Anyone else refuse to date?

Personally, I think rules put certainties everywhere. I read 'absolutely' in your post, but there are no absolutes in most human affairs except in science. I am aware that preparation for a changing and competitive future comes with an advanced degree.

What am I labouring to say?

If I was going to be an innovator in the information age, I would want to be in Silicon Valley where there is a web of innovation and I can feed off creative energies of others. If you are ambitious and realise that most of your dreams doesn't tag with that of the folks in your community, maybe it is time to re-examine your options on location. It is about the deep calling to the deep here.

My conclusion then is, you may have outgrown or are outgrowing your geographical space, and potentials for people of like minds is getting slimmer as you are aiming and shooting higher. Maybe it is time to dump rules and ties that make you want to remain within a geographical space. The mind like love is boundless and mates can be found in the most unlikely places. When you meet the right guy, you will abandon rules about procreation in a jiffy, sometimes it happens. I am not saying it will.


Dreaming_Blue said:
I'm pretty tired of dating, too.

I think I've just gotten to the point where I simply don't believe in romance. I don't believe in love. I don't believe in soul mates.

I used to, though.

Everyone always says I'm too young to give up, but really, what's the point? I haven't had many relationships in my life... and the ones I had weren't great. And with my one ex I felt like I had finally found a partner, and then he just disappears leaving a note on my car and I find out he got some other girl pregnant at the same time that he was talking marriage with me.

What's left to believe in at this point?

And, I won't date a man with kids. Absolutely not. I've tried it, because I was told I was being unfair....but it's definitely not for me. Unfortunately, that pretty much cancels out the majority of the dating pool around here... and that's pretty sad for someone who's 28 years old.

Not to mention, people are usually threatened by me because of my education. I'm about to finish my Master's, and then I'm going on to a PhD. I don't require that the man I date have a college degree, just that he be able to carry on a conversation about the world and current events and is passionate about something. I had one guy tell me there was no point in my finishing my M.A. or getting a PhD because he'd rather I was home, barefoot and pregnant- and when would I get to use ridiculous degrees like that if I was home?

....Yeah. I am not the barefoot and pregnant type, as you guys know from my 'Child free' post. ;)

Anyway...when did it get so hard to find a man who DOESN'T want children?! WTF?! And one who is honest, trustworthy, funny, friendly, appreciates the things I do, even if he isn't in love with them...and who will let me be a part of his life (as one ex said 'true partnerships only exist in the movies'- I don't believe that shit for a second. That's what I want- or wanted, really. I wanted a partner, a friend..a lover.)....I dunno. In theory it didn't seem so difficult. In practice? Whole other story.

I took myself off the market because I just don't have it in me. I've had my heart broken so many times that I don't think I can take it again. I'd rather be alone with my dogs than have someone hurt me again.
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I'm sorry that you gentlemen are experiencing the whole college degree thing. I know several women, myself included, who have graduate degrees and don't think of that when getting to know a man. I have dated men who have degrees and ones who don't. What is important to me is compatibility. I like a man who is smart in terms of knowing what is going on in the world, can handle money, and who can support themselves. Not of those things require a degree.
 
Dreaming_Blue said:
Sir Nose- generally you and I are cool...but, I'm feeling a little attacked right now to be honest with you. What's your problem with what I've said, exactly?

Why is it so wrong for me to discuss my educational plans, when asked, when it's something I'm passionate about? Why is OK for a man to respond 'Those degrees are stupid...besides, you're just going to have kids anyway, what a waste!'? Maybe I'm misreading what you're getting at, and maybe you're misunderstanding me- or both.
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DB I like you a lot but I call 'em like I see 'em. You're suggesting that men are threatened by degrees that you don't have, and I think that is a little ridiculous.

I'm pretty sure these guys ---- as I said already--may be turned off (not threatened) by the fact that you have an elitist attitude towards education and attach a status to yourself for degrees as of yet unearned. Real talk.
 
Sir Nose said:
DB I like you a lot but I call 'em like I see 'em. You're suggesting that men are threatened by degrees that you don't have, and I think that is a little ridiculous.

I'm pretty sure these guys ---- as I said already--may be turned off (not threatened) by the fact that you have an elitist attitude towards education and attach a status to yourself for degrees as of yet unearned. Real talk.
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Well, maybe that's how it came across in text, but it was a really general statement about my experiences without any context, background, or what have you. I don't even mention what I want to do with my life until after I'm asked... and around here, there aren't a lot of people with Bachelor's degrees, so that alone makes some people go 'Oh...I never went to college.' and my response is always 'That's perfectly cool with me...college isn't for everyone, and I'll be the first one to tell you that.'

It's after I get into a conversation and I let it be known that I'm in a Master's program, and we have the whole 'What are you planning to do with that?' conversation that I get negative reactions when I say that my ultimate plan is to get a PhD...and that I've wanted the chance to pursue a doctorate since I was a little girl. "You don't want kids and you want all that debt? Seems stupid."...."So you're going to out-earn your husband? Doesn't that seem odd to you?" (should it, if that's the way it goes?) and my favorite is usually the hint that they think what I'm doing is stupid because it doesn't sound like a 'real' degree. There have been a few who ask me what I'm doing and think it's cool, and who wish me luck should I decide to pursue and achieve the doctorate, but it's so rare.

My point in what I originally said was less about my plans and more about the reactions people have had... like, it's a waste of time to get a Master's, nevermind even considering trying to go for a Doctorate. It is frustrating, because I don't even want to talk about what I want to do with my life with those reactions. In real life, I'm pretty quiet and shy....so those reactions make me want to clam up.

I'm sorry I wasn't more clear about that...
 
naija4real said:
Personally, I think rules put certainties everywhere. I read 'absolutely' in your post, but there are no absolutes in most human affairs except in science. I am aware that preparation for a changing and competitive future comes with an advanced degree.

What am I labouring to say?

If I was going to be an innovator in the information age, I would want to be in Silicon Valley where there is a web of innovation and I can feed off creative energies of others. If you are ambitious and realise that most of your dreams doesn't tag with that of the folks in your community, maybe it is time to re-examine your options on location. It is about the deep calling to the deep here.

My conclusion then is, you may have outgrown or are outgrowing your geographical space, and potentials for people of like minds is getting slimmer as you are aiming and shooting higher. Maybe it is time to dump rules and ties that make you want to remain within a geographical space. The mind like love is boundless and mates can be found in the most unlikely places. When you meet the right guy, you will abandon rules about procreation in a jiffy, sometimes it happens. I am not saying it will.
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I appreciate your comments. I'm not really in a position to move right now since I just bought my house last year, but I see what you're saying. :)

The procreation thing though...I don't see that happening. Have you ever known a woman to have a physically negative reaction to a bare pregnant belly in public or in print? No? I do. I physically gag. I hate summertime because there are bare pregnant celebrity bellies all over the place and in tabloids -it constantly grosses me out. I dunno why I'm like that...but I am. That would be pretty tough to get over if my feelings on procreation changed.
 
Dreaming_Blue said:
my favorite is usually the hint that they think what I'm doing is stupid because it doesn't sound like a 'real' degree. There have been a few who ask me what I'm doing and think it's cool, and who wish me luck should I decide to pursue and achieve the doctorate, but it's so rare.
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1. I admire your goals and I know you will be very successful.
2. Dump those fools who have a problem with your goals.
3. Leave Buffalo.
4. You will enjoy your career and meet many like-minded people along the way, so don't saddle yourself with someone who is not on board who may hold you back. That has happened to a lot of women.
 
Sir Nose said:
1. I admire your goals and I know you will be very successful.
2. Dump those fools who have a problem with your goals.
3. Leave Buffalo.
4. You will enjoy your career and meet many like-minded people along the way, so don't saddle yourself with someone who is not on board who may hold you back. That has happened to a lot of women.
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LOL...hence, this thread. ;)
 
I'm that annoying optimist. I don't have it in my genetic make up to give up or get bitter about dating, regardless.

Mark that I don't mean that anyone in this thread not wanting to date are those things, I completely get where some of you are coming from.. I'm just talking about me and my attitude towards dating.

I think Ive created at least as much heartaches as I have received and I cant point fingers without incriminating myself.. So I wont. I can only affect my own behavior and tendencies so I work on that.

I am not really actively searching, but I am open for that special someone. I do want a genuine solid LT relationship, but I don't believe in chasing it, it has to happen organically... In the mean time, I'm fine by myself, dating here and there in hopes of finding "the one"
:-)
 
Arwen said:
I know tons of people with a degree that can't even spell correct english, and people, like you, who might not have a degree but are people full fo resources. Ideally a man with some culture is better, but a degree doesn't make the culture.
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I have a degree and I can't spell worth shit? What does it mean? Does spelling denote intelligence? There is a point there someplace but I don't understand.

for the most part, I will find it a bit difficult to get serious with a woman with some sort of formal higher education. It actually has less to do with education and more to do with income level.

A walmart worker.........while beautiful, I just couldn't see anything very serious coming out of spending time with her.
 
Ymra said:
I have a degree and I can't spell worth shit? What does it mean? Does spelling denote intelligence? There is a point there someplace but I don't understand.

for the most part, I will find it a bit difficult to get serious with a woman with some sort of formal higher education. It actually has less to do with education and more to do with income level.

A walmart worker.........while beautiful, I just couldn't see anything very serious coming out of spending time with her.
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You never know fam. Walmart worker today Walmart regional manager tomorrow. It happens kid.
 
MrFantastic said:
Nothing is likely right now fam. I know plenty of law school grads without jobs people with Ohds looking for work as secretaries. I think we all need to be humbled by what happened in the last few years.
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You know me the "I know people who" never worked for me as a valid example of proof. We can "I know someone who" for every counter argument and every siltation. The fact of the matter is reality is skewed my way.

The chances (in any economy) this decade or the one preceding it, of a Wal-mart cashier rising to the level of regional manager were and are slim. And within my age range if the woman is working at Wal-Mart is is clear she has made some unwise choices in here life.

YES, there but for the grace of God go I.

but I worked my ass off and made wise choices to ensure that the older I get, that less I would have to struggle for things that I wanted and things that I needed. At this time in my life I simply could not date a woman who was barely making the ends meet. And should I ever find myself in that situation the last thing on my mind will be trying to find a mate, and my concentration would be on putting myself in a better position....a better station.
 
MrFantastic said:
Nothing is likely right now fam. I know plenty of law school grads without jobs people with Ohds looking for work as secretaries. I think we all need to be humbled by what happened in the last few years.
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You bring up a good point, andrae. Law school grads are especially suffering because the market is just saturated.

Those are some school loans I wouldn't want to have to pay when they come due while working at Walmart...eisch!
 
Dreaming_Blue said:
You bring up a good point, andrae. Law school grads are especially suffering because the market is just saturated.

Those are some school loans I wouldn't want to have to pay when they come due while working at Walmart...eisch!
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That's the point I was I trying to make to Ymra. Education doesn't always guarantee security. Sure it might help but in a world where everything is becoming more globalized a lot of skilled jobs are being outsourced. Legal is one of them. Its no where on the scale of manufacoring but its happening. Most law we see on tv is bullshit the majority of law is just writing briefs very little happens in court rooms. We allow doctors to work here on fellowship which means less money for them and less need for high priced doctors here. Outsourcing is a tremendous problem that shouldn't be overlooked. Ymra is in a great position because the only thing that will never be outsourced is military forces.
 
MrFantastic said:
That's the point I was I trying to make to Ymra. Education doesn't always guarantee security. Sure it might help but in a world where everything is becoming more globalized a lot of skilled jobs are being outsourced. Legal is one of them. Its no where on the scale of manufacoring but its happening. Most law we see on tv is bullshit the majority of law is just writing briefs very little happens in court rooms. We allow doctors to work here on fellowship which means less money for them and less need for high priced doctors here. Outsourcing is a tremendous problem that shouldn't be overlooked. Ymra is in a great position because the only thing that will never be outsourced is military forces.
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I never thought about it before, but yeah...if you want job security- join the military.
 
Dreaming_Blue said:
I never thought about it before, but yeah...if you want job security- join the military.
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Its the one area where they refuse to cut spending. Even in third world countries they'll let every citizen starve before cutting back on military spending. As long as people are afraid of "outsiders" there will always be money for militaries.
 
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