50% of wives say husband isn't their best sex partner; 60% of wives would rather read

Nobody marries their best sex ever


This goes against the premise of every single romance novel, but you’re not going to marry the best sex of your life. At least, not if you’re like most women.

According to a recent study by iVillage, less than half of wedded women married the person who was the best sex of their lives (52 percent say that was an ex.) In fact, 66 percent would rather read a book, watch a movie or take a nap than sleep with a spouse.

Amanda Chatel, a 33-year-old writer from the East Village, says, “With the men I’ve loved, the sex has been good, sometimes great, but never ‘best.’ It’s resulted in many orgasms and was fun but, comparatively speaking, it didn’t have that intensity that comes with the ‘best’ sex.

“I knew [my best sex partner] was temporary, and so the great sex was the best because the sex was the relationship,” she adds. “We didn’t have to invest in anything else.”

Knowing something is in scarce supply enhances desire, and that’s difficult to do in a marriage. You can’t really tell your partner that you’re going out for groceries and may never come back. Well, not if you want any semblance of the stability that generally defines marriages.

Chatel also admits, “We tend to remember things better than they actually were because we no longer have them.”

That might explain why such a variety of women recall having passionate sex in the hallway of someone’s apartment, but forget that they had to have sex in the hallway because he had four roommates and slept on a futon.

A 36-year-old marketing executive from Chelsea we’ll call Abby says that “what makes sex incredible, or places it into the range of ‘best sex’, is an element of danger. There’s an element of disobedience . . . that elicits a feeling of carnal desperation. [That feeling is often provoked by] the guy who you shouldn’t be with versus the one that you marry.”

And Noel Biderman, CEO of Ashley Madison, the site that promotes extramarital affairs, claims that the best sex is defined as something that, for many, encompasses “danger, newness and fantasy fulfillment.”

That’s only sensible. While feelings of danger might be thrilling while you’re having carnal knowledge in an abandoned alleyway, they’re not so great when you have to get kids ready for school.

Sex therapist Sari Cooper says many women come to her troubled that their husbands aren’t ideal sexual partners.

“Your best sexual relationship has likely been with the person who was most unstable and most volatile, but was very passionate,” Cooper says. “That’s like riding a roller coaster. That’s passion. But if you have a family, riding a roller coaster isn’t that great for kids.”

If that’s the case, you have to find someone where the relationship is more of a gentle carousel motion. No kids ever got sick from that.

A 36-year-old actress from Greenpoint, Brooklyn, we’ll call Jane says sex with her husband “is not, overall, the hottest sex of my life. But I wouldn’t trade it for a second to have the giver of the hottest sex be my life partner!”

As we grow up, hot and sweaty takes a back seat to kind and sweet.

“I used to swear that I’d take the best sex over the love stuff any day, but recently I’ve realized that phenomenal sex will never hold a candle to real love and a healthy relationship,” Chatel says. “I fear I may have matured.”



http://nypost.com/2012/11/25/nobody-marries-their-best-sex-ever/

 

Interesting. I would wonder if people define "the best sex ever" differently at different points in life.

The best sex ever (so far) for me didn't fall into what the few women in this story describe it as. The best sex ever for me was not mechanically the best. That which was mechanically the best wasn't as they described either. It was simply that he was exceptionally skilled. For me, the best ever was so because we were deeply connected and it was way beyond physical. The physical part was incredible, but it took it to a new level because of how connected we were.

I married and had kids with a man I wasn't sexually compatible with. Others might describe it as ok, nothing special. Many of my friends did the same. I would advise against doing so. The majority of us ended up divorced. Those who didn't get divorced basically stayed because of image, lifestyle, etc and they aren't happy.

 

I would think that would be the case for most people. As they mature and age, sex is valued in a different way.

This article got me thinking about my past partners. I don't think I'd label any of them as bad partners. I'm not even sure who I would consider the best sex I've ever had. Interesting. This is a thought provoking article.

 

Again another one of the differences between men and women.smh

Dudes as far as know don't rank women in terms of BEST SEX EVER.
A woman is either someone we consider good to great in bed, accepting the fact that no two women are the same and all women have a unique kink that makes them 'special' in bed, or we regard a woman as average to poor in bed.

Men don't go around chasing fantasy notions of the BEST sex ever.
Maybe that's because on a scale of 1 to 10, regardless a healthy man is 99% of the time going to bust a nut.

If a woman gives up the pussy, a man can do the rest of the job on his own.
Our climax isn't as partner dependent, other than the pussy.

Sorry.:smt039:smt096

Women on the other hand, value and seek out sexually skilled partners to help them reach orgasm, because our sexual biology is so different.

Best sex ever, for a man, is a woman IMO who's sexually spontaneous, impulsive, experimental and orgasmic without requiring 45+ minutes of penetration to climax.

If we find such a woman who we also consider 'attractive', whatever that means to the individual,(personality and physical), she's in that 1% category.


LOL. I'm trying to think how many times I remember a dude talking about his best sex ever.

Men talk about great sex, of course.

But not THE one in the bedroom, at least from my experience.

Sex IMO is soooooo psychological for women, unlike for men, it seems like the more illicit and reckless a sexual encounter is, the more likely it's going to turn them on and be considered the best sex.


I've been with females where we built up an incredible amount of sexual tension between us, either because at the time we were both involved with other people and didn't follow our urges, or were engaged in SERIOUS flirtations but didn't follow through for professional reasons, until when we were in a position to have sex a few of these women came within a couple minutes of penetration.

All because of the mind fuck that had built up before.

Sex is still really a mental thing for women, not quite so much for men.

Which is where I guess the idea of 'the best sex ever' comes from.

Most guys who a woman considers their best sex ever probably don't even know they hold that status.lol

 

Yes we do. They are the one's who can't get us out of their head. We hear from them again....even many years later.

 

I'll take a good day over great sex, every time.

 

So you're saying your best sex ever means the guy feels the same way about you too??

 

66% of them saying they'd rather do something else than have sex with their husbands is very sad. Now I know why some men have mistresses lol

 

Truth.

And we still don't know if it's the women who have a declining interest in sex, or it's their men who aren't getting work done in the bedroom.

 

An older guy once told me: When you are dating a woman put a penny in a jar every time you have sex with her. When you marry her remove a penny every time you have sex with her.

You will never empty that jar.

 

lmao lol

Wise information

 

Yep.

Let's not get fooled eithe, these women are fooling around

 

Truth.

Yes.

 

That is one of the reasons I am a bit skeptical about this article.

That seems really odd to me that 2/3 of women would choose something like reading over sex with their husbands.

If that's really the case, these couples need to start talking to each other about their wants and needs in the bedroom.

Jeez. What's the point of staying married to the guy if you feel that way about your sex life? I feel badly for those women.

 

I feel a little bad for some. But, for the most part, I can assume that both parties aren't communicating so I feel equally bad for the women and the men. I suppose communication may have been great in the beginning, but life gets in the way and people change. So, I guess you kind of have to relearn to communicate with your loved one in marriage?

I've never been married so, I am only guessing.

 

As I have mentioned before (a few years ago under a different profile), I don't reach orgasm from sex. So, maybe some of these women are like me and would much rather work on their projects, read a book, or watch a movie.

 

Life does get in the way, which is why it's important to always talk to your partner.

It's a shame that people become so complacent in their marriages/LTRs that they'd rather avoid the issue than try to communicate with each other.

Wait, what? How do you not reach orgasm during sex? You're a man. How does that happen?

May I ask how you reach orgasm then?

 

Yes, I agree that it is a shame when partners become complacent in their marriages.

No, I do not orgasm during sex. Ummm... were you trying to sound sexist?

 

Nope. I'm not trying to sound sexist. It was just surprise.

I've heard tales about women not being able to orgasm through sex, but never a guy. It was just surprise.