I am addicted to WW - how do I get (gently) weaned off this "addiction"?

pseudophilosopher said:
WHAT WE HAVE HERE IS A FAILURE TO COMMUNICATE

It seems (serious, decent) BM are scared that WW are just using them for sex (seen threads like that all over the place), and it seems (serious, decent) WW are similarly scared that BM are just using them for sex. I wonder how those rumours got started?

BTW, before you jump on me Espy, I am on your side. I have been reading your responses on other threads and you are one "switched on" LADY. Will this be a good time to say that I think I may have an eCrush on you Espy?. I mean I never thought I had a foot fetish, but seeing your pale skin in those high heels, gets me ... erm, ok, better not say in case you jump on me (and not in a good way ;))
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Perhaps by folks such as yourself, by posting thinly veiled stereotypical innuendos such as you have done here. Personally I haven't seen threads from the regular posters about BM or WW questioning the motives of the other, that stuff always comes from the people with questionable agendas. I will say though that an inordinate number of the men from the UK who come here tend to be odd, and I think every one since I've been a member have posted crazy or stereotypical rubbish. Makes one wonder.

Additionally, I did not specifically address you or quote your original post, so I find it interesting that you assumed my post was directed at you. Perhaps you read the post and felt the description to be apt? Typically should I desire to speak directly to someone, I will use their name or quote their post so they know I'm talking to them specifically. Also for future reference I do not 'jump'... my blindingly white legs are too short for that.
 
Espy said:
Perhaps by folks such as yourself, by posting thinly veiled stereotypical innuendos such as you have done here.
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Whoa, where did THAT come from?. I have accepted/confessed that my OP was a little crude in parts, especially the bit about "pounding" and all that. I just got carried away when writing it, as I reminisced about my exes etc. I tried to remove that part of the post but could not edit it. Mea culpa, that was borderline gross. But stereotypical innuendos? - I haven't the foggiest what you're talking about my dear woman - care to elucidate me?

Espy said:
Personally I haven't seen threads from the regular posters about BM or WW questioning the motives of the other, that stuff always comes from the people with questionable agendas. I will say though that an inordinate number of the men from the UK who come here tend to be odd, and I think every one since I've been a member have posted crazy or stereotypical rubbish. Makes one wonder.

Additionally, I did not specifically address you or quote your original post, so I find it interesting that you assumed my post was directed at you. Perhaps you read the post and felt the description to be apt? Typically should I desire to speak directly to someone, I will use their name or quote their post so they know I'm talking to them specifically. Also for future reference I do not 'jump'... my blindingly white legs are too short for that.
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Hmm, there are threads all over this site that directly or indirectly, discuss this. I am suprised you claim not to have seen them. Why, there are some responses to this very thread that mention that aspect of IR. It appears people in here are particularly jumpy about "everything" and always suspect new comers of being trolls or "having an agenda". There seems to be a kind of "seige mentality" in here - I'm not sure what sort of "attack" members are periodically subjected to (perceived or real), but it is very palpable to an "outsider".

Your observation about guys from the UK is a rather unexpected one. Ofcourse, you have far more experience on here than I have, so I shall have to take your word at face value. Though I have to say of the posts I have seen from UK based males (admittedly all from one poster), I have not seen anything ontoward. In my experience the whole concept of "race" and hence IR relationships has far much more of sinister undertones in the US. That is where I would expect the "wierdos" to be - especially from the deep south (ok, I don't want to tar anyone with a brush - though I suspect I already have).

Last but not the least, I did not in anyway imply that you were addressing me in particular. I just noticed the communication between you and another member about this issue (I think it was InnerBeauty), and also remember reading a post earlier on from a Kenyan man who was "protesting" that WW only came to Kenya as sex tourists and left many men behind, feeling exploited. I just put those two together and made the post. To be honest, I was slightly hoping to "cozy" up to you a bit, because your posts to this point, have always been very fair, unbiased and above all grounded in common sense. I fear that halo (albeit placed by me - not you) may have slipped a little.

Too much attitude, and short legs - not a nice combination in my book.

I guess thats me banned from this forum then.


pettyofficerj said:
digging_a_hole.jpg
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PettyOfficer: I TOTALLY get what your picture means now :)
 
Kunoichi said:
By men like this...

http://www.whitewomenblackmen.com/forum/showthread.php?t=15226 :rolleyes:
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Did you not read what I wrote? (granted it was more than a few lines - but I was working on the assumption that you could actually read). I may have been labouring under a misaprehension.

Having said that, if you are going to reference something I wrote, I would atleast expect you to have the courtesy to have read it first - as surely, you would not be able to "pull the wool over my eyes" with something I did not write.

If you had bothered to read what I wrote, you will find that ALL of us do this as (admitedly politically incorrect banter). All of us, that means ME and my work colleagues, who are all WMs.

Are you selecting my behaviour as the single BM in that group, and then extrapolating that "bad" behavior unto all BM - whilst conviniently ignoring that everyone else is behaving like that?

I dont see how my post is an example of me spreading rumour of BM using WW. It could be suggesting Men using Women - but thats another topic entirely.


I dont think I belong in here - and I think you all know it. You all think too differently from me and are suspicious of everything and anyone new.
 
pseudophilosopher said:
Whoa, where did THAT come from?. I have accepted/confessed that my OP was a little crude in parts, especially the bit about "pounding" and all that. I just got carried away when writing it, as I reminisced about my exes etc. I tried to remove that part of the post but could not edit it. Mea culpa, that was borderline gross. But stereotypical innuendos? - I haven't the foggiest what you're talking about my dear woman - care to elucidate me?

Hmm, there are threads all over this site that directly or indirectly, discuss this. I am suprised you claim not to have seen them. Why, there are some responses to this very thread that mention that aspect of IR. It appears people in here are particularly jumpy about "everything" and always suspect new comers of being trolls or "having an agenda". There seems to be a kind of "seige mentality" in here - I'm not sure what sort of "attack" members are periodically subjected to (perceived or real), but it is very palpable to an "outsider".

Your observation about guys from the UK is a rather unexpected one. Ofcourse, you have far more experience on here than I have, so I shall have to take your word at face value. Though I have to say of the posts I have seen from UK based males (admittedly all from one poster), I have not seen anything ontoward. In my experience the whole concept of "race" and hence IR relationships has far much more of sinister undertones in the US. That is where I would expect the "wierdos" to be - especially from the deep south (ok, I don't want to tar anyone with a brush - though I suspect I already have).

Last but not the least, I did not in anyway imply that you were addressing me in particular. I just noticed the communication between you and another member about this issue (I think it was InnerBeauty), and also remember reading a post earlier on from a Kenyan man who was "protesting" that WW only came to Kenya as sex tourists and left many men behind, feeling exploited. I just put those two together and made the post. To be honest, I was slightly hoping to "cozy" up to you a bit, because your posts to this point, have always been very fair, unbiased and above all grounded in common sense. I fear that halo (albeit placed by me - not you) may have slipped a little.

Too much attitude, and short legs - not a nice combination in my book.

I guess thats me banned from this forum then.
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Clearly you haven't been banned, so the wounded attitude is a bit much. I did not say that threads such as those described did not exist here, I said that the vast majority of them were not started by the regular posters here. Typically when someone joins and comes right out with one of the typical IR stereotypes, they have an alternate agenda. They seek to reinforce those stereotypes in people's minds, or convince themselves that's what IR is actually about, or simply create discord on the forum. Whether that's what you are doing or not, only you know for sure.

I try very hard not to openly call someone a troll until I am absolutely sure that's what they are, because I realize people communicate differently, and sometimes it's just a matter of miscommunication or misinterpretation. We do get quite a few people here whose sole purpose is to incite and irritate, so I understand why people are suspicious as those types often share many similarities, however I wouldn't characterize the regular posters as 'jumpy about everything' at all. That's simply inaccurate. I think we actually get along well with one another for the most part, even when we don't agree, trolls excepted.

I also think even if you have a rocky start, you can overcome that by consistently interacting with people. That's one area that people with alternate agendas always screw up, they cannot remain consistent with anything and spiral downward, usually quickly. There are a few people here that had rough starts, but by sticking around they have shown that initial perceptions about them were wrong. That may be the case with you, time will tell.

As for men from the UK, I seriously cannot think of one, other than AnMDB who hasn't been a complete loon or an ass, or both. AnMDB is however an American living in the UK, so maybe that's why he's not like that. They seriously leave a really bad taste in your mouth. The women from the UK on the other had are really wonderful ladies, so not sure what the deal is with the guys.
 
Espy said:
Clearly you haven't been banned, so the wounded attitude is a bit much. I did not say that threads such as those described did not exist here, I said that the vast majority of them were not started by the regular posters here. Typically when someone joins and comes right out with one of the typical IR stereotypes, they have an alternate agenda. They seek to reinforce those stereotypes in people's minds, or convince themselves that's what IR is actually about, or simply create discord on the forum. Whether that's what you are doing or not, only you know for sure.

I try very hard not to openly call someone a troll until I am absolutely sure that's what they are, because I realize people communicate differently, and sometimes it's just a matter of miscommunication or misinterpretation. We do get quite a few people here whose sole purpose is to incite and irritate, so I understand why people are suspicious as those types often share many similarities, however I wouldn't characterize the regular posters as 'jumpy about everything' at all. That's simply inaccurate. I think we actually get along well with one another for the most part, even when we don't agree, trolls excepted.

I also think even if you have a rocky start, you can overcome that by consistently interacting with people. That's one area that people with alternate agendas always screw up, they cannot remain consistent with anything and spiral downward, usually quickly. There are a few people here that had rough starts, but by sticking around they have shown that initial perceptions about them were wrong. That may be the case with you, time will tell.

As for men from the UK, I seriously cannot think of one, other than AnMDB who hasn't been a complete loon or an ass, or both. AnMDB is however an American living in the UK, so maybe that's why he's not like that. They seriously leave a really bad taste in your mouth. The women from the UK on the other had are really wonderful ladies, so not sure what the deal is with the guys.
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:smt038:smt038 The guys are simply loons. Castrated men who can't get anything.
 
Hmm, I'm not sure why you hate this with a passion, as you state. For one, I am assuming that you live in "the West" - hence by definition, there is a higher propotion of WW to BW. Ceteris paribus, you are more likely therefore, to interact with a WW than a BW. Furthermore, we (as males in general) are constantly being bombarded by pictures of sexy women 24x7. Invariably, almost all these sexy women we see in the media are all WW (as you indeed point out). I'd wager to say that any male (regardless of color), who does not find at least, a proportion of WW sexy has intentionally conditioned himself to be that way - perhaps due to strong religious convictions (e.g. devout christian, Muslim, Hindu etc).
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1) I don't want to promote stereotypes 2) I hate the idea of those White people who are racist looking at me and thinking "even BM think that WW are superior". Because I'm quiet and shy, White people assume that I'm 'white washed' and that I'll prefer White women and I hate to prove them right. Obviously, there is something wrong with me if I care what other people think and can't treat people on an individual basis, I acknowledge that, but I feel how I feel. The media plays a big role in it. I rarely ever watch Black movies or tv shows anymore. I also agree about conditioning yourself not to look at people sexually/romantically because this is what I did when I was in high school. When I saw a pretty White girl, I would suppress whatever attraction I felt for her but I naturally preferred Black girls even beyond that conditioning.

If you happened to be a BM living on mars, and the majority of females there were green - (and they were constantly being paraded in front of you 24x7), there are no prizes for guessing which color of female you would be attracted to. It is a no brainer, and it is nothing to be ashamed of, or bitter about (or for that matter, "proud" of) - its just a fact.
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What I'm humiliated by is the fact that I'm attracted to women who I wouldn't trust in real life.



Whoa!. Ok, I have to admit, I didn't see that one coming. What on earth are you talking about?. Jeez, you can't go around "stuffing" whole swathes of people into boxes like that - you of all people (as a BM) should know this full well. If people (regardless of color) are ALWAYS being jerks to you, there is a real likelihood that its because you ARE a jerk.
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Possibility, not likelihood. I'm not a 'jerk' to anyone, I mind my own business and don't bother anyone. I've been told countless times that I look 'loveable', 'nice', 'innocent' and even 'intelligent'. White people are obsessed with me and it fucking creeps me out. I can't walk into a room without receiving their attention, 'positive' or negative.

Also, if you expect people to be jerks to you, and walk around with a "hangdog" expression, they pick up on it and are jerks to you.
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Nobody thinks I have a 'hangdog' expression because they have absolutely no clue what I feel or what I think of them. Studies have actually shown that most White people have a poor empathetic response to people of color. Most of these people treat me like a child because I look younger than I am, I doubt they take seriously the possibility of my even being capable of anger or resentment. Their behavior towards me lacks even the most basic common sense or consideration, it's fucking astounding and it's not really something I can explain over the internet. Their bullshit has cost me a university diploma and two jobs.

This is a very limiting weltanschauung (world view), which will inevitibly lead to a downward spiralling, self fulling prophecy.
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In theory but not necessarily in practice. You would have to walk in my shoes to understand, otherwise there's no way for me to convince you that I'm not exaggerating or looking at things out of context etc.


At some level, I'm sure you must surely know that this is complete poppycock. Who told you that philosophy was exclusively the preserve of white people? (western Philosophy yes - but thats merely a branch of Philosophy, and even that has its roots in Greek philosophy which builds on some philosophies from Egypt, Mesopotamia etc.) I don't mean to sound harsh, but you are beginning to sound like a simpleton.
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Yes, it is 'poppycock' but stereotypes affect how we look at people. Unfortunately.

Once you reach out, you will be suprised how friendly people can be. Also, it is a potentially fatal fallacy to assume that because someone is a particular colour (e.g. BM), they automatically give two hoots about you. Just check out some of the antagonism (masquerading as playful banter) in some of these threads.
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I don't assume this of Black people. Black people are no better or worse than White people are.


We all desire women who are compassionate and have kind personalities. Being a WW does not automatically bestow these desirable qualities on a person. WW are people, just like anyone else
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I know that, Pseudo, but personality and physical appearance both play a role in romantic attraction.




Say whaat? (ok, I couldn't resist that). Why is this depressing?. Being pan-African is not incompatable with loving a WW. Why do you care what anyone thinks if you are in love?. You can't live you live to please anyone - as far as we know, you have one shot at life. This is it, not a dress rehearsal.
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I don't know. I might have deleted my post if nobody responded. I just want to be able to say that I prefer Black women, women who like me and African women specifically, women who share a similar heritage.

Furthermore, you love who you love - to hell with the colour. I mean you can't love somebody solely on the basis of skin color. How much more shallow can you get?. Lust (i.e. pure physical attraction is a different matter altogether) :smt077. Also, why are you attempting to form relationships online when you are surrounded by the very sort of people you want to meet? *Does not compute
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The girl I'm talking about is special, I'm glad that I'm attracted to her and I wouldn't be ashamed to walk with her in public, although it would be an awkward experience and she comes from a world I have nothing to do with. I am not surrounded by people that I want to meet. I have nothing in common with the people around me which is why it makes no sense for me to be attracted to White women.


See my response to your first paragraph (as well as my OP). My "tastes" in women has changed over time as well - and the changes have been perfectly correlated with the visual stimuli I was receiving from my environment at the time. You (and me, and everyone else for that matter), is a volatile mix of nature and nature. Nature seems to prefer bio-diversity (and there is documentary evidence to support this). What this means is that it is natural (or understandable at least) for a BM to be attracted to the "otherness" in a WW (and vice versa).
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Most people prefer partners who are ethnically and racially similar to them, the evidence supports this overwhelmingly.
 
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AfroLove said:
1) I don't want to promote stereotypes 2) I hate the idea of those White people who are racist looking at me and thinking "even BM think that WW are superior". Because I'm quiet and shy, White people assume that I'm 'white washed' and that I'll prefer White women and I hate to prove them right. Obviously, there is something wrong with me if I care what other people think and can't treat people on an individual basis, I acknowledge that, but I feel how I feel. The media plays a big role in it. I rarely ever watch Black movies or tv shows anymore. I also agree about conditioning yourself not to look at people sexually/romantically because this is what I did when I was in high school. When I saw a pretty White girl, I would suppress whatever attraction I felt for her but I naturally preferred Black girls even beyond that conditioning.



What I'm humiliated by is the fact that I'm attracted to women who I wouldn't trust in real life.





Possibility, not likelihood. I'm not a 'jerk' to anyone, I mind my own business and don't bother anyone. I've been told countless times that I look 'loveable', 'nice', 'innocent' and even 'intelligent'. White people are obsessed with me and it fucking creeps me out. I can't walk into a room without receiving their attention, 'positive' or negative.



Nobody thinks I have a 'hangdog' expression because they have absolutely no clue what I feel or what I think of them. Studies have actually shown that most White people have a poor empathetic response to people of color. Most of these people treat me like a child because I look younger than I am, I doubt they take seriously the possibility of my even being capable of anger or resentment. Their behavior towards me lacks even the most basic common sense or consideration, it's fucking astounding and it's not really something I can explain over the internet. Their bullshit has cost me a university diploma and two jobs.



In theory but not necessarily in practice. You would have to walk in my shoes to understand, otherwise there's no way for me to convince you that I'm not exaggerating or looking at things out of context etc.




Yes, it is 'poppycock' but stereotypes affect how we look at people. Unfortunately.



I don't assume this of Black people. Black people are no better or worse than White people are.


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I know that, Pseudo, but personality and physical appearance both play a role in romantic attraction.






I don't know. I might have deleted my post if nobody responded. I just want to be able to say that I prefer Black women, women who like me and African women specifically, women who share a similar heritage.



The girl I'm talking about is special, I'm glad that I'm attracted to her and I wouldn't be ashamed to walk with her in public, although it would be an awkward experience and she comes from a world I have nothing to do with. I am not surrounded by people that I want to meet. I have nothing in common with the people around me which is why it makes no sense for me to be attracted to White women.




Most people prefer partners who are ethnically and racially similar to them, the evidence supports this overwhelmingly.
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You need a shrink and shock therapy.
 
Espy said:
Seriously anyone who views an entire group of women as unworthy of trust and believes it to be humiliating to be attracted to them, really should seek some professional help. That's very concerning to me.
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well that shit is biblical...you can't go against the Good Book, which paints women as the bane of men

:p
 
pettyofficerj said:
well that shit is biblical...you can't go against the Good Book, which paints women as the bane of men

:p
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Not all women POJ, though there were some sneaky bitches in the Bible. He was speaking specifically of WW, not all women being untrustworthy. Apply that BS mentality across the board or seek help, cause singling WW out is not accurate or appropriate... and all the women in the Bible aren't WW either.
 
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