Ever feel guilty about dating a white woman??

Yep.

On family views regarding WWBM relationships:

My great grandmother doesn't trust or particularly like white women, and some of her distrust is understandable; she grew up in a different era. From her perspective, the trepidation is rooted in looking out for her grandboys' best interests.

Then there are family members, men and women, who question blackness, and there are black women in general who are genuinely hurt by the brothers who reject them for white women and they question blackness. Like you typed, many black women feel isolated, unwanted.

Point is, for any brother who loves their black sisters and brothers, those blackness accusations can fuck with the mind.




The Dark Knight said:
To be fair to the OP I can see where hes coming from. Like GQ and BBW said you like what you like and there should be no guilt involved but like the OP said bm deal with large amount of mind fuckery for our preference when it comes to dating ww from the black community. I cant tell you the amount of times people tried to spin it like I was ashamed of being dark skinned or that I didnt have a good relationship with my mother. Like its been said by other members like Tam and XO this IR shit is not for the feint of heart. Youre going to deal with shit people who date monoracially or who date wm never have to deal with.
Then theres other side of the family perspective where you have younger girls in your life who dont feel beautiful because not only do they not get the attention white and hispanic girls get fro. the media but men of their own race ignore them in favor of ww and hw. Not to mention the sting of seeing the men in their family do it too. If youre an empathetic person you can almost feel their isolation. I know speaking of bw on this forum can make you persona non grada but I get where the OP is coming from. But it is what it is we like what we like and should never have to apologize for it.
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I haven't read all the replies, but my thing is - if you feel guilty about something, you shouldn't be doing it. No amount of coaxing or explaining is going to help you if that's what you feel. Although that can change, you're dealing with people and relationships. You should date whoever you feel comfortable with, cause Blondes ain't changing.
 
The Dark Knight said:
To be fair to the OP I can see where hes coming from. Like GQ and BBW said you like what you like and there should be no guilt involved but like the OP said bm deal with large amount of mind fuckery for our preference when it comes to dating ww from the black community. I cant tell you the amount of times people tried to spin it like I was ashamed of being dark skinned or that I didnt have a good relationship with my mother. Like its been said by other members like Tam and XO this IR shit is not for the feint of heart. Youre going to deal with shit people who date monoracially or who date wm never have to deal with.
Then theres other side of the family perspective where you have younger girls in your life who dont feel beautiful because not only do they not get the attention white and hispanic girls get fro. the media but men of their own race ignore them in favor of ww and hw. Not to mention the sting of seeing the men in their family do it too. If youre an empathetic person you can almost feel their isolation. I know speaking of bw on this forum can make you persona non grada but I get where the OP is coming from. But it is what it is we like what we like and should never have to apologize for it.
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You must spread some reputation around before giving it to The Dark Knight again

Well stated, I kind of comprehend where the original post derives from within the context of issues in the black community and black relationships.

Maybe the fact that I'm not an American born black, I kind of see things from a different perspective, even though I grew up here.

The thing is I know there are plenty of black guys who date black women primarily and that is their prerogative. Get in where you fit in.

That is why I am always mystified when people have to find a reason to define why a black man likes white women. Its never he just loves her, there is always some extemporaneous stereotype that comes from a place of negative assumptions.

Maybe its because it is the most contrasting interracial dynamic based on history, a black male with a white female that people often feel compelled to over analyze things.
 
Nebula J said:
Yep.

On family views regarding WWBM relationships:

My great grandmother doesn't trust or particularly like white women, and some of her distrust is understandable; she grew up in a different era. From her perspective, the trepidation is rooted in looking out for her grandboys' best interests.

Then there are family members, men and women, who question blackness, and there are black women in general who are genuinely hurt by the brothers who reject them for white women and they question blackness. Like you typed, many black women feel isolated, unwanted.

Point is, for any brother who loves their black sisters and brothers, those blackness accusations can fuck with the mind.
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Yep there is that dynamic as well about being black, not black enough, keepin it real, representing, etc.

Not everyone has that personal drive and individuality to cut a path and do their own thing.

Many people bow to social pressures to fit in and make life easier according to norms and expectations, even if that means going against their own personal desires.
 
GQ Brotha said:
Yep there is that dynamic as well about being black, not black enough, keepin it real, representing, etc.

Not everyone has that personal drive and individuality to cut a path and do their own thing.

Many people bow to social pressures to fit in and make life easier according to norms and expectations, even if that means going against their own personal desires.
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But then in what part of a personal choice does one find their happiness?

Life is too short and for the most part too painful to hold oneself to another's ones idea of happiness. I understand that our culture is founded nowadays on that premise and that a lot of people do it to make life easier. But life is hard enough without seeking someone's else's definition of happiness.

Sure breaking a mold (as in families against interracial relationships) is uncomfy and causes friction and I know of children born in such taboo relationships that paid for the ignorant ideas of prejudice family members.
I also know that those children were set free from the small minded stupid ideas that keep people (and whole generations) bound to flawed dogma about other human beings.

Being outside personal boundaries and pushing those limits is how you grow and expand human wise. Staying inside a comfy personal safety zone just keeps you in a figurative prison to beliefs and attitudes that you might not truly own but have inherited from others who influenced you before you knew you had personal choice.
 
Alinoa said:
But then in what part of a personal choice does one find their happiness?

Life is too short and for the most part too painful to hold oneself to another's ones idea of happiness. I understand that our culture is founded nowadays on that premise and that a lot of people do it to make life easier. But life is hard enough without seeking someone's else's definition of happiness.

Sure breaking a mold (as in families against interracial relationships) is uncomfy and causes friction and I know of children born in such taboo relationships that paid for the ignorant ideas of prejudice family members.
I also know that those children were set free from the small minded stupid ideas that keep people (and whole generations) bound to flawed dogma about other human beings.

Being outside personal boundaries and pushing those limits is how you grow and expand human wise. Staying inside a comfy personal safety zone just keeps you in a figurative prison to beliefs and attitudes that you might not truly own but have inherited from others who influenced you before you knew you had personal choice.
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Exactly.

But being human beings, who are social creatures we tend to acquiesce to what may be deemed as the easier path based on the perceptions of us by others, i.e. the well traveled road as opposed to the one less taken.

Sometimes I try to perceive interracial between black men and white women from the viewpoint of what a white woman may deal with, after all she is coming from the much larger social community of white folks. She may be surrounded by men and women who wholly despise such actions, but yet she has to have a tough skin to say to hell with it.

That may mean confronting and challenging, family, friends, etc.

Most interracial relationships are simply ordinary folks like you and I just living life, not the celebrity types who are often removed from certain environments of ignorance and bigotry on such issues.

Like you said if we live life for the happiness of others, then we open up ourselves to a life of misery and unhappiness within ourselves because of that.
 
SirNice, this is an important topic and I'm surprised folks on here have responded so negatively. I've noticed mixed scenarios from BM I've dated since moving to the South. Some (typically not from the South) are cool and have families who they say are fine with it.

However, I've dated a larger number of guys who admittedly have families who give them flack "You're dating another white girl?" but accept their son/brother dates interracially. (I love, by the way, how I am referred to as a "white girl" as if I'm not actually a grown woman with a backbone who pays the bills on time but that's a different thread.)

Then, there are they guys older than me with older parents who flat out don't "accept" their dating interracially.

My mother has given the appearance of accepting my dating BM. However, it's just for appearance sakes because I know she's racist. It's one of the many reasons I no longer have a relationship with her.

My black friends are outwardly apalled I don't speak to my mother and perhaps there lies the crux of SirNice's dilemma. I have no respect for my mother (due to past abuse and other situations I don't care to discuss here), don't give a damn about what she thinks about my life, and I've yet to meet a BM or BW who can say the same about his or her parent(s).
 
csbean said:
SirNice, this is an important topic and I'm surprised folks on here have responded so negatively. I've noticed mixed scenarios from BM I've dated since moving to the South. Some (typically not from the South) are cool and have families who they say are fine with it.

However, I've dated a larger number of guys who admittedly have families who give them flack "You're dating another white girl?" but accept their son/brother dates interracially. (I love, by the way, how I am referred to as a "white girl" as if I'm not actually a grown woman with a backbone who pays the bills on time but that's a different thread.)

Then, there are they guys older than me with older parents who flat out don't "accept" their dating interracially.

My mother has given the appearance of accepting my dating BM. However, it's just for appearance sakes because I know she's racist. It's one of the many reasons I no longer have a relationship with her.

My black friends are outwardly apalled I don't speak to my mother and perhaps there lies the crux of SirNice's dilemma. I have no respect for my mother (due to past abuse and other situations I don't care to discuss here), don't give a damn about what she thinks about my life, and I've yet to meet a BM or BW who can say the same about his or her parent(s).
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Interesting situations you mentioned.

This is why you can only live your life to the best of your abilities and in a way that makes you happy.

With so many competing attitudes, personalities and notions from outsiders it can become a tug of war if one isn't decisive and affirmed with confidence in their makeup.

LOL @ mentioning them utilizing the "Another White Girl" term.

The dudes should ask their family, which one, blonde, redhead, brunette, there is more to a person than their skin color you know. :)
 
I told my mother I was dating a man from St. Vincent's in the Caribbean (and I did say Caribbean because I knew she would not know where that was...)

She asked me... "Is he African-American"?

SMDH.

I said, "No. He is black and from the Caribbean."

Sometimes I am ashamed to have such a stupid mother. She thought she was being PC and polite I'm sure, but I heard the caginess in her voice. My two issues were: 1. Why not just ask "is he black?" - black is NOT a dirty word. It's clearcut and one should be proud to be black if one is black, not covering it up with stupid PC terms. 2. Her stupidity in even having to ask if a man from the Caribbean was black. Yes, I realize that there are non-blacks in the Caribbean, but honestly!!!

I do think my parents are racist to a degree (mostly out of sheer ignorance), but because they are "Christian", they cannot admit to it.
 
saintaugusta said:
I told my mother I was dating a man from St. Vincent's in the Caribbean (and I did say Caribbean because I knew she would not know where that was...)

She asked me... "Is he African-American"?

SMDH.

I said, "No. He is black and from the Caribbean."

Sometimes I am ashamed to have such a stupid mother. She thought she was being PC and polite I'm sure, but I heard the caginess in her voice. My two issues were: 1. Why not just ask "is he black?" - black is NOT a dirty word. It's clearcut and one should be proud to be black if one is black, not covering it up with stupid PC terms. 2. Her stupidity in even having to ask if a man from the Caribbean was black. Yes, I realize that there are non-blacks in the Caribbean, but honestly!!!

I do think my parents are racist to a degree (mostly out of sheer ignorance), but because they are "Christian", they cannot admit to it.
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Isn't your mom Canadian??
 
lots of bullshit in this thread

from the suspect behavior of the original poster

to the amount of females in a thread who don't date white girls

:smt105
 
if you are a female who dates white females tho....

hit me up


l.jpg
 
pettyofficerj said:
lots of bullshit in this thread

from the suspect behavior of the original poster

to the amount of females in a thread who don't date white girls

:smt105
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I don't "date" white females. But I do play every once in a while.

I'm way over due at this point.
 
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