Got a machete pulled on us tonight, well, my drunk friend, mainly.
So, my friend and I go to our friend's apartment and he's a little drunk when we get there. He makes a drink with hella alcohol and only had a little Coke left, so the drink was strong as hell. A little while later, we're on the balcony and one of the ghetto heathens from downstairs(or friend of the ghetto heathens from downstairs) is walking by and says something out loud. My drunk friend leans over the balcony as yells, "who the fuck is that!!!! Oh, it's Julian(name of the heathen yell downstairs, and he's drunk, too)". Julian and him jokingly talk shit back and forth. "You a crazy ass white boy. You can't be yellin' this shit in Highlands. I just got robbed right there man. I was ready to stab them muthafuckas". We see the dude with a machete in his hand and we're like "that's a machete. Nice!" Drunk friend asks what the machete was for. Julian says jokingly, "for crazy whiteboys like you". Julian is swinging around his machete and goes, "man, my nigga just knocked over my pint and my 4 Loco. I got no alcohol. I'm ready to hit a lick, for real". And I'm thinkg, "man, the fuck you thinkin', and with a machete of all things, drunk as hell, and nothing to cover your face".
Then, drunk friend wants to tell him something and you know when people get drunk they just repeat your name over and over to make sure you are listening? Yeah, well, "Julian, Julian, Julian, listen to me. Hey, Julian. Hey, Julain, man." Sober friend and I have been laughing for a minute at this exchange. Juilian then says, "Yo, man. My family disowned me. I don't go by Julian anymore. I go by Lethal. L-E-A-T-H-A-L(Yes, he spelled lethal like that)." At this point, sober friend and I are dying. When he said "lethal", sober friend and I automatically think of the Leathal Interjection Crew from the Boondocks and go, "aight, Thugnificent" as we're damn near pissing ourselves. Julian then laughs and goes, "Awww, fuck y'all Boondocks watchin' ass muthafuckas". Then, drunk friend wants to go down and talk to Julian. Julian gives sober friend the machete from downstair to the balcony so he doesn't threaten drunk friend. Sober friend and I are checking out the machete and don't know what they're talking about downstairs, then, the next thing we hear is Julian saying, "Man, y'all better come get your boy". Awww, shit. So we go downstairs and we see drunk friend all up in Julian's face. Literally 1 inch from kissing.
We go down and try to split them up, and for some reason, drunk friend gets a little hype and tries to run up on Julian. Julian walks up the stairs and drunk friend goes, "Hey, motherfucker. You better not be walking up my stairs." The way he said it was so damn funny. Again, sober friend and I are dying. While we're trying to hold back drunk friend while Julian picks up the machete that sober friend set on the stairs(because he wasn't going to hand the machete to any of those drunk mufuckas), and dude just flips it and points the machete at drunk friend's face in one smooth motion, despite being drunk. I swear, that shit was straight out of a movie. You know in the moives where the person draws their sword and you hear the metal "schwing!!!!" against the sheath or whatever else? Yeah. Then, I know this shit is getting way out of hand. Our friend we are trying to hold back is the strongest one in our group by far. Fuckin' farmboy strength. Tree trunk arms and fuckin' bear claw size mits. Nicknames include "Hands" and "Mits". And he's drunk as hell. My 150 pounds ass is having trouble just hloding his ONE arm back while holding on to the railing so I have something to grip on if he tries to break free and toss me.
Julian then take off his vest n' shit like he's ready to fight. Then he goes up to drunk friend and talks about how much shittier he has it, whcih he did. He tells him how his wife left him, kid left him parents disowned him ,gettng evicted, friend spilled his alcohol:smt030 and some other shit, and how he's psycho(I believed it. Dude had nothing to lose, really). I'm getting paranoid because their apartments are on the corner of the block of a main street, and cops pass by every 10 minutes. Julian is bouncing around ready to fight and he has the machete and sober friend and I are scared that one of us is gonna get sliced over some bullshit. Then, after we manage to cool them down after 3 minutes, Julian reaches for a handshake to make up and I'm wondering if they're still mad or not, because the entire time it was a bipolar argument. It would seem like they were cool one minute, then 12 seconds later they were heated. Julian initiates handshake and drunk friend shakes, but tries to man up the shake and is gripping his hand like a muthafucka and you can still see in his eyes that he's pissed. Julian tells him, "man, I ain't trying to man up on you. Stop squeezing my hand so damn much. I'm psycho, man. I'm ready to hit a lick and blah, blah, blah." They finally finish the handshake and we all shake ands n' shit and then Julian leaves to probably go rob somebody. Drunk friend was still pissed and we could tell he wanted to kick his ass(and he said so himself). He actually wanted to post outside on the steps and wait for Julian to come back so he could fight. We obviously said no.
I've lost count of how many times my group have gotten weapons pulled on us, but this is a memory to be documented in the chronicles of our group. Those folks downstairs are some drug dealing pieces of shit with hell akinds running around. Drunk friend called CPS on them today. They also have this kitten that's always meowing/crying. We're like "what the fuck are y'all doing with that kitten?"
Yeah, this is a long ass story. Y'all probably didn't read the shit, but I'm bored at 3 in the morning.