How do ya'll feel about/deal with prejudice?
- Thread starter desreveRsIgnitirW
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Ymra
New Member
I never really care whether my woman could "relate" hell most black men can't relate to me. I'm a career Soldier, I'm a Buddhist, I lived out side the Us for over a decade.
I don't care if she can relate, what I care is that she is open minded enough to understand. That she is the type of woman I can turn to when it gets tough. My emotional sanctuary. I think "she can't relate" is a cop out. We come from different back grounds and understanding. The way I was raised in different from the way a lot of "US" were raised.
Can she relate meaning can she understand the sting of racism. I don't care.
In my opinion, I don't feel it's necessary for her to understand or appreciate his experiences to the degree he'd like for her to. If she is positive that is a good thing because that will help to keep him balanced in that he won't tend to focus on his experiences too much. Even if there is a certain amount of anger and frustration related to his experiences, she can still offset that if she is strong enough to sustain the strain that it will be at times. All he needs is her support and her love and the ability to return it back to her. Everything else will work itself out as they continue to grow together as well as individually.
In my opinion, I don't feel it's necessary for her to understand or appreciate his experiences. If she is positive that is a good thing because that will help to keep him balanced in that he won't tend to focus on his experiences to much. Even if there a certain amount of anger and frustration related to his experiences, she can still offset that if she is strong enough to sustain the strain that it will be at times. All he needs is her support and her love. Everything else will work itself out as they continue to grow together as well as individually.
The sad thing is he's listening to too many negative people & he's doubting himself. He's freaking out about things like how his family will accept their future children or how society will treat them. He's also worried about when things come upon them as a couple, she won't be able to handle it, but the truth is, she handles things better than he does. I think she's got his back 100%, but he's letting the fear that she might change her mind if things get tough make him crazy. I'm just worried he's sabotaging himself; it'd be a shame if things don't work for them, because they're damn near perfect for each other. Like I said before, it's his first IR. He's 40 years old & she's the first woman he's ever dated who wasn't black, & I think he doesn't know what to do with himself (especially since his family is being ugly about it).
I even tried to get him to check out the forum, but he just looked at me like I was crazy. lol
TILLY
New Member
Those brothers need to find a WW that can relate. They're out there, they just need to find them. I've had more ex's that were always on edge about everything they thought was racial. I've dated maybe two women that were in my opinion naive to a number of issues.
desreveRsIgnitirW
New Member
The question wasn't for you, fool.
Raul Sinclair
New Member
You dont want a woman of any race who is naive to issues. Trust man
Mikey
Well-Known Member
Part of the reason you're seeing this more frequently Tamstrong is because you're living in Texas. (no offense intended, just reality.) There are other regions in the United States that are more conducive to interracial relationships, there's just a wide variance about it based on where you reside in the United States. The last state in the United States to legalize IRs was Alabama, and they instituted it sometime in 2000, only 11 years ago. To this day, Alabama would be a state that permanently is not conducive to successful IRs. I would also say that Mississippi is the same way.
In small towns like the one I live in, it can get ugly sometimes. Although some people still tend to talk a lot of shit, for me it has improved quite a bit over the last 20 years. Of course everyone around here knows who we are (another small town disadvantage), so they don't mess with us as much as they used to.
My friend however lives in Dallas where it's not as bad because it's more common. His issues seem to stem from being 40 years old & never dealing with this situation before. His biggest concern is his family. His parents are in their early 70's & he heard all his life "don't be bringing home a white girl" from them. I'm sure their age has a lot to do with their old school thinking. His siblings are also giving him some grief about it. He just recently took her to east Texas to meet his family for the first time; he expected that there'd be some kind of reaction, but I think he got more than he was expecting. IMO at 40, he's too old to be sweating what others think (especially a family he seldom sees anyway). He says he wants to marry his gf, but he's not sure he should because he's worried she won't be able to relate to what he's going through. Of course the dummy won't talk to her about it either which makes no sense to me. I don't think he's giving her enough credit.
He was married once before & his wife died of cancer when he was in his early 30's, & the woman he's with now is the first serious relationship he's had since his wife died. In addition to the IR situation, he's also feeling guilty about the depth of his feelings for this woman; he says it feels kinda like he's cheating on his dead wife. He's pretty much a basket case these days, but I think he's making the situation harder than it has to be. I just keep praying for them, because I think they belong with each other.
FG
Well-Known Member
Plenty of places in Tx are just fine for IR.
He's worried she won't be able to relate to what he's going through? From what you've written it sounds like he's the one having a hard time dealing with their relationship - the interracial aspect of it, his difficulties with his family, the residue of his past marriage, etc. He wants her to relate to all of that? Or is he deflecting?
Honestly, I think he's just scared shitless.
Yeah, sounds like he found "the one" but wasn't ready for it.
He seemed fine until he introduced her to his family; now he's talking all crazy. Like the "issues" their future children will have...who says at their age they'll even have any, or worrying about his family's opinion when he rarely sees them. I just wonder if he just feels so strongly about her that it scares him. He's not aware that I know this, but a mutual friend of ours told me he's already bought a ring & was planning to propose , so obviously he's serious about her. It's like the situation is becoming to real for him & it's freaking him out. I told him he was worse than a teenage boy, lol.
I wish I'd been a fly on the wall at his parents house just to know what they said to him & vice versa.
another side is that WW can feel the heat also.
- they have to deal with their family
- they also have to deal with society as well
- they have to deal with it at work
- they have to take the kids out and about
- if they have a girl then they still have to adjust in combing their heads (LOL...wanda sykes)
- they have to understand what "blackness" is
the say that WW dont understand racism is a little bit incorrect
- they have to deal with their family
- they also have to deal with society as well
- they have to deal with it at work
- they have to take the kids out and about
- if they have a girl then they still have to adjust in combing their heads (LOL...wanda sykes)
- they have to understand what "blackness" is
the say that WW dont understand racism is a little bit incorrect
Well, I hope he's able to overcome his fears. That sort of love doesn't come along often. Would be a shame if he let his fears get in the way of being with the woman he feels that strongly about.
I hope he is too. It would definitely be a shame. IMO they're perfect for each other. I just keep praying for them & God willing it will work out for them.
Be-you-tiful86
Well-Known Member
Relating to negative experience(whether it's prejudice,loss of a child,abuse in any form or anything else) is something that in my opinion one can only do to a certain degree,but never 100%.
Sure,the logic may be understood and a person may have a vague idea of the emotions a person may feel in a situation but you don't 100% know unless you have walked in the exact same shoes yourself-and even then how people going through the exact same situation may feel or deal with the situation in different ways.
Of course it's nice to meet people who have some understanding but expecting them to be able to read your most inner thoughts and relate may be a bit too much expected
Sure,the logic may be understood and a person may have a vague idea of the emotions a person may feel in a situation but you don't 100% know unless you have walked in the exact same shoes yourself-and even then how people going through the exact same situation may feel or deal with the situation in different ways.
Of course it's nice to meet people who have some understanding but expecting them to be able to read your most inner thoughts and relate may be a bit too much expected