Why Black Women Remain Single...

goodlove said:
tell me what you understand about it before we go any further then I will tell you what it means. of course ladies first .

afterwards then we will address the other issues you addressed
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Vague request is vague. I just explained what I understood. Why do you assume a difference of opinion means I don't understand?
 
goodlove said:
also it would be nice if the dr. rev. deacon feel good was saying what you were saying but he is not.

the pastors are usually putting down bm. I remember a pastor saying the following:

- black women are the queens and should be treated as such. they are important to the family . ( FINE AND GOOD. ESPECIALLY IN AN UTOPIA WORLD)

then he goes on to say.... black men the black woman will get you straight and clean you up.

now here is what he is saying. that all black women got their act together which is false and all black men are idiots. which is false again.

todays society plays men as the following

- we do all or most of the cheating. which is false. i talked to several lawyers and counselors and cheating is 50/50

- men are stupid. definitely false. some of you do nt see the need of a budget. no need to go there enough said.

no need to go on other issues to prove that women are not all together especially BW
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also the rev gay doctor feel them up good, cant prove any of this is true. where can he prove black women are queens? or any of this rubbish?
 
bonsaiiKITTEN said:
Vague request is vague. I just explained what I understood. Why do you assume a difference of opinion means I don't understand?
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Let me go ahead and explain it to you because you dont know. I can tell you are ignorant to it.

It means that you should not give a woman total trust and over-basic respect if she has not earned it. a person should build that trust and maintain it then you can wife them up or give them the committed relationship. Until that time they are just sex buddies.

thats is just common sense. love it or hate it
 
bonsaiiKITTEN said:
I'm not a Christian, but frankly, I don't think telling BW that the only man they need is their god is what's holding them back. They took a small clip of a preacher getting overly excited, replayed it over and over, and said, "Oh look, this guy is nuts."

Fellas, I hate to tell you, but if you're not dating BW because they've expressed that they will continue their lives with or without you, you're dating WW for the wrong reason. I fall into the category of there isn't a man I've met yet that I can't live without.

This is a positive message, especially for young women who think that male sexual attention is the end all be all. Why is that so disturbing? Men should realize there are more important things than sex. Bettering yourself and your community comes before romantic endeavors.

That doesn't mean I don't love men. That doesn't mean I don't want to be in a relationship. The impression some of the guys in the thread are giving is that you need a woman to fawn all over you. Also, goodlove, if you treat women like prostitutes, you're going to be a lonely old man.
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You just owned this thread.
 
goodlove said:
Let me go ahead and explain it to you because you dont know. I can tell you are ignorant to it.

It means that you should not give a woman total trust and over-basic respect if she has not earned it. a person should build that trust and maintain it then you can wife them up or give them the committed relationship. Until that time they are just sex buddies.

thats is just common sense. love it or hate it
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The difference between a prostitute and a casual sex partner are leagues apart.
 
bonsaiiKITTEN said:
I'm not a Christian, but frankly, I don't think telling BW that the only man they need is their god is what's holding them back. They took a small clip of a preacher getting overly excited, replayed it over and over, and said, "Oh look, this guy is nuts."

Fellas, I hate to tell you, but if you're not dating BW because they've expressed that they will continue their lives with or without you, you're dating WW for the wrong reason. I fall into the category of there isn't a man I've met yet that I can't live without.

This is a positive message, especially for young women who think that male sexual attention is the end all be all. Why is that so disturbing? Men should realize there are more important things than sex. Bettering yourself and your community comes before romantic endeavors.

That doesn't mean I don't love men. That doesn't mean I don't want to be in a relationship. The impression some of the guys in the thread are giving is that you need a woman to fawn all over you. Also, goodlove, if you treat women like prostitutes, you're going to be a lonely old man.
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Excellent point Kitten. I wish the system allow me to give you a rep point, very well said.
 
bonsaiiKITTEN said:
I'm not a Christian, but frankly, I don't think telling BW that the only man they need is their god is what's holding them back. They took a small clip of a preacher getting overly excited, replayed it over and over, and said, "Oh look, this guy is nuts."

Fellas, I hate to tell you, but if you're not dating BW because they've expressed that they will continue their lives with or without you, you're dating WW for the wrong reason. I fall into the category of there isn't a man I've met yet that I can't live without.

This is a positive message, especially for young women who think that male sexual attention is the end all be all. Why is that so disturbing? Men should realize there are more important things than sex. Bettering yourself and your community comes before romantic endeavors.

That doesn't mean I don't love men. That doesn't mean I don't want to be in a relationship. The impression some of the guys in the thread are giving is that you need a woman to fawn all over you. Also, goodlove, if you treat women like prostitutes, you're going to be a lonely old man.
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know one has ever stated that a woman should not respect herself and get with a good brother but the problem is that most women get a "good" man and treat him like crap . also bw also need to be able to define "good" . they will sit there and say he must have a "good" job . look like denzel washington and make "X" amount of dollars and he is a good man. The problem is the following :

the smart and mature women see bro's who are in college , graduated and just doing their best are dissed because they are not "exciting" . we talked about this on another thread. I gave the scenerio about desperate housewives where a maid stated she had a good man but she wanted some excitement and had an affair and lost everything.

also bw like to portray that all bm cheat , lie and ect... and they are so innocent and loving which is the contrary. alot of women are very arrant in their actions of chicanery. when they get caught ooooh im a victim and yada yada yada
 
goodlove said:
know one has ever stated that a woman should not respect herself and get with a good brother but the problem is that most women get a "good" man and treat him like crap . also bw also need to be able to define "good" . they will sit there and say he must have a "good" job . look like denzel washington and make "X" amount of dollars and he is a good man.
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I think the idea that a person makes you happy is absurd. We make ourselves happy and attract positive relationships by our own actions. If I'm not in a happy relationship and I feel bad about it, it's my problem. If I'm fine with it, then it doesn't matter so much. The second I start to feel bad about being single, I look at the common denominator in all my relationships with men: Me. 99% of the time, that's the source of the problem, and it's true of anyone.

Maybe I should date BW from the sounds of it; it sounds like we'd get along if I believe the generalizations. :p Being happy is most important, and I have friends from all walks of life, but why should a woman who has worked very hard in her life to being an educated refined lady settle for a guy who is content to work at McDonald's for the rest of his life? What's a woman who works as a teacher with special education students, is active in her church, and enjoys supporting community theater going to have in common with someone who thinks she's stuck up because she wants a better life for herself?

A "good job" is relative. I consider a "good job" one working in a field where there is a decent level of job security and has enough to take care of his financial matters enough to have maybe a humble and small but nice home or apartment and enough to cover his hobbies/interests, and so I don't feel like a man is leaching off of me for money.


The problem is the following :

the smart and mature women see bro's who are in college , graduated and just doing their best are dissed because they are not "exciting" . we talked about this on another thread. I gave the scenerio about desperate housewives where a maid stated she had a good man but she wanted some excitement and had an affair and lost everything.
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That's a problem. Happens to women, too. Excitement is relative. A lot of men probably wouldn't find me the most exciting woman in the world. I like hiking and climbing trees and watching anime and reading. In that case, it probably IS the pursuit of money rather than the person. (How often is it a woman who doesn't have her own education and career?)

also bw like to portray that all bm cheat , lie and ect... and they are so innocent and loving which is the contrary. alot of women are very arrant in their actions of chicanery. when they get caught ooooh im a victim and yada yada yada
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I've met BW that can go from zero to bitch in three seconds, so I believe you. ;) Do you think BW's anger has any truth to it, though?
 
bonsaiiKITTEN said:
Do you think BW's anger has any truth to it, though?
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Bonzai, ask any Black Woman in America where 99% of that anger comes from, and they're going to say you.


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I can't relate to this "good job" stuff. I see nothing wrong with a Man who is fine with managing a McDonald's. I pursue my own goals because they are things I wish to achieve for myself. I don't need anyone else to achieve for me. If my Man is happy, that is what is important to me. If his passion was something that didn't relate to work -- if he were a writer, explorer, traveler, artist, activist, survivalist, collector, or any other thing that didn't necessarily relate to his career, I would want him to have to spend a minimum amount of time working so that he could spend a maximum amount of time doing what he loved. My husband & I happen to have work we enjoy, so we are successful at it, but when I met him we were kids and didn't know what the future held, and I wouldn't have cared if it didn't hold a penny. People have to stop confusing marriage with career. You don't need ambition in a marriage. You just need peace, comfort, sanctuary.
 
chicity said:
Bonzai, ask any Black Woman in America where 99% of that anger comes from, and they're going to say you.


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I can't relate to this "good job" stuff. I see nothing wrong with a Man who is fine with managing a McDonald's. I pursue my own goals because they are things I wish to achieve for myself. I don't need anyone else to achieve for me. If my Man is happy, that is what is important to me. If his passion was something that didn't relate to work -- if he were a writer, explorer, traveler, artist, activist, survivalist, collector, or any other thing that didn't necessarily relate to his career, I would want him to have to spend a minimum amount of time working so that he could spend a maximum amount of time doing what he loved. My husband & I happen to have work we enjoy, so we are successful at it, but when I met him we were kids and didn't know what the future held, and I wouldn't have cared if it didn't hold a penny. People have to stop confusing marriage with career. You don't need ambition in a marriage. You just need peace, comfort, sanctuary.
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That's why I was asking goodlove what he thought. Believe it or not, I don't have legions of BM at my mercy. Could be fun, though. The BW I've met primarily seem to have the same irritation I do: Women and men who date interracially to have something over WM/BW. I may generally find BM very attractive, but I'm a broadminded individual. I've dated WM, AM, and HM. I feel like I relate better to a BM than any of those men.

As for the other stuff: There's nothing wrong with being content to be a fry cook, or hell homeless working odd jobs for toast and milk.

Ambition to make a better life for others and myself is what drives me to get up every morning. And I don't want someone who can find peace within themselves without trying to make a better world. I can only speak for myself and what I want romantically, but if I can't have that, I'm just fine being alone. It's not just about the money, and maybe that's what's being missed.
 
bonsaiiKITTEN said:
The BW I've met primarily seem to have the same irritation I do: Women and men who date interracially to have something over WM/BW.
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I've spent the majority of my life surrounded by interracial couples. I've often heard about people who date interracially for such reasons, usually from people opposed to such couples, but I've never actually met one. I don't think they exist. I think many people in interracial relationships are frustrated with people of their own race, but it takes a special type of sociopath to date and engage in a relationship with someone * solely* because of their race. When people only date monoracially, does anyone accuse them of dating people *only* because they share the same race? No.

I don't think the people you are irritated about exist. And I think the people who share your irritation are probably irritated at you, because the truth of the matter is this: there has only ever been one reason to dislike interracial couples, and it's racism. No matter who is opposed to it, or why they say they are opposed to it, at the bottom of things is racism. So no matter what they tell you about you being "different", if they have a problem with any kind of BM/WW couples, they have a problem with you, and eventually they'll tell you about it.
 
chicity said:
I've spent the majority of my life surrounded by interracial couples. I've often heard about people who date interracially for such reasons, usually from people opposed to such couples, but I've never actually met one. I don't think they exist. I think many people in interracial relationships are frustrated with people of their own race, but it takes a special type of sociopath to date and engage in a relationship with someone * solely* because of their race. When people only date monoracially, does anyone accuse them of dating people *only* because they share the same race? No.

I don't think the people you are irritated about exist. And I think the people who share your irritation are probably irritated at you, because the truth of the matter is this: there has only ever been one reason to dislike interracial couples, and it's racism. No matter who is opposed to it, or why they say they are opposed to it, at the bottom of things is racism. So no matter what they tell you about you being "different", if they have a problem with any kind of BM/WW couples, they have a problem with you, and eventually they'll tell you about it.
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I assure you: Unfortunately, they exist, not just in BM and WW either. You assume by your statement one interracial couple speaks for them all, and I find that racist. Yes, people can have racist motivations for dating interracially. Being in interracial relationships does not make you a better person or absolve you from potentially being a racist. One's individual actions speak volumes.
 
bonsaiiKITTEN said:
I assure you: Unfortunately, they exist, not just in BM and WW either. You assume by your statement one interracial couple speaks for them all, and I find that racist. Yes, people can have racist motivations for dating interracially. Being in interracial relationships does not make you a better person or absolve you from potentially being a racist. One's individual actions speak volumes.
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Wow, way to respond to some imaginary post I didn't make.

I believe I said I've been surrounded by interracial couples most of my life. How does that equal "one" in your mind?

I addressed the people who date soley based upon race -- they are called sociopaths. If you start a life & a family with someone because of the color of their skin, then there is something deeply wrong with you that goes far beyond race.

You seem to be the one absolving people from being potential racists. How come you aren't on monoracial boards, where the majority of people date within their own race, talking about how much they irritate you? Isn't someone just as likely to date someone of their own race for racist reasons as dating someone outside of it? Where is your irritation with them?

Being in an interracial relationship doesn't make me a good person. I just am one.
 
Lots and lots of people in this world would lump my husband into the group you're irritated with. He never dated me because of my race, in fact he resisted a little (ha! like he had a choice) because he leans towards pro-Black. But the shit we have gotten over the years from people who hate us because we are attractive, successful and interracial has made him into quite the activist in racial issues, and literally hundreds of Black Women have accused him of "jumping the fence" just to spite them. Plenty of White Men have said the same about me.

It comforts people to believe that, because they don't want to accept the simple fact that if you shit on people long enough, they will rise up.
 
chicity said:
Wow, way to respond to some imaginary post I didn't make.

I believe I said I've been surrounded by interracial couples most of my life. How does that equal "one" in your mind?

I addressed the people who date soley based upon race -- they are called sociopaths. If you start a life & a family with someone because of the color of their skin, then there is something deeply wrong with you that goes far beyond race.

You seem to be the one absolving people from being potential racists. How come you aren't on monoracial boards, where the majority of people date within their own race, talking about how much they irritate you? Isn't someone just as likely to date someone of their own race for racist reasons as dating someone outside of it? Where is your irritation with them?

Being in an interracial relationship doesn't make me a good person. I just am one.
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True Chi, but I think it does indicate you aren't racist. How anyone in an IR relationship could be considered racist is beyond me?
 
bonsaiiKITTEN said:
I assure you: Unfortunately, they exist, not just in BM and WW either. You assume by your statement one interracial couple speaks for them all, and I find that racist. Yes, people can have racist motivations for dating interracially. Being in interracial relationships does not make you a better person or absolve you from potentially being a racist. One's individual actions speak volumes.
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This is so true and what many recognize in "some" couples. I straight up believe Chicity is a racist with every fiber of her being. I also do not believe it's possible to hate one-half of a partner's race. A guy from my hometown was first married to a black woman and started a family with her, and his second wife was white. He had no problem with her despising and disrespecting his family members (including his children) until she turned on him towards the end of their marriage. She even resorted to verbal abuse in front of others, calling him the N-word and kicking in doors after he moved to a separate bedroom. He felt she was trying to provoke him into a physical altercation knowing the cops would side with her no matter what. He called the cops and during one of these episodes where she actually took off her wedding ring and hurled it his face cutting his eye right in their presence. Once they saw blood they very reluctantly shuffled over placed her under arrest. She even committed to them that if they had to return there it would be to take him out in a body bag. Afterwards he called to get a restraining order and was asked "What do you need one for...you're a big guy aren't you?" They clearly enjoyed what she had done and only charged and fined her $10 for disorderly conduct.

The point I'm trying to make is his wife's true nature revealed itself in the end.

And you're right it crosses the entire spectrum. I heard of someone married to a jewish man and she'd allegedly make slurs behind his back.
 
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porcelainsnowbird said:
This is so true and what many recognize in "some" couples. I straight up believe Chicity is a racist with every fiber of her being. I also do not believe it's possible to hate one-half of a partner's race. A guy from my hometown was first married to a black woman and started a family with her, and his second wife was white. He had no problem with her despising and disrespecting his family members (including his children) until she turned on him towards the end of their marriage. She even resorted to verbal abuse in front of others, calling him the N-word and kicking in doors after he moved to a separate bedroom. He felt she was trying to provoke him into a physical altercation knowing the cops would side with her no matter what. He called the cops and during one of these episodes where she actually took off her wedding ring and hurled it his face cutting his eye right in their presence. Once they saw blood they very reluctantly shuffled over placed her under arrest. She even committed to them that if they had to return there it would be to take him out in a body bag. Afterwards he called to get a restraining order and was asked "What do you need one for...you're a big guy aren't you?" They clearly enjoyed what she had done and only charged and fined her $10 for disorderly conduct.

The point I'm trying to make is his wife's true nature revealed itself in the end.
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that there is the biggest load of crap i've read all year, and i'm so tired of reading your pathetic and antagonizing posts.
 
Tarshibear said:
that there is the biggest load of crap i've read all year, and i'm so tired of reading your pathetic and antagonizing posts.
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The whole post was garbage. But at least you have no expectation of anything better so you don't even have to read them, you can just blow right past to something more substantive.
 
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