what do white women love about black men?

toronto23 said:
ah but it could also depend on the demeanor not talking about you
, hell i don't even approach girls low self esteem. But if I ever get the guts to it would be a girl whose smiling seems like shes having a good day than someone with a pushed up mouth etc.
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Oh I agree I think it has a lot to do with demeanor. I'm shy with people I don't know, so maybe that's sending a wrong signal or something.

I remember when I was in school I had friends tell me they thought I was a cold bitch until they got to know me. I had a friend tell me that same thing about a year ago too - LOL My answer is and has always been "because I'm shy"... that shyness comes off as attitude or whatever. It just takes me a bit to warm up but once I do I'm the complete opposite of shy.
 
KnCA said:
Tink ~

I have some friends that have the same experiences that you do. With all due respect...they are much more flirtatious than they may want to admit to themselves. They will often talk about just being friendly and not understanding why all these men are coming on to them. But they aren't really taking responsibility for how they come across. If you are coming from a place of being "taken" (since you are indeed involved) then men will rarely approach.

Truly, rarely will men approach unless women have been giving some pretty clear signals of some type. Well sometimes complete idiots will...but typically men will not.
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I hate to think I'm being flirtacious be cause I really don't want to be. I'm trying to be fun and I am a very happy person (since my divorce) but the truth is I had guys approach me while I was married and wearing a wedding ring. I have never been flirtacious on purpose (well accept after I got to know the guy a bit) but this has always been a problem for me. I had guys approaching me when I was only 14, and I mean adult men who thought I was older.

What suggestions do you have (other than wearing a wedding ring) so that men will see me as taken but friendly? I still have to be friendly because I do a lot of contacting with my business and I need to appear friendly and approachable professionally.

Serendipity said:
Actually, and it shocked the hell out of me ... I was out shopping yesterday, crossing the street and this fine guy walking towards; made eye contact, smiled went on my way. Going back I ran into him again, he approached (I never had that happen out and about) ... long story short, we talked briefly, he took my number, said he'd call me that day (yesterday) and never did. Me like an idiot I didn't take his # and I'm still beating myself up over it.

But why in hell do men get the girls number and then never call them ?
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Give the guy a week, one day isn't enough, he may not want to seem desparate. If he doesn't call in a week then he probably won't.
 
Tinkerbell said:
Wow, so that explains the constant attention!! OK... I still don't know how to take the news... hhhmmmm.....:confused:



So if this is the case how do you ever know he approached you because he really thought you were "all that" or you were "on the lower end"?

Cuz, me, I don't like the idea of being some deadbeat guys, second or third, or lower, choice due to his own low self esteem!

The real question for me then is what can I do to make myself appear to be "out of their league" so they will leave me alone?
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You make out like you're so offended when guys approach you, come on... you know it flatters your ego (just a little bit) when they do it. Or maybe I'm more shallow than you. It happens to me a little bit, but maybe you've got guys falling at your feet 24/7 so you are getting fed up... who knows.
You act like you're way too good for them, maybe you are, but you shouldn't go around thinking you're superior. If it wasn't for guys approaching me I would have never been in a relationship and I'd still be a virgin, yea most of the guys are deadbeat or whatever but the odd one won't be.
Just smile and be happy that people out there are finding you atttractive and nice enough to muster up the courage and approach you.
 
SarahS said:
You make out like you're so offended when guys approach you, come on... you know it flatters your ego (just a little bit) when they do it. Or maybe I'm more shallow than you. It happens to me a little bit, but maybe you've got guys falling at your feet 24/7 so you are getting fed up... who knows.
You act like you're way too good for them, maybe you are, but you shouldn't go around thinking you're superior. If it wasn't for guys approaching me I would have never been in a relationship and I'd still be a virgin, yea most of the guys are deadbeat or whatever but the odd one won't be.
Just smile and be happy that people out there are finding you atttractive and nice enough to muster up the courage and approach you.
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No, it doesn't offend me, and I don't feel superior, I just get tired of it. I feel like they must think I'm "easy" or something. Most of them are idiots. I don't usually give them a chace to fully approach me, these are men I've never met, they don't know me and they make me very uncomfotable, and yes in some situations even a little scared.
 
Tinkerbell said:
I hate to think I'm being flirtacious be cause I really don't want to be. I'm trying to be fun and I am a very happy person (since my divorce) but the truth is I had guys approach me while I was married and wearing a wedding ring. I have never been flirtacious on purpose (well accept after I got to know the guy a bit) but this has always been a problem for me. I had guys approaching me when I was only 14, and I mean adult men who thought I was older.

What suggestions do you have (other than wearing a wedding ring) so that men will see me as taken but friendly? I still have to be friendly because I do a lot of contacting with my business and I need to appear friendly and approachable professionally.



Give the guy a week, one day isn't enough, he may not want to seem desparate. If he doesn't call in a week then he probably won't.
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He seemed pretty keen. Asked when was a good time to call, said several times he'd call that day. Whatever, he calls he calls he doesn't his loss. I just don't get why guys will get the number and then not call. Maybe some men here can enlighten me - LOL

As for wearing a wedding ring so men will see that you're taken, I think that makes some men approach even more. I had a friend who had the same problem, the wedding ring was like a mating call or something it was like bees on honey. Maybe its because these men don't want anything serious, just a fling.
 
Serendipity said:
But why in hell do men get the girls number and then never call them ?
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When he saw you he clearly was attracted and motivated to ask for your number. This takes some nerve, even if women don't realize it because no man likes rejection.

Now that he has it, he will probably call, but again, he may feel he has to wait until the right moment, whatever. I am sure he will give you a ring eventually. Did he store it in his mobile or did he write it down?

A lot of human response is impulsive. Men will tell you that women sometimes give out their numbers but change their mind later and don't respond to a call or text.
 
Sir Nose said:
When he saw you he clearly was attracted and motivated to ask for your number. This takes some nerve, even if women don't realize it because no man likes rejection.

Now that he has it, he will probably call, but again, he may feel he has to wait until the right moment, whatever. I am sure he will give you a ring eventually. Did he store it in his mobile or did he write it down?

A lot of human response is impulsive. Men will tell you that women sometimes give out their numbers but change their mind later and don't respond to a call or text.
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He put it in his mobile. It took me by surprise because I've never been approached on the street before and I do realize it took some nerve for him to ask. Lesson learned though, if that ever happens again I'll be sure to get his number as well.
 
SarahS said:
Just smile and be happy that people out there are finding you atttractive and nice enough to muster up the courage and approach you.
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SarahS, I soooo agree with you. I have a single friend that behaves almost as if she's insulted when a man approaches her who isn't exactly what she's looking for. I just don't understand it. I respect any man that puts forth that effort and the very least I can do is smile, be polite, and let him know that I appreciate the interest.
 
veema said:
SarahS, I soooo agree with you. I have a single friend that behaves almost as if she's insulted when a man approaches her who isn't exactly what she's looking for. I just don't understand it. I respect any man that puts forth that effort and the very least I can do is smile, be polite, and let him know that I appreciate the interest.
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I have just recently realized how hard it is for men to approach so I am much nicer than I used to be, I used to give them killer looks of absolute disgust for even trying when I was married, but then when I was divorced I figured they were just being nice, but I still didn't understand that it took such an effort, so now I do smile and I try to be nice, but I don't want to encourage them either, and I've done that accidentally a few times. So any suggestions?
 
Tink - I think when we are not available we give off rather clear signals. Not rude...just clear. Of course there are those guys who are dense who will try no matter what. But most men truly will not hit on a woman unless she's giving off some signals. And even then they are typically rather polite about it. Maybe asking if you are involved or something...so I don't see what the irritation would be.

Maybe you need to take a more realistic look at what it is that you are doing since you seem to be bothered by this.
 
KnCA said:
Tink - I think when we are not available we give off rather clear signals. Not rude...just clear. Of course there are those guys who are dense who will try no matter what. But most men truly will not hit on a woman unless she's giving off some signals. And even then they are typically rather polite about it. Maybe asking if you are involved or something...so I don't see what the irritation would be.

Maybe you need to take a more realistic look at what it is that you are doing since you seem to be bothered by this.
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So help me out, what could I be doing that would bring it on so strongly? I have always had this problem it didn't just start recently. When I was young I was flattered, but then it got old and I have really had a very hard time being "just friends" with any guy because of it.

I pretty much came to the conclusion that men were pretty much scum and there were a very few rare ones that weren't.
 
Ok well first - what type of men are you attracting? All types? are they obnoxious or something?

I mean to me if they have some class and simply approach...I don't see what the big deal is. You simply say you aren't interested or thank them for the compliment and that's all there is to it. If you are one who is attracting those who do cat calling and are obnoxious, can't seem to get it when you look away or say no thank you....ummm hmmm. I had a gf years back who had those experiences and she had to learn to stop looking their way, and if they kept it up she had to get rude with them.

But I think the part you are missing here is that you are indeed welcoming whatever it is that's going on. You are sending out energy that you are available and interested. I think the first thing about that is realizing that it is indeed YOU who is doing this. So far in your messages on here you have gone on about how you are not...but you are in fact the common denominator here.

Can I ask you something? Do you realize you come across as rather flirty often times on this site? I'm not saying that you behave the same way in person. I just have to wonder if you realize how you come across at times on here though and if maybe you aren't aware of what you are projecting.
 
KnCA said:
Ok well first - what type of men are you attracting? All types? are they obnoxious or something?
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You know I got to thinking about this, and most of them are Hispanic and I lived in Mexico a lot, and that is really a whole different culture, the men tend to always have extra marital affairs and their women tend to accept it a lot so maybe that's a big part of it too, because it's always way worse amongst hispanics, and maybe that has tainted my view when other men approach me.

KnCA said:
I mean to me if they have some class and simply approach...I don't see what the big deal is. You simply say you aren't interested or thank them for the compliment and that's all there is to it. If you are one who is attracting those who do cat calling and are obnoxious, can't seem to get it when you look away or say no thank you....ummm hmmm. I had a gf years back who had those experiences and she had to learn to stop looking their way, and if they kept it up she had to get rude with them.
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I get some of both, and I used to get really rude with all of them because I had dealt with so many jerks. I have learned to be nicer now to the nicer guys, and I really have a hard time being really rude like I used to be.

KnCA said:
But I think the part you are missing here is that you are indeed welcoming whatever it is that's going on. You are sending out energy that you are available and interested. I think the first thing about that is realizing that it is indeed YOU who is doing this. So far in your messages on here you have gone on about how you are not...but you are in fact the common denominator here.
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I understand that this may very well be the case in some way but I have asked friends and they constantly tell me no, it's not me. So I don't see it, you know it is always hard to see the faults within ourselves. So I really do welcome your input here.

KnCA said:
Can I ask you something? Do you realize you come across as rather flirty often times on this site? I'm not saying that you behave the same way in person. I just have to wonder if you realize how you come across at times on here though and if maybe you aren't aware of what you are projecting.
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Well I don't know about "often" but I will admit I have been a bit flirty, but they guys here know that I am in a relationship and not looking and it's the internet, so I guess I feel a bit more free. I really don't say some of the things I say here, in real life to a man. I will say anything to my girlfriends, and my grown sons, but other than that, no. I really don't flirt in real life, at least not on purpose.

I do try to be friendly and get to know people and I do introduce myself and look people in the eye, and smile and I strike up conversations. So if that's being understood as flirting then I'll just have to learn to deal with it because I don't want to change that about me. I have only recently (since my divorce) started this though and I have always had the problem.
 
Tinkerbell said:
but I don't want to encourage them either, and I've done that accidentally a few times. So any suggestions?
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KnCA had some great comments and questions for you. It's not always easy to see but when I'm consistently getting a reaction from people that I'm not comfortable with, I have to wonder if it's because of the signals I'm giving off or the approach I'm using. Sometimes just a little tweaking makes a huge difference.
 
SarahS said:
Agreed! It's that "swagga", gets me everytime.
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i never thought about it but i feel attracted to the ones who have "swagga" the most. idk why... maybe its because they are confident to date a white woman and can take the lead when sweeping me off my feet? lol
 
why I (a white woman) love black men

i love being with a black man b/c i feel sexier and im treated better. Also seeing his dark skin against mine is such a turn on! ;) :D
 
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