The best strategy for a young BM...

[jxsilicon9]

In my opinion, the best strategy for a young bm to ensure you'll find the woman you want of whatever kind, is simple -- "git the money."

If I were to advise a 20-something bm on women and romance, I would say don't be affected by what's happening to you now, just focus on building a career (or business) and building that cash --and don't have any kids! -- and by the time you're in your 30s things will be much, much easier.

Put off being the romeo; git the money and the rest comes easy. Wealth is the one thing that trumps the racial equation...

The best strategy is wealth,power,politics. Good magazines to read on financial,investment,saving,business,etc advice is black enterprise,smart money,forbes/fortune,entrepreneur magazine. Also the wall street journal all of which I stay up to date on. Also make sure to check out www.investopedia.com.

Next wealth is pointless, unless you use it. Then there is giving to non-profit and supporting local,state,national politics. On the local/state level let politicians know what you're bringing to the table as far as money and support goes. And let them know what you want from them. You have to keep that subtle. Also join organization,clubs,etc that will get your name out. Such as chamber of commerce,investment groups,private clubs,etc. I will just end this strategy right here. Otherwise it will just go on and on. Alot of black people don't use these strategies and that will keep you in the dark. These strategies are more then just for women. It has more to do with power.

 

[infiniti]

I think jaydun25's experience touches on some good points. It is no secret that being black in America has its drawbacks. That being said, I do have to say your condition seems extreme (in my humble opinion)

I am a double minority (African and black) and I am actually quite happy. I think America is by no means an ideal country. Yet, I haven't noticed a shortage of good people. Some of the things you describe above (women ignoring you, giving you dirty looks) happen to me once in a blue moon. They are by no means regular occurrences in my life.

Yes some white women can be overly dramatic while trying to ignore you. There are two interpretations to this 1) she is an asshole and you should just ignore her 2) She likes you and she is trying everything humanly possible to shed that feeling (in this case you should just sit back and enjoy the struggle). I advise you to take the second interpretation because most racist women that I know would not even go to that lenght. I remember ignoring a girl that I had a crush on when I was in middle school. I would say hi to everyone but skip her intentionally. I did this not because I hated her but because I couldn't accept the fact that I liked her.

You know I used to be disturbed by such attitudes, but I have learned to see the good things about them. The sort of women you describe do me a favor by allowing me to further appreciate women that are genuinely good. It sometimes takes filth to appreciate cleanliness.


Consciously or otherwise, our attitude or opinions about the world around us are manifested in our behavior. If you think white women despise you, all your interactions with white women will be subjected to that line of thinking. In other words, you will subconsciously find a way to characterize their actions as being hateful (even when an observer would state otherwise). All I am saying is that no one (white or black and everything in between) wants to interact with a bitter person. Unfortunately someone who is always defensive exudes bitterness.

As I said before, I am by no means rich. I am a student and I am barely scraping by because all my money goes towards my education. This is OK, because I know It will take no time to make big bucks once I am done with my education (at least the formal part because as we all know- true education never ends-). I have never being commended on how deep my pocket is. Yet I have received comments such as, "you have a lovely smile", "you are such a warm person", "You know I thought you would be stuck up, but I really do like you .

Notice that these are all things that you can control. I have noticed that people will smile more often around you if you give them a reason to. In fact some women have straight up walked up to me to start a conversation. Apparently they wouldn't do so if my face was saying "I'll fuck you up" (though this can be useful when you want people to stay away from you)

I know this post was long and somewhat deviated from the topic (I am tired) but the bottom line is that a black man needs to be himself- be able to stay positive in the midst of adversities, have good self esteem, not hate the world, be educated, have plans for the future and just enjoy moments as they come.

 

[lainarain]

I would agree that to have the most choices of ww available to you, you should have some money. For all of the ladies that are replying that you love your poor man, I understand where you are coming from. However, you would have to agree that a man is going to get more ladies when he has a little bit extra cash.

As for my honest answer: I work hard and would expect a man to work hard. Ambition, education (or non-traditional education), and power is attractive to me. The love of money, is not.

 

[fly girl]

I wanted to say something earlier, but didnt because I dotn want the drama, but here goes...

Historicly, black men always do better if they have money. They also do better with immigrant women. When you look at the black men who married or dated white women very early on, it was always the wealthy men or famous (jack johnson) or the average black man was able to date a non-black immigrant woman (such as effy mom).

 

[infiniti]

I agree with you that money is important. This is not exclusive to black men though. The ugliest man in the world will have his pick of gorgeous women if has some dough!

I do however think that smart women know how to judge potential wealth. I've had no trouble finding girlfriends even though I am not the richest guy in town (certainly far from the poorest, but don't expect me to fly you on a private jet). This girls certainly know that while I do not have much in the way of money right now, I will have no trouble making six figure salary in a few years . Any smart person making six figure salary should be able to make it into seven figure salary after that.

My point is that money is important but is by no means the most important factor in getting women. Good looks, nice personality, and some sort of ambition are (in my opinion) of great importance. A man who can't get women while poor will certainly not get the necessary skills when he gets richer. In that case, the only reason for him being able to get women is money. As we all know, Money (as the sole reason for a relationship) is a recipe for disaster.

Flygirl, would you explain the immigrant women thing a little further. Don't worry I am not trying to flame you. I just don't get what you were trying to say. That being said I do appreciate immigrant women. Why? They often have the life skills that I find desirable in a woman. Given that I am intrigued by different cultures, I also find the mingling of cultures quite entertaining. I recently met an immigrant girl and from our conversations I gathered that she really doesn't know how beautiful she is. Had she grown up in America, she certainly would have learned to bank on her beauty? I look forward to informing her of her beautiful she is.

 

[fly girl]

My comment was in context of a historical view point. If you take a look at the black men who dated or married white women post slaver up until about the end of the fifites or so, there were certain criteria that allowed them to do so.

Many of the white women who dated black men were poor immigrant women or the daughters of poor immigrants. My great grandmother was a migrant farm worker from immigrant parents. If you look in the sports section of the BB, you will see the story of Iffy Manley (the first women inducted into the hall of fame). Her immigrant mother married black men. Also, immigrant Irish women married black very early on.

According to the 1870 census, over 100 interracial married couples resided in the the city. These mixed-race marriages were not uncommon in mid-nineteenth-century New York City because such relationships did not violate accepted rules pertaining to race, class, and gender. In many respects, Irish immigrant women were not considered to be "white" and therefore their relationships were not viewed as being interracial.

I grew up in a military town and went to school with many mixed asian/black kids. Because of my age, I assume their fathers married their mothers while serving in the service in Korea or maybe even Japan post WWII.

I do think a lot has changed, but some of this still holds true. Right now, I would say the most important factor in black men who date other races is confidence. I believe it will get you father than anything else.

 

[Blondeblonde]

To the WW on the board, or anyone else: Do you think that perhaps a man of any race/culture is more appealing to women if he simply has the drive to obtain financial security, and not necessarily a great deal of money? In my opinion, and I tend to favor pretty strong traditional beliefs, if a man is willing to work and strive to live a somewhat comfortable life, i.e. being able to feed, clothe, and house ourselves and our children, then the amount of excess money we have is not important. Of course, I am a working girl myself (or at least I will be again once I give birth) and so I basically just expect that my man be driven enough to attempt to try to financially assist me in supporting our family.

 

[fly girl]

To the WW on the board, or anyone else: Do you think that perhaps a man of any race/culture is more appealing to women if he simply has the drive to obtain financial security, and not necessarily a great deal of money?

Not for me. I have my own financial security so it is not important to me whether he has it or has the "drive" for it. I would take a unpaid minister or starving artist over a millionaire or "potential millionaire" any day.

 

[flaminghetero]

my fella is broke broke broke
he earns enough money for his rent, phone card to call his mum and dad, and a little food- and sometimes not even that
but he is the kindest, most loving, caring, intelligent, sexy arsed man i know
and i wouldn't swap him for anyone-no matter how rich or poor they are

You're a sweet girl..

 

[sunstorm]

Good idea bruh. That is why I love reading your posts, you are a very intelligent man. Everything that you write about comes from keen observation. Flaminghetero is too.

Thanks bruh.

Belated thanks, jaydun.

Haven't had much time to post (or even lurk) lately, but anyway, more to come when I have more time...

I can dig what you're saying too -- being a black man is often like being in a bad episode of "The Twilight Zone": everybody's carrying themselves like they're fuckin crazy, but everyone acts like you're the crazy one for seeing it...

Everyone's downright possessed by dull-minded, small-spirited shit, yet they entertain notions of being "above you". lol When if truth be told...

Anyway, problems have solutions... More to come...

 

[staceybrewer]

from my point of view (WW happily dating a BM) for me its not the money, but the focus on working and being proactive that's attractive. my fella is pretty broke at the moment, but we have discussed our future together and we both, individually and together believe that to be best prepared for our future we need to be able to provide for ourselves and any family we may have. we are both in uni studying our MBA's, his focus on setting up a business, mine going into finance. work for a good few years, save money and then start our lives together.

I think you are right in that one. Any white lady who attracted to a brotha for his money is going to find out that the relationship revolves around more than just his money. I think that having a lot of money matters only if you want a man who is going to buy you into a relationship. Then after that you will feel that if you are bering put into a price, name your price, and I am yours and etc. I don't make a lof of money so the white lady who I choose to be with is not going to be with me for my money. She wants to be with me for who I am as a person.


so i disagree that it is purely money and a good job that attracts WW to BM, but what is attractive is focus and determination on providing a better life for your future family

:lol: :roll:

If it is purely money and a good job that attracts the golddiggers or white women who want the black men with money, what happens when another black man with more money, better job, nicer car, nicer clothes, bigger house, etc. comes along? Pretty much she will dump the brotha for the other brotha with more money than the next brotha.

 

[LA]

It's funny, the other day at school I saw a girl wearing a shirt that had "gold digger" printed on the chest of her shirt. I guess some girls don't mind putting it out there.

 

[PeyBackTime8818]

I ain't sayin she a gold digger, but she ain't messin wit no broke, no broke...

 

[astorbryan]

Trust me for a majority of American women especially Black women it's all about the money. There are a small minority of American women who are interested in a man's overall package. If any of you guys have some free time on a weekend night listen to the adult chatlines in various cities. Listening is free, I'm sure this will be an eye opening experience for alot of guys.

 

[staceybrewer]

Trust me for a majority of American women especially Black women it's all about the money. There are a small minority of American women who are interested in a man's overall package. If any of you guys have some free time on a weekend night listen to the adult chatlines in various cities. Listening is free, I'm sure this will be an eye opening experience for alot of guys.

That is why many black men go for the white women because they are mainly interested in the man and not the money with the exception of the gold-digging white women. I have listened to the adult chatlines and some of the white women there where only interested in the bortha with money. Other white women on the chat sites didn't care about the money since they had their own money to begin with. If you don't have lots of money to offer than you have to think of what else you can bring to the table besides the money that will keep the white lady happy. You have to think that you have something better out there then the next black man, unless you don't have anything to offer, they will move on to the next brotha.

 

[dj4monie]

I'm gunnna say this once (at least in this thread)

Forget making money! Make it, Invest it, Save it

If you gotta drive a Benz in order to pull hunies, then forget them or improve your game.

Next, get your arse out of the US. You think its fugged up for us, the majority of White men don't have it ANY better and I know Astor and Kid Rasta will agree with me here.

Canada is even BETTER than here and its really not that much of an improvement honestly. If your in the South, leave, if your in NYC, leave. If you have to be in the US move to the west coast were people are generally more progressive than elsewhere in this country.

Better yet, travel the world

You will get much better talent and honest women in Western Europe than you have here and the first question out of their mouths is NOT where you live, how much money you make or what kind of car you drive.

Add to that you can have anything you want, sexy fione as fug, or humdrum and average. You can have them with no kids and some with as many as 5, its no different in those respects, but at least they ain't looking for "Capt Save A Ho" as many American Women are.

I don't care what kinda of ire this raises with the women here or the ones that try to distance themselves from the garbage. If you wanna group men together, then we can group your arses together too.

As a man in America, you have just as much trouble as the next man in finding a complete woman, regardless of race and you really paint yourself into a corner if you date exclusively white women. Be that as it may however, its not impossible to find the woman of your dreams here, its just like finding the perfect spec of sand at the beach and we all know how impossible that is.

So my advice is to and work and travel or go to school, travel, work and travel.

 

[SardonicGenie]

I'm gunnna say this once (at least in this thread)

Forget making money! Make it, Invest it, Save it

If you gotta drive a Benz in order to pull hunies, then forget them or improve your game.

Next, get your arse out of the US. You think its fugged up for us, the majority of White men don't have it ANY better and I know Astor and Kid Rasta will agree with me here.

Canada is even BETTER than here and its really not that much of an improvement honestly. If your in the South, leave, if your in NYC, leave. If you have to be in the US move to the west coast were people are generally more progressive than elsewhere in this country.

Better yet, travel the world

You will get much better talent and honest women in Western Europe than you have here and the first question out of their mouths is NOT where you live, how much money you make or what kind of car you drive.

Add to that you can have anything you want, sexy fione as fug, or humdrum and average. You can have them with no kids and some with as many as 5, its no different in those respects, but at least they ain't looking for "Capt Save A Ho" as many American Women are.

I don't care what kinda of ire this raises with the women here or the ones that try to distance themselves from the garbage. If you wanna group men together, then we can group your arses together too.

As a man in America, you have just as much trouble as the next man in finding a complete woman, regardless of race and you really paint yourself into a corner if you date exclusively white women. Be that as it may however, its not impossible to find the woman of your dreams here, its just like finding the perfect spec of sand at the beach and we all know how impossible that is.

So my advice is to and work and travel or go to school, travel, work and travel.

Although I agree with most of the inputs written by both men and women in here, this one sums it all up perfectly.

 

[staceybrewer]

I'm gunnna say this once (at least in this thread)

Forget making money! Make it, Invest it, Save it

If you gotta drive a Benz in order to pull hunies, then forget them or improve your game.


Isn't that right because what if the white lady or black lady finds some brotha with a more expensive ride then a Benz? Then they will dunmp the brotha with the Benz and go for the brotha with the more expensive car and more money. If you have to improve your game to get with a lady then you have to think if it is really worth getting with her in the first place.

Next, get your arse out of the US. You think its fugged up for us, the majority of White men don't have it ANY better and I know Astor and Kid Rasta will agree with me here.

The majority of white men in the US have it a lot better than black men especially if they are rich or financially well off. If you look at the nations poor than you have to look that not a whole lot of black men make more money than white men with the exception of movies, acting, sports, and entertainment.

Canada is even BETTER than here and its really not that much of an improvement honestly. If your in the South, leave, if your in NYC, leave. If you have to be in the US move to the west coast were people are generally more progressive than elsewhere in this country.

The white ladies in the West Coast look the best and the Swedish or foreign white girls are hot too.

Better yet, travel the world

You will get much better talent and honest women in Western Europe than you have here and the first question out of their mouths is NOT where you live, how much money you make or what kind of car you drive.

I would have to agree with you on that one, that is probably why you see that interracial dating, marriage is more acceptable in Western Europe. There seems to be more prejudice in the US than in overseas.


Add to that you can have anything you want, sexy fione as fug, or humdrum and average. You can have them with no kids and some with as many as 5, its no different in those respects, but at least they ain't looking for "Capt Save A Ho" as many American Women are.

It all depends on what kind of woman you are looking for. If you like American women than you would not like the women overseas.

I don't care what kinda of ire this raises with the women here or the ones that try to distance themselves from the garbage. If you wanna group men together, then we can group your arses together too.

It seems that women who don't like black men tend to group us all together with the bad black men out there. If one brotha messes up then it is like we are all messing. I know one white girl who used to date black men and now she goes back to dating white men and she tends to group all black men as players, users, pimps, thugs, and etc. She is just generalizing her bad experiences with just the black men she used to date but always mentions that she always enjoyed the sex with them even if the relationship was bad. However it is not the same when a white girl dates white men who have treated her bad, it is just that particular white man and not all white men.

As a man in America, you have just as much trouble as the next man in finding a complete woman, regardless of race and you really paint yourself into a corner if you date exclusively white women.


It all depends on what attracts you as a complete woman. Blonde, brunettes, redheads, black hair, body types, personality, career, interests, compatibility, which race of women is the most beautiful, likes and dislikes. If you don't find one race of women not filling that bill then you start to look for in a another race of women. Any black men who dates or has sex with only white women only paints himself into a corner when it comes to discussing it with black women.

Be that as it may however, its not impossible to find the woman of your dreams here, its just like finding the perfect spec of sand at the beach and we all know how impossible that is.

So my advice is to and work and travel or go to school, travel, work and travel.

 

[Darman]

The whole money-thing is pretty obvious. There are plenty of washed-up actors and rock stars who have seen more women than I can imagine. There is, however, a weak spot. The late Notorious B.I.G. put it best when he said "The more money you make, the problems you're gonna have." Do you honestly want to keep asking yourself if a woman is sincerely interested in you, if she would have talked to you had you been driving a beat-up Ford instead of a BMW?
There's nothing wrong with making a lot of money, as long as you do it because you want the success.
Any good-looking, sincere, hard-working and out-going man can capture a woman's heart.

 

[Genuine]

Canada isn't much better

I'm gunnna say this once (at least in this thread)
Canada is even BETTER than here and its really not that much of an improvement honestly. If your in the South, leave, if your in NYC, leave. If you have to be in the US move to the west coast were people are generally more progressive than elsewhere in this country.

Speaking as a black man living in Toronto, Ontario who has recently traveled to the U.S., I can attest that Canada isn't really better. More variety in women yes, but a small pool of them who can be just as self-centered, standoffish, snooty, shallow, fake and materialistic as women from other places. Maybe even more so. Those comments cut across all colours and cultures.

Many men I've met coming from different parts of the world agree.

So my advice is to and work and travel or go to school, travel, work and travel.

Now, you're talking. I'm too optimistic to believe that the rest of the world is like North America in terms of dating.