Not taking rejection personally

Some of the replies have been very insightful here regarding rejection. So I am gonna give a bit of my story and see what kind of insight I can get... cause I am still confused.
I had never been with a white man, I was tired of getting played and the drama and decided to give this particular white man a chance. He treated me better than any guy I had ever been with, and I ended up marrying him. After ten years of marriage I got back in contact (thanks facebook:confused:) with my first love (the one that probably played me the most - got my friend pregnant when we were supposed to be "together"- and probably messed me up the most) Told me he had grown up, he never meant to hurt me, we were just kids so on and so forth. So we started a friendship. I felt things were going somewhere I didn't want them to go as a married woman. I kept asking him if this was going somewhere, he kept saying "I love you, but your married." So one day before things got physical I packed my stuff, told my husband I wasn't in love with him and left. Moved to a different city to be closer to the other guy, and go an apartment. Some drama went down between me and my first love (with the girl he had got pregnant all those years ago) which left things a little cold. My husband ended up coming to my new apartment, told me he was my husband and I could do what I felt I needed to do but he wasn't going anywhere. I think the fact that my husband wouldn't just let me go my have played a factor. Then one day he sent me a text he was getting engaged, I replied congratulations and broke down. (He never did get engaged or married so I'm not sure what the purpose of this text was) Anyway things ended badly and coldly. I never really understood what happened. I did however observe a conversation on twitter talking about he would never "jump the fence." I know when he lived where he grew up that he dated mainly white girls/women (perhaps cause that was what was available), but when he moved to the city in high school he began dating black women. Any insight?? Cause even after two years I am still baffled about what happened, no man has ever made me feel the way he made me feel.:smt022
 
greeneyedevil said:
Some of the replies have been very insightful here regarding rejection. So I am gonna give a bit of my story and see what kind of insight I can get... cause I am still confused.
I had never been with a white man, I was tired of getting played and the drama and decided to give this particular white man a chance. He treated me better than any guy I had ever been with, and I ended up marrying him. After ten years of marriage I got back in contact (thanks facebook:confused:) with my first love (the one that probably played me the most - got my friend pregnant when we were supposed to be "together"- and probably messed me up the most) Told me he had grown up, he never meant to hurt me, we were just kids so on and so forth. So we started a friendship. I felt things were going somewhere I didn't want them to go as a married woman. I kept asking him if this was going somewhere, he kept saying "I love you, but your married." So one day before things got physical I packed my stuff, told my husband I wasn't in love with him and left. Moved to a different city to be closer to the other guy, and go an apartment. Some drama went down between me and my first love (with the girl he had got pregnant all those years ago) which left things a little cold. My husband ended up coming to my new apartment, told me he was my husband and I could do what I felt I needed to do but he wasn't going anywhere. I think the fact that my husband wouldn't just let me go my have played a factor. Then one day he sent me a text he was getting engaged, I replied congratulations and broke down. (He never did get engaged or married so I'm not sure what the purpose of this text was) Anyway things ended badly and coldly. I never really understood what happened. I did however observe a conversation on twitter talking about he would never "jump the fence." I know when he lived where he grew up that he dated mainly white girls/women (perhaps cause that was what was available), but when he moved to the city in high school he began dating black women. Any insight?? Cause even after two years I am still baffled about what happened, no man has ever made me feel the way he made me feel.:smt022
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Youngstown or Columbus?
 
greeneyedevil said:
LOL Cbus
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lol how did I know

I spent so much time out there in 06 and what you're telling is such a common story from my exes friends. They hook with black dudes when they're younger(hs and college) then marry a white guy and later on go back to black dudes. That area is so weird to me lol
 
greeneyedevil said:
Some of the replies have been very insightful here regarding rejection. So I am gonna give a bit of my story and see what kind of insight I can get... cause I am still confused.
I had never been with a white man, I was tired of getting played and the drama and decided to give this particular white man a chance. He treated me better than any guy I had ever been with, and I ended up marrying him. After ten years of marriage I got back in contact (thanks facebook:confused:) with my first love (the one that probably played me the most - got my friend pregnant when we were supposed to be "together"- and probably messed me up the most) Told me he had grown up, he never meant to hurt me, we were just kids so on and so forth. So we started a friendship. I felt things were going somewhere I didn't want them to go as a married woman. I kept asking him if this was going somewhere, he kept saying "I love you, but your married." So one day before things got physical I packed my stuff, told my husband I wasn't in love with him and left. Moved to a different city to be closer to the other guy, and go an apartment. Some drama went down between me and my first love (with the girl he had got pregnant all those years ago) which left things a little cold. My husband ended up coming to my new apartment, told me he was my husband and I could do what I felt I needed to do but he wasn't going anywhere. I think the fact that my husband wouldn't just let me go my have played a factor. Then one day he sent me a text he was getting engaged, I replied congratulations and broke down. (He never did get engaged or married so I'm not sure what the purpose of this text was) Anyway things ended badly and coldly. I never really understood what happened. I did however observe a conversation on twitter talking about he would never "jump the fence." I know when he lived where he grew up that he dated mainly white girls/women (perhaps cause that was what was available), but when he moved to the city in high school he began dating black women. Any insight?? Cause even after two years I am still baffled about what happened, no man has ever made me feel the way he made me feel.:smt022
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Well damn thats one hell of a story. Some women as men are gluttons for punishment, i hope you learned your lesson finally.
 
The Dark King said:
lol how did I know

I spent so much time out there in 06 and what you're telling is such a common story from my exes friends. They hook with black dudes when they're younger(hs and college) then marry a white guy and later on go back to black dudes. That area is so weird to me lol
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I tell you it really wasn't like that I would have married a black man if the right one had came along. When my husband asked me out I told him " I don'tdate white guys" of course I don't remember saying this. I gave him a chance and he was great, treated me like I deserved to be treated...no baby mama drama, didn't think he need a "side chick" and I was a priority to him.
 
greeneyedevil said:
I tell you it really wasn't like that I would have married a black man if the right one had came along. When my husband asked me out I told him " I don'tdate white guys" of course I don't remember saying this. I gave him a chance and he was great, treated me like I deserved to be treated...no baby mama drama, didn't think he need a "side chick" and I was a priority to him.
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lol did you normally date men with all that drama? Wait a minute you were in Columbus forgive me for asking lol
 
After reading all of the responses, I started to forget what I was going to say...lol

I think it's a good observation you have made about yourself...sometimes rejection from the other sex is not about you. Sometimes its more about them, how they were raised, their social background.

I have found myself attracted to a bm that didn't date ww. At first I felt some kind of way about it, and felt less than desirable. But when you think about the bigger picture, outside of yourself, you realize its not always about you.

in doing so, I think it's easier for me to approach men too. I found confidence in myself.
 
Cherok33 said:
After reading all of the responses, I started to forget what I was going to say...lol

I think it's a good observation you have made about yourself...sometimes rejection from the other sex is not about you. Sometimes its more about them, how they were raised, their social background.

I have found myself attracted to a bm that didn't date ww. At first I felt some kind of way about it, and felt less than desirable. But when you think about the bigger picture, outside of yourself, you realize its not always about you.

in doing so, I think it's easier for me to approach men too. I found confidence in myself.
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I've heard that before from women. They tend to be less "corny"
 
Cherok33 said:
After reading all of the responses, I started to forget what I was going to say...lol

I think it's a good observation you have made about yourself...sometimes rejection from the other sex is not about you. Sometimes its more about them, how they were raised, their social background.

I have found myself attracted to a bm that didn't date ww. At first I felt some kind of way about it, and felt less than desirable. But when you think about the bigger picture, outside of yourself, you realize its not always about you.

in doing so, I think it's easier for me to approach men too. I found confidence in myself.
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Reading my post back I left out that his father left his black mother for a white woman and I think he hated his dad for that. That is why he ended up moving away. Sometimes I think that had something to do with it, but that was his problem not mine.
 
One of the things that stifles me in some situations is that I wonder if a woman will reject me because I'm not their type or is it because they are not into black guys.

Other races of women are easier to read for me. Well mostly black and Hispanic women I can read well. White women are flirty but sometimes could be feinting interest, which is irritating as hell with them. Funny thing is that my ex didn't show me much remote interest until we talked more.
 
blackbrah said:
One of the things that stifles me in some situations is that I wonder if a woman will reject me because I'm not their type or is it because they are not into black guys.

Other races of women are easier to read for me. Well mostly black and Hispanic women I can read well. White women are flirty but sometimes could be feinting interest, which is irritating as hell with them. Funny thing is that my ex didn't show me much remote interest until we talked more.
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The thing I love about ww in general is the thing that makes it so hard to approach them. They are generally so warm and inviting but its hard to tell if that's interest or them just being polite.
 
The Dark King said:
The thing I love about ww in general is the thing that makes it so hard to approach them. They are generally so warm and inviting but its hard to tell if that's interest or them just being polite.
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Nothing wrong with being polite...but I will say that I myself have no filtered am pretty blunt. I say what I think and feel, sometimes that comes off cold and sometimes that means I wear my heart on my sleeve. But I am told by the people that know me well there is only one of me:smt118
 
greeneyedevil said:
Nothing wrong with being polite...but I will say that I myself have no filtered am pretty blunt. I say what I think and feel, sometimes that comes off cold and sometimes that means I wear my heart on my sleeve. But I am told by the people that know me well there is only one of me:smt118
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We have a lot in common my friend lol
 
Yeah the rejection thing you can't always take personally. Some women are just not you're type. That's fine. That's their prerogative.


Funny thing is today I tried to game this girl at the mall. I put her on the spot. She said it was awkward because she doesn't get hit on at work. I asked her for her number and she said "I'm good". Fine chick too, but plenty of other women.
 
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