Do your family/friends know?

denisemilanifan

denisemilanifan

Well-Known Member
So something I'm always interested in asking folks about, does your family know about your preferences? Do they suspect? Do they give you grief for it or are they accepting? Always curious to know where people are with this.

Me personally, my family certain members and friends suspect but I've never outright said it. Some have a negative opinion on it, others seem not to truly care.
 
I'm sure people suspect it, and have either a negative or disinterested view of it. I have never stood in the town square and made a declaration, though. And to be honest, because my preferences have more to do with personality and interaction than pigmentation, I'm not sure I feel the need to declare my preference as "official".
 
denisemilanifan said:
So something I'm always interested in asking folks about, does your family know about your preferences? Do they suspect? Do they give you grief for it or are they accepting? Always curious to know where people are with this.

Me personally, my family certain members and friends suspect but I've never outright said it. Some have a negative opinion on it, others seem not to truly care.
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My family and friends definitely know, I've had the same preference since introducing my 1st bf, a black bf to the family. My son is also biracial.

I have a colleague who's like a brother to me, he loves to broadcast to my other colleagues that I 'love my men dark' lol he's Mauritian with green eyes so he can get away with it. I've never had anyone try to redirect my path towards the white man. I've been pretty lucky to have accepting friends and family. My preference is why I'm still single unless I one day cave and opt for a Punjab Indian, Australia is quickly become the new India so it may be my only choice.
 
Similar to OP, some in my immediate family suspect it but I’ve only confided it to my aunt. I went to private schools so most of my classmates and naturally early GF’s were white. I’m sure family thought once I’m off to college it’d change but since it hasn’t I’m sure they’ve noticed. Has no impact on me. As my dad always says “it’s your life have to live it your way.”
 
Ra said:
Why are people hiding or downplaying the fact that they are attracted to other people regardless of race?

If people in your family or friends circle have hang ups about race, that's exactly what it is : Their hang up. Not yours. Just my 2 cents.
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Sometimes even the suggestion I prefer white women has been used to heavily criticize me and that I am not truly dedicated to the struggle and advancement of African American people and that I have been "brainwashed"
 
denisemilanifan said:
Sometimes even the suggestion I prefer white women has been used to heavily criticize me and that I am not truly dedicated to the struggle and advancement of African American people and that I have been "brainwashed"
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And any black or white folks saying this are projecting. The goal is ever the betterment of the entire human race not just your own. "Race" is a social construct. See the current social/political climate we find ourselves in now if you doubt that.
 
Ra said:
And any black or white folks saying this are projecting. The goal is ever the betterment of the entire human race not just your own. "Race" is a social construct. See the current social/political climate we find ourselves in now if you doubt that.
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It's true and every "race" on the planet now comes from cultural mixing and ethnic mixing as well. Still it's hard to sit there at a family dinner and just be barraged by it over and over.
 
denisemilanifan said:
It's true and every "race" on the planet now comes from cultural mixing and ethnic mixing as well. Still it's hard to sit there at a family dinner and just be barraged by it over and over.
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Then you may have to make some difficult choices when it comes to family & your personal life, especially if who is suppose to be family is unable or unwilling to see the broader picture.
 
denisemilanifan said:
Oh I've already decided I'm marrying a white woman, they'll just have to get used to it
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this, so much this :) at the end of the day, this is the approach we all need to have. I'm the one who needs to enjoy the life I'm living, and I'm the one who needs to live with my choices, not them. for me when it comes to my parents (really just one of them tbh) he will learn to cope and then eventually accept it, but until then it's really his problem.
 
My mother has accepted it, and as her only child, my happiness trumps whatever sociopolitical thoughts she may have on the matter. Further, my father is mixed, so she isn't going to be opposed to my son (her grandson) being basically of the same makeup as my father. She gets along well with both my ex-wife and my current girlfriend.
 
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breanna03 said:
this, so much this :) at the end of the day, this is the approach we all need to have. I'm the one who needs to enjoy the life I'm living, and I'm the one who needs to live with my choices, not them. for me when it comes to my parents (really just one of them tbh) he will learn to cope and then eventually accept it, but until then it's really his problem.
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Precisely! We have to live our own lives and live with the choices, I tried dating a black woman once for the sake of keeping up appearances, she was a lovely woman, but I was MISERABLE. I like what I like and am unapologetic about it. The family will adapt, the majority won't have any major issue with it I feel.
 
orejon4 said:
I'm glad to see that I'm not the only regular, non-confrontational story. I know racism continues to exist, but I know many happy (or at least not miserable) endings as well.
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Agreed. The only confrontation I got was when I became pregnant. When it became clear we weren’t staying together, there was some frustration from my parents. However, that melted when they had a grandchild.
 
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