18 Ugly Truths About Modern Dating That You Have To Deal With

need to qualify these fools before you lay with them.
ladies: if all he has to bring to the tables is his dick then kick him to the side.

fellas: if all she got going for her is nice ass and tits then tell her to hit the bricks.
 
4north1side2 said:
1. The person who cares less has all the power. Nobody wants to be the one who’s more interested.

2. Because we want to show how cavalier and blasé we can be to the other person, little psychological games like ‘Intentionally Take Hours Or Days To Text Back’ will happen. They aren’t fun.

3. A person being carefree because they have zero interest in you looks exactly like a person being carefree because they think you’re amazing & are making a conscious effort to play it cool. Good luck deciphering between the two.

4. Making phone calls is a dying art. Chances are, most of your relationship’s communication will happen via text, which is the most detached, impersonal form of interaction. Get familiar with those emoticon options.

5. Set plans are dead. People have options and up-to-the-minute updates on their friends (or other potential romantic interests) whereabouts thanks to texts & social media. If you aren’t the top priority, your invitation to spend time will be given a “Maybe” or “I’ll let you know” and the deciding factor(s) will be if that person has offers more fun/interesting than you on the table.

6. Someone who hurt you isn’t automatically going to have bad karma. At least not in the immediate future. I know it only seems fair, but sometimes people cheat and betray and move on happily while the person they left is in shambles.

7. The only difference between your actions being romantic and creepy is how attractive the other person finds you. That’s it, that’s all.

8. “Let’s chill” & “Wanna hang out?” are vague phrases that likely mean “let’s hookup” — and while you probably hate receiving them, they’re the common way to invite someone to spend time these days, and appear to be here to stay.

9. Some people just want to hookup and if you’re seeking more than sex, they won’t tell you that they’re the wrong person for you. At least, not until after they score your prize. While human decency is ideal, honesty isn’t mandatory.

10. The text message you sent went through. If they didn’t respond, it wasn’t because of malfunctioning phone carrier services.

11. So many people are scared of commitment and being official that they’ll remain in a label-free relationship, which blurs lines and only works until it doesn’t. I’ve said it many times before, I’ll say it again – “we’re just talking” is opening the door for cheating that technically wasn’t cheating because, hey, you weren’t together together.

12. Social media creates new temptations and opportunities to cheat. The private messaging and options for subtle flirtation (e.g. liking of pictures) aren’t an excuse or validation for cheating, but they certainly increase the chances of it happening.

13. Social media can also create the illusion of having options, which leads to people looking at Facebook as an attractive people menu instead of a means of keeping contact with friends & family.

14. You aren’t likely to see much of someone’s genuine, unfiltered self until you’re in an actual relationship with him or her. Generally people are scared that sincerely putting themselves out there will result in finding out that they’re too available, too anxious, too nerdy, too nice, too safe, too boring, not funny enough, not pretty enough, not some other person enough to be embraced.

15. Any person you get romantically involved with you’ll either wind up staying with forever or breaking up with them at some point. These are equally terrifying concepts.

16. When dating, instead of expressing how they feel directly to you, a person is more likely to post a Facebook status or Instagram a Tumblr-esque photo of a sunset with a quote or song lyric of someone else’s words on it, and while it may not mention your name, it’s blatantly directed at you.

17. There are plenty of people who’ll have zero respect for your relationship and if they want the person you’re with, they’ll have no qualms with trying to overstep boundaries to get to ‘em. Girl code and guy code are wishful thinking and human code isn’t embedded in everyone.

18. If you get dumped, it’s probably going to be pretty brutal. People can cut ties over the phone and avoid seeing the tears stream down your face or end things via text and avoid hearing the pain in your cracking voice and sniffling nose. Send a lengthy text and voilà, relationship over. The easy way out is far from the most considerate.
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Man. This is what I have to look forward to? It's depressing. I'm recently single after 7 years so I'm a bit rusty. I had forgotten how complicated dating can be. I think if you find a good match you won't have to endure a lot of this but finding a good match can be a tough task.
 
Black Male Dancer said:
Man. This is what I have to look forward to? It's depressing. I'm recently single after 7 years so I'm a bit rusty. I had forgotten how complicated dating can be. I think if you find a good match you won't have to endure a lot of this but finding a good match can be a tough task.
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Dude, you're like a week into the single life, don't start thinking negatively already! If you become a negative nelly, that crap will ooze out of you and trust me...it's an instant turn off to women! Get out there and chat people up. Go online and see what's out there. Don't be quick to jump into anything, don't take anyone too seriously...enjoy the single life my friend! Dating is only as hard as you make it.
 
RaiderLL said:
Dude, you're like a week into the single life, don't start thinking negatively already! If you become a negative nelly, that crap will ooze out of you and trust me...it's an instant turn off to women! Get out there and chat people up. Go online and see what's out there. Don't be quick to jump into anything, don't take anyone too seriously...enjoy the single life my friend! Dating is only as hard as you make it.
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Thanks! Not trying to be negative. It's just that some of those things I had forgotten about. But I'm very excited and looking forward to seeing whose out there.
 
Black Male Dancer said:
Thanks! Not trying to be negative. It's just that some of those things I had forgotten about. But I'm very excited and looking forward to seeing whose out there.
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yeah, look what ever you do....forgive your exwife (defend yourself in court) not so much for her but for your benefit. if you dont you will hold onto anger and it will make you bitter and depressed.
 
Black Male Dancer said:
Word. The one of these "rules" that bothers me the most is the one about the one caring less having all the power. I hate those mind games.
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There are no mind games associated with strange pussy, and that's what you should be thinking about. Caring and power are only relevant terms for those who subject themselves to it. So enjoy your last rendezvous of the single life. :cool:
 
Black Male Dancer said:
Thanks! Not trying to be negative. It's just that some of those things I had forgotten about. But I'm very excited and looking forward to seeing whose out there.
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Dude the best way not to be negative is just do you. Do what makes you happy consider no one else or their feelings. I know it's not what people want to hear but when you start considering people who don't reciprocate it builds resentment. You can't go wrong with being a little selfish fam
 
The Dark King said:
Dude the best way not to be negative is just do you. Do what makes you happy consider no one else or their feelings. I know it's not what people want to hear but when you start considering people who don't reciprocate it builds resentment. You can't go wrong with being a little selfish fam
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Like Barry Manilow sang in "I've Made It Through The Rain,"

"When friends are hard to find. When life seems so unkind. Sometimes you feel afraid. Just aim beyond the clouds and rise above the crowds, and start your own parade."

Just do you own thing and don't worry about everyone else because they're doing the same thing.
 
I thought this thread was smart. Insightful and clever. I thought I couldn't identify and was indifferent to comment at first, but I thought about why and I think it might be that I disagree with the presumptions often present in the 'dating' stage of relationships. The fundamentals. Prior to a committed relationship, one is entitled to common decency and simple respect. Not entitled to your complete attention at your whim. Not entitled to exclusivity. Not entitled to a compromise of other priorities. At times people mistake this for playing games or disinterest. That's unfortunate.
The person who cares less has all the power. Nobody wants to be the one who’s more interested.
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Sure, but the less interested party could also logically be the one less interested in playing games. It is the more interested party with the interest in making something more than it is. Deluding themselves into thinking there's a game going on. When I'm the more interested party, I try not to indulge in that ego. It's not easy, but I try to just accept he's simply not that in to me.
2. Because we want to show how cavalier and blasé we can be to the other person, little psychological games like ‘Intentionally Take Hours Or Days To Text Back’ will happen. They aren’t fun.
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As long as one remembers that just because a person doesn't respond when you want doesn't mean they're necessarily intentionally playing games. See I'm not your every five minutes all on the phone (The Roots) :cool:
5. Set plans are dead. People have options and up-to-the-minute updates on their friends (or other potential romantic interests) whereabouts thanks to texts & social media. If you aren’t the top priority, your invitation to spend time will be given a “Maybe” or “I’ll let you know” and the deciding factor(s) will be if that person has offers more fun/interesting than you on the table.
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It sounds like you think this is a bad thing. I say "I'll let you know" or "maybe" often. But it's not because I'm holding out for better offers. And it has nothing to do with social media. It has everything to do with maintaining ownership of my time, with taking care of myself. I found that when I say 'yes' to every advance invitation, I only end up resenting the commitment and ultimately the person. Not because I wasn't interested, not because it didn't sound fun, not because I saw a post on facebook, but because when Friday night finally arrives I'm often tired and simply want to stay home. Say 'yes' without hesitation every time and you'll find you never work out and you're chronically hung-over.
Flexibility is not a bad thing. You have to prioritize people. When you meet someone and go out, don’t be offended if you’re not top priority from that moment forward. Always assume they are seeing others. This is not a reflection of their interest in you. Sometimes interest grows over time. And yes, sometimes a “maybe” is because they’re not sure of their interest yet. It’s called dating.

I've found saying "let's play it by ear" is preferable to cancelling night of. No one believes you when you cancel cause you're tired. A flat ‘no’ to invitations isn't accurate either. I am interested in you; it does sound fun. But if I don’t have time to take care of myself, I won’t feel sexy, and in that event I’m better off putting you off till next time. You won't understand, naturally. All of my girl friends (over age 30) know this catch 22 well.

11. So many people are scared of commitment and being official that they’ll remain in a label-free relationship, which blurs lines and only works until it doesn’t. I’ve said it many times before, I’ll say it again – “we’re just talking” is opening the door for cheating that technically wasn’t cheating because, hey, you weren’t together together.
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Precisely. You’re not in a committed relationship until you are. Doesn’t necessarily mean anyone is scared. Likely it’s more simple than that – they’re not interested in commitment. With you. But if it’s easier to assume the other party is ‘scared of commitment’ then go with that. I’d only suggest that before you accuse another of cheating, make sure you were listening. Is it possible he actually told you he was seeing other people numerous times?
Great thread. I was quick to dismiss it at first; turns out I had a lot to say. Ha. :p
 
So strange.

MilkandCoffee said:
The most bothersome thing about that (though I hate to admit it) is that the women who say that, are usually attractive; and don't say they aren't because otherwise we wouldn't care.
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The Dark King said:
Its pretty brutal. We are the only group of men women feel its necessary to say they won't date. It gets a little bothersome. No matter your accomplishments your personality or how you take care of yourself there are people who can only see skin tone. It's even more bothersome if you prefer dating ww.
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Satchmo said:
I thought this thread was smart. Insightful and clever. I thought I couldn't identify and was indifferent to comment at first, but I thought about why and I think it might be that I disagree with the presumptions often present in the 'dating' stage of relationships. The fundamentals. Prior to a committed relationship, one is entitled to common decency and simple respect. Not entitled to your complete attention at your whim. Not entitled to exclusivity. Not entitled to a compromise of other priorities. At times people mistake this for playing games or disinterest. That's unfortunate.
Sure, but the less interested party could also logically be the one less interested in playing games. It is the more interested party with the interest in making something more than it is. Deluding themselves into thinking there's a game going on. When I'm the more interested party, I try not to indulge in that ego. It's not easy, but I try to just accept he's simply not that in to me.

As long as one remembers that just because a person doesn't respond when you want doesn't mean they're necessarily intentionally playing games. See I'm not your every five minutes all on the phone (The Roots) :cool:

It sounds like you think this is a bad thing. I say "I'll let you know" or "maybe" often. But it's not because I'm holding out for better offers. And it has nothing to do with social media. It has everything to do with maintaining ownership of my time, with taking care of myself. I found that when I say 'yes' to every advance invitation, I only end up resenting the commitment and ultimately the person. Not because I wasn't interested, not because it didn't sound fun, not because I saw a post on facebook, but because when Friday night finally arrives I'm often tired and simply want to stay home. Say 'yes' without hesitation every time and you'll find you never work out and you're chronically hung-over.
Flexibility is not a bad thing. You have to prioritize people. When you meet someone and go out, don’t be offended if you’re not top priority from that moment forward. Always assume they are seeing others. This is not a reflection of their interest in you. Sometimes interest grows over time. And yes, sometimes a “maybe” is because they’re not sure of their interest yet. It’s called dating.

I've found saying "let's play it by ear" is preferable to cancelling night of. No one believes you when you cancel cause you're tired. A flat ‘no’ to invitations isn't accurate either. I am interested in you; it does sound fun. But if I don’t have time to take care of myself, I won’t feel sexy, and in that event I’m better off putting you off till next time. You won't understand, naturally. All of my girl friends (over age 30) know this catch 22 well.


Precisely. You’re not in a committed relationship until you are. Doesn’t necessarily mean anyone is scared. Likely it’s more simple than that – they’re not interested in commitment. With you. But if it’s easier to assume the other party is ‘scared of commitment’ then go with that. I’d only suggest that before you accuse another of cheating, make sure you were listening. Is it possible he actually told you he was seeing other people numerous times?
Great thread. I was quick to dismiss it at first; turns out I had a lot to say. Ha. :p
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