Do I need to change my ways

TheChosenOne said:
Technically you and Toronto are both right.

A woman that is sound of mind and spirit will have a list that is similar to yours but a woman that has deep seated emotional problems will be just like what Toronto23 is talking about. If a woman can't appreciate kindness....it means she isn't accustomed to anyone treating her well, and that brings in a host of problems that most guys don't want to deal with.

Many 20-something ladies (not all of course) dabble around with the bad boys and most quickly learn that the experience is highly overrated. What they think is strength is actually selfishness and narcissism on the part of their "rebels without a cause." At that point...the biological clock starts to tick and they discover that they want the father of their children to be more than a good time in the bed. The bargaining power that 20-something ladies have is strong but they often waste their time with the wrong kinds of men and by the time they reach an older age..those same guys they had in the "friend" column hold far more chips and are often married to women that had the sense to figure out what was best for the long-term. Consequently the wild girls end up settling for less than they could have had.

God often sends people into your life and you have to be ready...a lot of the young ladies aren't ready.
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Very well said. You've got a great head on your shoulders ChosenOne. I'm sure DH appreciates you greatly. :smt023
 
An idea seems prevalent here that attraction may be dictated by a person's inner qualities. I just think it's crucial to emphasize that physical and sexual attraction has to be present first. If it's not, you can't force it by being even the most perfect gentleman, and you can't blame the girl and say "you just can't handle a good man." It's not that.

And vice versa. If he ain't feeling me - I can jump out of my skin! - he still won't be feeling me.:-(
 
Moskvichka said:
An idea seems prevalent here that attraction may be dictated by a person's inner qualities. I just think it's crucial to emphasize that physical and sexual attraction has to be present first. If it's not, you can't force it by being even the most perfect gentleman, and you can't blame the girl and say "you just can't handle a good man." It's not that.

And vice versa. If he ain't feeling me - I can jump out of my skin! - he still won't be feeling me.:-(
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Very true, there has to be some attraction, but the staying power seems to be more about inner qualities. Well said.
 
Tinkerbell said:
Very true, there has to be some attraction, but the staying power seems to be more about inner qualities. Well said.
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Co-sign. I have to be attracted to him - it doesn't matter how nice he is, if I don't find him attractive, then nothing will happen with him....

But, there are tons of guys out there who are nice and attractive (in some way). Now if only one of them would cross my path. :D
 
Bookworm616 said:
Co-sign. I have to be attracted to him - it doesn't matter how nice he is, if I don't find him attractive, then nothing will happen with him....

But, there are tons of guys out there who are nice and attractive (in some way). Now if only one of them would cross my path. :D
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And if he does... and he's average...:smt047 would you be okay with that?
 
Moskvichka said:
And if he does... and he's average...:smt047 would you be okay with that?
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He doesn't have to be a model. I do have to find something physically attractive about him. It could be anything from his eyes, to his smile, to his shoulders. LOL. But, yeah, he doesn't have to be drop-dead gorgeous in order for me to date him....
 
Bookworm616 said:
He doesn't have to be a model. I do have to find something physically attractive about him. It could be anything from his eyes, to his smile, to his shoulders. LOL. But, yeah, he doesn't have to be drop-dead gorgeous in order for me to date him....
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you didn't get it... I was referring to another thread... average... above-average... remember?
 
Moskvichka said:
you didn't get it... I was referring to another thread... average... above-average... remember?
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LMAO!! Yep, that went right over my head! HAHAHAHAA!!

Okay, now that we're on the same page, yes, I would be okay if he was average. It doesn't matter the size, I get the same results. :D
 
Tinkerbell said:
I want these traits in my man.

Nice (but not so nice he's a pushover)
Strong (but not so strong he scares me)
Protective (but don't be jealous or keep me in a cage)
Kind (but not so kind I think he's flirting with another woman)
Driven (but not so driven he's a work-a-holic)
Sensual (but not always pushing for sex)
Etc.. (But not so ect..)

Get the drift???
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Yes. You want to have the cake and eat it, too. :smt113:smt113
 
TheChosenOne said:
Don't waste your time...if a woman is too dumb to see that being with a good guy that isn't a whiner or complainer....is a good thing for her...then maybe you don't need to be with someone that stupid.
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I would caveat that by saying it also depends on what you want from a woman at the time. A woman like you described is clearly not the marrying type. On the other hand, if you're just looking for a freak...
 
Moskvichka said:
An idea seems prevalent here that attraction may be dictated by a person's inner qualities. I just think it's crucial to emphasize that physical and sexual attraction has to be present first. If it's not, you can't force it by being even the most perfect gentleman, and you can't blame the girl and say "you just can't handle a good man." It's not that.

And vice versa. If he ain't feeling me - I can jump out of my skin! - he still won't be feeling me.:-(
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See, this is what guys need to hear. You always hear women say "I want someone who can stimulate me intellectually and make me laugh", so the smart funny brothas think you're talking about them. It's rare that a woman also says "Physical attraction comes first".

Here's the thing, though. It's not that the women that are passing up on the nice guys are ending up with better looking nice guys. They end up with better looking assholes. Given that, I think the point still stands. Women don't want a nice guy. They want the good looking bad boys.
 
jaisee said:
See, this is what guys need to hear. You always hear women say "I want someone who can stimulate me intellectually and make me laugh", so the smart funny brothas think you're talking about them. It's rare that a woman also says "Physical attraction comes first".

Here's the thing, though. It's not that the women that are passing up on the nice guys are ending up with better looking nice guys. They end up with better looking assholes. Given that, I think the point still stands. Women don't want a nice guy. They want the good looking bad boys.
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Nice guys can be good looking too. Very. Very. :D
 
jaisee said:
Do YOU guys truly know what it is that you want?
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Can I plead the fifth here?

I don't think we know, I think we are discovering it, and when it's all good so far, we're good, but then when something unexpected happens we have to re-evaluate, until of course we make up our mind, then it doesn't matter, cuz we'll let you get away with nearly anything.

Did that sound like "more of the same", sorry?
 
Tinkerbell said:
Absolutely!

You poor men don't really have a chance of understanding what it is we really want. We speak totally different languages.
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Oh, we get it allright. As James Brown sang, it's a man's world, but it don't mean nothing without a woman or a girl.

So we play along sometimes in order to get what we want. :smt077
 
Tinkerbell said:
Can I plead the fifth here?

I don't think we know, I think we are discovering it, and when it's all good so far, we're good, but then when something unexpected happens we have to re-evaluate, until of course we make up our mind, then it doesn't matter, cuz we'll let you get away with nearly anything.

Did that sound like "more of the same", sorry?
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And, yet another journey into the mind of the fairer sex leaves me confused.
 
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