P.T.S.S. Post Traumatic Slave Syndrome

[The Dark King]

If everyone recongnizes you in your hometown because you look like your dad, it matters if he was a doctor or crack dealer.

Who your parents were and what they did has always mattered. The IRS and FBI won't even hire you if your dad was a felon.

She really doesn't get it. When other people ask what his father does and he says doctor that gives that kid so many automatic passes. It's weird to me that she's never seen this.

 

[K]

You saved me so much writing absolutely brilliant. Wish I could rep you.
Might I also add Ches using her son as a constant example is incredibly myopic even by sheltered white standards. And why do we use anomalies as thr norm? Yes some do rise above but like I said before instead of applauding the kid for running fast with concrete shoes can we please address the fact that so many kids have concrete shoes?
When you praise the lucky ones for getting out it makes those who don't responsible in way that's completely unfair and unreasonable.

This reminds me of something. My adult children have major chronic diseases. Both of them have gone through all sorts of obstacles. At times when they have been honest and complained to their docs, maybe even asking for help, they have often been met with amazing stories of someone who has a similar disease and has done all sorts of remarkable things. We know they are doing that to try to give the kids hope, but instead what it has done is really spotlighted and magnified their limitations. They were already feeling discouraged and having a rough time, then they get to hear - hey just suck it up don't you know about so and so who is an Olympic champion, etc. It also shows that the doc really doesn't get it and has no compassion.

The kids that are born and raised in circumstances didn't do anything to create those circumstances. Nor did they do anything to create the generational issues that have come before them. Yet, they are left to deal with it all.

 

[goodlove]

I have to take issue with this line of thinking. While you may see a few doing things in a few specific places....every Black man I know....EVERY has done things to give back to youth. They have different ways of doing it but that's also a good thing. I think you have to meet kids where they are and do what you can to bring your strengths to them. Not ever kid will be motivated in the same ways.

When I read some of the things you post it sure sounds like your perspective is much of what the media spouts, like Black men aren't doing their share, aren't involved fathers, etc. But you are one who is, and I'm betting that many/most you know are as well. Men on this forum have talked about things they are involved in too. Again, I think we need to shift the way we all are talking and thinking about these things. Don't add to the propaganda.

If you read the other post it said bk only see bm as drug dealers. I responded we as bm don't give back enuff . if that's all they see (drug dealers) then we failed.

 

[goodlove]

She really doesn't get it. When other people ask what his father does and he says doctor that gives that kid so many automatic passes. It's weird to me that she's never seen this.

I think she has been saying that the father had no active role in the child's life until he was grown. So she is saying that she may relate in that point in when we say bk grow up w/o their dad.

 

[goodlove]

You saved me so much writing absolutely brilliant. Wish I could rep you.
Might I also add Ches using her son as a constant example is incredibly myopic even by sheltered white standards. And why do we use anomalies as thr norm? Yes some do rise above but like I said before instead of applauding the kid for running fast with concrete shoes can we please address the fact that so many kids have concrete shoes?
When you praise the lucky ones for getting out it makes those who don't responsible in way that's completely unfair and unreasonable.

I don't think its a bad thing to praise people who made it out. If it was an athlete then yeah I get what u are saying cause that's a genetic issue

 

[K]

You saved me so much writing absolutely brilliant. Wish I could rep you.
Might I also add Ches using her son as a constant example is incredibly myopic even by sheltered white standards. And why do we use anomalies as thr norm? Yes some do rise above but like I said before instead of applauding the kid for running fast with concrete shoes can we please address the fact that so many kids have concrete shoes?
When you praise the lucky ones for getting out it makes those who don't responsible in way that's completely unfair and unreasonable.

Agreed. It's like trying to talk to someone who lives on a different planet.

Our society doesn't believe in being proactive, instead we are a society of reaction. We don't want to address and heal the disease, we would rather treat the symptoms.

As frustrating as it can be....each and every person can make a difference even though it seems so overwhelming at times.

 

[goodlove]

I think the issue with kids and how they are behaving at school is 4 fold:

1. The school system is antiquated and needs to be completely overhauled to better meet the needs of our children and our society.

2. The lack of support by and for families. We have become a society that does not place importance on family.

3. The media and the celebration of bad/horrible behavior.

4. The whole pc bullshit. There is no such thing as right and wrong. Boundaries, discipline, authority has all but disappeared.


It's overwhelming, frustrating, discouraging, etc. Very tough to be in any of it and not give up.

And you supported my position of not enuff black mentors (3,4)

As far as as the whole post hell yeah...you are right. When states can find millions to fund sports (pro and college) but none for education then that's bs

 

[K]

I don't think its a bad thing to praise people who made it out. If it was an athlete then yeah I get what u are saying cause that's a genetic issue

I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing to praise people who rise above either. The issue becomes when people then dismiss the issues and hold it out like - well see? this person did x therefore you should be able to also and there really aren't these issues going on.

You can't change things you don't acknowledge. If we don't identify the problems, we aren't able to make it better. It's great a few do exceptionally well, but we need to address the issues so that MOST are able to do well rather than a very few.

Rather than just holding them up as a trophy, we need to show people how they can prevail. We need to give people the tools to be able to excel. The reality is that those who are the exceptions have had some sort of opportunity along the way.

 

[K]

And you supported my position of not enuff black mentors (3,4)

As far as as the whole post hell yeah...you are right. When states can find millions to fund sports (pro and college) but none for education then that's bs

It's beyond not having enough mentors. It's so much bigger than that. Of course I agree that we need more mentors. I just don't think the way you go about that is to be complaining that Black men aren't giving back. Many Black men are giving back. We need all of that and so much more!

Yes, I agree with you, as I stated, our society as a whole has very screwed up priorities!

 

[goodlove]

It's beyond not having enough mentors. It's so much bigger than that. Of course I agree that we need more mentors. I just don't think the way you go about that is to be complaining that Black men aren't giving back. Many Black men are giving back. We need all of that and so much more!

Yes, I agree with you, as I stated, our society as a whole has very screwed up priorities!

Oh yeah its a more ... Its a mindset. U are too right .

When you look at what Ches started the thread with. Its all about mindset . the learned helplessness and the other issues laid out. She posted something very important to think on.

One thing i loved what tdk was talking on was teaching people finance.

Blacks have a serious spending problem . watching to much rap videos and spending money on bullshit and not leaving anything behind for the kids except debt.

 

[K]

Oh yeah its a more ... Its a mindset. U are too right .

When you look at what Ches started the thread with. Its all about mindset . the learned helplessness and the other issues laid out. She posted something very important to think on.

One thing i loved what tdk was talking on was teaching people finance.

Blacks have a serious spending problem . watching to much rap videos and spending money on bullshit and not leaving anything behind for the kids except debt.

I think that's more of a priority problem. But definitely budgeting and financial education is important.

I think the things Ches said is an example of mindset of so many out there and how much people really don't understand what's going on. It's really tough to achieve a major shift if people really don't get it.

We all have to do what we can to make things better.

 

[goodlove]

I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing to praise people who rise above either. The issue becomes when people then dismiss the issues and hold it out like - well see? this person did x therefore you should be able to also and there really aren't these issues going on.

You can't change things you don't acknowledge. If we don't identify the problems, we aren't able to make it better. It's great a few do exceptionally well, but we need to address the issues so that MOST are able to do well rather than a very few.

Rather than just holding them up as a trophy, we need to show people how they can prevail. We need to give people the tools to be able to excel. The reality is that those who are the exceptions have had some sort of opportunity along the way.

I agree with overall in what you are saying. U can tell a kid he can make it like pookie did but you don't have to be a computer programmer like pookie. You can be a welder or a mechanic.

We shouldn't just sell one thing we should sell all the options.

I believe that's what ches was trying to say.

 

[goodlove]

I think that's more of a priority problem. But definitely budgeting and financial education is important.

I think the things Ches said is an example of mindset of so many out there and how much people really don't understand what's going on. It's really tough to achieve a major shift if people really don't get it.

We all have to do what we can to make things better.

Yeah everyone comes with a POV due to life experiences and I think (don't want to put words in her mouth or be a spokesman ) but I get what she's saying.

Its not overly a bad thing what she's saying. I grew up without a dad and did fine ... Could've done better if __________.

So I had to teach myself. That's not good to a point.


So I think she's saying she had to be a father to her son. If parents really taught their kids basic stuff a lot more would do fine

 

[Ches]

She really doesn't get it. When other people ask what his father does and he says doctor that gives that kid so many automatic passes. It's weird to me that she's never seen this.

So tell me, TDK, who exactly is asking him? People that will open doors for him? No. People who will give him opportunities he wouldn't otherwise get? No. Did his professors care that his dad was a doctor? No. They likely knew little to nothing of his background. Do his employers know or care that his dad's a doctor when they interview/hire him? No. His friends knew he was in the military and that he had been a pilot. Lots of kids are military brats. No big deal. So I truly don't know what benefits you think he has or had because of his father's profession. This is what you like to think, but not what's reality.

 

[goodlove]

So tell me, TDK, who exactly is asking him? People that will open doors for him? No. People who will give him opportunities he wouldn't otherwise get? No. Did his professors care that his dad was a doctor? No. They likely knew little to nothing of his background. Do his employers know or care that his dad's a doctor when they interview/hire him? No. His friends knew he was in the military and that he had been a pilot. Lots of kids are military brats. No big deal. So I truly don't know what benefits you think he has or had because of his father's profession. This is what you like to think, but not what's reality.

I don't think he caught the part that the dad wasn't involved in the sons life and the only thing he did was help him with his student loans.

 

[goodlove]

Is there nepotism? Yes. They call it networking. By the numbers blacks aren't afforded that. That's why affirmative action was put in place....but specifically speaking her son didn't benefit cause of his dad giving shout outs to his friends to hire his son. Thus his son had to do it on his own.........that is what she is saying.

She knows there's racism. Tell us something new.lol. We know blacks in the workplace have to work twice as hard.... Especially with the stigma of affirmative action (you know...the only reason you got the job is because if AA).

 

[Ches]

I don't think he caught the part that the dad wasn't involved in the sons life and the only thing he did was help him with his student loans.

My point in using my son as an example is simply to point out that you can't say that all white kids have it easy because they're white and all black kids have it tough because they're black. Do white kids overall have it easier than black kids? Yes they do. But there are white kids who have struggled and are trapped in the same ugly patterns that many black kids are trapped in, and there are black kids who have climbed out of abject situations and have succeeded against the odds.

 

[goodlove]

My point in using my son as an example is simply to point out that you can't say that all white kids have it easy because they're white and all black kids have it tough because they're black. Do white kids overall have it easier than black kids? Yes they do. But there are white kids who have struggled and are trapped in the same ugly patterns that many black kids are trapped in, and there are black kids who have climbed out of abject situations and have succeeded against the odds.

Yeah. No need to paint with broad brushes on either side. Gotcha.

Everyone has a story and pov

 

[Beasty]

So tell me, TDK, who exactly is asking him? People that will open doors for him? No. People who will give him opportunities he wouldn't otherwise get? No. Did his professors care that his dad was a doctor? No. They likely knew little to nothing of his background. Do his employers know or care that his dad's a doctor when they interview/hire him? No. His friends knew he was in the military and that he had been a pilot. Lots of kids are military brats. No big deal. So I truly don't know what benefits you think he has or had because of his father's profession. This is what you like to think, but not what's reality.

I remember filling out paper work every year in grade school and for some reason you had to write down where you parents worked. If your dad is a drug dealer what do you put? How does that make you feel turning in that paper with that blank spot every year as a kid. Why should a kid be put in that situation in the first place?



Actually it is a big deal. It's called a hygiene factor. If you don't wash your ass it's a big deal. If you do wash your ass, it isn't a big deal because you are expected to do that anyway. Your parents are expected to have jobs and be functional in society so it appears not to be a big deal when they are. A lot of Black kids simply don't have two parents with regular jobs, so it's a big deal to them.

 

[Ches]

I remember filling out paper work every year in grade school and for some reason you had to write down where you parents worked. If your dad is a drug dealer what do you put? How does that make you feel turning in that paper with that blank spot every year as a kid. Why should a kid be put in that situation in the first place?



Actually it is a big deal. It's called a hygiene factor. If you don't wash your ass it's a big deal. If you do wash your ass, it isn't a big deal because you are expected to do that anyway. Your parents are expected to have jobs and be functional in society so it appears not to be a big deal when they are. A lot of Black kids simply don't have two parents with regular jobs, so it's a big deal to them.

Beasty, since my son's father wasn't an emergency contact, he had that blank spot, too, from 3rd grade on. And the "not a big deal" had to do with the fact that he was a military brat, not a doctor's son to his friends, which is not as big a deal because lots of kids are military brats.

The long and short of it is my kid's dad was absent from the home and his life from the age of 8 on. Few people outside of our family knew he was anything but active duty military. Only after he returned to the civilian sector after my son was grown and in college, was he referred to as a doctor. And he lives clear across the country so no one here cares or would be impressed, so again, his life is not impacted in that way by his father's profession.