what do white women love about black men?

thepolice said:
:shock: Wtf? I think you had some ugly experiences with this type of guys, but WM in general are not like that. It's ok if you prefer BM but no need to try to explain this by bashing WM.
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I agree with you. A few people here seem to have to justify their liking for white women/black men by bashing black women/white men. It's a bit silly. If you like black men you like black men, it has nothing to do with white men.
 
irishchick said:
I have to say... all but two of my former white b/fs have fallen into this category.

Now I don't blame them as much as I blame myself for having chosen to get mixed up with them in the first place. I should have seen the warning flags but I guess I was naive. Also too I have to admit in my younger days I was attracted to "bad boys" and so I was choosing the wrong guys with the wrong values.

I remember one b/f in particular who ordered pizza and then told me I should only have one slice because I was looking "bovine" or cow-like. At the time I was 135 lbs., almost 5'8" and a size 6.

Another one told me I was very pretty but I had a "big ass." Yet another white b/f once told me -- in bed of course when we were naked! -- that he was worried because I might be "getting a little too fat." Again --- I was a friggin' size 6 and almost 5'8'' tall!! Come on!

I don't put all WM into that category though, my sister is married to a WM who would never, ever treat a woman like that.

But I've NEVER had a comment like that from a BM. Just my experience.

Also too I loved what you said about how you've been shopping in the wrong store. ROFL! :rolleyes:


:smt038
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Thanks for your compliment. It was just an epiphany I had the other night after reading all 46 pages of this site. I find it is not WHETHER my Caucasian guy friends/dates/boyfriends criticized me, but THE DEGREE of the comments they made. Sometimes it was overt insults or criticisms, other times it was nitpicking, which they may have seen as harmless. Still, over time having someone mention the hair on your toes or suggesting you take up running/strength training as a hobby does not go unnoticed. These types of comments just slowly erode a woman's self esteem. Perhaps the solution is to start nitpicking back, give them a taste of their own medicine? I wonder if that would stop the behavior? :smt102 I know most women don't really care about these shallow flaws in the guys they love, but it is the principle. Hmmm, I wonder....
 
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Carli said:
Still, over time having someone ... suggesting you take up running/strength training as a hobby does not go unnoticed. ....
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OMG I have so been there!


And no, IMO the solution is not to nitpick back at them. The solution is to move on, let them find the anorexic chick of their dreams (or should I say "IN their dreams?"), and not waste any of your energy on them (a lesson I wish I'd understood a lot sooner). Next! :p
 
Carli said:
Hi everyone, I am new here. I found this site the other day and really like it. I have to say, the women who spoke of being liked/loved unconditionally by the black men they have dated is absolutely freaking true! The average Caucasian American male is so brainwashed and I'm sick of it. Most think women should be blonde, hairless like plastic Barbie dolls, and have surgically-altered breasts that look like cantaloupes. As a woman, I find the expectation/pressure to look/be perfect all the time to be suffocating. I know women who actually set their alarm clocks so that they can get up earlier than their boyfriends/husbands so that the men in their lives will only see the "perfect" version of themselves. Some have done this for decades. The African and Haitian men (I’ve never had the opportunity to date a black man who was born here) I have dated all have wanted me just the way I was—stretch marks, scars, cellulite, stomach rolls, spider veins and all. They could have cared less if I was too busy to make it to the salon to get my legs, bikini, eyebrows, or upper lip waxed.

Another thing that has always bothered me about the American Caucasian guys I’ve dated or been exposed to is that they think sex should be nice, neat, and clean when in fact great sex is just the opposite. They think there should be this small window in which they express their desire for you and the rest of the time they must act socially "appropriate". They also seem to think that to get a woman to sleep with them they need to get her drunk or at least tipsy so she will be more easily convinced/overpowered. The black guys I have dated, on the other hand, just seem to have passion and sexual desire coming out of their pores all the time. The guy I am with now is like that and I just love it. He doesn’t know this, but all he has to do is wink at me and I’d be willing to throw him on the floor and make love to him right there. He doesn’t need to get me (nor have I ever been) drunk for me to want to have sex with him. His natural sensuality is enough of an aphrodisiac. His emotional and physical warmth are enough to draw me to him and to want to stay there (I now know why cats like to sleep on furnaces, lol).

In short, this forum has made me realize that as a sensual, curvy woman, who knows how to flaunt it, trying to be completely/unconditionally loved or desired by a Caucasian guy is like trying to buy groceries at Home Depot. You can’t get nourishment from a hardware store and all this time I have been shopping in the wrong store. Here’s to being loved as you are and shopping in the right place for love!:smt023
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First - welcome to the site!

UM well - WOW that was quite a post!

I hate to burst your bubble....but there certainly are plenty of black men who have been *brainwashed* (as you stated) to prefer the same things you have described wm prefer, and to exhibit the same nasty behaviors. If you spend some time looking around this site, you will easily find some of it.

I really appreciate your enthusiasm for black men. As a ww who has a strong preference for black men (American) I certainly understand having whatever preferences we have. But to go into sweeping generalizations and have it be all about comparisons of one race to another....hm I just don't quite understand the need to negate one race to claim preference for the other.

I have to wonder if you would like to hear the same sorts of things being said back. As in, black men going for white women simply because of negative experiences or perceptions of black women. I mean I realize there are plenty out there who feel this way. Just for myself, I prefer a man who wants me because of me, not because he's SICK of women of his own race. Your post really falls into several stereotypes out there. I would hope most white women who are with black men are not really with them because they are not able to find a white man who accepts and appreciates them how they are. I realize the myth/stereotype exists (I learned about it here) that white women go for black men because they can't get a good white man. That has never been my personal experience. Your post really feeds into that though.

I just don't get the need to put down one group to try to build up another. I'm not questioning your experiences - they are what they are. I guess I"m just questioning the conclusions that you have drawn.

Black men who are wonderful men are wonderful men because they are, no need to compare them with white men (or asian, hispanic, whatever)

Maybe I'm really off base here (certainly wouldn't be the first time) I just think if I was a black man reading that I would be rather offended.

BTW - there are jerks in all colors shapes and sizes. I have to wonder if once you have a couple of negative experiences with black men if your generalizations will change.
 
Carli said:
Thanks for your compliment. It was just an epiphany I had the other night after reading all 46 pages of this site. I find it is not WHETHER my Caucasian guy friends/dates/boyfriends criticized me, but THE DEGREE of the comments they made. Sometimes it was overt insults or criticisms, other times it was nitpicking, which they may have seen as harmless. Still, over time having someone mention the hair on your toes or suggesting you take up running/strength training as a hobby does not go unnoticed. These types of comments just slowly erode a woman's self esteem. Perhaps the solution is to start nitpicking back, give them a taste of their own medicine? I wonder if that would stop the behavior? :smt102 I know most women don't really care about these shallow flaws in the guys they love, but it is the principle. Hmmm, I wonder....
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I'm sorry but I don't think this is racially dependent but rather character dependent. The solution is to not hang out with people who are like that no matter what color their skin is!
 
SarahS said:
I agree with you. A few people here seem to have to justify their liking for white women/black men by bashing black women/white men. It's a bit silly. If you like black men you like black men, it has nothing to do with white men.
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I agree with this, for myself. However, for some, it obviously is connected. It's like there needs to be some excuse to simply like what you like.
 
KnCA said:
I'm sorry but I don't think this is racially dependent but rather character dependent. The solution is to not hang out with people who are like that no matter what color their skin is!
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**Character dependent**.... I like that. I totally agree....I tried to give you rep but I couldn't because apparently I've given too much out the last 24 hrs.! So here's a little ovation instead...
:smt038
 
Carli said:
You might want to reread the last 47 pages of this site. It is full of generalizations. I do not think my comments are all that unusual in that respect. I do find it interesting though (as a social scientist whose job it is to look for social patterns) that many of the comments here do seem to oscillate from sweeping generalizations to vehement political correctness. To chalk up my personal experiences to generalizations completely misses my main point which was that of the 12 foreign-born black men I have dated, all seemed unpoisoned by the negative and unrealistic expectations this culture has of women. The point was that it has been a relief to experience such unconditional appreciation and affection. In regards to the American males I mentioned, I could have included male relatives, classmates, professors, acquaintances, and random men on the street to the list, but I figured that goes without saying. I guess I needed to include more examples to illustrate a cultural and national phenomenon.
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I've read the pages of this site, I've been involved in many of them. I was around for quite some time before I joined the site. Yes, definitely LOTS of generalizations.

There was no need to list out all the *American* men you were referring to (in the original post you were much more about white men vs black men)....the point I was making wasn't about how many men behave in the ways you've experienced.....my point was - what does that really have to do with whatever your preferences are? I mean isn't the truth if you like foreign black men it's simply because you do? And yes maybe it's because of this or that attribute that you mentioned that you have found them to have in common. But why the need to go out and trash another group of people?

Hey whatever works for you.
 
KnCA said:
I've read the pages of this site, I've been involved in many of them. I was around for quite some time before I joined the site. Yes, definitely LOTS of generalizations.

There was no need to list out all the *American* men you were referring to (in the original post you were much more about white men vs black men)....the point I was making wasn't about how many men behave in the ways you've experienced.....my point was - what does that really have to do with whatever your preferences are? I mean isn't the truth if you like foreign black men it's simply because you do? And yes maybe it's because of this or that attribute that you mentioned that you have found them to have in common. But why the need to go out and trash another group of people?

Hey whatever works for you.
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How are giving concrete examples of personal experience "trashing" anyone?
 
Carli said:
How are giving concrete examples of personal experience "trashing" anyone?
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As I said before - your experiences are your experiences. That doesn't mean that it's an accurate representation of the average white American man.
 
Well, as a black man I just have to say that it feels good to be loved by anyone.

Props for the thread ladies, you may continue your cat-fight now.:smt023
 
No offence but from what you wrote it sounds like:

"Basically my toes are too hairy and I'm much too unfit for a white man so I shall go with black men since their standards are obviously lower."


Sorry, it's BS. How about going out with a guy who is just as unfit as you (regardless of colour) and has mega hairy feet then there will be no problem.
:D
 
I think sometimes we as IR couples try too hard to measure ourselves according to other people's misconceptions about us.

I've read quotes from WW going back to the 60's & 70's saying how much more comfortable they were dating BM, because they didn't have the constant beauty scrutiny. Does that mean BM don't have standards as high as WM? No, not at all. It means they deal with those standards differently. For instance, a BM is less likely to be verbally abusive to a woman he's dating who he finds unattractive, in part because he is less likely to date a woman he finds unattractive in the first place.

One quote I read, years ago, was from a WW whose last white boyfriend would ask her for a beer, and then "Moo" at her when she bent over to get it for him. The BM she dated after leaving him, and for then on, never did that. Is it because BM are attracted to women that WM find cowlike? No. It's because the BM she dated treat the women they are with respectfully.

Another I read, again, years ago, was from a WW whose white ex would watch everything she ate. He'd actually pull her plate away from her mid-meal. If he saw her eating, he'd stop her and ask "do you really need that"? It gave her a complex. Then she met the Black Man she left her ex for. They went to a get together, and he saw her plate was empty. She waited for the complaint, and he said "Did you get enough to eat?"

Was that because the BM had lower standards? No. It's because he wasn't a control freak. Did she like him because she could be fat with him? No, actually with him she was able to get right through the complex and totally normalize her relationship with food because he treated her like an adult who could handle her own decisions about what she was going to eat.

In White & Black monoracial couples, there are often control freak issues. There just are. BM talk of BW running their lives, obsessing over jealousy, screaming abuse at them and picking fights. WW talk about WM the same way. Both seem to be looking for something different in a relationship, both talk about having peace at home.

BW & WM who hate IR couples speak the same bs. WW who date IR have daddy issues. BM who date IR hate their mothers. WW who date IR are fat and can't get a WM. BM who date IR are weak and can't handle a BW.

BM shouldn't look for anything but what they want. If they are attracted to bigger women, then they should look for what makes them happy. Yes, there is a stereotype that WW in IR are big.

There's also a stereotype that they are passive weaklings. Should BM seek out crazy psycho bitches with bagfuls of attitude just to prove the stereotypes wrong?


No.

There's almost nowhere IR couples can talk about the contrasts they've experienced inside and outside of IR relationships without worrying about other people interpreting those experiences into stereotypes. Surely we should be able to talk about them together, at least. Surely a WW should be able to say that BM have not been as obsessed with beauty standards in a relationship as WM in her experience without other WW in IR interpreting that to mean her beauty isn't up to standards.

I know we're all trained never to see anything as better, or to make generalizations, but interracial couples are better. There's a reason everyone's jealous of us. We're happier, we fight less, we share chores better, we make smarter & prettier children and we look freaking awesome together. Noting what we like better about our chosen dating pool than the one expected of us does not diminish ourselves, it just gives us a chance to appreciate what we've got.
 
Shouldn't the title of the thread be, "Why Some White Women Love Black Men?" or "Why Some White Women Might Give You a Second Look Even if You're Not Saty?"
 
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