Dating Advice..please?

justmel

justmel

New Member
Okay apparently when it comes to all the "normal" small talk conversations I suck, but its not my fault like everybody else I have had my challenges..but with my childhood, family, and relationship stories I feel depressing af. I have also had a lot of cool experiences but the where are ya from and recent relationships questions are a bit awkward. So that leaves um the weather, politics, and recent movies..Any suggestions on how to not lie but not necessarily share too much? I am a bit shaky on this..I hope this makes sense it does in my head. Will I get better at this as I go out more?
 
Do you mean it's awkward asking where people are from and recent relationship questions, or that it's awkward actually being asked?
I get the feeling you mean being asked those questions?
 
justmel said:
Okay apparently when it comes to all the "normal" small talk conversations I suck, but its not my fault like everybody else I have had my challenges..but with my childhood, family, and relationship stories I feel depressing af. I have also had a lot of cool experiences but the where are ya from and recent relationships questions are a bit awkward. So that leaves um the weather, politics, and recent movies..Any suggestions on how to not lie but not necessarily share too much? I am a bit shaky on this..I hope this makes sense it does in my head. Will I get better at this as I go out more?
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1. Only answer direct questions in a short and simple way. When I am asked about my extended family, I say we are estranged due to differences, that I wish it were not the case, but sadly it is.

You can add sports to the convo. :)

Probably not much help, but I tried. I'm beat LOL
 
nicole89marsh said:
Do you mean it's awkward asking where people are from and recent relationship questions, or that it's awkward actually being asked?
I get the feeling you mean being asked those questions?
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both actually, my husband is dead and my family sucks, does not make for great conversations..oh dear. I think I am going to try and change the topic but not be rude.
 
stiletoes said:
1. Only answer direct questions in a short and simple way. When I am asked about my extended family, I say we are estranged due to differences, that I wish it were not the case, but sadly it is.

You can add sports to the convo. :)

Probably not much help, but I tried. I'm beat LOL
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I love that comment on extended family, what a great nice neat answers, that is what I needed some compact but not rude answers. I am too open?

If I am talking about sports, I am not being me. ANY HELP is appreciated :)
 
justmel said:
both actually, my husband is dead and my family sucks, does not make for great conversations..oh dear. I think I am going to try and change the topic but not be rude.
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Yeah, I find it tough ASKING that. I don't mind answering though, but like toes.. I don't give a lot of details either.
If I'm interested in someone and go into a lot of details about an ex, I'd look like I had hell of a lot of baggage. If I wanted to rant about an ex, I'd go to my girl-friends. All I really say about my last relationship is something along the lines of, "We worked together well as a team, but also had our differences as a couple and didn't last."

As for conversation things... I think it depends on the person you're out with, and on how you met them/how much you actually already know about them.
People like talking about themselves, so give them a chance to. This will help you get to know them better too and could lead to other things to talk about. Like, if they could go anywhere in the world, where would they go? What are their goals? What they do for fun...*shrugs*
 
stiletoes said:
1. Only answer direct questions in a short and simple way. When I am asked about my extended family, I say we are estranged due to differences, that I wish it were not the case, but sadly it is.

You can add sports to the convo. :)

Probably not much help, but I tried. I'm beat LOL
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That is actually very helpful, stiletoes - minus the sports. *Taking notes* - SHORT (vaguish/neutral) ANSWERS (no details).
 
Stizzy said:
What if the guy is like myself, I like to listen. Hmmmm
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I listened to someone who liked to talk a lot (when he got drunk)... I would sit at his feet and just absorb... When he wasn't drunk he was stony and cold. I wound up learning a hell of a lot about him, and at the end of it, he didn't even know my last name or my favorite color. SMDH. If I ever talked about myself I felt like he was just bored. He told me his wife said he ignored her for 12 years and I tend to believe him. No wonder she cheated.
 
saintaugusta said:
I listened to someone who liked to talk a lot (when he got drunk)... I would sit at his feet and just absorb... When he wasn't drunk he was stony and cold. I wound up learning a hell of a lot about him, and at the end of it, he didn't even know my last name or my favorite color. SMDH. If I ever talked about myself I felt like he was just bored. He told me his wife said he ignored her for 12 years and I tend to believe him. No wonder she cheated.
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There is more to life to talk about than sports or yourself. If he was cold/stony, maybe he was the wrong guy. Keep it moving.
 
Stizzy said:
Why not sports?? Because you don't know anything about them?? Hmmmm
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Not much - maybe it will help the dudes feel superior, but generally I draw a blank. If you talk about yoga or other individual sports, I might be able to contribute (some).

If we talk about art, music, or politics (to a degree: politics), we might be getting somewhere. Anything involving psychology or sociology, perhaps some history and a little bit of science, and I'm down. Lots of things except sports to talk about.

My best boyfriends ran track, ride bikes, were into martial arts or yoga... The team mentality escapes me, unfortunately - wish it didn't.
 
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