Advice on Approaching Black Guys in a Club

This girl said this to me at a Club in New York.

"Hey, I really like the way you Dance. I would like to dance with you."

She was from Yugoslavia and we had a great time that evening. :cool:

Maybe you can give that a try.

Cheers!
 
Not sure about the States, but in Europe it's very easy to attract a black guy in the club. Just look him in the eyes and gaze a little bit, smile or swing a little. Or dance in a certain way on your own, to hot music like Sean Paul. :)

I don't think your gf is acting cool. This is the way it should be:

Yo
I don't know your name but excuse me miss
I saw you from across the room
And I got to admit that you got my attention
You're making me want to say yo
I know you're trying to leave but excuse me miss
I saved the last dance for you
How I love to keep you here with me oh baby
(c) C.B.
 
seviya said:
Okay I would really appreciate any advice or help on this.

I’m a 29 year old white girl and relatively new to dating black men (whom I just absolutely adore). The two black guys who I dated I’d known for a while, so I didn’t have to go out to meet them.

Well, yesterday I decided I’m ready to start looking, go put myself out there, and so last night as my first foray I went out with my Latina friend to a club, because you never know what you might find, and . . . I just froze!!! There were quite a few interesting-looking guys there who I would at *least* have liked to talk to, but not only did I forget my tongue, I also felt like I didn’t know how to approach them in the “right” way.

Now, I know that ultimately there is no “right” way, but my Latina friend was like “Heeeeeyyyyyyyyy” to all of them, playing with their dreads as she walked past, going up and dancing on them for a second as we walked (to go get a drink or something), and not a single one – not a single one! – even gave me a passing glance! They all just followed *her* with their eyes. Now, I’m not ugly, but I figure it was because my friend was so open about her interest. She had “game”. Me, I’m so used to flirting with boring white guys, I met their eyes then looked away, then came back, you know played with my hair that kind of thing.

Well needless to say that didn’t work. And while I’m not too shy to go up and introduce myself, I look so *bland* doing this next to my Latina friend who’s backing up to them and dancing around. I know my way and her way are not the only way to go about meeting guys in the club, but I’m not so confident to go dance up on someone when I don’t know them, and apparently my whitebread attempts don’t get me anything but embarrassment.

So I ask you: is there a way to get attention in the club without dancing up on someone?? Because my meeting-the-eyes thing didn’t work, and I am a bit too shy to go up to a whole group of guys, single one out, and be like, “Um hi um my name is Seviya what’s yours I have no game can you tell.” If I met a guy somewhere else than the club I wouldn't have a problem striking up a conversation, but in a club . ..

I feel like this is a stupid question because we’re all just people but I feel like there’s certain methods that work better in the club with black men than white men (geez can I say “in the club” one more time). I got a lot of attention from the white guys last night (which sucked and just reinforced my love for the black man, I mean seriously white guys are sooooooo boring to me now), and I think that’s because I’m good at the traditional “white” way of meeting people.

I hope this makes sense. “Game” isn’t necessary I’m sure, but it IS fun, and I always appreciate good game in a black guy, and I want to be able to have that back-and-forth. (Tho I don’t want my game to be as in-your-face as my Latina’s friend, that’s just not me.)

Any advice would be very very much appreciated!!! I really don’t want to look like a dork. Thank you!
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MANY good BM are not part of the club scene.

You're walking through a mine field.

There are so many better places to meet a Brother.

The grocery store..Zoo..Park..Museum..anwhere but a funky-ass club.

(In Gordon Ramsey's voice)

C'mon now Donkey...!!
 
flaminghetero said:
MANY good BM are not part of the club scene.

You're walking through a mine field.

There are so many better places to meet a Brother.

The grocery store..Zoo..Park..Museum..anwhere but a funky-ass club.

(In Gordon Ramsey's voice)

C'mon now Donkey...!!
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Then they wonder why brothas be cheatin on them, etc.
 
Brothas

I tend to find alot of black men in the grocery store.....I love a brotha that eats.....but I watch what they buy....I love to watch them.....I am not no secret spy but I get a kick outta a man that is not shoppin for his family but for himself....
:smt023
 
Just be yourself

Just be yourself.

Cliched, but whatever.

Personally, the whole pulling on dreads issue is silly and immature if you ask me. Some guys may forgive if if the girl is hot but still. I have long hair half way down my back, and sometimes guys feel like they want to pull it, pat it or touch it somehow. It's a very personal gesture and I find it creepy and an invasion of my space if they haven't built up any relationship or even spoken to me.

You don't need to act in any special way to attract a black man, and if you try to do that, you will attract the wrong types.

In my past life as a dj when studying I saw alot between sets, I think it always just looks obvious which women are playing for brothas and it comes across just looking.. I don't know.. not good.

Just do your thing and see what unfolds.
 
seviya said:
Clubbing is totally different in my opinion. It's more of a market, with everyone making quick appraisals and so on. People are a lot more discerning (or a lot less, depending on how you look at it). I went to a pretty mixed club. And as I said, not a single black guy met my eyes when I looked at him. They sure liked my little Latina, though! :evil: So they certainly weren't afraid of what the BW would say (but I didn't see a single BW anyway). Oh well. I'm not going to base a lot on it, but it was a confusing and frustrating first foray, if I do say so myself.

.
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Going out to meet someone, problem number one. Don't think about that in the front of your mind, you won't look relaxed and it shows . Men can go out to score, but they are the natural hunters ;)

Why the devil face about your gal meeting people? Isn't she your friend? Be happy she is having a good time. Any scrap of jealously is super boring and immediately detectable by men I think. Some will use it to try and hook you but they are only looking for a booty call usually if that's what you want....

I feel old, all this talk of clubbing, cant remember when I last set foot although I love to dance it's just all so sleazy sometimes.
 
Yes, nothing big time though! I'm not a talent at it that's for sure

My bf is in the industry and one of his friends taught me some. I started to really enjoy it and spent alot of time at home learning.

People were always surprised because I don't dress/talk/act urban when I'm out and about.. just the music I love (dancehall and roots). I grew up all over and I think was super influenced by Carib music. Just that vibe and that beat, nothing else makes you feel the same way.

But I used to have two regular gigs, I think the white girl bumping dancehall was a big novelty.

One night some girls came to the club because they had heard the music was ok, they were so sad to see I was white.

Once I had a kid (client) say to me as we were going into court that I looked like this DJ at a club he used to sneak into when he was underage.. I just looked at him and said "hmm really?"
 
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It's not what you wear it's how you wear it

Ok, so what you wear helps. But no need to put on something that screams you are looking to pick up.

It's amazing what confidence can do, sounds like maybe her friend getting all the attention was a fun killa for her. This usually comes out in the facial expression and doesn't make one look very approachable.

Just relaxa yaself gal and see what happens.
 
Maroon said:
Not sure about the States, but in Europe it's very easy to attract a black guy in the club. Just look him in the eyes and gaze a little bit, smile or swing a little. Or dance in a certain way on your own, to hot music like Sean Paul. :)

I don't think your gf is acting cool. This is the way it should be:

Yo
I don't know your name but excuse me miss
I saw you from across the room
And I got to admit that you got my attention
You're making me want to say yo
I know you're trying to leave but excuse me miss
I saved the last dance for you
How I love to keep you here with me oh baby
(c) C.B.
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Definitely easier in europe i think you just need to find out the right place to go ie here theres certain clubs you go to with mixed men but itll be white an african then there"ll be ur carribean clubs and so on ! but personally i dont go up to black guys let them come to me and believe me if they like u they will notice you and come to u ! dont force urself into ur friends idea of having fun or flirting i know many black guys who would find that unattractive! ive meet some gorgeous men through just doing nothing one of them the man i married we had 5 quite good years. i know this sounds awful but a touch of arrogance goes a long way to sifting the chaff frm the wheat. x :smt054
 
flaminghetero said:
MANY good BM are not part of the club scene.

You're walking through a mine field.

There are so many better places to meet a Brother.

The grocery store..Zoo..Park..Museum..anwhere but a funky-ass club.

(In Gordon Ramsey's voice)

C'mon now Donkey...!!
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Truer words have never been spoken.
 
Bumping this thread(and others)tonight

Agree 100% with Francie...do your own thing, any man that is interested in you will do his own leg work and you wouldn't be trying to be like your friend(which is fine and seems to work for her) but be yourself. I knew I would meet my hubs out dancing...I went by myself many times, just did my own thing, and one night he walked right up to me, all manners and swag, just like I knew he would.


Francie has it, wheat from chaff.:smt039
 
grlnxtdr said:
Agree 100% with Francie...do your own thing, any man that is interested in you will do his own leg work and you wouldn't be trying to be like your friend(which is fine and seems to work for her) but be yourself. I knew I would meet my hubs out dancing...I went by myself many times, just did my own thing, and one night he walked right up to me, all manners and swag, just like I knew he would.


Francie has it, wheat from chaff.:smt039
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Lol thank you hun :smt039 and welcome to the boards its good fun hope you enjoy yourself x
 
I never went to a club with the intention of trying to find a girl to date. I more or less went to have fun and stuff.
 
legs said:
hunny if you are looking for a relationship, behaving like your friend aint gonna catch you a guy who wants you for more than sex. now, it depends what you are looking for (casual sex can be fun and educational) but dancing solo and hot is gonna make the men want to approach you because you are not giving out the image of a total hussy. what do the men say, are you in agreement, or am i just too british?
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lol she doesnt want a relationship just a fling to fufil her new fascination.

If she was looking for something respectable she would know to just flirt with black guys the way shes flirted with white male human beings.
 
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