What is the Worst Racial Experience You Have Had as a Black Man?

[Gorath]

No, lack of beauty doesn't lead to being treated badly. Beauty brings advantages but lack of beauty doesn't lead to being treated badly. Most people lack beauty in fact

Plus that's immaterial, since there are always going to be some individuals more beautiful than others. Nothing anyone can do about that.

My point is you can't compare being outside of the standards of beauty with being targeted for spite and indignities like bm are. It's just not the same. Those are two completely different issues and the latter has so much more insidious impact than the former that the former seems benign by comparison

On top of that, being outside the standard of beauty does not equal "lack of beauty". Lack of beauty is lack of beauty. You can't say society is overlooking you for being outside the standard if you're just ugly. And you sure can't say they're picking on you, like bm get targeted

Fact is no group of ppl is beautiful. Individuals are. Whatever the standards. Lots of ppl think venus and serena are attractive. Are they within the standard? Lots of ppl think asians are attractive. Are they within the standard? Lots of ppl think tyson beckford is attractive. Is he within the standard? Standards schmandards. Either you're attractive or you're not and you can't blame society if you're not.

If venus and serena wanna hate their look and get fade cream, or just give up and get fat and sloppy and vengeful because they're outside the standard, that's on them. If a pretty asian girl wants eyelid surgery 'cause she wants to look whiter, that's on her. Don't blame society, blame them for being stupid enough to internalize idiotic media images

It's a totally different issue than what bm experience, period.

Beauty is only skin deep. It grants that person access to many things. But as we all know it is a less attractive person that would give the beautiful person that access or elevated staus that is given to celebrities. It is said that these things are done so that a less attractive person is favored in the beautiful person's eye. That person wants that favor even if it is only for a moment.

 

[Black Male Dancer]

Your wife from west knoxville?

She's from Northwest Knoxville. Is it sad that I haven't been there yet? We started dating 7 years ago, got married almost three years ago and I've never been to Knoxville yet because of her parents. But they came around recently so we'll be going to visit next summer.

Her mom sometimes goes overboard on "black" subjects to try to impress me and my family. She'll talk about how great the Tyler Perry movies are and such. I guess she assumes all black people like Tyler Perry movies! LOL.

 

[Gorath]

She's from Northwest Knoxville. Is it sad that I haven't been there yet? We started dating 7 years ago, got married almost three years ago and I've never been to Knoxville yet because of her parents. But they came around recently so we'll be going to visit next summer.

Her mom sometimes goes overboard on "black" subjects to try to impress me and my family. She'll talk about how great the Tyler Perry movies are and such. I guess she assumes all black people like Tyler Perry movies! LOL.

Well, it is not much, but it is at least a positive step. The mother would probably be the first to open her eyes. The father, on the other hand, well, he is a work in progress. It will be a lot slower for him to come around. Is that how it is in your situation with your in-laws?

 

[Black Male Dancer]

Well, it is not much, but it is at least a positive step. The mother would probably be the first to open her eyes. The father, on the other hand, well, he is a work in progress. It will be a lot slower for him to come around. Is that how it is in your situation with your in-laws?

Yeah. It's a long story but I'll try to make it short and sweet.

My wife and I started dating back in 2007 in college. A few months into it, I met her father but she introduced me as a "friend," so we could ease him into the idea. He liked me a lot. He went home and told his wife I was a polite young kid. Then when my wife (Carrie) told them both we were dating, suddenly I wasn't a "polite young kid" anymore. lol. I was suddenly a thug, gangsta, drug dealer, etc.

Her parents stopped paying for her college tuition, car note, cell phone bill, everything. They completely disowned her. Carrie stuck with me though. That's how I knew she was the one. We moved in together and made it work. About a year later her parents got nosy and eventually started talking to her again. But they still couldn't see past my color. They overlooked that I treat her right. I was blessed to get a good job, too. I write a lot of breaking news/front page articles for newspapers like The TN Tribune and The Murfreesboro Post. I've interviewed many celebrities, published a book, etc. None of it seemed to matter to them. I was still a "goddamn nigger" to her parents and they were quite vocal about that.

Carrie would spend the holidays with my family in Memphis and stopped visiting her family in Knoxville altogether. Her parents didn't show up at our wedding in 2011, which was fine by us. Several years went by and Carrie never saw her parents, but my family embraced her warmly. By 2012, Carrie's parents really started to miss her and accepted our marriage and that I wasn't going anywhere. So her mom came to visit us that year and was really impressed. It was the first time she had ever spent time hanging out with a black man. She said I was nothing like she thought. And now she loves me. She asked all kinds of questions about journalism, my dreads, black culture, etc. She was really intrigued.

She met my parents, sister, grandparents, etc, last year in October and had a ball. She imagined everyone to be totally different than they were. She couldn't bring herself to say "I'm sorry" or "I was wrong," but she bought everyone dinner as an apology.

Carrie's dad works a lot and hasn't been able to visit us with Carrie's mom, but he's coming down to spend some time with us in March. So he's come around too. They couldn't ignore their daughter forever.

Here's my thing - I'm glad they came around before we have kids. If they would have rejected me all those years and then suddenly want to see my children, then they got another thing coming. But since they came around when it's just me, I can meet them halfway. Doing the Christian thing is hard but if they want to hang out a few times a year and have some laughs, I'm alright with that.

Wow. So much for short and sweet. lol.

 

[Ches]

Yeah. It's a long story but I'll try to make it short and sweet.

My wife and I started dating back in 2007 in college. A few months into it, I met her father but she introduced me as a "friend," so we could ease him into the idea. He liked me a lot. He went home and told his wife I was a polite young kid. Then when my wife (Carrie) told them both we were dating, suddenly I wasn't a "polite young kid" anymore. lol. I was suddenly a thug, gangsta, drug dealer, etc.

Her parents stopped paying for her college tuition, car note, cell phone bill, everything. They completely disowned her. Carrie stuck with me though. That's how I knew she was the one. We moved in together and made it work. About a year later her parents got nosy and eventually started talking to her again. But they still couldn't see past my color. They overlooked that I treat her right. I was blessed to get a good job, too. I write a lot of breaking news/front page articles for newspapers like The TN Tribune and The Murfreesboro Post. I've interviewed many celebrities, published a book, etc. None of it seemed to matter to them. I was still a "goddamn nigger" to her parents and they were quite vocal about that.

Carrie would spend the holidays with my family in Memphis and stopped visiting her family in Knoxville altogether. Her parents didn't show up at our wedding in 2011, which was fine by us. Several years went by and Carrie never saw her parents, but my family embraced her warmly. By 2012, Carrie's parents really started to miss her and accepted our marriage and that I wasn't going anywhere. So her mom came to visit us that year and was really impressed. It was the first time she had ever spent time hanging out with a black man. She said I was nothing like she thought. And now she loves me. She asked all kinds of questions about journalism, my dreads, black culture, etc. She was really intrigued.

She met my parents, sister, grandparents, etc, last year in October and had a ball. She imagined everyone to be totally different than they were. She couldn't bring herself to say "I'm sorry" or "I was wrong," but she bought everyone dinner as an apology.

Carrie's dad works a lot and hasn't been able to visit us with Carrie's mom, but he's coming down to spend some time with us in March. So he's come around too. They couldn't ignore their daughter forever.

Here's my thing - I'm glad they came around before we have kids. If they would have rejected me all those years and then suddenly want to see my children, then they got another thing coming. But since they came around when it's just me, I can meet them halfway. Doing the Christian thing is hard but if they want to hang out a few times a year and have some laughs, I'm alright with that.

Wow. So much for short and sweet. lol.

Your experience is a perfect example of what happens when people assume things. My parents felt "betrayed" when I began dating BM. Like it was an act of rebellion, to shame them. *smh*

I'm so sorry you had to endure that, BMD. But I'm glad your wife had the courage to make the choice to stand by you and let her parents realize their own closed-mindedness.

 

[Gorath]

Yeah. It's a long story but I'll try to make it short and sweet.

My wife and I started dating back in 2007 in college. A few months into it, I met her father but she introduced me as a "friend," so we could ease him into the idea. He liked me a lot. He went home and told his wife I was a polite young kid. Then when my wife (Carrie) told them both we were dating, suddenly I wasn't a "polite young kid" anymore. lol. I was suddenly a thug, gangsta, drug dealer, etc.

Her parents stopped paying for her college tuition, car note, cell phone bill, everything. They completely disowned her. Carrie stuck with me though. That's how I knew she was the one. We moved in together and made it work. About a year later her parents got nosy and eventually started talking to her again. But they still couldn't see past my color. They overlooked that I treat her right. I was blessed to get a good job, too. I write a lot of breaking news/front page articles for newspapers like The TN Tribune and The Murfreesboro Post. I've interviewed many celebrities, published a book, etc. None of it seemed to matter to them. I was still a "goddamn nigger" to her parents and they were quite vocal about that.

Carrie would spend the holidays with my family in Memphis and stopped visiting her family in Knoxville altogether. Her parents didn't show up at our wedding in 2011, which was fine by us. Several years went by and Carrie never saw her parents, but my family embraced her warmly. By 2012, Carrie's parents really started to miss her and accepted our marriage and that I wasn't going anywhere. So her mom came to visit us that year and was really impressed. It was the first time she had ever spent time hanging out with a black man. She said I was nothing like she thought. And now she loves me. She asked all kinds of questions about journalism, my dreads, black culture, etc. She was really intrigued.

She met my parents, sister, grandparents, etc, last year in October and had a ball. She imagined everyone to be totally different than they were. She couldn't bring herself to say "I'm sorry" or "I was wrong," but she bought everyone dinner as an apology.

Carrie's dad works a lot and hasn't been able to visit us with Carrie's mom, but he's coming down to spend some time with us in March. So he's come around too. They couldn't ignore their daughter forever.

Here's my thing - I'm glad they came around before we have kids. If they would have rejected me all those years and then suddenly want to see my children, then they got another thing coming. But since they came around when it's just me, I can meet them halfway. Doing the Christian thing is hard but if they want to hang out a few times a year and have some laughs, I'm alright with that.

Wow. So much for short and sweet. lol.

Sticking together after all that is hard but worth it. You two are truly blessed and overcame the odds. Of course, your journey has not ended. With all due respect, I envy you. I salute you both.

 

[RaiderLL]

Here's my thing - I'm glad they came around before we have kids. If they would have rejected me all those years and then suddenly want to see my children, then they got another thing coming. But since they came around when it's just me, I can meet them halfway. Doing the Christian thing is hard but if they want to hang out a few times a year and have some laughs, I'm alright with that.

Wow. So much for short and sweet. lol.

I think it's incredibly big of you to see things the way you do. I think it'd be easy for you to be bitter and hold a grudge against them for the years of alienation they caused you and your wife, but you're not doing that. If her parents aren't thankful for your mature take on the matter now, they certainly will be once y'all have children. I'm glad they're coming around!

 

[medullaslashin]

Naaah. We're not saying the same thing.

If I read you correct, you're equating not being the standard of beauty to society saying you're ugly. You're equating society not sharing your beauty standard (ie. not "acknowledging your beauty") as society saying you're ugly

I don't care about anyone's standard of beauty. But I deserve basic respect like everyone else, instead of the constant snow of spite and indignities. That's the "walk in the bm's shoes" part of my post. Compared to our experiences, being left out of society's beauty standard is completely benign

Here's the neg rep I got for the post above:

If you want to get respect you have got to give respect. You don't deserve anything you are not willing to do for others. This isn't some competition, other people's experiences may be different from yours but that does not make them less valid.

My question is, why not just say that right on the board? :mrgreen:

But I want to address that point anyway. People are always talking shit about "you get respect if you give respect" in reference to the spite and indignities black men face. I've even heard people say that in real life.

That is sooooooo idiotic, since the people who say that have no clue how I (or any other bm individual) carries himself. And they apparently aren't acquainted with the ways of race bullies, who target upright bm prolly more readily (out of envy) than they target "stereotypical" bm

People who say that are just using their cartoonish image of what it means to be a black man to justify nazism. It's like they simply can't imagine that bm can carry themselves with respect and courtesy for others, and because they can't picture that, anything anyone does to a bm is right and just.

they're the sort of ppl who fear bm on sight, and because they feel that fear, it means bm are picking on them. :mrgreen:

 

[Peach State Scholar]

Yeah. It's a long story but I'll try to make it short and sweet.

My wife and I started dating back in 2007 in college. A few months into it, I met her father but she introduced me as a "friend," so we could ease him into the idea. He liked me a lot. He went home and told his wife I was a polite young kid. Then when my wife (Carrie) told them both we were dating, suddenly I wasn't a "polite young kid" anymore. lol. I was suddenly a thug, gangsta, drug dealer, etc.

Her parents stopped paying for her college tuition, car note, cell phone bill, everything. They completely disowned her. Carrie stuck with me though. That's how I knew she was the one. We moved in together and made it work. About a year later her parents got nosy and eventually started talking to her again. But they still couldn't see past my color. They overlooked that I treat her right. I was blessed to get a good job, too. I write a lot of breaking news/front page articles for newspapers like The TN Tribune and The Murfreesboro Post. I've interviewed many celebrities, published a book, etc. None of it seemed to matter to them. I was still a "goddamn nigger" to her parents and they were quite vocal about that.

Carrie would spend the holidays with my family in Memphis and stopped visiting her family in Knoxville altogether. Her parents didn't show up at our wedding in 2011, which was fine by us. Several years went by and Carrie never saw her parents, but my family embraced her warmly. By 2012, Carrie's parents really started to miss her and accepted our marriage and that I wasn't going anywhere. So her mom came to visit us that year and was really impressed. It was the first time she had ever spent time hanging out with a black man. She said I was nothing like she thought. And now she loves me. She asked all kinds of questions about journalism, my dreads, black culture, etc. She was really intrigued.

She met my parents, sister, grandparents, etc, last year in October and had a ball. She imagined everyone to be totally different than they were. She couldn't bring herself to say "I'm sorry" or "I was wrong," but she bought everyone dinner as an apology.

Carrie's dad works a lot and hasn't been able to visit us with Carrie's mom, but he's coming down to spend some time with us in March. So he's come around too. They couldn't ignore their daughter forever.

Here's my thing - I'm glad they came around before we have kids. If they would have rejected me all those years and then suddenly want to see my children, then they got another thing coming. But since they came around when it's just me, I can meet them halfway. Doing the Christian thing is hard but if they want to hang out a few times a year and have some laughs, I'm alright with that.

Wow. So much for short and sweet. lol.

Damn, an amazing story. First of all, your wife is amazing for sticking by your side through everything that you had to go through. Second, it would have been next to impossible for me not to hold a grudge against her parents for the way they behaved. You're a much bigger man than me and I'm glad that everything worked out the way that it did.

 

[Apollonia]

I am so sorry that you had to experience all of this with your wife's family but I am glad that you have been able to continue being true to yourself to allow her family to see how great you guys are together.

I found your story to be quite interesting because I have never had a man's family strongly dislike me or express disapproval of our relationship. I wonder if your situation was because they are Southerners?

Yeah. It's a long story but I'll try to make it short and sweet.

My wife and I started dating back in 2007 in college. A few months into it, I met her father but she introduced me as a "friend," so we could ease him into the idea. He liked me a lot. He went home and told his wife I was a polite young kid. Then when my wife (Carrie) told them both we were dating, suddenly I wasn't a "polite young kid" anymore. lol. I was suddenly a thug, gangsta, drug dealer, etc.

Her parents stopped paying for her college tuition, car note, cell phone bill, everything. They completely disowned her. Carrie stuck with me though. That's how I knew she was the one. We moved in together and made it work. About a year later her parents got nosy and eventually started talking to her again. But they still couldn't see past my color. They overlooked that I treat her right. I was blessed to get a good job, too. I write a lot of breaking news/front page articles for newspapers like The TN Tribune and The Murfreesboro Post. I've interviewed many celebrities, published a book, etc. None of it seemed to matter to them. I was still a "goddamn nigger" to her parents and they were quite vocal about that.

Carrie would spend the holidays with my family in Memphis and stopped visiting her family in Knoxville altogether. Her parents didn't show up at our wedding in 2011, which was fine by us. Several years went by and Carrie never saw her parents, but my family embraced her warmly. By 2012, Carrie's parents really started to miss her and accepted our marriage and that I wasn't going anywhere. So her mom came to visit us that year and was really impressed. It was the first time she had ever spent time hanging out with a black man. She said I was nothing like she thought. And now she loves me. She asked all kinds of questions about journalism, my dreads, black culture, etc. She was really intrigued.

She met my parents, sister, grandparents, etc, last year in October and had a ball. She imagined everyone to be totally different than they were. She couldn't bring herself to say "I'm sorry" or "I was wrong," but she bought everyone dinner as an apology.

Carrie's dad works a lot and hasn't been able to visit us with Carrie's mom, but he's coming down to spend some time with us in March. So he's come around too. They couldn't ignore their daughter forever.

Here's my thing - I'm glad they came around before we have kids. If they would have rejected me all those years and then suddenly want to see my children, then they got another thing coming. But since they came around when it's just me, I can meet them halfway. Doing the Christian thing is hard but if they want to hang out a few times a year and have some laughs, I'm alright with that.

Wow. So much for short and sweet. lol.

 

[Black Male Dancer]

Your experience is a perfect example of what happens when people assume things. My parents felt "betrayed" when I began dating BM. Like it was an act of rebellion, to shame them. *smh*

I'm so sorry you had to endure that, BMD. But I'm glad your wife had the courage to make the choice to stand by you and let her parents realize their own closed-mindedness.

Sticking together after all that is hard but worth it. You two are truly blessed and overcame the odds. Of course, your journey has not ended. With all due respect, I envy you. I salute you both.

I think it's incredibly big of you to see things the way you do. I think it'd be easy for you to be bitter and hold a grudge against them for the years of alienation they caused you and your wife, but you're not doing that. If her parents aren't thankful for your mature take on the matter now, they certainly will be once y'all have children. I'm glad they're coming around!

Damn, an amazing story. First of all, your wife is amazing for sticking by your side through everything that you had to go through. Second, it would have been next to impossible for me not to hold a grudge against her parents for the way they behaved. You're a much bigger man than me and I'm glad that everything worked out the way that it did.

I am so sorry that you had to experience all of this with your wife's family but I am glad that you have been able to continue being true to yourself to allow her family to see how great you guys are together.

I found your story to be quite interesting because I have never had a man's family strongly dislike me or express disapproval of our relationship. I wonder if your situation was because they are Southerners?

Thanks everyone. I tried to send each of you rep but I didn't realize there was a limit. I appreciate the support. It's actually somewhat therapeutic to pour it out like this, especially to people who can relate and show love.

Many of our friends are white and can't relate. They witnessed the whole thing but put themselves in denial or don't like to talk about it. That made the situation even more frustrating! Things like this need to be discussed. If you sweep it under the rug it'll keep happening.

@Apollonia. I think you're right. I hate the south. I'm not even 30 years old yet and I've dealt with so much racism it's not even funny. Some white people around here still have the mindset of people from the 1800s.

 

[Loki]

Thanks everyone. I tried to send each of you rep but I didn't realize there was a limit. I appreciate the support. It's actually somewhat therapeutic to pour it out like this, especially to people who can relate and show love.

Many of our friends are white and can't relate. They witnessed the whole thing but put themselves in denial or don't like to talk about it. That made the situation even more frustrating! Things like this need to be discussed. If you sweep it under the rug it'll keep happening.

@Apollonia. I think you're right. I hate the south. I'm not even 30 years old yet and I've dealt with so much racism it's not even funny. Some white people around here still have the mindset of people from the 1800s.

Very impressive that you have it in you to forgive and allow your wife's parents into your life. My first instinct would have been to tell them where to go and how to get there in extreme detail, and I am not sure I could forgive without extreme grovelling and apologies on their part.

Anyway, I'm glad to see that you two stuck together, best wishes for you two to keep striving and thriving together!

 

[free816]

She's from Northwest Knoxville. Is it sad that I haven't been there yet? We started dating 7 years ago, got married almost three years ago and I've never been to Knoxville yet because of her parents. But they came around recently so we'll be going to visit next summer.

Her mom sometimes goes overboard on "black" subjects to try to impress me and my family. She'll talk about how great the Tyler Perry movies are and such. I guess she assumes all black people like Tyler Perry movies! LOL.

Sounds like halls, within lady 10 yrs a interracial couple woke up to a cross burning in their yard,

 

[pettyofficerj]

Im not "Black" as in African, but i had many bad racist experiences

Almost ten minutes video, if you have the never to listen to
[YOUTUBE]8YXvU3to0KE[/YOUTUBE]

I guess this belongs here

Being black is a state of mind brotha

 

[Black Male Dancer]

Very impressive that you have it in you to forgive and allow your wife's parents into your life. My first instinct would have been to tell them where to go and how to get there in extreme detail, and I am not sure I could forgive without extreme grovelling and apologies on their part.

Anyway, I'm glad to see that you two stuck together, best wishes for you two to keep striving and thriving together!

Thanks. Yeah, I try to live the most stress-free life I can live, although there are always people who try to make it difficult.

Sounds like halls, within lady 10 yrs a interracial couple woke up to a cross burning in their yard,

Word. I don't understand how people can have so much hate in their hearts. I really don't.

 

[flaminghetero]

damn

if these are the worst racial experiences you all have encountered you should consider yourselves damn lucky.

You do not know racism until you have walked in the shoes a big black man in america :!:

Amen to that.

 

[The Dark King]

Amen to that.

Try being black in Latin America where no one cares about or tells your story.

 

[APPIAH]

Black on black "racism" is the worst. Seeing someone who is darker than midnight ridicule you because you have an accent or have a funny sounding name is worse than a white person saying racist stuff about me

 

[The Dark King]

Black on black "racism" is the worst. Seeing someone who is darker than midnight ridicule you because you have an accent or have a funny sounding name is worse than a white person saying racist stuff about me

So if they were paper bag brown it would hurt less? Careful your bias is showing

 

[APPIAH]

So if they were paper bag brown it would hurt less? Careful your bias is showing

If a friend betrays you as compared to a stranger betraying which one will hurt you the most? It is a double whammy for a person who has the same skin colour as you to discriminate against you that's what i am saying.