Ymra
New Member
foolish bravado. I would have had one my my sisters choke you until you urinated on yourself.
Are you willing to negotiate monogam
- Thread starter Ymra
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foolish bravado. I would have had one my my sisters choke you until you urinated on yourself.
You asked the question as to whether or not we'd be willing to negotiate monogamy & as I already said, my answer is "hell no".
In any relationship I'm part of, it would be cheating because monogamy is a requirement for me; therefore sex with anyone outside of that partnership would be cheating.
Vows exist for a reason & a person needs to make damn sure they're ready to honor them before they agree to them. Otherwise they aren't ready to get married.
Even if the desire to fuck around hits them 10 years later, it doesn't mean they should act on it. They should have enough love, honor, respect & self-control to do right by the person they vowed to be true to.
I'm not asking anyone to agree with me; I'm just telling it like it is the way I see it. That's the way it is for me & there's nothing that could change my mind about it.
Brittney
Well-Known Member
Well, I didn't say it was the wisest thing I've ever done or that I actually took the time to think about it or the consequences. But you live and you learn. Then get Luvs.
Ymra
New Member
I am not saying if you are right or wrong. (overall) but its not CHEATING if..............never mind.
...and I damn sure ain't trying to change your mine.
Ymra
New Member
Well, I didn't say it was the wisest thing I've ever done or that I actually took the time to think about it or the consequences. But you live and you learn. Then get Luvs.
Indeed, Indeed,
...my xwife slapped me once and my Gunnery Sergeant Sister want to pound her into a new dental plan. I've had to put my hand on two women
....involved a grenade
....the other involved a cell phone and a lot of blood.
Other than that no woman has ever been that foolish. Glad you learned.
I don't know why I respond to this since I know wher you stand and you know where I stand
I dont think its the Institution of Marriage needs to be fixed. That isn't the problem. I think people need to take some freaking personal inventory and responsibility of their actions and get over the Instant gratification/Entitlement/me me me attitude.
I don't think all marriages that end, constitutes a failure either. But that is just my opinion.
I'm open to marriage, and I would go into it with 100% commitment and intention to make it last. However, sometimes things happen and people get divorced - and it has nothing to do with infidelity.
Sometimes relationships just run their course.
When in a relationship however, I expect monogamy but I'm also open for the man to come to me, before he cheats, and maybe we can address that like adults.
That is the relationship I want - tell me, if your lusting after someone else, I might not want to hear it, and I might be upset - duh - but I can handle it and it gives me a chance to address things that I may need to, or we can discuss how that can be addressed otherwise - such as why you feel that way and how can we change that etc bla bla. No free pass though.
Great post, FG. It's definitely people that are the problem & not the institution of marriage itself.
I do think many times marriage end because folks get married before they're truly ready or for the wrong reasons & some give up too easily before throwing in the towel, BUT I also agree that sometimes it's for the best.
I think honest communication is the key & if you are having the desire to stray, it needs to be brought to your partner's attention, so whatever the problem is can be dealt with rather than being selfish & looking outside of your marriage for that "fix". If the issues are so bad that they can't be corrected, it's best to end it before getting involved with someone else.
Morning Star
Well-Known Member
To answer your question in short: No. If I'm committed to someone and we both agree that we are stuck together, based on a vow or a court decision until death do us apart, then there's no reason for us to compromise on whether we should explore other sexual ventures. This is strictly my personal take on the matter if I get married.
However, the reality is that we, as humans, are not wired to be monogamous and that's purely based on human nature. This explains why you see couples who engaged in a swingers's lifestyle and cuckoldry - to enhance their own sex lives and build their relationships. Again, it's all about mutual agreements between the spouses.
However, the reality is that we, as humans, are not wired to be monogamous and that's purely based on human nature. This explains why you see couples who engaged in a swingers's lifestyle and cuckoldry - to enhance their own sex lives and build their relationships. Again, it's all about mutual agreements between the spouses.
I don't think either of us is getting what the other is saying. lol
I understand that if the spouse is okay with you fucking someone else it isn't cheating. That's not what I was talking about.
It would be cheating in my situation because there'd be no okay for it to happen.
The Dark King
Well-Known Member
Here's the trap I think most people fall into. They believe they'll know what they'll want for a lifetime and for some that may be true and for so many others it doesn't work that way. So many that half end in divorce. If colleges only graduated half the students each year that would be a failure, if hospitals lost half their patients that would be a failure, if car companies had only half their inventory work that would also be a failure so then why does marriage get a pass. Its failing and something needs to change. I know people like FG want to blame the people involved and they do have equal responsibility but if the institution fails to produce marriages where people stay together maybe it needs to change.
Inner Beauty
New Member
Lawd, this is a big fear of mine. Especially if the guy cheated on me and had a kid at that. I couldn't deal with it.
I'd hope that he'd respect me enough to let me know that he was unhappy and that I wasn't enough for him anymore (not blaming myself, but how he viewed things). It's hard to say what I'd do, cause the predicament isn't in my face now, but I know the child thing would kill me and I wouldn't be able to get over the infidelity of it all.
I'd hope that he'd respect me enough to let me know that he was unhappy and that I wasn't enough for him anymore (not blaming myself, but how he viewed things). It's hard to say what I'd do, cause the predicament isn't in my face now, but I know the child thing would kill me and I wouldn't be able to get over the infidelity of it all.
stiletoes
Well-Known Member
And people don't think I will get divorced in ten years either.
FG
Well-Known Member
See my response to FG's post...it's post # 26.
I couldn't handle that or get over it either.
Thank you, FG! :smt080
The Dark King
Well-Known Member
See my response to FG's post...it's post # 26.
I couldn't handle that or get over it either.
Thank you, FG! :smt080
Tam I agree with what you're saying as far as comunication but that was Ymra's original post. He clearly said informing your partner was part of the deal. I get making a commitment but to me the greatest part of that is being honest and not trying to love myself through someone else. Like I said before we only get one life one opportunity to experience this life and instead of restricting each other we should be enhancing those experiences.
saintaugusta
New Member
I strongly agree, Tamstrong.
The Dark King
Well-Known Member
You guys are incredibly over simplistic but I guess being blind to what causes people to cheat is necessary to maintain the problem. Just sad.
Bookworm616
Well-Known Member
Sleeping with tons of people really constitutes "enhanced experiences"? Come on.
The problem with marriage is NOT the institution of marriage. It's the flawed people entering into said marriage. The divorce rate is so high because most people can't/won't deal with a lot of tough situations to work through them. Many of those divorces happen because one or both lacked the maturity, the fortitude, and the commitment to face their issues head-on and try to work through them before throwing in the towel.
And I'm so tired of seeing "we're mammals, we're not meant for monogamy". Whatever. It's just a person looking for an excuse to not stay committed to one person, because that would require more work than they're willing to put into it.
I guess that's the difference for me, Dre...I don't view marriage & monogamy as restrictions. I believe that when you marry someone, it's not just about you anymore. There's also no experience that can't be enhanced between a man & woman who have the right kind of relationship & love for each other IMO.
whikle
Well-Known Member
There is a middle ground, you know. People who enter polyamorous relationships aren't automatically sex crazed maniacs lacking in morals/self-discipline, or weak minded people who can't handle commitment. The idea of negotiated monogamy comes about because people DO want to be in loving, committed, serious relationships but are willing to re-negotiate centuries old social norms.