love and settling

csbean said:
I wrote this original post over a month ago, when I was stuck between two men. As you can guess, I was in love with and extremely attracted to one guy who is a commitment-phobic jerk. There was also a second guy who absolutely adored me and told me he was in love with me. I didn't like him for superficial reasons and a lot of friends told me if the second guy doesn't feel right, I should cut off all ties to him. I toiled over this decision for some time.

I initially wasn't as sexually attracted to the second guy as the first, but in many ways he was a better fit for me. The first guy had a baby by an ex who hates him and is struggling financially (by his own doing.) The second guy has no children and is more successful in many aspects of his life.

I also had to take a long, hard look at myself. Why was I always latching on to jerks who were beneath me? I have a master's degree, am about to start working on my Dr. yet I've been with guys who've been to prison. I think there was also a messed up part of me that believed I didn't deserve to be loved as completely as this guy does.

Ladies, I've seen the light and I'm here to tell you to look for a man with substance. A guy who has his shit together, because if you're like me the other fools aren't worth your tears. I've chosen the second guy, who is now my #1. I'm happy with him and for the first time in a long time, I feel he is someone with whom I can have a stable relationship and future.
Click to expand...

I'm happy for you CS. Glad you figured out what worked for you! Best of luck with your guy.
 
csbean said:
I also had to take a long, hard look at myself. Why was I always latching on to jerks who were beneath me? I have a master's degree, am about to start working on my Dr. yet I've been with guys who've been to prison. I think there was also a messed up part of me that believed I didn't deserve to be loved as completely as this guy does.
Click to expand...

Personally I agree with your decision to set your sights higher, but I doubt there'd have been any approving cheers from the ladies here if I'd decided to ditch a 53 y.o single grandmother in favour of a 25y.o completely unattached lady.
 
Jaybee in WWBM said:
Personally I agree with your decision to set your sights higher, but I doubt there'd have been any approving cheers from the ladies here if I'd decided to ditch a 53 y.o single grandmother in favour of a 25y.o completely unattached lady.
Click to expand...

If you loved, or were simply more attracted to the 25 year old as opposed to the 53 year old, I don't see why anyone would have an issue with that. If however you loved the 53 year old, but simply wanted the 25 year old because she was younger, then yes that is what I would consider shallow. However no one's opinion matters, it only matters what you think of yourself.
 
And JB's example had absolutely nothing to do with Csbeans decission to not date jerks so I dont see why he was doing that comparison...
If he would have said stop dating women that treat me bad and go with better women, I would cheer him on all day long....
Straight just dumping older women just to go with a younger one, just based on age and nothing else... not so much - but it his decission and nobody elses.
 
Flyingeek said:
And JB's example had absolutely nothing to do with Csbeans decission to not date jerks so I dont see why he was doing that comparison...
If he would have said stop dating women that treat me bad and go with better women, I would cheer him on all day long....
Straight just dumping older women just to go with a younger one, just based on age and nothing else... not so much - but it his decission and nobody elses.
Click to expand...

Ah, I see how that appears to not be related to CS's question FG. I think the 'leave a 53 yo for a 25 yo' is analogous to 'setting your sights higher' in JB's mind. While a woman might have other criteria that qualify as 'setting your sights higher', JB being male would likely present a more male likely scenario in which 'setting your sights higher' is based upon looks. Of course that does presuppose that the average 25 yo is more attractive than the average 53 yo, however I imagine that would be deemed to be the case by the average male. As I do suspect that women tend to be less likely to solely pursue someone based upon looks, I get the analogy he's made. Of course I may be completely off base here, and if I am I'm certain JB will tell me so. ;)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom