Question? Why do ww women like black men when they get older

shyandsweet said:
Rocket,
There are also plenty of bm out there around my age-44- that were married to bf for years and just now dating wf and I don't consider them weak!
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You are so right about this, shyandsweet. Back when I was on a dating website, I met many black men in their 30's and 40's that had never dated a white women before. That's when it became clear that I was more comfortable with men that had experience with interracial relationships - we simply have common ground. But I wouldn't classify all of those novice interracial daters as "weak" or anything else to justify my preference. Just wished them well and went on my merry way.
 
Rocket,

Date anyone, anytime and for any reason you chose. Conversely, you are certainly entitled to exclude a certain demographic for any reason as well. The great majority of the members who regularly post on this forum are strong minded individuals. Your reasons for choosing not to date older white females will not change anyone's dating behavior or preferences.

If I found an older white female attractive, I will tear her up inspite of what I've read on this thread. So where are you going with this rant? Do you truly want to understand the reasons that black men in general date older white females? Are you looking for justification of your choice?

My guess is that it's not either of those two. The great majority of black men who come to this forum ranting about NOT wanting to date white women pretty fall into one category: they're attracted to white females and feel guilty. You're slightly different in that you admit to finding them attractive but you'd only date younger white females.

My guess is that you've found yourself attracted to an older white female that your circle of influence may not understand (as in she's not the bombshell older white woman) and as a direct result of your guilt, you're looking for reasons NOT to move forward.

Tell me I'm wrong...
 
newpowermoves- I was just looking for some opinions based off of people's experiences why some older ww women date black men when they didn't when they were younger. There are definitely nice looking white women over 40 out there, but there is a piece of me that says "proceed with caution." I don't want to feel like some woman's last option (and believe me, I know this is not always the case), or that she thinks white men are looking for women in their 20s, so she feels she has to go black. I'm in my late 30s, so I have seen my fair share of head games and BS.

I am sure that there are guys on this forum like myself that dated white women in high school just to have them tell you "make sure no one finds out." I don't think that I am bitter towards this, but it does wear on you, and makes you think that some women have an agenda. There is a really good-looking ww (late 20 early 30s) that lives right around the corner from me that always flirted with me big time. One day I saw her with a group of her friends at the park when I was running. I proceed to go over and talk to her, just to have her act like she was embarrassed that I was talking to her. I never even looked her way let alone talked to her after that episode. From what I can see too (at least in my area of Northern California) you see a lot of white girls in high school with black boys. Then the rare occasional white women in her 20s with a black man. And finally white women that are 35+ with black men. I am just trying to find out what happens during the 20s.

PS- You mentioned that there are a lot of mature people on this site. Believe me, that is a breath of fresh air considering how many knuckle heads are out there.
 
Rocket,
I will have to say in my experience and my friends -the 20's were the hardest for us. In our 20's we didn't have as much confidence as we should have. Always wanted to look a certain way, achieve certain goals, fit into certain molds. It was a very stressful time. Most women don't feel good about themselves(my friends)- I can't speak for all- until they hit their 30's. I know that doesn't explain a lot-just saying that 20's are difficult for females. There is never a bad excuse for poor behavior towards a guy though- despite anyones insecurities.
 
Rocket said:
malikom- That's my point, and I think you have depicted the most accurate answer. This is what pisses me off, and I have absolutely no tolerance for. This is why I am inclined to tell an older woman to fu.. off if she tries to go out with me, because I conjure up thoughts of her youth and how she would have passed me over like a piece of garbage. If a woman is young, and has the so called social status, I will probably go out with her. This situation does not seem desperate for her, and she may truly like me for me rather than feeling that she is used up and has no other alternative.
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I agree,i m very suspicious of 40+ white women who has had whites kids and is divorced and dates Black men.....
Now i know all of them arent like this,but im willing to bet that a significant amount are.
And to the people saying that they have seen 4o+ black men dating interracially for the first time,thats different.They are not doing it because they are washed up due to their "market value" dropping,because lets face it,there arent alot of eligible black men.So a black man whos alittle out of shape,and has kids and is divorced can still usually find Black females willing to date him.
 
shyandsweet said:
Rocket,
I will have to say in my experience and my friends -the 20's were the hardest for us. In our 20's we didn't have as much confidence as we should have. Always wanted to look a certain way, achieve certain goals, fit into certain molds. It was a very stressful time. Most women don't feel good about themselves(my friends)- I can't speak for all- until they hit their 30's. I know that doesn't explain a lot-just saying that 20's are difficult for females. There is never a bad excuse for poor behavior towards a guy though- despite anyones insecurities.
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That says alot about Western Culture DOESN'T IT
 
Rocket said:
newpowermoves- I was just looking for some opinions based off of people's experiences why some older ww women date black men when they didn't when they were younger. There are definitely nice looking white women over 40 out there, but there is a piece of me that says "proceed with caution." I don't want to feel like some woman's last option (and believe me, I know this is not always the case), or that she thinks white men are looking for women in their 20s, so she feels she has to go black. I'm in my late 30s, so I have seen my fair share of head games and BS.

I am sure that there are guys on this forum like myself that dated white women in high school just to have them tell you "make sure no one finds out." I don't think that I am bitter towards this, but it does wear on you, and makes you think that some women have an agenda. There is a really good-looking ww (late 20 early 30s) that lives right around the corner from me that always flirted with me big time. One day I saw her with a group of her friends at the park when I was running. I proceed to go over and talk to her, just to have her act like she was embarrassed that I was talking to her. I never even looked her way let alone talked to her after that episode. From what I can see too (at least in my area of Northern California) you see a lot of white girls in high school with black boys. Then the rare occasional white women in her 20s with a black man. And finally white women that are 35+ with black men. I am just trying to find out what happens during the 20s.

PS- You mentioned that there are a lot of mature people on this site. Believe me, that is a breath of fresh air considering how many knuckle heads are out there.
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Rocket,

I'm in my late 30's as well. I've had similar experiences as you. I wouldn't be surprised if most males who've dated interracially have as well. In high school, I dated a black female who told me to keep quiet about our burgeoning relationship. Based on this single case, to what conclusion should I have come about all or the majority of black females?

In another post of yours in this thread, you mentioned that it's possible that white women are weak for not standing up to their families about their attractions and dating preferences. Based on that statement and you being in your late 30's, I find it hard to believe that you'd let this one perceived sleight from your late 20's/early 30's neighbor "color" your opinion of white females in the same general age group. Were you THAT hurt?

In situations like this, I believe in both creativity and taking the bull by the horns. During the interaction at the park, when you detected that she wasn't receptive to your attempts at conversation, why not pretend that you made a mistake about actually knowing her and try to talk to her friends instead? Instead of cutting her off completely, why not ask her directly about caused her to be embarassed?

You're certainly welcome to ask any questions about white women and their choices. What you'll find here (for the most part) is that the female members of this board who regularly post freely and openly date black males. I see no reason to make them apologize for their choice no matter which point it came in their lives.
 
Rocket said:
bosoxlady- Sorry if I offended you. I guess that I am extremely frustrated from what I have seen in my lifetime.

PS- How do you add a photo to your post? I have tried several times, but only see an option to add a small aviator photo.
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That is quite easy. Get a free profile on www.photobucket.com and upload a photo or several photos. Then after uploading the photo(s) pick the one u want to post here and click on it. They will give u 4 different codes. Copy the Image code and paste it here in your post.
If you want a photo to appear in each post you make hear just copy the image code in your signature instead of a particular post
 
Rocket said:
bosoxlady- I just thought of something. You mentioned that you wish you would have had the guts to stand up to your parents 18-20 years ago when you were going out with a black man. You also mentioned that you could get white guys if you wanted, but don't want them. This makes me ask 2 questions:

1) If some white women want a black men, but don't pursue because of family, society, etc, does this mean that they are living miserable lives with a man that happens to be the same race? And what do they say if the guy they marry is a bigot and tries to put black men down?

2) Are women really that weak in that they can't just live their own life, and not let people dictate how they will live it? If women are this weak, no man should be afraid to approach them out of fear of rejection.

I personally COULD NOT IMAGINE being with a woman just to make my parents happy, or because strangers that I don't know or care about will give me their stamp of approval. I am not trying to be condescending, but if this is the case, there are a lot of weak women out there.
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1. Rocket-You did not offend he in the slightest :D. We are all a sum total of all of our experiences.

2. Phots- read Be-you-tful86's directions. That is how I loaded mine, and she explained it well.

3. I can't answer your first question as my ex-husband is Latino, which some would argue is not the same as white. I married very quickly after I broke up with my first love and stayed married for almost 20 years. Was I happy and did I love him? Sure I was for the first 15 years, we raised 2 awesome kids together. We are still friends and co-parents. He was supportive of me being a stay at home mom when my kids were young and then getting a career, but he was older than me and became set in his ways very early. Hence the marraige fell apart.

4. My opinin as a woman is that we are conditioned from birth to seek out parental approval or get their wrath(at least in an Irish family). Once i BECAME a parent, I realized that my children were not my clay to mold and shape. I had to let them be themselves and love them regardless (as long as they are not harming others with their choices), That gave me the
courage to live for me.

5. It is hard not being with your ideal mate so to speak, but each person has an value.

Now in the second half of my life, it is up to me to write. :D
 
nice job to everyone, for keeping this civil...

last time we had a thread even remotely questioning why white women suddenly went black, someone got thrown out of a window, a few weaves got pulled out, and a few accounts vanished into thin air

:D
 
malikom said:
Rocket said:
malikom- That's my point, and I think you have depicted the most accurate answer. This is what pisses me off, and I have absolutely no tolerance for. This is why I am inclined to tell an older woman to fu.. off if she tries to go out with me, because I conjure up thoughts of her youth and how she would have passed me over like a piece of garbage. If a woman is young, and has the so called social status, I will probably go out with her. This situation does not seem desperate for her, and she may truly like me for me rather than feeling that she is used up and has no other alternative.
Click to expand...

I agree,i m very suspicious of 40+ white women who has had whites kids and is divorced and dates Black men.....
Now i know all of them arent like this,but im willing to bet that a significant amount are.
And to the people saying that they have seen 4o+ black men dating interracially for the first time,thats different.They are not doing it because they are washed up due to their "market value" dropping,because lets face it,there arent alot of eligible black men.So a black man whos alittle out of shape,and has kids and is divorced can still usually find Black females willing to date him.
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Why do you think white women in their 40s are "washed out"? All the white woman I know in their 40s, myself included are just peeking :D . I can understand being suspiciuos, but you could be missing out on some great things. As an aside my boyfriend is 37 and this is his firdt time dating interracailly, I was relucant to date him due to the fact he has younger kids and had nit dated interracially before, it took nearly 2 years for us to start dating, so the pendulum can swing either way.
 
pettyofficerj said:
nice job to everyone, for keeping this civil...

last time we had a thread even remotely questioning why white women suddenly went black, someone got thrown out of a window, a few weaves got pulled out, and a few accounts vanished into thin air

:D
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Thanks for the levity, petty officerj.

For some of us, the whole idea of a white woman suddenly going black is foreign. I've read about it and heard of it from black males but honestly, I personally don't know any women like that. Myself, I started dating black men when I had the opportunity - in college. I don't believe that I "went black." I was simply attracted to men darker than me. Unfortunately, some of the black men I've encountered over the years have had less than admirable intentions and motivations when it came to white women. Yeah, I know what it's like to be disrespected merely because of my race. But I can't discount the entire population of black males just because of those guys. If I've learned anything from being in interracial relationships it's that I have no right to judge a whole group of folks on the behavior of just a few.
 
I think this topic is tired. Have you noticed how many young white girls teenaged and up are dating/having babies by BM? Damn near every small town in America has a bunch of white girls pushing around baby carriages with brown babies in 'em. Those girls are in their prime. Or were before BM wore 'em out. And if an older woman likes BM, so what? Expect no drama, no games, no bullshit. I'll take an older WW any day. Especially if she a) has money and b) wants to piss off her ex-husband. :lol:
 
Ronja said:
I think the solution is as easy as this:

Generally, as people (men and women) get older, their self confidence rises and they worry less about what others might think. Many also learns to be less shallow...

So some women who didn't have the guts to date BM when they were younger, might have the guts when their older.

Just like a lot of 35 year old men, who have only dated "models" end up marrying a rather plain woman.

It's not because people(both genders) lower their standards as the OP seem to suggest, but because yourself and your values changes as you mature. What's important to a 25 year old, might not be very important to a 35 year old.
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This is true. It takes some people a loooooooooooong time to get to that point and some people never get there at all.

It's called facing your so called demons. In most cases, people find they're(the demons) not as demonic as they originally though. Happiness truly is, being yourself.
 
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