Turn Offs

YogaGirl

YogaGirl

New Member
As a female dating across interracial lines, one of the biggest turn off for me is the audacity of black men to bash black women considering often times their mother is black and most times they have sisters and other black women in their lives.:confused: :smt085 This level of blatant disregard for women of their own race tells me such men would not think twice before openly disgracing and disrespecting me as a woman.

Another turn turn off is that subtle reason to want to date me as a white woman as a ticket of acceptance in the "white world" so to speak. I once dated a guy that introduced me to his higher ups at a Christmas party but thought the other colleagues on his level were not worthy of an introduction. There were other instances too.

So what are some of your turn offs when dating the other race? I'd love to hear from both men and woman as I'm sure I'll learn something.
 
YogaGirl said:
As a female dating across interracial lines, one of the biggest turn off for me is the audacity of black men to bash black women considering often times their mother is black and most times they have sisters and other black women in their lives.:confused: :smt085 This level of blatant disregard for women of their own race tells me such men would not think twice before openly disgracing and disrespecting me as a woman.

Another turn turn off is that subtle reason to want to date me as a white woman as a ticket of acceptance in the "white world" so to speak. I once dated a guy that introduced me to his higher ups at a Christmas party but thought the other colleagues on his level were not worthy of an introduction. There were other instances too.

So what are some of your turn offs when dating the other race? I'd love to hear from both men and woman as I'm sure I'll learn something.
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I hear where you're comming from completely. Personally I am not attracted to the majority of Black Women I come across physically and especially not in other ways, but I definately dont have an Issue with black women as a whole. Some black men do and are constantly venting a bunch of negativism and no one wants to be around that.

A turn off for me is white women that approach me trying to act "ghetto" or urban especially since i'm not like that myself. Sorry I dont speak ebonics and I dont like a white women that does either. These types of women usually just see black men and hip hop culture as a fascination and 9 times out of 10 they are rejected by self respecting white men. Another turn off is women that come on too strong and think every black man wants them. This is usually the same group as the former. I really cant blame them for being so confident though since ebonics and acting overwhelmingly slutty probably worked like kryptonite on a thousand ray-rays. Either way they'll get one in their loss column when they approach me.

Other than that I dont really have many out of the norm turn offs, I try not to be too picky.
 
scott1618 said:
Personally I am not attracted to the majority of Black Women I come across physically and especially not in other ways, but I definately dont have an Issue with black women as a whole.
Other than that I dont really have many out of the norm turn offs, I try not to be too picky.
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Hi Scott, thanks for your frank reply.

Can I dig a bit deeper? What is it about the physique of a black woman you're not attracted to? I ask this because the last date I went on, the guy says, "they don't work out, take care of their bodies, and don't eat right" If only he knew my boss and so many of the black female doctors I work out with. They challenge me to stay in tip top shape, and they're so highly intelligent yet as feminine as Jackie O'. Look at Michelle Obama, such lady of class. To me, a black woman is like any other, you have the good, the bad and the ugly. I secretly envy them because they have such beautiful skin, no matter their complexion. YOu can never really tell their age, and they can go without make up and still be a knock out. I know when I hit 30 I will need botox injections lol!

Anyway, What are the especially other ways you referred to? Sexually? I'm not picking on you just want open dialogue as when this kind of talk come up with dates, I think the expression on my face or my quick defense to stop generalizing shut down the conversation. IF you don't mind being honest, I would really appreciate it.

Another question, how is your relationship with the black women in your family? Again, no bashing here, just honest mature dialogue.
 
Moskvichka said:
No matter what race or nationality I'm dating, it's a turnoff when they put down their own women. Every culture has its own inside jokes about themselves, but bashing their own women is different. Black men bashing black women is very unattractive. Similarly, a lot of white American men claim to be "fed up with American women" and say that they desire a "feminine" foreign woman. To me, that means - run in the opposite direction. I think that bashing your own women SCREAMS "I have issues."
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I hear you Moskvichka, I am a bit on the fence with the reference to needing feminine foreign women. Sometimes I think these men want someone who is easy, other times I think there may be an element of truth to it. Either way, in a strange way, I understand this point of view somewhat.

I say this because I have dated 2 caribbean men, and tend to be in the circles of them. I must say, from my experience, they are more confident in themselves as men and as who they are as individuals. They have a type of confidence that is extremely sexy and uncommon in a lot of the black American men I've dated. They are confident, yet not cocky...such a sexy attribute. Ulike white men, whose confidence is usually sheer cockiness, the confidence of the caribbean men I've dated so far is untouched.
 
YogaGirl said:
I hear you Moskvichka, I am a bit on the fence with the reference to needing feminine foreign women. Sometimes I think these men want someone who is easy, other times I think there may be an element of truth to it. Either way, in a strange way, I understand this point of view somewhat.

I say this because I have dated 2 caribbean men, and tend to be in the circles of them. I must say, from my experience, they are more confident in themselves as men and as who they are as individuals. They have a type of confidence that is extremely sexy and uncommon in a lot of the black American men I've dated. They are confident, yet not cocky...such a sexy attribute. Ulike white men, whose confidence is usually sheer cockiness, the confidence of the caribbean men I've dated so far is untouched.
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In college I was in love with a Caribbean guy. He was from St. Vincent. He was SOOOOOOOO hot, and every day with him was like sunshine. He was confident, and peaceful, and had a sense of humor. We broke up... we were young (I was 19, he was 20)... It took me a long time to get over him.:smt022I still have the letter that he wrote me in our first days together.

By the way sorry that my post disappeared, I was trying to edit it and deleted it by mistake.:oops:
 
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And talking about submissive foreign women, I once came across this post on another forum and it made me think. Here it is:

"Speaking from experience with a Russian woman I dated off here. She was visiting on a tourist visa and looking for a man to keep her. We hung out over the summer for a few months, despite the fact that she was an ESL teacher there was marked trouble communicating. She was submisive and eager to please to the point of nausea. Sex with her was like doing a great hooker, anything, any time no boundarys what so ever. All in attempt to get to stay in the states with a successful guy. I was bored in a short while, and was actually happy to see her go. If your thing is a wind-up sexy barbie doll, then go for it. I think most low self esteem guys do, or think they do."
http://forums.plentyoffish.com/9364882datingPostpage9.aspx
 
Originally Posted by Moskvichka
No matter what race or nationality I'm dating, it's a turnoff when they put down their own women. Every culture has its own inside jokes about themselves, but bashing their own women is different. Black men bashing black women is very unattractive. Similarly, a lot of white American men claim to be "fed up with American women" and say that they desire a "feminine" foreign woman. To me, that means - run in the opposite direction. I think that bashing your own women SCREAMS "I have issues."

You know ...I hear that from other women was I was overseas.Whe I was dating a Turkish woman...they would say something to the affect of "Turkish men are macho or too jealous..."
A red flag would always go up in the back of my head thinking "BEWARE"...I 've seen foriegn women get away with things at the expense their American boyfreinds/husbands that they wouldn't dare pull on the men from their home country.
By contrasts,American men take advantage of their foreign wives when they get back to the states...not all men but some.
 
YogaGirl said:
Hi Scott, thanks for your frank reply.

Can I dig a bit deeper? What is it about the physique of a black woman you're not attracted to? I ask this because the last date I went on, the guy says, "they don't work out, take care of their bodies, and don't eat right" If only he knew my boss and so many of the black female doctors I work out with. They challenge me to stay in tip top shape, and they're so highly intelligent yet as feminine as Jackie O'. Look at Michelle Obama, such lady of class. To me, a black woman is like any other, you have the good, the bad and the ugly. I secretly envy them because they have such beautiful skin, no matter their complexion. YOu can never really tell their age, and they can go without make up and still be a knock out. I know when I hit 30 I will need botox injections lol!
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Sure I would love to go deaper. Let me break this down question to question. Physically I am less likely to be attracted to black women because I like a slender athletic body in a female. Black women are statistically the most obese women in America. Thats a fact. Now of course this definately does not mean that there arent alot of black women out there that have the sexy physique I like just statistically definately not as often. Simple as that.


Anyway, What are the especially other ways you referred to? Sexually? I'm not picking on you just want open dialogue as when this kind of talk come up with dates, I think the expression on my face or my quick defense to stop generalizing shut down the conversation. IF you don't mind being honest, I would really appreciate it.
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Definately don't mind answering at all. I have met and dated some really attractive black girls but chemistry wise I dont vibe with the majority in my age group I come across. I'm 22 and alot that I come across in my age group are completely caught up in hip-hop culture, Lil Wayne, Drama etc. I found this and I have spent time in six different states and nowhere near the ghetto in any place ive lived and I still find this behavior run rampant . But as I said I have met and dated a few really great all around black girls whose relationships just didnt work out as moved on and went to college and etc.

To sum it up there are great black women out there and if I come across the right one that fits my standards I am completely open but I run into the qualities I admire in women with white women MUCH more often. Plus I dont really chase women, I let them come to me. I consider myself a good looking young guy on the verge of going to grad school for a doctorate so I dont have time to play games and chase women. White girls approach me in a pleasant manner much more often thus they get luckier.

Another question, how is your relationship with the black women in your family? Again, no bashing here, just honest mature dialogue.
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Doesnt seem like you are intent on bashing at all. I get along well with the majority of women in my family. My grandmother I love dearly. We have so many things in common its odd especially considering the huge age difference. 22 and 88!. I have two Aunts both very smart ladies that I get along with fine. I have an older sister who has alot of troubles, drugs in and out of jail etc. We dont really see the world the same and it would be hard to believe we are even siblings but I love her just the same. My mother and I get into it on occassion. She is rude getting bitter as she gets older but I only deal with her on hollidays and generally get along with her. Of course I love her just the same.


I appreciate you asking me these questions, I hope I answered sufficiently.
 
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shion said:
You know ...I hear that from other women was I was overseas.Whe I was dating a Turkish woman...they would say something to the affect of "Turkish men are macho or too jealous..."
A red flag would always go up in the back of my head thinking "BEWARE"...I 've seen foriegn women get away with things at the expense their American boyfreinds/husbands that they wouldn't dare pull on the men from their home country.
By contrasts,American men take advantage of their foreign wives when they get back to the states...not all men but some.
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Yeah it goes both ways... but fortunately there are also many happy intercultural marriages. Maybe I'll be in one someday... because I'm definitely not marrying a Russian man, they all suck - sike!:)
 
YogaGirl said:
Hi Scott, thanks for your frank reply.

Can I dig a bit deeper? What is it about the physique of a black woman you're not attracted to? I ask this because the last date I went on, the guy says, "they don't work out, take care of their bodies, and don't eat right" If only he knew my boss and so many of the black female doctors I work out with. They challenge me to stay in tip top shape, and they're so highly intelligent yet as feminine as Jackie O'. Look at Michelle Obama, such lady of class. To me, a black woman is like any other, you have the good, the bad and the ugly. I secretly envy them because they have such beautiful skin, no matter their complexion. YOu can never really tell their age, and they can go without make up and still be a knock out. I know when I hit 30 I will need botox injections lol!

Anyway, What are the especially other ways you referred to? Sexually? I'm not picking on you just want open dialogue as when this kind of talk come up with dates, I think the expression on my face or my quick defense to stop generalizing shut down the conversation. IF you don't mind being honest, I would really appreciate it.

Another question, how is your relationship with the black women in your family? Again, no bashing here, just honest mature dialogue.
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Now I have a quick question for you if you dont mind me asking. The bolded part in the post above you talk of how when black men tell you something about black women that is derived from their experiences you are quick to shut down their generalizations. Now lets look upon these other post of yours below.

YogaGirl said:
When I got back to the US we stayed in touch via emails mostly and occasional phone calls. He had to travel to a neighboring state for a wedding. Long story short we stayed in touch and saw each other every time he traveled to America. One cozy evening on my couch, this "friend" of mine and I ended up making love. It was ecstactic and nothing like I've ever experienced. To top it off, I "felt him" and he lasted for a loooong time. that blew my mind. He made me feel things I've never felt before. But that relationship ended after a period of time due mostly to distance.

Now, black men are all I ever date, yes the sex was the driving force, but there is so much added to that. One of the biggest turn offs though is to hear them talk bad about women of their own race. So that line never works for me. Why i love black men? My number one reason is electrifying sex, everything else falls right into place :mrgreen:
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YogaGirl said:
Hi Rinnaye, it is possible that my affinity to black men because of the sex (at first) may be a turn off for some. However, I don't use it as a pick-up line, or ever have it come up in conversation as one of the reasons "i would like to get with you." That's the difference. My sex reason is my own little hidden reason if you will, not something I toot around.

I also don't bash my white men about their lack of sexual prowess...In the same token, I think it is in bad taste for black men to disrespect and generalize all black women. That's an automatic turn off in my eyes, especially if they have a black mom, sisters, and other black females in their lives. I would love a man to respect the women that helped shaped them, as I see that as a strong reason why they would respect me as a women first and foremost.
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Care to show the clear cut difference in the two forms of generalizing? Or in your opinion is it only okay and completely justified if you make sweeping generalizations so long as its done over a computer? Thanks.
 
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YogaGirl said:
As a female dating across interracial lines, one of the biggest turn off for me is the audacity of black men to bash black women considering often times their mother is black and most times they have sisters and other black women in their lives.:confused: :smt085 This level of blatant disregard for women of their own race tells me such men would not think twice before openly disgracing and disrespecting me as a woman.

Another turn turn off is that subtle reason to want to date me as a white woman as a ticket of acceptance in the "white world" so to speak. I once dated a guy that introduced me to his higher ups at a Christmas party but thought the other colleagues on his level were not worthy of an introduction. There were other instances too.

So what are some of your turn offs when dating the other race? I'd love to hear from both men and woman as I'm sure I'll learn something.[/QUOTE

To get a ticket of acceptance in the "white world" a black man could just go to college earn a degree and be employed in the corporate world. That is his ticket of acceptance. Thats where he will meet more white women and make friends that are white. A black man doesn't look at white women as a ticket to the white world! Even before I had a white girlfriend I had white guy friends. That was a ticket for me there as well.
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Turn ons - Long walks on the beach, shiny things, pleasant people and stimulating conversation.

Turn offs - Ignorance, douchebags, people who troll the internet looking for a fight, men of all races who think that simply because they have a penis and I have a vagina that they can see what my vagina feels like regardless of their level of insignificance, people who make assumptions about me based on my skin color and get pissed when I throw it back at them, and guys who want me to be their "next baby momma".

I don't get the ones who want a white girl as a status symbol, for multiple reasons. Main one being that my skin color gives me no status because my lack of money and rich family leaves no room for anyone to mistake me for having a silver spoon anywhere on my person, and because I'd be an embarrassment to anyone with status due to my refusal to be quiet about what I think.
 
YogaGirl said:
So what are some of your turn offs when dating the other race? I'd love to hear from both men and woman as I'm sure I'll learn something.
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I agree with you. I really don't like it when someone disses a whole race, especially their own. Rather than a WW say "I hate white men", I'd rather hear one say, "I like you".
 
YogaGirl said:
As a female dating across interracial lines, one of the biggest turn off for me is the audacity of black men to bash black women considering often times their mother is black and most times they have sisters and other black women in their lives.:confused: :smt085 This level of blatant disregard for women of their own race tells me such men would not think twice before openly disgracing and disrespecting me as a woman.

Another turn turn off is that subtle reason to want to date me as a white woman as a ticket of acceptance in the "white world" so to speak. I once dated a guy that introduced me to his higher ups at a Christmas party but thought the other colleagues on his level were not worthy of an introduction. There were other instances too.

So what are some of your turn offs when dating the other race? I'd love to hear from both men and woman as I'm sure I'll learn something.
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BW don't mind hearing WM put down WW..you best believe that...THEY LOVE IT.

And I know damn well WM don't mind hearing sisters talk shit about BM.
 
Yea, the extent of the BW bashing is disturbing, but you have to delve deeper into why it's happening (it's a result of deeper structural problems in the black community). Supposedly the women bash the men too.
 
Maroon said:
Yea, the extent of the BW bashing is disturbing, but you have to delve deeper into why it's happening (it's a result of deeper structural problems in the black community). Supposedly the women bash the men too.
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Supposedly? :smt042
 
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