I know if I have posts expressing my comfort with some european women, but this isn't at the detriment of american whitewomen and I hope american WW on this site wouldn't take it that way. I am merely making a statistical extrapolation from my own personal experience (which doesn't necessarily hold true for others). I am attracted to "free spirits" and somehow the vast majority I have met and dated ( even while in the US) are Europeans/Canadians. That being said, I have dated US/canadians who are everything I have described.
Soulthinker, I wouldn't go as far as generalizing all women in the US. I think there is a lot of extra baggage (e.g what would people think of me, my family etc) that "generally" goes with dating WW in the US, but every now and then I run into a WW who knows what she wants and doesn't really let people dictate how she runs her life. This is becoming more common amongst women that I interact with, perhaps because they are now professionals and have attained certain level of independence from their families.
If you are interested in IR dating, pre and early college period can be very challenging. Particularly if you are as picky as I was (I was only attracted to the women I thought were the best and wasn't into lowering my standards for any reason). While I didn't date as much as others might have, the few GF's I had were excellent and I wouldn't do anything differently if I could relive that experience. Now that I am heading towards the final chapters of professional school, I find that women put way more effort into dating than I do and "social baggage" has lost some serious weight.
That being said, you shouldn't over-analyze your interaction with women. Sometimes a woman isn't into you because she isn't. If you are used to having negative experience (or have a negative perception of a group of women) with certain group of women, it becomes extremely easy to justify your current situation with those past experiences.
Part of being smart is being able to criticize yourself and make appropriate changes. Like you and a few other guys here, I was "turned off" by the "social gabbage" that is often associated with dating IR in this country. It wasn't that I couldn't date/get/fuck the next girl (this has always been easy), it was just that I rebelled against having to "prove myself in any extra way because I was black or whatever" to date IR. I am a pretty stubborn, so I just didn't continue when I sensed that baggage rearing its head. Needless to say, that perception crosses into the subconscious and you start wearing it on your sleeves. It got to the point where I (who has always been praised for having a beautiful smile) wouldn't even bother to smile amongst women that I percieved to be the type I describe above (it didn't help that I went to a very prestigious school with lots of booksmart people (they will quickly point this out to you) who were spoiled and in many ways lacking real life experience). I never completely closed off myself, but wouldn't allow my self to be completely free. As a friend put it" I had a fuck off sign on my forehead". Women may think you are as hot as they come, but this sort of behavior is highly "unattractive" (ironically, it was some of the same behavioral pattern that I found unattractive in these women, yet I was starting to display them myself). A few of my good friends talked to me about my attitude around several people and how some if it was unfounded. I started making note of attitude and indeed found that it wasnt all them, some of it was from me. That realization was powerful, it gave me the opportunity to make changes and I felt much better.
Several Advice with IR dating in the U.S:
1) Sometimes being very self confident (which is what is how I was raised) makes you appear intimidating or cocky. A lot of women have told me they thought I was somewhat cocky until they got to know me. I have tried to pin down exactly why , but I don't know. If you are one of the people with this trait, don't try to change this. It is who you are and the ones who get to know you are in for a pleasant surprise. This "somewhat cock" thing has always gotten women's attention.
2) Smile way more often (but don't be too cheesy). I can appear really serious if you don't know me and when I'm serious people don't mess with me. Strangely, I get heck of a lot of attention when I am smiling. Point is smile more often, women love when men smile and first impression is often everything. I think BMs should smile more in general. For some reason it gives the impression of being less threatning.
3) Be somewhat more talkative. For other groups of men, this wouldn't necessarily be good advice. The fact that BM are stereotyped to be more manly, more this or that gives you a lot of lee way to do "feminine things" and still be percieved as "masculine with a gentle side". People, women especially will come to you if you are talkative. This makes you less threatning. As a BM (especially amongs people who are unfamiliar with you), that "unspoken threat" is often one of the first things YOU have to overcome
4) My posts talked about the sort of women I try to avoid. So where do you find the good ones. In places you would expect to find them: for some reason, women you meet in bookstores, reading a book on diversity, non US affairs, sitting in on a lecture about diversity, women who just strikes you as different (we all know when we see one giving that we've seen many that aren't like her) are all good people to get to know. Clubs are generally not the best place (especially if the club or pub is know for having pretty homogenous crowd).
5) Be somewhat carefree. Though observant BMs undoubtedly have clues that make you aware of the "right" type of WW, some women don't display those signs and you would never find out unless you talk to them. Worst case scenario, she wouldn't respond, but hey... who cares!
6) This will cause some trouble here, but here it goes... don't limit yourself to WW. I used to say I prefter WW, but you know things have changed to the point where I am more comfortable saying I date IR. Truth is, unless you are absolutely incapable of being attracted to a non white woman, you will miss other great women everytime you spend all your energy on WW.
Soulthinker, I wouldn't go as far as generalizing all women in the US. I think there is a lot of extra baggage (e.g what would people think of me, my family etc) that "generally" goes with dating WW in the US, but every now and then I run into a WW who knows what she wants and doesn't really let people dictate how she runs her life. This is becoming more common amongst women that I interact with, perhaps because they are now professionals and have attained certain level of independence from their families.
If you are interested in IR dating, pre and early college period can be very challenging. Particularly if you are as picky as I was (I was only attracted to the women I thought were the best and wasn't into lowering my standards for any reason). While I didn't date as much as others might have, the few GF's I had were excellent and I wouldn't do anything differently if I could relive that experience. Now that I am heading towards the final chapters of professional school, I find that women put way more effort into dating than I do and "social baggage" has lost some serious weight.
That being said, you shouldn't over-analyze your interaction with women. Sometimes a woman isn't into you because she isn't. If you are used to having negative experience (or have a negative perception of a group of women) with certain group of women, it becomes extremely easy to justify your current situation with those past experiences.
Part of being smart is being able to criticize yourself and make appropriate changes. Like you and a few other guys here, I was "turned off" by the "social gabbage" that is often associated with dating IR in this country. It wasn't that I couldn't date/get/fuck the next girl (this has always been easy), it was just that I rebelled against having to "prove myself in any extra way because I was black or whatever" to date IR. I am a pretty stubborn, so I just didn't continue when I sensed that baggage rearing its head. Needless to say, that perception crosses into the subconscious and you start wearing it on your sleeves. It got to the point where I (who has always been praised for having a beautiful smile) wouldn't even bother to smile amongst women that I percieved to be the type I describe above (it didn't help that I went to a very prestigious school with lots of booksmart people (they will quickly point this out to you) who were spoiled and in many ways lacking real life experience). I never completely closed off myself, but wouldn't allow my self to be completely free. As a friend put it" I had a fuck off sign on my forehead". Women may think you are as hot as they come, but this sort of behavior is highly "unattractive" (ironically, it was some of the same behavioral pattern that I found unattractive in these women, yet I was starting to display them myself). A few of my good friends talked to me about my attitude around several people and how some if it was unfounded. I started making note of attitude and indeed found that it wasnt all them, some of it was from me. That realization was powerful, it gave me the opportunity to make changes and I felt much better.
Several Advice with IR dating in the U.S:
1) Sometimes being very self confident (which is what is how I was raised) makes you appear intimidating or cocky. A lot of women have told me they thought I was somewhat cocky until they got to know me. I have tried to pin down exactly why , but I don't know. If you are one of the people with this trait, don't try to change this. It is who you are and the ones who get to know you are in for a pleasant surprise. This "somewhat cock" thing has always gotten women's attention.
2) Smile way more often (but don't be too cheesy). I can appear really serious if you don't know me and when I'm serious people don't mess with me. Strangely, I get heck of a lot of attention when I am smiling. Point is smile more often, women love when men smile and first impression is often everything. I think BMs should smile more in general. For some reason it gives the impression of being less threatning.
3) Be somewhat more talkative. For other groups of men, this wouldn't necessarily be good advice. The fact that BM are stereotyped to be more manly, more this or that gives you a lot of lee way to do "feminine things" and still be percieved as "masculine with a gentle side". People, women especially will come to you if you are talkative. This makes you less threatning. As a BM (especially amongs people who are unfamiliar with you), that "unspoken threat" is often one of the first things YOU have to overcome
4) My posts talked about the sort of women I try to avoid. So where do you find the good ones. In places you would expect to find them: for some reason, women you meet in bookstores, reading a book on diversity, non US affairs, sitting in on a lecture about diversity, women who just strikes you as different (we all know when we see one giving that we've seen many that aren't like her) are all good people to get to know. Clubs are generally not the best place (especially if the club or pub is know for having pretty homogenous crowd).
5) Be somewhat carefree. Though observant BMs undoubtedly have clues that make you aware of the "right" type of WW, some women don't display those signs and you would never find out unless you talk to them. Worst case scenario, she wouldn't respond, but hey... who cares!
6) This will cause some trouble here, but here it goes... don't limit yourself to WW. I used to say I prefter WW, but you know things have changed to the point where I am more comfortable saying I date IR. Truth is, unless you are absolutely incapable of being attracted to a non white woman, you will miss other great women everytime you spend all your energy on WW.
