Do white women prefer black men when they are older?

DudeNY12 said:
Absolutely! You are indeed at fault if you are blowing your budget, but what you're describing... For me it's another example of a mismatch.

Sure, self-respect (and mutual respect) are important. Again, yes it is indeed a give and take thing. You absolutely can't have one person doing all the giving. I guess I'm getitng thrown on this one because in my mind... these things are givens. I personally wouldn't be having much of a discussion on these types of issues as they're so basic that I'd never get past the first few dates if these issues were present.
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That's right "give and take. "

So if a person is "giving" they are putting effort in the relationship ...right?
 
goodlove8 said:
That's right "give and take. "

So if a person is "giving" they are putting effort in the relationship ...right?
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Absolutely, but ideally both people are giving (and taking). If it's one-sided at any point... That would be a huge problem. Again, I think that's one of those that are a given, and if it's one-sided... It'll show itself in due time if not right away. Then, it's up to the other person if they're going to stick around for it.

I think the difference in you and I (based upon your earlier statement) is that... I don't see where the other person needs to "earn" anything. If we're both doing the give and take the right way.... No problem. If one person is faltering... There's a problem.
 
DudeNY12 said:
Absolutely, but ideally both people are giving (and taking). If it's one-sided at any point... That would be a huge problem. Again, I think that's one of those that are a given, and if it's one-sided... It'll show itself in due time if not right away. Then, it's up to the other person if they're going to stick around for it.

I think the difference in you and I (based upon your earlier statement) is that... I don't see where the other person needs to "earn" anything. If we're both doing the give and take the right way.... No problem. If one person is faltering... There's a problem.
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With all due respect....I see huge differences between the two of you. You come from a place of respect and basically expecting good thing from women. You approach a woman with respect and expect the same in return. You offer yourself and treat them well and continue to do so, until if and when they do not offer the same. GL comes from a place of testing and basically expecting negatives. He's looking to see what they are going to offer him and is only going to step forward and offer of himself if and when they prove to him they are worth it (going by his words).

There's a fundamental difference in the way you both hold/see women in general.
 
DudeNY12 said:
Absolutely, but ideally both people are giving (and taking). If it's one-sided at any point... That would be a huge problem. Again, I think that's one of those that are a given, and if it's one-sided... It'll show itself in due time if not right away. Then, it's up to the other person if they're going to stick around for it.

I think the difference in you and I (based upon your earlier statement) is that... I don't see where the other person needs to "earn" anything. If we're both doing the give and take the right way.... No problem. If one person is faltering... There's a problem.
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Exactly it is a given that ideally.. The problem is if a woman had said a man must work to get her love then it wouldn't be a problem but if a man said the same then it is...as seen here. When you give and take that takes work.....

Trust. Would you agree that trust is earned.
 
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K said:
With all due respect....I see huge differences between the two of you. You come from a place of respect and basically expecting good thing from women. You approach a woman with respect and expect the same in return. You offer yourself and treat them well and continue to do so, until if and when they do not offer the same. GL comes from a place of testing and basically expecting negatives. He's looking to see what they are going to offer him and is only going to step forward and offer of himself if and when they prove to him they are worth it (going by his words).

There's a fundamental difference in the way you both hold/see women in general.
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There's no testing. It's discernment. Major difference. You just don't allow anyone in your life in the certain status of relationships. Bootycalls is what it is but when you are talking committed relationships there are a high level of trust and u just don't give that to anyone.


You are the same person who was inferring that it's ok to date/marry a stripper or former stripper . That's crazy.

Hell if I found out a woman was a former stripper she would seriously have to work and earn that position of gf/wife.

Giving benefit of the doubt destroyed Samson cause he tried turned tan eye on Delilah.
 
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goodlove8 said:
There's no testing. It's discernment. Major difference. You just don't allow anyone in your life in the certain status of relationships. Bootycalls is what it is but when you are talking committed relationships there are a high level of trust and u just don't give that to anyone.


You are the same person who was inferring that it's ok to date/marry a stripper or former stripper . That's crazy.

Hell if I found out a woman was a former stripper she would seriously have to work and earn that position of gf/wife.

Giving benefit of the doubt destroyed Samson cause he tried turned tan eye on Delilah.
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GL - I think the point you are missing is that YOU are the only one even considering dating people who are as you've described. No one in any of the conversations has advocated dating "the neighborhood ho, stripper, booty call, porn star," etc. We are talking about typical people we encounter in dating.

Everyone has their own set of standards, whatever those may be. They are going to implement those standards when it comes to dating. My point about stripper/porn star (whatever) is that it isn't up to me to determine what someone else's standards are, nor am I going to blanketly determine someone is a bad person because they may have worked in the sex industry. I got news for you though, I also don't blanketly decide a man is a good person because he's educated and retired early as a CEO of a major corporation. Be very clear, I'm not advocating dating either....I think that's up to the individual to decide about that particular person they are considering. I haven't dated anyone that's been in the sex industry (to my knowledge) I do know of a couple of women who once were involved in it and later went on to have other successful careers and families.

You said over and over again things about "working" and "earning" and so forth. It's a matter of where you come from. It's like you are sitting back with your arms crossed saying "ok now earn it baby, then we'll see if I buy you that happy meal". What makes you think you are so superior? As Raider said - the things you have said are quite belittling to women. DudeNY approaches a woman saying...I'm interested in you, I'd like to get to know you, can I take you to lunch/dinner? With the realization that it's a matter of both people checking the other out.

I'm sorry, I just don't need a high level of trust to take someone to lunch. If I'm interested enough to want to sit down to a meal with them, I'm willing to pick up the tab. It's not a huge thing for me. Before when I mentioned picking up the tab with a friend, I really should have said acquaintance. It could be for business, or whatever. I don't see an hour or 2 and a lunch as a major investment. To me, it's worth that to see if I'm interested in continuing on with someone. I see it as part of the dating process. If I wasn't interested enough to do that, then I wouldn't bother doing anything with them...it's just that simple.

The way you are coming across, it sounds like you've had some really bad situations happen. It sounds like you feel you have been taken advantage of financially and you are very frightened it might happen again.
 
PeeJay said:
Is it me or has anyone else noticed the trend of women dating men of a different race after they have aged a bit. generally from 35 onwards. This is something I observed when I visited england a while ago.

thanks
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As a person who lives in England. I guess I can answer this.

Yes it does happen. However there is a catch. A lot of these older women have very high standards when it comes to black men.

The margin for error is razor thin.

They have been raised on a diet of Idris Elba's and Will Smith's, Denzels and Trey Songz, so sometimes they compare you to that.

A lot of them have been sh*t on by black men and thus there guard is higher.

In many ways they are harder to f**k, even if they like you and attracted to you, many still won't flatten some grass with you.

You WHOLE game has to be 100% on point. From your crib, your car (if you have one), you job, your clothes, everything. We all know white dudes can ALL TYPES of f*cked up sh*t going on and women wil still give them a shot.
 
PeeJay said:
Is it me or has anyone else noticed the trend of women dating men of a different race after they have aged a bit. generally from 35 onwards. This is something I observed when I visited england a while ago.

thanks
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While I am a perfect example of the situation you described - started dating a black man for the first time in my life in my mid 40s, after I got divorced after a 20+ year marriage and having a child with a white man (and I am sure there are many white women around my age in the exact same boat dating IR for the first time), i would say "not necessarily"...
Like I said, I was in a long relationship prior to this, which dates back to the late 80s, I was obviously not dating during that time... the world in 2015, when I met my first black then-boyfriend had been much different than the world in the late 80s which is when I was last on the dating scene prior to that. There were virtually no black men around me at the time, where I lived and where I went to school, there was no internet or dating apps where I could meet one, generally speaking IR dating was not common and not overly accepted at the time, it was honestly not even something that crossed my mind, whether I would or wouldn't do it at the time, it was just not there... once on the other end of my marriage and back on the dating scene in 2015, I was totally open to dating a man of any race and ended up dating and then marrying a black man. So my point it it is unfair to compare my dating choices in 2015 to my dating choices in the late 80s and think that I only date IR now because I had "done my duty" and married a nd had kids with a white man first... I tould be more fair to compare my dating choices in 2015 with other girls and women (late teens and early 20s) in 2015 and I believe they would be pretty comparable...
Of course this is just my opinion and my reasoning, may be different with others :)
 
I think people develop comfort and confidence with defying social norms or being a nonconformist at differing paces, rates, etc. If you’re in a more cosmopolitan environment, you may be totally comfortable with IR dating from birth, but rural isolation is more resistant to change in cultural and social norms.
 
orejon4 said:
I think people develop comfort and confidence with defying social norms or being a nonconformist at differing paces, rates, etc. If you’re in a more cosmopolitan environment, you may be totally comfortable with IR dating from birth, but rural isolation is more resistant to change in cultural and social norms.
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I'm definitely a from birth comfortability person lol. It's so normal for me that I forget it's not normal for everyone around me, family, friends and colleagues. To me anyone not in an IR relationship is odd..
 
I've noticed a lot of my married white female friends as they get deeper into their 30s seem way more flirty and drawn to me. So I think there is credence to it.
 
First hi! I'm Natalie, 28 from the UK.

I started dating black men when I was in my early teens but amongst my friends I would say there has been more willingness to date interracially (black and white but also other mixes) in their late 20s and early 30s. I would say that I was in a minority dating interracially throughout my teens and early twenties and now that's not so much. I think that's partially general societal moves towards acceptance and also as you get older you find a "type" less of a thing. I have mainly dated black men but not exclusively and the other way round for my friends. It's silly to exclude anyone based on race from your dating pool definitely (in my opinion).
 
beccaomecca said:
Honestly, just turning 39, I feel this. It's like you have a fresh set of eyes lol and an elevated level of confidence like nothing is unachievable lol.
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If you set your mind to it, you can do it.

Natalie28 said:
First hi! I'm Natalie, 28 from the UK.

I started dating black men when I was in my early teens but amongst my friends I would say there has been more willingness to date interracially (black and white but also other mixes) in their late 20s and early 30s. I would say that I was in a minority dating interracially throughout my teens and early twenties and now that's not so much. I think that's partially general societal moves towards acceptance and also as you get older you find a "type" less of a thing. I have mainly dated black men but not exclusively and the other way round for my friends. It's silly to exclude anyone based on race from your dating pool definitely (in my opinion).
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I've dated more white women than any other racial/ethnic group, but have also dated every other racial group. The women I have tended to have successful relationships with tend to follow a mental/artistic/ cultural type, more than a racial type, meaning they tend to be intellectually curious, highly intelligent, well-read, etc.
 
orejon4 said:
I've dated more white women than any other racial/ethnic group, but have also dated every other racial group. The women I have tended to have successful relationships with tend to follow a mental/artistic/ cultural type, more than a racial type, meaning they tend to be intellectually curious, highly intelligent, well-read, etc.
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Similarly I've dated mainly back man but also other races and agree, it's more of a personality type but I'd have to admit there is an element of racial type too for me.
 
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