackmen.com/forum/showthread.php?t=19957&page=7

Originally Posted by jaisee
I see what you mean, and to an extent I'd agree. From the broadest sense, it is the same. Dating a person is dating a person. The smaller nuances just come through experience. I'm not sure what kind of advice I could give someone who is 'considering dating a BM' aside from to say look at him as a person and not a color, which is what I meant when I said it's the same as dating a WM. I certainly wouldn't even think to approach it from a hair angle.

Quote:
Originally Posted by chesbaygrl7
Thanks, Jaisee, for clarifying. One thought though: I don't necessarily think nice or good hair means that you have to do alot to it. To me, nice or good hair is hair that looks healthy, not neglected and is cut or styled attractively, not a hot mess, like the person could care less what he/she looks like.

I do want to comment on the bolded part above. I have seen this stated a couple of times since joining the forum, that this or that is an issue to a black guy or the black community as a whole. As a white person, if I haven't had alot of contact with black people, I wouldn't know this, nor might someone else who is just beginning to date BM. So when the girl who started the thread indicating that she was interested in dating black men and could she get advice, someone (perhaps you) wrote something to the effect that dating a black man is just like dating a white man, except he's black. Well, that's not true and this whole conversation is testament to that. In a sense, yes, men are men, no matter what color, nationality, etc. But obviously there are issues that are a big deal to BM, that alot of WW may be totally ignorant of.

I, for one, appreciate the education. I can't be sensitive to something I don't know is an issue. But I do wish that some (SOME) of the guys on here wouldn't assume that we know these things.
=======================================================

based off of this thread and postings I believe we do need an honest discussion on how to understand the differences between each other and answer honest questions about each other so we can have real honest and blissful relations with a ww and a bm. it can range from hair care to why this and that type stuff to how to deal with certain situations. some one can start a topic or ask a question and we can roll from there.

 

I think this thread is an excellent idea. I'm a bit brain dead today. so I've got nothing to open with but I'll be reading with interest

 

well I can start with this.....a lot of people come in and asked how to approach a ww. I have asked that question myself . why because in the back of a bro's mind he may feel that it is intimidating for a BM to appraoch a ww in the direct method. Most sista's are accustomed to that approach. so are most ww are accustomed to it.

here is an example of it. scene: a store or mall....or on a busy street on the sidewalk....

and a guy just walk up and stop and say "hi I saw you and I wanted to meet you. I thought you were (whatever adjective). whats your name ect.."

most bro's and I have done this. Im very comfortable doing this (we call it grenade macking) . are ww comfortable with this type of approach ? are yall accustomed to this ?

 

Yep, grenade macking, gorilla pimping, shucking, jiving, and profilin' is what all women prefer.

 

LOL. gorilla macking. I like that term

why do you think women like it....all women. I have been somewhat successful with it. but will it work for WW due to the assumed cultural issues

 

I think that you missed the point...just saying.

 

That's goodlove for you or mailman as he likes to call himself working OT on Sunday to deliver yet another dumb shyt.

 

Well clearly, at least one person didn't read the intention of the poster who asked for honest discussion, not smartass replies.

I would appreciate it if a guy caught my eye in a store or at the mall or wherever, held my gaze a little longer than normal, and then came up to me and introduced himself. I would be a little taken aback if someone I hadn't even noticed just approached me without any initial eye contact or interest. It would be even better if he noticed something about what I was doing, i.e. buying something or if I were looking at CD's and he commented on the music. A joke is always a good icebreaker too.

One thing that I've thought about throughout other discussions on the thread is how to make it known, as a white woman, that I am interested in black men. I think many people tend to assume that I would only be interested in white men. Case in point: I attended a jazz concert with a friend of mine (BW) and we met a single BM there (he was sitting at the end of our row.) She was sitting next to him and they struck up a conversation. I heard him say to her that he was wishing his friend had come with him (a white guy) so that we would've had a four-some and could go out for a drink after the concert. He assumed because I was white, that I would naturally want to be paired off with a white guy. And that's not necessarily a wrong assumption in most cases. But in this situation it was. (Apparently dating services like Match.com and eHarmony operate the same way: I stated in my profile that I was interested in BM only - and I got "matches" with white men.)

 

Ignore Tirkah and dont call him smartass ...he think the term "smartass" is a compliment. dont encourage him.

the only thing I can think of his give out hints in your situation. example would be saying this "If you hook me up with someone have him LOOK like mekhi phifer or Hill harper and if they are heavy guys then at least look like gerald levert"

 

what would be a guys way to let a woman know he is interested in a WW that would be comfortable for you guys

 

Maybe it makes sense to right the "wrong" assumption in one's situation. In this case, be outspoken. Nudge the boxy thinker outside the box of cultural assumptions.

 

yeah. How would you do it if you were in her shoes in that situation

 

The same way you'd approach any woman - as Sin said in another thread about BM, we aren't aliens either.

Be pleasant, polite, flirt, and if you're rejected politely take the hint.

It's a tough one, Goody, as we've discussed. I don't wear a sign that says "Will date black guys." I guess I thought they just weren't interested in me, until lately, when that's been a little different. It's perhaps my liberal perspective but I think more WW than are generally realized are open to dating BM. But we're never approached. I was told right here on this forum awhile back that I didnt "look like" I'd be open to dating black guys, though I don't really know quite what that means.

 

yeah I understand. its tuff to word that question without sounding like an ass. but people ask that question all the time and as I did. like stated earlier its that line men and women will have to cross...its just how to do it without coming off "threatening"....

one more comment on this issue then we can move on to another .....

 

I would let the guy know that I was interested in black men even though I was aware that cultural assumptions would suggest I would be more interested in white men. Sometimes, it can be awkward to do, but it makes sense to let the person assuming realise you understand the assumption and that those assumptions don't apply in all cases.

 

Trust me, if he had included me in the conversation, I would have let him know he was shopping in the wrong aisle for a companion for me. But they were just chatting and I knew it wasn't going anywhere, so I didn't bother.

 

I trust you. I mean to take care of business

 

You're right, I never read it. I don't read anything your boy gl attempts to write (rite).

When I do try to read it (as in the bolded below), I soon come to realization that out of the many languages I speak Gullah/Geechee ain't one of'em.

 

yeah, just stick to your dr. seuss books. you dont have the intellect to contribute to anything in this thread or forum.