Are you willing to negotiate monogam

Bookworm616 said:
Sleeping with tons of people really constitutes "enhanced experiences"? Come on.

The problem with marriage is NOT the institution of marriage. It's the flawed people entering into said marriage. The divorce rate is so high because most people can't/won't deal with a lot of tough situations to work through them. Many of those divorces happen because one or both lacked the maturity, the fortitude, and the commitment to face their issues head-on and try to work through them before throwing in the towel.

And I'm so tired of seeing "we're mammals, we're not meant for monogamy". Whatever. It's just a person looking for an excuse to not stay committed to one person, because that would require more work than they're willing to put into it.
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I would agree with you if the number of people who did it weren't so overwhelming. Again we as a people judge passing/functionable at 70 out 100 and marriage is at 50 percent failure so what does that say. How can that be so easily dismissed.
No one said anything about sleeping with tons of people but here's something to consider maybe just having the option will be enough for some people.
I agree that for some it might be a lack of maturity but I think some people resign desire of others as just some weakness when its as natural as our need to masturbate.
 
MrFantastic said:
I would agree with you if the number of people who did it weren't so overwhelming. Again we as a people judge passing/functionable at 70 out 100 and marriage is at 50 percent failure so what does that say. How can that be so easily dismissed.
No one said anything about sleeping with tons of people but here's something to consider maybe just having the option will be enough for some people.
I agree that for some it might be a lack of maturity but I think some people resign desire of others as just some weakness when its as natural as our need to masturbate.
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monogmay is hard. but if you lvoe someone, you do it. ps its hard for some women too
 
saintaugusta said:
I strongly agree, Tamstrong.
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Thanks, SA. :)

MrFantastic said:
You guys are incredibly over simplistic but I guess being blind to what causes people to cheat is necessary to maintain the problem. Just sad.
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It is simple...cheating is caused by 100% selfishness. What's sad is folks looking for whatever excuse they can find to do whatever they want to do regardless of the damage it does.

Bookworm616 said:
Sleeping with tons of people really constitutes "enhanced experiences"? Come on.

The problem with marriage is NOT the institution of marriage. It's the flawed people entering into said marriage. The divorce rate is so high because most people can't/won't deal with a lot of tough situations to work through them. Many of those divorces happen because one or both lacked the maturity, the fortitude, and the commitment to face their issues head-on and try to work through them before throwing in the towel.

And I'm so tired of seeing "we're mammals, we're not meant for monogamy". Whatever. It's just a person looking for an excuse to not stay committed to one person, because that would require more work than they're willing to put into it.
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I agree, Bookie...excellent post! :smt038
 
Tamstrong said:
Thanks, SA. :)



It is simple...cheating is caused by 100% selfishness. What's sad is folks looking for whatever excuse they can find to do whatever they want to do regardless of the damage it does.



I agree, Bookie...excellent post! :smt038
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But cheating happen as often if the option to explore outside of the relationship was a possiblity or even a plausable conversation that won't result in an immediate argument.
 
bosoxlady said:
monogmay is hard. but if you lvoe someone, you do it. ps its hard for some women too
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By that logic if you love someone you'd let them find satisfaction outside of the relationship.

We have to start being more honest about this thing or we'll never get past this bs.
 
Ymra said:
Indeed, Indeed,

...my xwife slapped me once and my Gunnery Sergeant Sister want to pound her into a new dental plan. I've had to put my hand on two women

....involved a grenade
....the other involved a cell phone and a lot of blood.

Other than that no woman has ever been that foolish. Glad you learned.
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Ha! Pound her into a new dental plan, I'm stealing that. A grenade? A cell phone and a lot of blood?
My man just got a scar along his palm. I'm grateful for his intuition and that he was able to defend himself. I'm glad I learned too, well, when it comes to physical actions and things. I still fly off at the mouth now and then when he pisses me off and say the worst things ever. One step at a time. :)
 
MrFantastic said:
Tam I agree with what you're saying as far as comunication but that was Ymra's original post. He clearly said informing your partner was part of the deal. I get making a commitment but to me the greatest part of that is being honest and not trying to love myself through someone else. Like I said before we only get one life one opportunity to experience this life and instead of restricting each other we should be enhancing those experiences.
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I don't understand your comparisons in your earlier post re my post. Don't try to explain it hun, I just dont agree on those comparisons.

Marriage works for 50% - let them have theirs and people that don't want to get married or want open relationships can have theirs too.
Easy.
You don't have to change the Institution of Marriage for that. You can have it your way - you just cant force 50% of the people into whatever change you want to the Marriage Institution - the rest, well, they can just not get married. Or enter an open marriage.


You just have to make sure your on the same level as your partner and don't fool them into something. If you know up front that you will not be monogamous, then be upfront about it. Your partner has equal right to their opinion in this as you do.

Why people that don't want to get married want to change that institution is funny to me - let it be and just don't get married Easy peasy.

I don't think that is wrong, I don't think open relationships are wrong - they are simply not for me - or for 50% of the population....

I wont force someone to be with me if they don't want to be monogamous - I give them their choice. But its my choice to walk away.

You have the right to exercise your beliefs - however, that right STOPS once it imposes on someone else's right to exercise their beliefs.

Why would you need to rob 50% of the population of having it their way?
If you don't like it - then date people that agree with you and let the other 50% be?

Its truly really simple... do you, be upfront if you don't believe in it, don't allow yourself to be talked into a marriage and just date people that agree w you on this point. I believe in marriage and monogamy, but I surely am not thinking Im gonna rob people that don't believe in that, their right to live like that so why should they rob me of my ability to live it my way?

I don't get it. If you don't want to get married or monogamy, then just don't do it (w full disclosure)( there is enough women that feel the same way so you should not have a shortage of mates) - and leave it at that. No need for you to try to change it for people that want it as everybody can have it as they want w/o changes.

Damn - repetitive and long, and repetitive:-)
 
MrFantastic said:
By that logic if you love someone you'd let them find satisfaction outside of the relationship.

We have to start being more honest about this thing or we'll never get past this bs.
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Say you (personally) enter into a monogamous marriage and then a few years down the road your wife, whom you love and adore, sits you down and says, "honey, I want to sleep with other men because I'm not entirely satisfied with what I'm getting at home anymore".

You would be perfectly okay with that? You wouldn't be hurt? Your ego wouldn't be crushed? You'd say, "you know honey, I love you and go right ahead, because my love for you means that I want you to be happy" and that would be it?

Come on.
 
FG said:
I don't understand your comparisons in your earlier post re my post. Don't try to explain it hun, I just dont agree on those comparisons.

Marriage works for 50% - let them have theirs and people that don't want to get married or want open relationships can have theirs too.
Easy.
You don't have to change the Institution of Marriage for that. You can have it your way - you just cant force 50% of the people into whatever change you want to the Marriage Institution - the rest, well, they can just not get married. Or enter an open marriage.


You just have to make sure your on the same level as your partner and don't fool them into something. If you know up front that you will not be monogamous, then be upfront about it. Your partner has equal right to their opinion in this as you do.

Why people that don't want to get married want to change that institution is funny to me - let it be and just don't get married Easy peasy.

I don't think that is wrong, I don't think open relationships are wrong - they are simply not for me - or for 50% of the population....

I wont force someone to be with me if they don't want to be monogamous - I give them their choice. But its my choice to walk away.

You have the right to exercise your beliefs - however, that right STOPS once it imposes on someone else's right to exercise their beliefs.

Why would you need to rob 50% of the population of having it their way?
If you don't like it - then date people that agree with you and let the other 50% be?

Its truly really simple... do you, be upfront if you don't believe in it, don't allow yourself to be talked into a marriage and just date people that agree w you on this point. I believe in marriage and monogamy, but I surely am not thinking Im gonna rob people that don't believe in that, their right to live like that so why should they rob me of my ability to live it my way?

I don't get it. If you don't want to get married or monogamy, then just don't do it (w full disclosure)( there is enough women that feel the same way so you should not have a shortage of mates) - and leave it at that. No need for you to try to change it for people that want it as everybody can have it as they want w/o changes.

Damn - repetitive and long, and repetitive:-)
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Exactly. Let those who want to do it, do it. Let those who don't, don't. It's as simple as that.
 
I am not a moral police & I don't really care what ppl do with their life, but why does this have to be a thesis inorder to grasp the concept? if you are not ready to get married then don't, as simple as that. You dont have to get married to have sex, reproduce, live a couple life style or to do whatever, so if you are not ready then why do it? Also if you are married and unhappy then walk, it will be fair to you, your spouse or any family member involved.
To me been married signifies you done playing around and you are committed to that person and realtionship, the moment I feel it is broken beyond repair I won't hesitate to pick up the phone & call a divorce attorney.
 
FG said:
I don't understand your comparisons in your earlier post re my post. Don't try to explain it hun, I just dont agree on those comparisons.

Marriage works for 50% - let them have theirs and people that don't want to get married or want open relationships can have theirs too.
Easy.
You don't have to change the Institution of Marriage for that. You can have it your way - you just cant force 50% of the people into whatever change you want to the Marriage Institution - the rest, well, they can just not get married. Or enter an open marriage.


You just have to make sure your on the same level as your partner and don't fool them into something. If you know up front that you will not be monogamous, then be upfront about it. Your partner has equal right to their opinion in this as you do.

Why people that don't want to get married want to change that institution is funny to me - let it be and just don't get married Easy peasy.

I don't think that is wrong, I don't think open relationships are wrong - they are simply not for me - or for 50% of the population....

I wont force someone to be with me if they don't want to be monogamous - I give them their choice. But its my choice to walk away.

You have the right to exercise your beliefs - however, that right STOPS once it imposes on someone else's right to exercise their beliefs.

Why would you need to rob 50% of the population of having it their way?
If you don't like it - then date people that agree with you and let the other 50% be?

Its truly really simple... do you, be upfront if you don't believe in it, don't allow yourself to be talked into a marriage and just date people that agree w you on this point. I believe in marriage and monogamy, but I surely am not thinking Im gonna rob people that don't believe in that, their right to live like that so why should they rob me of my ability to live it my way?

I don't get it. If you don't want to get married or monogamy, then just don't do it (w full disclosure)( there is enough women that feel the same way so you should not have a shortage of mates) - and leave it at that. No need for you to try to change it for people that want it as everybody can have it as they want w/o changes.

Damn - repetitive and long, and repetitive:-)
Click to expand...

Repetitive & long, but awesome. :smt023
 
FG said:
I don't understand your comparisons in your earlier post re my post. Don't try to explain it hun, I just dont agree on those comparisons.

Marriage works for 50% - let them have theirs and people that don't want to get married or want open relationships can have theirs too.
Easy.
You don't have to change the Institution of Marriage for that. You can have it your way - you just cant force 50% of the people into whatever change you want to the Marriage Institution - the rest, well, they can just not get married. Or enter an open marriage.


You just have to make sure your on the same level as your partner and don't fool them into something. If you know up front that you will not be monogamous, then be upfront about it. Your partner has equal right to their opinion in this as you do.

Why people that don't want to get married want to change that institution is funny to me - let it be and just don't get married Easy peasy.

I don't think that is wrong, I don't think open relationships are wrong - they are simply not for me - or for 50% of the population....

I wont force someone to be with me if they don't want to be monogamous - I give them their choice. But its my choice to walk away.

You have the right to exercise your beliefs - however, that right STOPS once it imposes on someone else's right to exercise their beliefs.

Why would you need to rob 50% of the population of having it their way?
If you don't like it - then date people that agree with you and let the other 50% be?

Its truly really simple... do you, be upfront if you don't believe in it, don't allow yourself to be talked into a marriage and just date people that agree w you on this point. I believe in marriage and monogamy, but I surely am not thinking Im gonna rob people that don't believe in that, their right to live like that so why should they rob me of my ability to live it my way?

I don't get it. If you don't want to get married or monogamy, then just don't do it (w full disclosure)( there is enough women that feel the same way so you should not have a shortage of mates) - and leave it at that. No need for you to try to change it for people that want it as everybody can have it as they want w/o changes.

Damn - repetitive and long, and repetitive:-)
Click to expand...

You totally missed my point. I think adults should live however they want but everyone acts like you enter a marriage knowing how you'll feel 4 15 20 years from now. I'm not saying to force your views on anyone but I think it should be discussed and discussed with an open mind.
Btw the other 50 percent that stay married isn't purely people who are happily married. Its chuck full of people who can't afford a divorce or who suffer for the kids so more often than not people who get married are just not happy. Why is that?
 
No, I get the point - I was expanding on it after Fan expanded on it - I blame him ...j/k.
Me and Fan will never agree on this so I was a fool to start on it again. My bad.
LOL
 
FG said:
No, I get the point - I was expanding on it after Fan expanded on it - I blame him ...j/k.
Me and Fan will never agree on this so I was a fool to start on it again. My bad.
LOL
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Duh, girl, you should have known when I said "everyone" I wasn't talking about YOU! :smt110
:rolleyes:
:cool:
 
I think monogamy can be negotiated. I would prefer a more open style relationship...it's just who I am as a person. That could change in ten years, or it might never change. I hope to find someone who is open to that- open to swinging, or other exploration like that. And, it doesn't mean that I'm GOING to sleep with someone else, but life is about experiences, and if the opportunity arises, and I feel like it might be a fun experience, then I would go for it....as I've said time and time again- I do not equate sex with love.

I can separate them out...just because I love someone, doesn't mean I can't enjoy sex with someone else. Love is love. It's mentally and emotionally intimate- sometimes physically- but mostly mentally and emotionally- at least for me.

But, I realize I'm in the minority on this. We live in a rigidly, sexually repressed society that has idealized virginity (thank you Christianity- you dusty prude!), so it becomes a dirty secret that no one talks about, which is a shame.

Regardless, part of a healthy relationship is a conversation about relationship expectations and what commitment means to you. If those ideas don't match, and you're either unwilling or unable to bend and tweak your ideas a little to meet your partner in the middle, then you need to move on. It's simple. And, it's important to be able to have those conversations without reservation. I'd much rather have my husband sit down with me when we're 40 and say 'Hon, I've really been fantasizing about X...what do you think?' than have him sneak around.
 
Dreaming_Blue said:
I think monogamy can be negotiated. I would prefer a more open style relationship...it's just who I am as a person. That could change in ten years, or it might never change. I hope to find someone who is open to that- open to swinging, or other exploration like that. And, it doesn't mean that I'm GOING to sleep with someone else, but life is about experiences, and if the opportunity arises, and I feel like it might be a fun experience, then I would go for it....as I've said time and time again- I do not equate sex with love.

I can separate them out...just because I love someone, doesn't mean I can't enjoy sex with someone else. Love is love. It's mentally and emotionally intimate- sometimes physically- but mostly mentally and emotionally- at least for me.

But, I realize I'm in the minority on this. We live in a rigidly, sexually repressed society that has idealized virginity (thank you Christianity- you dusty prude!), so it becomes a dirty secret that no one talks about, which is a shame.

Regardless, part of a healthy relationship is a conversation about relationship expectations and what commitment means to you. If those ideas don't match, and you're either unwilling or unable to bend and tweak your ideas a little to meet your partner in the middle, then you need to move on. It's simple. And, it's important to be able to have those conversations without reservation. I'd much rather have my husband sit down with me when we're 40 and say 'Hon, I've really been fantasizing about X...what do you think?' than have him sneak around.
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This was so well stated good post DB. This was what I was trying to get at but kept getting shot down because for most people love and marriage work only one. Btw you're the only one who stayed on topic take a bow my friend.
 
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