Is Attraction...Nature or Nurture?

[TheChosenOne]

OK, now I really feel dirty

Sadly I am old enoigh to be your mother :shock:

Somewhere...Freud is checking out this board...LOL

But hey...Cougar Power!! 8)

 

[shyandsweet]

Go cougars! :smt023

 

[vanilla2chai]

I hear you Shy!

Since I was about 30 I have always gone out with younger men! I don't look my age (so I have been told) and I just find younger men get my groove. I am afraid I would kill an older man, but in the sweetest way possible :twisted:

 

[socalgirl]

They say never go younger than 1/2 your age + 7.

I think that's the third time I've heard that this week! :lol:

 

[vanilla2chai]

Hey SoCalGirl1609

I know! Cougars are everywhere. That is suppose to be the magic number. It works for me :lol:

 

[socalgirl]

Hey SoCalGirl1609

I know! Cougars are everywhere. That is suppose to be the magic number. It works for me :lol:

I guess it works for me too, but in the other direction too! I don't think age is a big deal.

 

[Intriguedone]

Hey ChosenOne,

Very interesting post. I read it over three times to make sure I really understood what you were saying. I think it is a bit of both (but there are exceptions to this as well)

In my case I grew up in a small city in Canada. My parents were a strange mix of liberal hippies with some conservative values thrown in to the mix. At dinner each night we would have conversations about the state of the world, politics, religion etc. By listening I discovered early on that what a person says and does is so much more important than what they look like. My dad was an old school jazz musician and talked about being the only white guy in the group. He told us horrific stories about the discrimination and violence faced by black musicians he played with.( in the US) Rocks being thrown at them, death/bomb threats at the clubs and then the same people would be in the clubs dancing and clapping after the shows! WTF! We were encouraged to be politically active and race relations and human rights became very important to me at an early age. We would rock up to school with our Free Mandela buttons on and nobody would know who Mandela was!The point in saying this is that I guess the nutured side of me was raised in an environment where I knew that whom ever I decided to be with in a romantic sense would be fine with my family. Fine in the sense that black, asian or whatever the case may be would not be an issue but they had better be able to measure up in terms of everything else that my family feels is important. Now , like I said I grew up in a small city where there were basically no black people. At the elementary school I went to we had 1 black student. When I moved on to high school there were 2 black students. How does that explain my attraction to black men? I remember watching tv with my mom and Denzel came on. I nearly died. I said to my mom My God! Look at him. She laughed and said Isn't he lovely. That to me is nature. I just thought he was the best looking man I had ever seen in my life. I had no control over my thoughts, it was complete biology (or chemistry) at work! My environment made it ok to tell my mom I thought he was gorgeous, but something else was running the show in my body! So I think it is half nature and half nuture. However, how does this explain those people who were raised in racist homes? That has to be 100% nature. I am just glad I was raised in the family I was raised in. My dad always said "Why would someone be stupid enough to close themselves off to such a huge percentage of the population because of skin colour? Those fools don't know what they are missing!" My father is a legend! If there were more men like him in this world we would all be living better lives.
Sorry this post is so long. I just have a lot to say!

8) That was a very interesting and inspiring post. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, it's appreciated.

 

[vanilla2chai]

Thanks Intriguedone

 

[Intriguedone]

Go cougars! :smt023

Older women are 'that Crack'!!! Luv'em!!

 

[Bookworm616]

Go cougars! :smt023

Older women are 'that Crack'!!! Luv'em!!

LOL! What is it about older women that you and others like you, like?

I'm sure this has been covered, but I'm too lazy right now to look for it. :lol:

I'm curious, because now that I'm single, I'm finding a lot of younger guys are attracted to me. I'm not looking for them, but they seem to find me and they don't care about age. When I was in my 20s, I didn't have older guys looking for me, but now that I'm in my 30s, I have guys in their 20s wanting to (as one guy put it) father my 2nd child. :lol:

 

[Intriguedone]

Go cougars! :smt023

Older women are 'that Crack'!!! Luv'em!!

LOL! What is it about older women that you and others like you, like?

I'm sure this has been covered, but I'm too lazy right now to look for it. :lol:

I'm curious, because now that I'm single, I'm finding a lot of younger guys are attracted to me. I'm not looking for them, but they seem to find me and they don't care about age. When I was in my 20s, I didn't have older guys looking for me, but now that I'm in my 30s, I have guys in their 20s wanting to (as one guy put it) father my 2nd child. :lol:

:wink: Aahhhh, where should I begin? No, seriously, I can only speak for me. I've always been an 'older soul', so even when I was little, I hung around older cousins and friends. Even as a little boy, I would follow around older teenage girls and make them my "girlfriend".

As a grown man, I'm just extremely turned-off my immaturity (most of us are) and what I consider unrefined behavior and judgement...even though I may be a little grimey myself. However, my patience is almost non-existent and older women are more inclined to cater to you (I don't mean submit), they have more of a maternal sense. They'll happily fix you a sandwich without you even asking.

Older women typically provide a more emotional stability, sound judgement, and simply more class.

Physically, I've always preferred the "refined" contours of a "seasoned" woman...this, I simply cannot describe but, there is a difference.

..ok, enough of my rambling....carry-on good folk.

 

[Persephone]

I hear you Shy!

Since I was about 30 I have always gone out with younger men! I don't look my age (so I have been told) and I just find younger men get my groove. I am afraid I would kill an older man, but in the sweetest way possible :twisted:

Or maybe you go with younger men because the younger men who go for older women, tend to be more easily manipulated by a woman like you?

That's the exact reason why the average older man goes for younger women. Younger women who go for the "daddy types" are more easily manipulated and controlled.

Dating someone around your age frightens you because you dont feel that you are on the same level successful men your age are on. I'm not saying that all younger men are easily manipulated. Just the ones who go for "seasoned" women.

I'm a 41 year old man who likes younger women in their 20's. Sure, I enjoy having a younger woman who enjoys being influenced by me. However I go for younger, sexy, intelligent types. Younger women who are "good girls outside the bedroom"....women who you wouldnt never think were freaks in bed. My last girlfriend and I were together for 4 years. She moved back to Boston when she graduated from Medical school at Stanford. She was what you called an "undercover freak".

Plus younger women tend to exercise more, and not let themselves go like older women do. Plus the skin of older women isnt nearly as smooth and soft as younger women.

At least I'm honest about my desires and why I have them.

So when you talk about being "afraid of killing an older man"....be honest and say that men around your age who are successful, good looking, into the type of sex you are looking for...are simply not looking for a woman like you......

What? How do you get that? Just because you like younger women, doesn't mean every man on the planet does. Everyone has different tastes and preferences. It's like saying "disposableheroine, you've got a large ass, so why not just wise up and admit men will never like you, because I obviously dislike women with large asses, and thusly all men in the world share my viewpoint as I am the quintessential man with only the purest opinions"

What a crock. She said she was afraid of killing an older man because obviously she's a freak in bed, and she'd rather not break your old, brittle bones and instead prefers someone who can keep up with her healthy sex drive without getting winded halfway through. She didn't say it because underneath she knows no man her age would ever want her. That's an idiotic thing to say, even if the average is predisposed to dating younger.

She wants what everyone wants: someone to please her.

You really need to step back and realize that just because you have certain opinions that does not mean everyone else shares them. I know plenty of men who prefer older women, and I know plenty of men who prefer women -in the same age range as them-. I know plenty of men who don't give two shits about age or looks as long as lil mama's got some ass, it makes them happy.

Just because she doesn't want you doesn't give you a right to start hatin'. And just because you don't want her still does not give you a hater license. Leave the woman be and let her have what she likes, instead of making stupid, biased comments.

 

[vanilla2chai]

Oh girl don't even bother.

 

[Persephone]

Oh girl don't even bother.

I hate people who think their opinions count for everyone in the situation.

That's how stereotypes are created, and enforced, because people make blanket assumptions about a large group of people.

 

[vanilla2chai]

Oh I hear you but he will just reply with some other post full of offensive stuff. Look up some of the stuff he has said.

Thanks for the back up though

 

[Persephone]

Oh I know, I've seen. Shit like that just irritates me so much, though.

It's like some prick coming on here telling us all "You ladies only date black men because white men don't want you anymore."


I'd like to say a big "FUCK THAT" in response.

People who say ignorant things like that (and what he said) would better spend their time in therapy working on their inferiority (or superiority) complexes and well away from other people who may accidentally be harmed by the shit they spew.

Besides, I'm feeling froggy tonight, so I figured I'd be mean, too.

hehe.

I gotta stand up for my fellow chica. We've all got the right to date whatever man we want to according to our preferences.

And there are never going to be a shortage of men who can appreciate a woman either his senior or his equal in age. NEVER. So there's absolutely nothing wrong with going for a hot young stud when you're old enough to be his mom.

Besides, it just screams "double standard". He can't acknowledge that maybe some women prefer younger men just as he prefers younger women? So, a man's a player and a girl's a slut, right? (my favorite double standard!) And a man who dates young is merely proclaiming his love for hot young girls to the heavens, while a woman who dates young is out of options???

Give me a fucking break.

Maybe he'll get banned if he can't get a clue and shut the fuck up.

 

[Persephone]

Let me explain something to you, fella.

You're not the center of the universe.

You're not always right.

You don't know everything.

You, most of all, don't know me, or any of the other people on this forum from Adam, so by coming on here making rude, offensive statements all you're doing is proving how little you really mean to the world, because you can't contribute more than a few sad statements online meant to upset complete strangers, all in the effort to get your jollies off.

You are the weakest link, goodbye.

Now quit turning a thread about "Nature vs Nurture" into a thread about healing your bruised ego because people happen to be allowed to have their own opinions of what is attractive and what isn't.

I don't have anything to prove to you, darling. So please quietly take your ludicrous opinions, turn them sideways, and insert them into your rectum, which is exactly where that shit belongs.

Have a lovely day!

 

[Persephone]

Thank the gods, he's got a life!

Here are some well wishes that you get back to that post haste, good sir.

 

[vanilla2chai]

Disposableheroine,
The funny thing is that he assumes that because I happen to be attracted to black men he automatically thinks I am somehow flawed. He also doesn't seem to think there is anything wrong with that thinking.
He also seems to think that no other man would want me so I have somehow confused love and lust and will take anything I can get. An older successful man would not be interested in me. Lord if he had any clue. My fiance cannot be manipulated nor would I be interested in doing so.

I met my fiance by fluke on a trip to Geneva. I was there for a meeting and he was on holiday. We have been together for quite a while now and I can assure you I have sorted out the love/lust issue.

I work for the largest NGO in the world. I travel all over the world and have met some very interesting people.
My fiance is a professional athlete who is also university educated. I am very comfortable in saying that we could both have our choice of partners. We CHOSE each other. I did not go out looking for a black man. I happened to find a man that I had a lot of common interests with, good conversation and fell in love with.

I assure you I am not sitting in a double wide trailer with my teeth in a cup!

It just amazes me that in this day and age people think that there has to be something else behind an IR other than two people that love each other. So he is younger than me. Big deal. I find that with my job many older men are slightly intimidated because I don't fit their idea of a traditional woman. My position at work in most cases makes me more influential and wealthier than they are. I find younger men are just not bothered by it at all. My fiance is also successful in his career so finaxial inequality is not an issue for us.Because we both travel so much, my fiance is glad that I do not depend on him. When I am travelling for work I don't have time to worry if he has a sandwich to eat and when he is playing he doesn't have time to worry if I am upset or lonely. It works for us and that is all I care about.

 

[LUCIFERMORNINGSTAR]

Disposableheroine,
The funny thing is that he assumes that because I happen to be attracted to black men he automatically thinks I am somehow flawed. He also doesn't seem to think there is anything wrong with that thinking.
He also seems to think that no other man would want me so I have somehow confused love and lust and will take anything I can get. An older successful man would not be interested in me. Lord if he had any clue. My fiance cannot be manipulated nor would I be interested in doing so.

I met my fiance by fluke on a trip to Geneva. I was there for a meeting and he was on holiday. We have been together for quite a while now and I can assure you I have sorted out the love/lust issue.

I work for the largest NGO in the world. I travel all over the world and have met some very interesting people.
My fiance is a professional athlete who is also university educated. I am very comfortable in saying that we could both have our choice of partners. We CHOSE each other. I did not go out looking for a black man. I happened to find a man that I had a lot of common interests with, good conversation and fell in love with.

I assure you I am not sitting in a double wide trailer with my teeth in a cup!

It just amazes me that in this day and age people think that there has to be something else behind an IR other than two people that love each other. So he is younger than me. Big deal. I find that with my job many older men are slightly intimidated because I don't fit their idea of a traditional woman. My position at work in most cases makes me more influential and wealthier than they are. I find younger men are just not bothered by it at all. My fiance is also successful in his career so finaxial inequality is not an issue for us.Because we both travel so much, my fiance is glad that I do not depend on him. When I am travelling for work I don't have time to worry if he has a sandwich to eat and when he is playing he doesn't have time to worry if I am upset or lonely. It works for us and that is all I care about.

I never said that just because you were attracted to black men that you were "flawed". I have never had a problem with interracial dating. If I did, then I would never have gotten into watching my woman fuck black men.

If all the things you have said about yourself are true, then if you are happy, I'm happy for you.

What gets me though is that you seem to think that everything is the white man's fault.

I'm curious, when people like you talk about "white privilege", do you only think that that applies to white men. Or do you think that as a white female you have benefited from "white privilege" as well? If so, what specifically do you think that as a white woman you can do to better the lot of your counterpart, "the black female"? Just wondering.

Again I have never had a problem with interracial dating. However I'm sure that black women arent exactly thrilled that white girls are taking advantage of "white privilege" and taking away eligible, educated, working black men.

Just out of curiosity, do you ever think about how black women feel when white girls like you dip and take away their men? White women are desired by all races of men. White women can pretty much date any race of men she wants. However the same cant be said about black women. Black women are pretty much limited, with a few exceptions of course, to being with black men. For example, when was the last time you saw an asian guy with a black female? White guys date and marry asian and hispanic women are a far higher rate than they do black women.

Well, it's ABOUT time you went there cowboy.