18 Ugly Truths About Modern Dating That You Have To Deal With
- Thread starter 4north1side2
- Start date
RaiderLL
Well-Known Member
I actually enjoy #11. I hate the labeling of relationships. I'd much rather just enjoy what I enjoy without the added pressure of trying to outline what kind of relationship it is. Communication is key and if we're on the same page then I see no need to label anything. If someone is going to cheat, being "official" won't stop them lol. Plus labels tend to make me feel like I'm suffocating which leads me running for the hills lol. I actually think there's a lot of truth to most of the points in the original post.
Bookworm616
Well-Known Member
This list is pretty accurate and the reason I've basically given up on finding someone to be with long-term.
I've never encountered a dating scene like this before.
And, of course, having a child makes the dating scene even worse.
Either men stay away or they act like I should be kissing their feet for giving me the time of day because I have a kid.
Oh well. Maybe the pendulum will swing back to center and things will normalize at some point in the not-so-distant future (yeah, right). Until then, I'll be happy just being me.
I've never encountered a dating scene like this before.
And, of course, having a child makes the dating scene even worse.
Either men stay away or they act like I should be kissing their feet for giving me the time of day because I have a kid.
Oh well. Maybe the pendulum will swing back to center and things will normalize at some point in the not-so-distant future (yeah, right). Until then, I'll be happy just being me.
EatYourBooks
New Member
I think this list has the potential to be true.
When you're comfortable with yourself, it doesn't matter. Not being dependent on someone else for your happiness and liking your single lifestyle doesn't mean you lack empathy/don't care.
When you're comfortable with yourself, it doesn't matter. Not being dependent on someone else for your happiness and liking your single lifestyle doesn't mean you lack empathy/don't care.
4north1side2
Well-Known Member
A thing a promiscuous person would say Alex.
RaiderLL
Well-Known Member
It's confidence not promiscuity. I have no interest in trying to cage a guy in, but it seems there are many men out there who want to put a ring on your finger after date 3. I'm 32...been there done that. No interest in rushing into it again. My relationship now has definition because that's what he wanted. I'd have been fine without the title. You can be monogamous without a title, just like you can cheat with one.
4north1side2
Well-Known Member
It's confidence not promiscuity. I have no interest in trying to cage a guy in, but it seems there are many men out there who want to put a ring on your finger after date 3. I'm 32...been there done that. No interest in rushing into it again. My relationship now has definition because that's what he wanted. I'd have been fine without the title. You can be monogamous without a title, just like you can cheat with one.
Talk about how great of an importance that communication is in relationships but be scared to discuss what type of relationship you have with your partner breh's.
southfloridagirl
New Member
1. The person who cares less has all the power. Nobody wants to be the one who’s more interested. - Co-sign
2. Because we want to show how cavalier and blasé we can be to the other person, little psychological games like ‘Intentionally Take Hours Or Days To Text Back’ will happen. They aren’t fun. - I don't do that, and if someone does it to me, they get erased quickly from my phone. You end mind games, by forcing the assumption of face value. The person is either a) not interested or b)immature and cruel enough to play mind games. Either way, you don't want that person in your life.
3. A person being carefree because they have zero interest in you looks exactly like a person being carefree because they think you’re amazing & are making a conscious effort to play it cool. Good luck deciphering between the two. - Can be true often, but if you're observant enough there are clues both ways just as often.
4. Making phone calls is a dying art. Chances are, most of your relationship’s communication will happen via text, which is the most detached, impersonal form of interaction. Get familiar with those emoticon options. - Co-sign. I hate texting. It's the worst form of communication invented. Good only for brief logistics once you know a person, NOT to get to know a person.
5. Set plans are dead. People have options and up-to-the-minute updates on their friends (or other potential romantic interests) whereabouts thanks to texts & social media. If you aren’t the top priority, your invitation to spend time will be given a “Maybe” or “I’ll let you know” and the deciding factor(s) will be if that person has offers more fun/interesting than you on the table. - I actually prefer this. I always ask for or give a last minute confirmation before setting plans. Less pressure on all involved, and also is a good way to tell how much someone values you, and how much you value the person.
6. Someone who hurt you isn’t automatically going to have bad karma. At least not in the immediate future. I know it only seems fair, but sometimes people cheat and betray and move on happily while the person they left is in shambles. - Co-sign. But you grow stronger, and they only grow more rotten with time, if no one teaches them a lesson later. Rotten people disintegrate pretty quickly, when life pokes them ever so slightly.
7. The only difference between your actions being romantic and creepy is how attractive the other person finds you. That’s it, that’s all. - Co-sign twice. Lol, I'm guilty of this.
8. “Let’s chill” & “Wanna hang out?” are vague phrases that likely mean “let’s hookup” — and while you probably hate receiving them, they’re the common way to invite someone to spend time these days, and appear to be here to stay. - Understand it, and act accordingly.
9. Some people just want to hookup and if you’re seeking more than sex, they won’t tell you that they’re the wrong person for you. At least, not until after they score your prize. While human decency is ideal, honesty isn’t mandatory. - Understand it, and act accordingly.
10. The text message you sent went through. If they didn’t respond, it wasn’t because of malfunctioning phone carrier services. - Sometimes, not always. Judge on a person by person basis. Make sure you phone isn't from the stone ages and needs updated, like mine, lol.
11. So many people are scared of commitment and being official that they’ll remain in a label-free relationship, which blurs lines and only works until it doesn’t. I’ve said it many times before, I’ll say it again – “we’re just talking” is opening the door for cheating that technically wasn’t cheating because, hey, you weren’t together together. - Been there, done that. It works if you know its someone you don't want for a relationship. Label free is ok for the first few months.
12. Social media creates new temptations and opportunities to cheat. The private messaging and options for subtle flirtation (e.g. liking of pictures) aren’t an excuse or validation for cheating, but they certainly increase the chances of it happening. - This just means "know thyself" becomes that much more important. If you don't know who you are and what you want you will be distracted easily. On the flip side, it weeds the weak people from your life, and exposes you to yourself, if you're the guilty party.
13. Social media can also create the illusion of having options, which leads to people looking at Facebook as an attractive people menu instead of a means of keeping contact with friends & family. - I hate facebook.
14. You aren’t likely to see much of someone’s genuine, unfiltered self until you’re in an actual relationship with him or her. Generally people are scared that sincerely putting themselves out there will result in finding out that they’re too available, too anxious, too nerdy, too nice, too safe, too boring, not funny enough, not pretty enough, not some other person enough to be embraced. - Well.... it's hard to get to know someone, until you really get to know someone... takes time... no way of getting around this one, in any day and age.
15. Any person you get romantically involved with you’ll either wind up staying with forever or breaking up with them at some point. These are equally terrifying concepts. - Not if you know its the right person.... and.... not if you know its the wrong person. Lol. This concept is only scary when you have no partner to project it upon, or you are with a partner you are unsure about.
16. When dating, instead of expressing how they feel directly to you, a person is more likely to post a Facebook status or Instagram a Tumblr-esque photo of a sunset with a quote or song lyric of someone else’s words on it, and while it may not mention your name, it’s blatantly directed at you. - Since I avoid a lot of social media, I cant comment. But that sounds very juvenile.
17. There are plenty of people who’ll have zero respect for your relationship and if they want the person you’re with, they’ll have no qualms with trying to overstep boundaries to get to ‘em. Girl code and guy code are wishful thinking and human code isn’t embedded in everyone. - Co-sign. Always has been and always will be this way. People who either want the person you're with, or just want to throw a wrench into a relationship, because they want to see something die or fail. The dark side of human nature.
18. If you get dumped, it’s probably going to be pretty brutal. People can cut ties over the phone and avoid seeing the tears stream down your face or end things via text and avoid hearing the pain in your cracking voice and sniffling nose. Send a lengthy text and voilà, relationship over. The easy way out is far from the most considerate. - Co-sign half the time.
2. Because we want to show how cavalier and blasé we can be to the other person, little psychological games like ‘Intentionally Take Hours Or Days To Text Back’ will happen. They aren’t fun. - I don't do that, and if someone does it to me, they get erased quickly from my phone. You end mind games, by forcing the assumption of face value. The person is either a) not interested or b)immature and cruel enough to play mind games. Either way, you don't want that person in your life.
3. A person being carefree because they have zero interest in you looks exactly like a person being carefree because they think you’re amazing & are making a conscious effort to play it cool. Good luck deciphering between the two. - Can be true often, but if you're observant enough there are clues both ways just as often.
4. Making phone calls is a dying art. Chances are, most of your relationship’s communication will happen via text, which is the most detached, impersonal form of interaction. Get familiar with those emoticon options. - Co-sign. I hate texting. It's the worst form of communication invented. Good only for brief logistics once you know a person, NOT to get to know a person.
5. Set plans are dead. People have options and up-to-the-minute updates on their friends (or other potential romantic interests) whereabouts thanks to texts & social media. If you aren’t the top priority, your invitation to spend time will be given a “Maybe” or “I’ll let you know” and the deciding factor(s) will be if that person has offers more fun/interesting than you on the table. - I actually prefer this. I always ask for or give a last minute confirmation before setting plans. Less pressure on all involved, and also is a good way to tell how much someone values you, and how much you value the person.
6. Someone who hurt you isn’t automatically going to have bad karma. At least not in the immediate future. I know it only seems fair, but sometimes people cheat and betray and move on happily while the person they left is in shambles. - Co-sign. But you grow stronger, and they only grow more rotten with time, if no one teaches them a lesson later. Rotten people disintegrate pretty quickly, when life pokes them ever so slightly.
7. The only difference between your actions being romantic and creepy is how attractive the other person finds you. That’s it, that’s all. - Co-sign twice. Lol, I'm guilty of this.
8. “Let’s chill” & “Wanna hang out?” are vague phrases that likely mean “let’s hookup” — and while you probably hate receiving them, they’re the common way to invite someone to spend time these days, and appear to be here to stay. - Understand it, and act accordingly.
9. Some people just want to hookup and if you’re seeking more than sex, they won’t tell you that they’re the wrong person for you. At least, not until after they score your prize. While human decency is ideal, honesty isn’t mandatory. - Understand it, and act accordingly.
10. The text message you sent went through. If they didn’t respond, it wasn’t because of malfunctioning phone carrier services. - Sometimes, not always. Judge on a person by person basis. Make sure you phone isn't from the stone ages and needs updated, like mine, lol.
11. So many people are scared of commitment and being official that they’ll remain in a label-free relationship, which blurs lines and only works until it doesn’t. I’ve said it many times before, I’ll say it again – “we’re just talking” is opening the door for cheating that technically wasn’t cheating because, hey, you weren’t together together. - Been there, done that. It works if you know its someone you don't want for a relationship. Label free is ok for the first few months.
12. Social media creates new temptations and opportunities to cheat. The private messaging and options for subtle flirtation (e.g. liking of pictures) aren’t an excuse or validation for cheating, but they certainly increase the chances of it happening. - This just means "know thyself" becomes that much more important. If you don't know who you are and what you want you will be distracted easily. On the flip side, it weeds the weak people from your life, and exposes you to yourself, if you're the guilty party.
13. Social media can also create the illusion of having options, which leads to people looking at Facebook as an attractive people menu instead of a means of keeping contact with friends & family. - I hate facebook.
14. You aren’t likely to see much of someone’s genuine, unfiltered self until you’re in an actual relationship with him or her. Generally people are scared that sincerely putting themselves out there will result in finding out that they’re too available, too anxious, too nerdy, too nice, too safe, too boring, not funny enough, not pretty enough, not some other person enough to be embraced. - Well.... it's hard to get to know someone, until you really get to know someone... takes time... no way of getting around this one, in any day and age.
15. Any person you get romantically involved with you’ll either wind up staying with forever or breaking up with them at some point. These are equally terrifying concepts. - Not if you know its the right person.... and.... not if you know its the wrong person. Lol. This concept is only scary when you have no partner to project it upon, or you are with a partner you are unsure about.
16. When dating, instead of expressing how they feel directly to you, a person is more likely to post a Facebook status or Instagram a Tumblr-esque photo of a sunset with a quote or song lyric of someone else’s words on it, and while it may not mention your name, it’s blatantly directed at you. - Since I avoid a lot of social media, I cant comment. But that sounds very juvenile.
17. There are plenty of people who’ll have zero respect for your relationship and if they want the person you’re with, they’ll have no qualms with trying to overstep boundaries to get to ‘em. Girl code and guy code are wishful thinking and human code isn’t embedded in everyone. - Co-sign. Always has been and always will be this way. People who either want the person you're with, or just want to throw a wrench into a relationship, because they want to see something die or fail. The dark side of human nature.
18. If you get dumped, it’s probably going to be pretty brutal. People can cut ties over the phone and avoid seeing the tears stream down your face or end things via text and avoid hearing the pain in your cracking voice and sniffling nose. Send a lengthy text and voilà, relationship over. The easy way out is far from the most considerate. - Co-sign half the time.
subtlenote
Active Member
Sounds like a bunch of insecure bullshit to me.
southfloridagirl
New Member
Yes, it is. Cross-reference with the 50% divorce rate statistic. The two are very explanatory of each other, in a way. Insecurity breeding insecurity.
TallBlondFun
New Member
Just started online dating and must say that your points are sadly true. Sigh! Still hoping to find Mr. Right 
the best thing to do is watch and listen carefully. there are people out there that are extremely selfish and will run over and take advantage of people. screen carefully.
Just started online dating and must say that your points are sadly true. Sigh! Still hoping to find Mr. Right
what are your preferred sites? I have had no luck at all so far..
The Dark King
Well-Known Member
Bm usually have a really hard time on dating sites. Back to the streets up close and personal my friend.
Jarell2006
New Member
number 6 applies to me as I did get hurt and now the girl who did it is living a very unhappy and unproductive life. Although I didn't wish it on her. But it goes to show that what "goes around comes around" at the time I was working at a call center and now I'm a Welder and although she will never tell me to my face she knows that I am the one that "got away"
and as far as texting fuck that you want a relationship with me we are going to talk on the phone and hear each other voices!
but with all the BS some women have the nerve to get mad at me when I show more love to my Truck. lol
and as far as texting fuck that you want a relationship with me we are going to talk on the phone and hear each other voices!
but with all the BS some women have the nerve to get mad at me when I show more love to my Truck. lol
TallBlondFun
New Member
My preferred site is Match. Right now I am waiting for a visit from Atlanta to meet a guy I have been talking to