My .02

[PearlGirl]

Genuine confidence goes a long way... no matter what colour you are!

But note that confidence and arrogance are not the same. Arrogance is bad and a major turn-off... no matter what colour you are!

But, as women, how do you all draw the line? How do we know that we don't come off as arrogant when we're simply being confident or have very high self-esteem? Some people are so confident that it borderlines cockiness. A pinch of cockiness isn't half as bad as the extreme, I believe. Of course if we can't tell where and how you draw the line, then we're at a loss either way.

I've been thinking about this and I do not believe that there is one simple answer to your question, because it is so hard to define. I would say that it is all about the vibe that a man gives off. True confidence should not border on cockiness or arrogance. People who are truely confident know deep down inside that they have nothing to prove, whereas cocky and arrogant people deep down feel that they have something to prove and that comes across.

Confidence radiates from the inside in a positive way... it makes people want to be around you. It is genuine and cannot be faked.

Arrogance and cockiness stem form insecurity and give off a completely negative vibe.

I find it hard to define, but I do believe that having confidence comes from being at peace and comfortable with who you are.

 

[designer]

Arrogance and cockiness stem form insecurity and give off a completely negative vibe.

I find it hard to define, but I do believe that having confidence comes from being at peace and comfortable with who you are.

100% correct, young lady.

 

[Soulthinker]

LCris that is a good story and experience.

 

[OmahaBoy2003]

I agree that was a good story. Living here in Nebraska I either get women looking at me like they wanna rip my clothes off or run like I've got the plague. It can be hard to tell at times and most people see a buffed up 6 foot tall black guy and they'll run let alone if I was 6'8".

 

[LaydeezmanCris]

I agree that was a good story. Living here in Nebraska I either get women looking at me like they wanna rip my clothes off or run like I've got the plague. It can be hard to tell at times and most people see a buffed up 6 foot tall black guy and they'll run let alone if I was 6'8".

Man, i feel so sorry for you. Must be terrible for you down there. Lord knows what you must feel like over there. I remember one trip to Idaho about a year and a half ago; i felt like a celebrity overnight, without all of Twista's acne that is. I literally was stared at everywhere i went.

But here's an amazing thing. The places where there are little or no black men, the minute you go there, it's like the white girls there want to marry you or something. I know this from firsthand experience. Maybe it's because they rarely ever see one but when i went to Idaho, i felt like the king for real. I literally had white girls either swapping numbers with me or at least giving me flirtatious looks. It's really funny.

But don't even get me started on those who run from a 6'8 250 black man like me :lol:. Maybe i should go Charles Barkley on fools and write my own book, "Who's Not Afraid Of A 6'8, 250 lbs Black Man"? :lol:

 

[OmahaBoy2003]

Well it's not all bad and yes I do agree about the part of going where there are no black men at. Go to a small town and all the white girls want to be you wife in a instant.

 

[shaft2k4]

I agree that was a good story. Living here in Nebraska I either get women looking at me like they wanna rip my clothes off or run like I've got the plague. It can be hard to tell at times and most people see a buffed up 6 foot tall black guy and they'll run let alone if I was 6'8".

Man, i feel so sorry for you. Must be terrible for you down there. Lord knows what you must feel like over there. I remember one trip to Idaho about a year and a half ago; i felt like a celebrity overnight, without all of Twista's acne that is. I literally was stared at everywhere i went.

But here's an amazing thing. The places where there are little or no black men, the minute you go there, it's like the white girls there want to marry you or something. I know this from firsthand experience. Maybe it's because they rarely ever see one but when i went to Idaho, i felt like the king for real. I literally had white girls either swapping numbers with me or at least giving me flirtatious looks. It's really funny.

But don't even get me started on those who run from a 6'8 250 black man like me :lol:. Maybe i should go Charles Barkley on fools and write my own book, "Who's Not Afraid Of A 6'8, 250 lbs Black Man"? :lol:

What about this- You ever get a little guy do the opposite, ie: instead of being intimidated he actually tries to be more verbally agressive towards you? To prove that he's not scared.

I remember having an argument with a WM (it wasn't even close to getting physical, just a disagreement) when he just blurts out "I aint' afraid of you!!!" As if I expected him to be scared or something. I didn't know what the hell he was talking about at first. Then I realized it was his way of letting people know he wasn't afraid of black guys.

 

[LaydeezmanCris]

I agree that was a good story. Living here in Nebraska I either get women looking at me like they wanna rip my clothes off or run like I've got the plague. It can be hard to tell at times and most people see a buffed up 6 foot tall black guy and they'll run let alone if I was 6'8".

What about this- You ever get a little guy do the opposite, ie: instead of being intimidated he actually tries to be more verbally agressive towards you? To prove that he's not scared.

I remember having an argument with a WM (it wasn't even close to getting physical, just a disagreement) when he just blurts out "I aint' afraid of you!!!" As if I expected him to be scared or something. I didn't know what the hell he was talking about at first. Then I realized it was his way of letting people know he wasn't afraid of black guys.

About that, black and white men have done it; a lot. In fact, most of the smaller people who've "challenged" me were black. Maybe because of my size, but not a lot of people have actually even suggested a physical confrontation with me. I do not even like people being afraid of me but a lot of people think because i'm quiet and nice, but they tend to be little midgets. A while ago, this guy(black) nearly hit my car and was trying to have a go at me saying something like, "Get out the car and i'ma fuck you up" or something. The thing was hysterical. :lol:

 

[Soulthinker]

Just like Chef in South Park he gets almost all the White women. The location of that fictional town is in Idaho or somewhere west like Colorado. Sadly most of the women are not that attractive. In my case it would be expecting a win in a casino in Vegas.

 

[SardonicGenie]

OmahaBoy2003,

I would say the the women looking at you as if they wanna rip off your clothes can be either interpreted as good or bad depending on who the women are.

Cris,

Just be happy that you're not the only big, black, 'mean and intimidating' guy in these forums. Several of the guys in here are much bigger than I am, and I intimidate people from time to time myself, even those who are bigger than me. :lol:



shaft2k4,

Having an experience with someone being verbally aggressive towards you and using that tactic in order to prove to you that they don't fear you, is a way of masquerading FEAR of you, even if it's for no reason at all.



Soulthinker,

The location is in Colorado.

 

[LaydeezmanCris]

OmahaBoy2003,

I would say the the women looking at you as if they wanna rip off your clothes can be either interpreted as good or bad depending on who the women are.

Cris,

Just be happy that you're not the only big, black, 'mean and intimidating' guy in these forums. Several of the guys in here are much bigger than I am, and I intimidate people from time to time myself, even those who are bigger than me. :lol:



shaft2k4,

Having an experience with someone being verbally aggressive towards you and using that tactic in order to prove to you that they don't fear you, is a way of masquerading FEAR of you, even if it's for no reason at all.



Soulthinker,

The location is in Colorado.

You're right on all four statements, SardonicGenie. Although i must ask (about the first one), "Why would you intepret someone looking at you as though they wanted to drip your clothes off as bad"? I would assume that the person is really attracted to you, but you may be right for all there is.

 

[SardonicGenie]

Even if they may be really attracted to you, in that individual's particular case, it could possibly be a bad thing, depending on the reason WHY they are, and their motive behind it.

Since that sort of thing has already been addressed here within these forums repeatedly, I won't go into any details about it.

 

[maiseycat]

Yeah, you won't get anywhere if you're worried about getting turned down. I've had several black men approach me, but at the time, I was worried about the stigma society attaches to dating a black man, not to mention my family's reactions. I'll admit it. I grew up in a small town and had never had much interaction with black men. When I moved to a larger city to work and go to school, and was approached by them for the first time, I was a little overwhelmed. I only stayed in the city for a year because I wasn't used to the city environment, plus my apartment got robbed , but it caused me to expand my horizons a little. I liked the direct and open approach I got from black men - just wasn't something I was used to. Seems like white men want to beat around the bush more. I became friends with a white guy I met at work a few months ago. We hung out for weeks, and I had no idea that he was even interested. Yeah, black guys seem to be much more likely to say what's on their minds, and I miss that. So, just because a white woman turns down a black man once or twice doesn't mean she's out of the race (no pun intended) for good. It's ironic that now that I would consider dating a black man, I'm back to living in my hometown that is a very white area. :?

 

[karmacoma.]

It's ironic that now that I would consider dating a black man, I'm back to living in my hometown that is a very white area. :?

No it isn't. Now that you're in an environment you control and are comfortable in, you're all down.

 

[INJERA70]

It's ironic that now that I would consider dating a black man, I'm back to living in my hometown that is a very white area. :?

No it isn't. Now that you're in an environment you control and are comfortable in, you're all down.

BINGO!!!!!!