Dating Advice..please?

Stizzy said:
What if the guy is like myself, I like to listen. Hmmmm
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Then I would:

1. turn it to YOU and say please tell me about your family, and what is it like growing up in the Boston area as I am not from here,

2. That didn't doesn't work, I will tell you more in on our second date :)

NOTE----I did break that RULE once because the man in question(who is the love of my life), told me all his shit at once as he wanted me to decide if I wanted to be with him. His honesty was refreshing and we spent 2 mostly wonderful years together. However, I doubt that I will do that again.
 
stiletoes said:
Then I would:

1. turn it to YOU and say please tell me about your family, and what is it like growing up in the Boston area as I am not from here,

2. That didn't doesn't work, I will tell you more in on our second date :)

NOTE----I did break that RULE once because the man in question(who is the love of my life), told me all his shit at once as he wanted me to decide if I wanted to be with him. His honesty was refreshing and we spent 2 mostly wonderful years together. However, I doubt that I will do that again.
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Thanks stiletoes, I sware its ridiculous for this to be so hard considering my profession I listen to men discuss all kinds of things but it is different in this getting to know you stuff. I keep telling myself that the more I make myself do this the easier and more natural it will become. I asked some friends to set me up with some of their bm friends and at least I am getting to know some cool men.
 
Since1980 said:
You can never go wrong with red and black. Just sayin'.
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Or white black and gold OR black and Purple :)
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justmel said:
Thanks stiletoes, I sware its ridiculous for this to be so hard considering my profession I listen to men discuss all kinds of things but it is different in this getting to know you stuff. I keep telling myself that the more I make myself do this the easier and more natural it will become. I asked some friends to set me up with some of their bm friends and at least I am getting to know some cool men.
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great strategy letting people you trust KNOW you are ready to date:smt038
 
stiletoes said:
great strategy letting people you trust KNOW you are ready to date:smt038
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As it turns out I was babysitting Ty so often people thought I was dating his dad. Even Ty's mom thought I was dating him, now that that is over, everybody has that "friend"
 
stiletoes said:
Then I would:

1. turn it to YOU and say please tell me about your family, and what is it like growing up in the Boston area as I am not from here,

2. That didn't doesn't work, I will tell you more in on our second date :)

NOTE----I did break that RULE once because the man in question(who is the love of my life), told me all his shit at once as he wanted me to decide if I wanted to be with him. His honesty was refreshing and we spent 2 mostly wonderful years together. However, I doubt that I will do that again.
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You would ask me those question and still end up talking. Lol. Holding a convo comes too easy. Sorry about the Mark dude. Bummer.
 
Stizzy said:
You would ask me those question and still end up talking. Lol. Holding a convo comes too easy. Sorry about the Mark dude. Bummer.
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Its better each day...at first I thought ...well there goes 2 years of my life down the drain, but now I know we had a ton of great times...i think its harder on him as his family wants us back together. Now I need time and space and to NOT be in a relationship til I heal as that is NOT fair to a new person
 
stiletoes said:
Its better each day...at first I thought ...well there goes 2 years of my life down the drain, but now I know we had a ton of great times...i think its harder on him as his family wants us back together. Now I need time and space and to NOT be in a relationship til I heal as that is NOT fair to a new person
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Sorry for the shit that you're going through...I understand the healing part...after divorce, I realize I need time to heal myself, instead of the impulsive stuff that has been my pattern in the past. Hope it works out for you. Cheers!
 
TB1958 said:
Sorry for the shit that you're going through...I understand the healing part...after divorce, I realize I need time to heal myself, instead of the impulsive stuff that has been my pattern in the past. Hope it works out for you. Cheers!
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thank you:partyman:appropriate Icon for you :). really doing fine most days, miss him, but will not respond to contact. keeping busy like crazy and my friends are awesome. implusive stuff has been my pattern and I must say this time, with lots of work, I have for the most part broken it.
 
enough derail..back on topic...go somewhere fun and active,,,not the movies.. and remember there are going to be bad dates that will make you laugh...i smelled a set up when my freind todl me her BF was bringing along a friend to pool Friday and sure nuff' he looked like this
rerun-dance-o.gif


No attraction obvi, but it was fun and we decided her BF definitely needs to visit an eye doctor sooner rather than later:D
 
stiletoes said:
enough derail..back on topic...go somewhere fun and active,,,not the movies.. and remember there are going to be bad dates that will make you laugh...i smelled a set up when my freind todl me her BF was bringing along a friend to pool Friday and sure nuff' he looked like this
rerun-dance-o.gif


No attraction obvi, but it was fun and we decided her BF definitely needs to visit an eye doctor sooner rather than later:D
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Lord I hate it when "people" find out you like BM and then they try to fix you up with their only black friend, as if just anyone will do - and he winds up looking like that. As if you don't have any preferences outside of the color of his skin. :smt068:smt068:smt068
 
justmel said:
Okay apparently when it comes to all the "normal" small talk conversations I suck, but its not my fault like everybody else I have had my challenges..but with my childhood, family, and relationship stories I feel depressing af. I have also had a lot of cool experiences but the where are ya from and recent relationships questions are a bit awkward. So that leaves um the weather, politics, and recent movies..Any suggestions on how to not lie but not necessarily share too much? I am a bit shaky on this..I hope this makes sense it does in my head. Will I get better at this as I go out more?
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I haven't read all the replies, so please forgive me if I'm repeating something, but I sometimes feel the same way. I'd try to talk about the positives of your experiences, that way you don't come off as a Debbie Downer. Always show that you're a work in progress and be confident about it. Men want something to come back to, so if you catch yourself saying something depressing, flip it and make it sound positive. For example, if the guy asks about your last relationship and it was an awful experience, just say something to the effect that it didn't work out, but you learned from it and you know there's something better out there. Keep your answers somewhat vague. You can answer their question, but with short and concise answers. That way you keep the details to yourself, cause men don't like details, they want a straight forward answer. They like simplicity.

You will get better the more you date. Each experience will help build your confidence and then you'll find that you'll have a system how it works, even though each man is different, it'll be the way you present yourself (honest, positive and without so many details).

Good luck!
 
stiletoes said:
enough derail..back on topic...go somewhere fun and active,,,not the movies.. and remember there are going to be bad dates that will make you laugh...i smelled a set up when my freind todl me her BF was bringing along a friend to pool Friday and sure nuff' he looked like this
rerun-dance-o.gif


No attraction obvi, but it was fun and we decided her BF definitely needs to visit an eye doctor sooner rather than later:D
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Re Run!!
 
justmel said:
Okay apparently when it comes to all the "normal" small talk conversations I suck, but its not my fault like everybody else I have had my challenges..but with my childhood, family, and relationship stories I feel depressing af. I have also had a lot of cool experiences but the where are ya from and recent relationships questions are a bit awkward. So that leaves um the weather, politics, and recent movies..Any suggestions on how to not lie but not necessarily share too much? I am a bit shaky on this..I hope this makes sense it does in my head. Will I get better at this as I go out more?
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I'm a little late jumping into this, and I think much of the advice you have gotten so far, Mel, is pretty good. I just wanted to remind you that the best policy in any situation is to be yourself. I haven't known you very long, but to me, you are a fascinating, intelligent and interesting woman, who has had much more going on in your life than tragedies and bad family stuff. On a first date, I always like to keep it light. IMO, nobody has any business bringing up past relationship stuff on the first date. There is time for that IF we both decide we want to carry this farther. That's my feeling about it.
 
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